
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13704786.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Kingdom_Hearts, Compilation_of_Final_Fantasy_VII
  Character:
      Riku_(Kingdom_Hearts), Xemnas_(Kingdom_Hearts), Olette_(Kingdom_Hearts),
      Snow_Villiers, Hayner_(Kingdom_Hearts), Vexen_(Kingdom_Hearts), Laguna
      Loire, Zexion_(Kingdom_Hearts), Sora_(Kingdom_Hearts), Roxas_(Kingdom
      Hearts), Ventus_(Kingdom_Hearts), Vanitas_(Kingdom_Hearts), Cloud_
      (Kingdom_Hearts), Reno_(Compilation_of_FFVII), Axel_(Kingdom_Hearts),
      Vincent_Valentine, Larxene_(Kingdom_Hearts), Demyx_(Kingdom_Hearts), Xion
      (Kingdom_Hearts), Leon_(Kingdom_Hearts), Rufus_Shinra
  Series:
      Part 1 of RED
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-16 Completed: 2018-03-01 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 88724
****** The Way Way Back ******
by sephypoo
Summary
     RED was my very first fanfic. I took it down a few years ago to use
     the plot for original fic. Five books later, I'm re-posting it. If
     you read RED back then, you know that it was a mess of prequel,
     story, sequel, plus various other chapters that fell all long the
     time line. I have incorporated all of those parts into one three part
     series. The way way back will of course be the back stories for the
     main characters- Riku, Reno, Axel, Cloud, Sora, Roxas, Ventus, and
     Vanitas. If that sounds like a lot, it is. I own nothing.
     If you read RED years ago, I hope you will read it again in it's more
     polished form, and if you're not familiar with RED, be WARNED: drugs,
     violence, suicide, graphic sex, incest, mental illness.
Notes
     Once again, thank you to my sister without whom none of this would
     have ever been written. I love you Runt.
***** RIKU *****
                                     RIKU

“Happy Valentine’s Day darling,” Xemnas said as he gave his wife a beautifully
wrapped box.
“Thank you my love. Did you like your desk? It was supposed to have been
delivered last week.” She asked as she began to untie the silk ribbon that
adorned her gift.
“Yes, it’s beautiful and I must say I was surprised.” Xemnas was pouring
himself a drink as he waited to hear her reaction to his gift.
“Oh! You… I’m so happy! I love you so much! Thank you.”
Xemnas hugged his wife as she gushed over the paperwork in the box. She wanted
to adopt a child and she was firm on the subject…so be it. She wanted to be a
mother, now she was one. He kissed her head. “I’m glad you’re happy dear. Let’s
go and get him. I arranged everything so that he would be ready today. I
prepared a nursery as well in your absence.”
“You’ll fall in love the minute you see him dear, he’s so beautiful!”
Xemnas doubted every word of her statement but he smiled anyway as they left
for the mainland. She had been after him to start a family for years. Going to
orphanages to visit had been her hobby when she wasn’t working for the past
year and a half.
After finding the perfect baby in Midgar, she had still failed to get Xemnas to
come and see the infant. In order to move things along she explained to the
workers that her husband was a very successful but busy man and applied for the
adoption herself, promising his signature when she returned. Six months had
passed since then and she was finally going to return, papers in hand, to bring
her son home.
They landed in Midgar and had a late lunch before going to the children’s home.
She didn’t like to use the word orphanage in the case of her baby, because it
made him sound faulty in some way, as if someone had thrown him away. This was
a child whose parents had died and that was different in her eyes. She had told
her friends about him and made sure to relate that he was not orphaned, merely
unfortunate that he had lost both his parents. That made it seem more like she
was doing a charity by adopting the poor thing…saving him from the system as it
were.
Upon entering the orphanage Xemnas crinkled his nose at the smell of
disinfectant and looked around at the humble setting. Any son of his was not
going to grow up in such a hovel. He would grow up on the Island away from all
of this. He would have the best…he would be the best…and if he wasn’t or didn’t
seem to be capable then, well…he would be replaced. Either way, he didn’t want
his name attached to this child, just in case he turned out to be faulty.
Xemnas had spent six months dragging his feet about signing the papers and
doing research about this child’s parentage. What he found out was part of the
reason he decided to sign the papers and give them to his wife on this day. The
child was born in an asylum to Aerith Gainsborough. His father was listed as
Sephiroth, the ShinRa general who went berserk and burned down the village of
Nibelheim not long ago.
But Sephiroth, insanity aside, was a great general. Xemnas was convinced that
if this child had any of his father’s genes, chances were that he would also be
great. He lined many a pocket to keep all of this quiet because the fact that
the baby’s mother was still alive and institutionalized could cause a scandal.
 
While doing his research, he also found that Sephiroth’s biological father had
been one Vincent Valentine, thereby making everything from then on that
pertained to Sephiroth to also contain the surname Valentine. He saw this
holiday gift as the perfect opportunity to hush her up about motherhood and by
giving her the signed papers on this day, she would delight at having Valentine
as the baby’s surname. Further, she wouldn’t associate Valentine with that
general if the subject ever came up in conversation…and he doubted that it
would.
 
The boy, now nearly a year old walked out to meet them with the assistance of a
caregiver who looked like she could double as a homeless person, in Xemnas’
opinion. The child has bells on his shoes. He stood and stared at them with
huge aqua colored eyes and Mrs. Xemnas could hardly contain her excitement as
she cooed over him.
Xemnas stared at the child with a frozen smile wondering how long he would have
to stand there before he could take him out and get him into some proper
clothing…his was atrocious. Who wanted animals on their child's clothes and
bells on his shoes? Preposterous.
The caregiver picked him up and hugged him sweetly. “Say hello to your new
mommy and daddy, Riku.”
The child blinked. “Hello”.
Mrs. Xemnas stepped forward, “May I hold you now, Riku?”
He nodded, and when she smiled with tears in her eyes, he smiled back. That was
it for her, she was ready to get his paperwork and go shopping. Xemnas put his
arm around her and patted little Riku on the back…he could have sworn he saw a
challenge in the child’s eyes when he touched his wife. Ridiculous.
The caregiver took a photo of the happy family and they went on their way.
Xemnas told their driver as they got into the car, “Take us directly to a
boutique for children please, the child is in rags.”

Riku loved his new home. There were lots of places to hide and the Xemnases
soon learned the reason behind having bells on the Riku’s shoes. He hid in the
shrubs, in the cupboards, in closets, under everything he could fit under, but
his favorite place to hide was in Xemnas’ office, under his desk.
Little Riku was curious about everything. One room at the estate was filled
with trophy animals, prompting the question, “Why dat jus a face? Where da tail
at, an da body?”
“The rest of the animal wasn’t attractive enough to keep, dear.” Mrs. Xemnas
smiled. Immediately young Riku decided that if something wasn’t pretty then it
wasn’t worth keeping. He hoped he was pretty enough for Mom.
There was a glass room filled with flowers and trees where he liked to have his
lunch when it was rainy. Some of the trees had fruit and if it was ripe he was
allowed to pick and eat it. He liked the yellow star-shaped ones best. There
was also a room with water. “Water, water! Yay! Big baf!” Riku said running
toward the pool.
“That’s not a bath dear, that’s the pool. I will teach you to swim and you may
swim as often as you like as long as you’re a good boy.” She told him catching
him before he could launch himself into the baf.
Riku also liked the elevator…a lot.
The first two years for Riku were all about learning no-nos. Nofood in the toy
box, no food in the bath, no fingers in the nose or mouth,no being naked unless
you were in the bath, no, no, no…but there were great things he was permitted
to do. He could run everywhere, he could bathe as long as he liked, and he had
every toy that a child could want. What he didn’t have were parents. They were
gone much of the time leaving him in the care of nannies.

At three he was expected to make an appearance at Mom and Dad’s dinner parties.
They explained that as he got older, more would be expected of him. He didn’t
have to say anything but he had to wear special clothes and be introduced
before he was allowed to go play.
He always knew if he did a good job on his appearance because Mrs. Xemnas
looked pleased and gave him a wink. He lived for those winks and smiles from
her.
Riku wasn’t often sad but sometimes he made Mom yell “Shit!” because he had
done something bad…like un-pot the flowers or let the goldfish swim in the
toilet.
Dad didn’t yell at him but he had a really scary stare. Riku wanted to sleep
with Mom in the big bed sometimes but Dad always sternly refused and sent him
back to his room. Mom always agreed with Dad, and watched him be ushered out.
Dad was a strict disciplinarian... but he was away a lot.
On the occasion that Dad was away and Mom was home, which wasn’t often, Riku
would get up early, crawl into her big bed and fall back to sleep holding the
edge of her silk gown. When she woke she would kiss his hair and order their
breakfast in bed.

At age 5 he asked for a kitten. Instead, his father hired someone to teach him
to surf and got him a new nanny named Lulu. As it turned out, that was far
better than having a kitten.
Lulu had long dark hair that held beautiful bows and trinkets that fascinated
Riku. When she smiled at him he thought she looked like a fairy tale princess.
Also at 5, he was moved from his nursery into one of the bigger rooms. He was
permitted to choose a color scheme and it was decorated thusly.
Riku enjoyed school because he was able to play with other kids without his
nanny hovering like she did at play dates. And school was great because that’s
where he met Olette. She was smart because she knew a lot about regular stuff.
Olette looked up from her worksheet and crayons to inform Riku, “Why is your
hair that color?”
“My dad says its cause of canities.” He blurted without missing a beat.
“Canneeesheees… That’s not regular. Can I catch it?” she wrinkled her nose and
pulled her crayons a safe distance from his.
“No… he said I’m not contagers.” Riku felt embarrassed that she didn’t want her
supplies touching his but he didn’t cry.
Satisfied with the answer, she replaced her crayons with a smile. “I saw that
big car your Daddy drives…and you know regular people don’t have cars that
big.”
Riku stared at her, secretly admiring her green eyes and said quietly, “My
Daddy doesn’t drive me to school.”
“Well that’s not regular either! Who drives the big car?” Olette laid down her
crayon because at this point, Riku was far more interesting.
“The driver…I don’t know his name but he always drives the big car.” Riku said
almost apologetically and immediately feeling guilty for not knowing the
driver’s name.
“You’re weird. Wanna be friends?” She asked.
Riku nodded enthusiastically.
“Okay but friends have to like something about the other person. What do you
like about me?”
“I like your eyes and your hair how it does…when it’s up like…ears.” Riku
flopped his hands beside his head and Olette giggled. “You mean pigtails,
silly.”
Riku smiled and Olette reached across the table and poked his cheek gently
where his dimples were. He scrunched his face and she laughed again. He had
found his new favorite thing to do- make Olette laugh.
The teacher soon came over to shush them and they quieted respectfully but as
soon as she was back at her desk Riku whispered. “What do you like about me?”
Olette smiled at him and said, “Everything.”
That night on the phone, Riku told Mom and Dad all about his new friend Olette,
her pigtails, her white cat named Fluffy, and her mom that drove her to school.
He heard them laugh and that made him happy…almost as happy as seeing them
laugh.
The next week he called his parents because Olette had invited him over to her
house to play. He was not allowed. Riku was unhappy but respectful of their
wishes.

The teachers at their school doted on him but Olette was there with his reality
check. “You’re the pet cause your folks are rich. That’s why…it’s not cause
you’re better.”
Riku looked crestfallen at this revelation, but Olette took his hand and
smiled. “It’s ok…I don’t care if you’re rich…I like you anyway.”
He liked when Olette held his hand because he knew she would stay by him. If
she wasn’t holding his hand she could easily walk away…he didn’t like how that
made him feel. Olette was his special friend and she liked him even though he
wasn’t ‘regular’.
Not everyone liked Riku and sometimes he got picked on because of his silver
hair. Olette always defended him, and he defended her in return.
“My dress is not ugly! You’re ugly!” Olette squawked at the playground bullies
who continued to tease her until Riku got off the swings and stepped to her
side. One of the little boys said, “What you gonna do old man? You have old man
hair!”
Riku was more upset because of what they said to Olette but figured one reason
was as good as the other, and punched the tallest boy in the nose, making it
bleed. The other bullies ran off to tell a teacher and Olette hugged Riku. “I
wanna learn to hit like that!”
“I’ll teach you.” Riku said confidently. “My nanny Lulu taught me.”
“You know, regular people don’t have nannies.” Olette said matter-of-factly.

Lulu spent more holidays with Riku than his parents did, and when he turned 8,
she was the one who took him shopping for his gifts. She was also charged with
accompanying him to his birthday party that had been arranged by Mom over the
phone.
"Do you want a new toy Master Riku?" She asked, looking down at the slim boy at
her side.
"No ma'am. I want something I can share with Oly." Riku said thoughtfully.
Lulu followed him through the mall and thought of what a kind heart he had,
this sweet boy who was growing up all alone in that huge estate. She had taken
the nanny position right out of college and planned to stay only until she
could find a job within her field of study, but once she got to know Riku, she
couldn't leave him. 
For his birthday gift, he chose two phones so that Olette could keep one and he
could talk to her as much as he liked. His birthday party was attended by fifty
guests and Olette was the only child there without a nanny.

Riku wished that Mom was home more so he could tell her about all the fun he
had at school and all the cool things he found in the tide pools, but the older
he got, the less he called her... he told Lulu instead. Mom made up for her
absence by buying him a new surfboard, but it was Lulu who watched him surf.
Olette was finally permitted to come to his house for a visit after Lulu
promised that she would watch the girl and it wouldn’t interfere with her
duties. Riku gave her extra hugs for that. He showed Olette the house and
grounds and they had dinner together in the big dining room. Olette thought his
house looked like a castle and she pretended she was a princess and Riku was a
prince. “Can I call you Prince Riku?”
“I don’t care…can I be a prince that turns into a frog?”
“I don’t care…but why would you want to be a frog?”
“I like frogs better than people…I likeall animals better than people…except
for you and Lulu.” Riku muttered as he shoved his food around on his plate.
He didn’t cry for Mom anymore because she was hardly ever there. He wasn’t
allowed to cry when Dad was home so he stayed in his room a lot with Lulu. If
he was lonely, Lulu sat with him. If he was sick, Lulu cared for him. Dad had
told him at dinner one night that he had a very important job that required him
to be away and that Riku was the master of the house…and that’s why Lulu called
him Master Riku.

By the time he was ten years old, his parents were gone more than they were
home. Lulu lived there with Riku, but the housekeeper Ilsa and the cook Rosa
came early in the mornings and left late. Ilsa was always fussing over things
in the house and putting fresh flowers out. Their cook Rosa had been chosen by
Dad and whenever he was home, he was really friendly with her. There were also
gardeners and pool men who came once a week. Riku was used to the routine and
could tell the day of the week by the servants who showed up and what duties
they performed.
Lulu went to his room many nights because she woke to the sound of him crying.
He wouldn’t remember why he was sad when she woke him but it concerned her just
the same. When Xemnas was home, Lulu was much less available at night but Riku
didn’t seem to notice. She tried to talk to him about his father but was always
met with frustration and anger. He clearly blamed Xemnas for keeping his mother
away.

The beachfront of their estate was private, so Riku usually surfed alone unless
Olette came over. Since Mom and Dad were away so much, Lulu allowed her to
visit and Riku taught her to surf…he thought she was pretty good for a girl.
One day he walked down the beach to the public area to surf and that’s when he
met Snow Villiers. Snow was funny and his parents were hippies so he was
homeschooled. Riku liked him instantly and invited him to surf with him on his
beach. “I can come when Hayner’s not here. He’s my lil bud so I can’t bail on
him.” Snow had told him.
“Bring him too.”
“I’ll have to ask his folks because he’s just a kid.” Snow said as if they were
adults. The very next afternoon Snow showed up alone and they surfed until
dark. Olette was there too and Riku knew that was how he wanted to spend all
his afternoons. Lulu kept her distance as she watched him with his friends,
relieved that he was beginning to have a somewhat normal childhood.

Riku was popular in middle school and since everyone picked at him about
Olette, he asked her to be his girlfriend. Olette wanted to know, “Does that
mean I get to kiss you?” She fluttered her lashes.
“Yes… ugh.” Riku was already regretting his decision a tiny bit.
The time of ugh ended shortly after Olette turned 13. Riku loved surfing and
Olette loved Riku. Snow listened to Riku bitch about Olette always wanting to
kiss him and he listened to Olette bitch about Riku always wanting to surf.
Girls at school were always following him around and flirting, but he would
have none of it. They’re just silly girls, he told Snow. Lulu always told him
he was handsome but he never believed her, and Olette said he was hot but she
was biased. So Riku just continued being Riku…defender of the weak, buyer of
the occasional lunch for whoever didn’t have any…and Olette’s boyfriend.
One evening on the beach he was gossiping with his friends. The cook had been
let go. Apparently, Mrs. Xemnas didn’t think Riku needed someone to cook him 3
meals a day, especially a cook that was so friendly with Mr. Xemnas.
“They were totally fucking.” Riku told Snow and Olette as they passed a bottle
of vodka. He had discovered the magic of alcohol early on and had already
developed likes and dislikes from raiding his dad’s liquor cabinet.
Snow lit a joint and passed it around as they sat on the beach. After a while
he fell asleep and Riku lay back to look at the stars and smoke the rest of his
weed. Olette crawled on top of him, holding the vodka, giggling. He laughed and
rested his hands on her thighs. “What are you doing Oly? You’re drunk.”
“So are you.” She giggled and smiled down at him, taking the joint from his
hand to smash it in the sand.
“Come on… I was almost done anyways.” Riku whined.
Olette pouted and leaned down to kiss him. This is different Riku thought and
he hugged her against his chest. She squirmed in his arms and his eyes popped
open as he continued to kiss her. This was…a lot different. Riku didn’t bitch
about Olette’s kisses anymore after that night.

He carried himself like royalty in middle school because he had been taught to
do so. Lots of kids thought he was stuck-up but mostly they just liked to look
at him. At 13, he played sports and surfed, he was smart and well mannered, and
his teachers liked him, one in particular.
His Algebra teacher Mr. Vexen often asked him to stay after class and help mark
tests. Riku always agreed because he would get extra credit and sometimes
candy…and who didn’t like candy right?
One afternoon it was raining when Mr. Vexen asked him to stay. He had called
his driver to let him know he would be late and the teacher would bring him
home later. This had been the norm for the last three times he had stayed after
so he thought nothing of it. When the papers were done Mr. Vexen sighed and
said, “Well Riku, what would you like to do now?”
“I guess it’s time for me to go.” He looked out the window at the rain falling
in sheets as the wind stirred the trees.
“We could kill a little time if you want. I brought us something special
today.” Mr. Vexen reached under his desk to retrieve a box that contained a
bottle, 2 glasses and what looked like the small sandwiches that Lulu made when
he stayed on the beach all day.
Riku was sitting in a chair opposite Vexen’s desk and the man could see his
expression as he eyed the treats. He knew he would be hungry this late after
school so he had come prepared.
He poured their drinks as they chatted about school and his plans for the
future. Riku was no stranger to alcohol and knew that Mr. Vexen had given him
wine. He had wine at his parents’ dinner parties since he was 10 or 11 when he
was permitted to dine with the adults. He remembered once not long ago, a
friend of Mom’s nearly caused a scandal when she kept touching his leg under
the table… until her husband saw.
Mr. Vexen came around to Riku’s side of the desk and sat on the edge. Riku
looked up at him and noticed that his eyesight was becoming blurry and he felt
like he had a lot more wine than he should have had.
“Mm not feelin too well, Mr. Vexen…can you drive me home now?” Riku slurred as
he tried to stand.
“You appear to have had too much to drink Riku and no doubt that is my fault. I
cannot take you home in this condition, you understand. We have time, why don’t
you put your head down here until you’re feeling better and then I’ll take you,
alright?”
Riku nodded and no sooner had he put his head on his folded arms, he started to
feel hot all over. When he woke, he was groggy and he hurt. Mr. Vexen was
shaking him awake and saying something about taking him home. He tried to stand
and screamed out in pain. Mr. Vexen looked at him sternly and said, “You must
have sat in the same position for too long. You’ll feel better once you get
moving. Come along now.”
Riku limped out to the car and sat gingerly and Mr. Vexen seemed to take no
notice. He drove him straight home and Riku realized he had been at the school
for hours. He thanked his teacher then apologized for losing his composure and
needing a nap. Mr. Vexen assured him it was fine and said he would see him the
following day at school.
Riku went inside and straight to his room. He felt awful and didn’t even call
Olette. In the bathroom he was shocked to find that he was bleeding. He
wondered if the wine or the sandwiches had made him ill and he thought of
telling Lulu, but this was embarrassing.
After his shower he noticed that he had bruises on his hips…they were like
dots. He stared briefly as he thought of the time lapse and the pain…surely Mr.
Vexen didn’t… Riku touched his backside and then turned to the mirror to
inspect it. There were a few bruises there as well. Two of them were darker
than the others, one on either side. He turned to the side and looked again…if
the bruises lined up they were about the span of a hand…
He cried and screamed and when Lulu asked him what was wrong he told her to
leave him alone. Mom was gone with Dad again and he didn’t want to see anyone.
He refused to get out of bed the next morning for school and as soon as he
could sneak away he grabbed a bottle of Xemnas’ good vodka and went to the
beach.
When Lulu found him, he was drunk and worn out from surfing and not eating. She
took him up to his rooms and sat by his bed while he slept it off. As he slept
she took out her rosary and prayed. What could've happened to this beautiful
boy to make him so miserable?
He never told her what he suspected had happened, but he never stayed to help
Mr. Vexen again. After his third refusal to stay Vexen asked him why he had
stopped helping him, to which Riku lowered his voice and replied, “You don't
need my help. You just wanna help yourself to my ass. I know what you did...and
it's never going to happen again.” The look on Vexen’s face was enough to
confirm his suspicions.

Two days before his 14th birthday Lulu came to him in tears as he sat doing his
homework. He was startled to see her upset. “What’s wrong?”
“Master Riku…I came to say goodbye to you. Mr. Xemnas said you’re too old for a
nanny.” She sniffed into her handkerchief. “Please don’t tell him I was crying.
He will be angry that you saw me upset.”
“I won’t tell, Lulu…I’ll miss you.” Riku hugged her and closed his eyes
tightly, trying to think of a way to get Xemnas to allow her to stay … she had
been like a mother to him. “I love you Lulu.”
“I love you too…Master Riku.”
He was miserable as he helped her with her bags and when she was gone, he went
to his dad’s office upstairs to find it empty. He called him and got his
voicemail. Thinking about it for a second he called back and left a message.
“Fuck you, Dad.”

School was out for summer and Riku was preparing for a beach party. He had met
a few people through Snow and going to the public beach so he had plenty of
booze and goods for the party. Being a rich kid had its perks. His parents
called to congratulate him on his grades and told him to enjoy the summer. They
were in Europe but planned to be home for a weekend in July.
On the beach he got completely trashed with his friends. Someone gave him
something new to smoke and he fell in love. “Heroin really? Wow.” Thus, began
the affair...
Later after the fire had died down and people were passed out on blankets
everywhere, he and Olette went into the house and up to his room. He had moved
up to the top floor of the house a couple years earlier and asked that the
rooms of the suite be done in white.
Olette jumped on his bed and he laughed at her as he took his shirt off. He
opened the windows and doors that let the ocean breeze in to stir the sheers.
They billowed through the room and Olette stopped jumping to watch them. Riku
walked over to her while she was entranced, and snatched her ankles forward.
She squealed as she fell and bounced when she landed, and he crawled on the bed
to hover over her. “Stay?”
“Yes” She said as she put her hands on his chest. He kissed her, but then got
off the bed. “Where are you going, Riku?”
“Getting a shower. I’m salty.” He laughed as he left her to explore the rooms.
When he emerged he was wearing a white robe and had another one for her. He
held it out to her so she took the robe as well as his hand and started for the
bathroom. Inside she undressed and stepped into the shower as he watched.
He didn’t know if he should go in with her or not… if he did would she be
mad…if she wanted to shower with him the why didn’t she…he would have to be
naked in front of Oly. Dropping his robe, he stepped inside the shower with
her. She took his hands and stepped back, looking him over.
He felt embarrassed but was determined not to show it. He had seen her topless
but that was all and she had touched him before but only when he was still
dressed...well half-dressed anyways. He had enough drugs in his system that
emotions were dulled and a high Riku was a fearless Riku.
After he felt she had looked long enough, he pulled her to him and kissed her.
He wanted to touch her everywhere. All the places he was forbidden to touch
before, he was now permitted and soon his groping and kissing got the better of
them and they stumbled to the bed.
He had an informed idea of how this was supposed to go because Snow had been
with girls before and answered all Riku's questions...plus he plenty of time to
watch porn. He remembered to be careful because Oly had never done it before
either. She told him to stop once, then told him not to stop. Riku wondered
absently if he would ever understand women.
The next morning, she woke before him and watched him as he slept. She kissed
his lips and his nose to wake him and he smiled and rolled her over in the bed.
One of her favorite things was talking to Riku as soon as he woke up and all
his defenses were down. “Stay Oly. I getso lonely here.” He confided.
“I can’t stay all the time but I’ll be here as much as I can.” She promised as
she pushed him off of her.
He held her arms as he fell back and pulled her on top of him, laughing. “Don’t
go yet.”
She sat up straddling his hips. “Oww… Riku.” She pouted as she squirmed.
He chuckled and grabbed her hips. "I didn't mean to hurt you last night, Oly."
She thought of the previous night, the tears she shed and how he had apologized
and waited for her to say she was ok. She was amazed at how gentle he could be
and how amazing it was to feel him inside of her. This was the boy who taught
her to fight, taught her to surf, and now he had shown her this. There’s nobody
else in the world who will ever mean this much to me, she thought as she looked
into his sleepy eyes.
Riku gazed up at her in wonderment. How does she not hate me? I’ve always been
such a brat to her. And last night, even though I hurt her when I took her
virginity, she looked at me like I hung the moon. What does she see in me, a
kid whose own parents don't even want to be around him? Riku pulled her down
and kissed her. "Yanno if we do it again it won't hurt as much." He whispered.
"Really?" Olette said grinning.
"Mmhmm." He rolled her underneath him again. They had found something they
enjoyed more than surfing and from that day, they didn't miss an opportunity.

Winter came again; time for bonfires and sweaters, and visits from the parents.
Olette had dinner with Riku and his family when they popped in for the
holidays. It was about that time when she started to notice small cuts on his
legs, high up on his thighs where they couldn’t be seen unless he was
completely undressed. He always made excuses, so she blew it off.
He was doing more and more drugs and his grades had started to slip. His
solution for that was to do more drugs. Riku’s routine now consisted of
snorting his breakfast, going to school, snorting lunch, afternoon classes,
driving home, smoking some brown and dozing, homework, dinner, and then bed.
Spring came and went in a blur of school, parties, and sex. School was almost
out for summer when Olette didn't show up one morning and hadn't called or
text. Riku called her at lunch and her mom said she was sick. The next day she
was out again so he bought her a gift and some flowers and went to her house.
“Olette is in bed sick…I think it’s a stomach bug so you may not want to stay
long.” Belle informed Riku as he stepped inside.
“No problem. I don’t want any part of that.” He chuckled, making her smile and
nod.
“Go on then, Romeo…nice flowers by the way. Did I ever tell you what a sweet
boy you are?” She winked.
“Once or twice.” Riku said as he thought, you wouldn’t say that if you knew
what I do to your daughter, hehe.
Sitting on her bed and holding her hand, he listened as she bitched about
feeling fine and wanting to go out. "I told her I'm fine, it's just in the
mornings I feel horrible..." She stared at Riku briefly and then whispered
"Nooooo."
"What is it?" He was clueless.
"Nothing ... I feel bad and you should go." She said sharply and lay back down,
turning her head away.
“But I just got here…Oly?” Riku tried to turn her face back toward him but she
shrugged him off.
“Just go away.”
Riku looked wounded as he left. Olette had never thrown him out before. He went
home, got high and cut his legs until he felt better, then went downstairs to
swim.
After about an hour, Ilsa went down to check on him and bring him a robe. She
looked at the boy who she had watched grow. She knew his heart was broken when
Lulu left and she wasn’t sure he would be ok. Watching him float silently on
his board in the pool she thought of what she might say to draw him out. She
often thought that he was too quiet…almost like having a ghost in the house
instead of a teenage boy, but she figured he would perk up eventually. After a
few more minutes of silent reflection, she sighed and then left him without
speaking.
When she was gone, Riku looked around the tiled room that housed their indoor
pool. I wonder what Mom is doing right now. Why did Oly throw me out like that?
Is she fucking someone else? Do I suck at that too? I’m useless. If I died
nobody would care. Nobody would even notice until I didn't show up for track or
wrestling...
He rolled off his board and swam to the side of the pool where he saw his glass
from earlier. Hopping out of the pool, he drained the vodka from it, threw it
against the wall, and then walked through the shards to find the one he wanted.
Diving back into the pool, he lay on his board and cut his wrists in tiny slits
and then dropped his arms into the water to watch the blood swirl. He wasn’t
trying to bleed to death; he just wanted to feel something. When he bled it was
like all the misery went out with it. He watched until the bleeding had stopped
and then he went up to bed leaving a trail of bloody footprints; the only sign
of his quiet suffering.

The next morning before school, Olette was at his door. He opened the main door
in his boxers with his hair all in disarray and stared at her. Before she had a
chance to speak, he snapped, “Why you throw me out yesterday, Oly? You don’t
wanna see me no more? Is that why you’re here?”
Olette simply started to cry. He just stood there in his underwear and stared,
thinking of how he had fucked up yet again. “Shit Oly, I’m sorry.”
He hugged her and pulled her into the house, closing the door behind her.
“What’s wrong? What did I do, baby?”
“Rikuuu” she cried as she hugged him “I think I’m pregnant.”
He stared at the door behind her like it had grown a face while she cried
softly against his chest. He held her but his mind was going in a million
different directions at once.
“What…how…I mean…we. Doctor, doctor. You should see a doctor right?” Riku
sputtered and she stopped sobbing and looked at him.
“I was gonna skip school and go to the clinic today. Do you…”
“Yes! Yes, I wanna go with you.” He hugged her tighter and then let her go
suddenly. “You should sit down. Are you hungry? Are you in pain?”
Olette smiled as she dried her tears and said, "No. I just feel a
little...nauseated."
Riku ushered her to the nearest bathroom and wet a washcloth to give her, then
paused and got her a glass of water. He paused again and said, "I should get
dressed. If you're coming up, take the elevator." He turned to walk out and
added, "It’s gonna be ok, Oly. I promise."
As he dressed he thought about what he needed to do. He was just 15... She was
just 14 and would still be 14 when the baby came. Baby. He looked down at his
designer clothes and custom shoes and felt ashamed to have put her in this
position. I should have been more responsible…I don't know how to be a dad…
He looked into the mirror as he tried to un-wreck his hair.I may not know how
to be a dad but I’ll be a better one than Xemnas. He would see his baby every
day no matter what.I’ll take care of everything, starting with the doctor.He
grabbed his wallet and phone as he headed back down.
Olette was sitting on the sofa dozing. He leaned down and kissed her. "Wake up,
sleeping beauty."
She smiled and opened her eyes. "Hey you."
"Ready?"
"Yes."
"I called my doctor who recommended another doctor for you. We should see her
instead of the clinic." Riku said as he grabbed a set of keys.
"But Riku, I didn't bring any money...and won't your parents find out?"
"I have money so you don't need to worry about that. And by the time my parents
take an interest in my life, our kid will be graduating college."
Olette giggled. "Okay. I guess you're driving us too."
"Absolutely. You're not taking my baby on the bus." He smiled.

Back at the estate after the doctor visit, they went to bed and stayed there
until the afternoon. He thought of all the things that he wished Xemnas had
done with him when he was a kid. He thought of the lonely days he had spent and
the nights he cried himself to sleep. Riku kept touching her belly and finally
said, "Oly...I know you may need to think about it for a while because it's
your decision ultimately but...I really hope..." He caught his breath to keep
from crying. "I want..."
"What Riku, what do you want?"
"Have my baby, Oly. Don't get rid of it or give it away. I know that nurse made
it seem really easy, and the smart thing to do but…" He cried into her hair.
"I'll be a good dad. I swear."
She cried with him. No one knew his pain better than Olette. She had been there
for all of it, save the first 5 years. She knew how much he loved his mother
and resented his father, and she knew she could never take this chance at
happiness away from him. "Of course I’ll have the baby Riku. It’s a part of
you, and I love you."
"I love you too." Riku said as he kissed her.

After convincing him it would go better if he wasn'tthere when she told her
parents, he stayed home and walked the floors until she called. "Hey Riku…my
mom is still crying and my dad got drunk and went to bed. He said he was gonna
kill you but I don't think he will. Can I come over?"
"Yes! You can live here if you want. Want me to come walk you over?"
"Sure." She said, "But what if my dad wakes up? You’re awfully brave coming
over here."
"Fearless baby! Be there in a few."
By the time the Xemnases found out, Olette was already showing. They threw a
fit and he sat and watched them yell at one another.
“This is all your fault for encouraging them to spend time together!” Xemnas
roared.
“My fault? You’re the one who insists on staying away so much that we can’t
keep proper watch over our own child!”
“He’s NOT A CHILD!” Xemnas growled as he poured another drink. It had been late
when they got in, and Riku had come downstairs in the middle of their fight to
get something from the kitchen and upon seeing him, they ordered him to sit
down while they fought.
So he sat: nappy hair, in his boxers, drinking orange juice. Olette was
sleeping soundly upstairs in his bed and they had no idea. When they stopped
yelling he stood, scratched his balls and walked away. They stared after him as
he climbed the stairs and he could feel their eyes boring into him…so he
scratched his ass for good measure. He heard Xemnas growl as he reached the
first landing and he smiled.
Soon enough they were gone again, Olette was doing homeschool, and Riku was
there every afternoon. Her dad didn't speak to him until the day of the first
ultrasound when they saw the tiny baby. In the hallway of the hospital he put
his hand on Riku's shoulder. "I haven't been there for Olette during this like
I should have been...or for you...and I'm sorry."
“Um…thank you sir…and it’s ok.” Riku said respectfully as he watched the man
walk away thinking, that’s the kind of man I’d like to be…a man who can say
he’s sorry and wants to fix things…not a man who denies everything and watches
while the world burns.

Riku told his parents that his baby was a girl. Xemnas got drunk and called
Olette’s parents, offering them money if they would get rid of it. They told
him where he could put his money and hung up. Mrs. Xemnas sent gifts the next
day as an apology for her husband’s behavior and Olette's mom thanked her
kindly and invited her over. She never went, but she continued to send gifts
for Olette as well as the baby. Riku felt that his mom really wanted to be a
part of the baby's life but Xemnas would forbid it. Once again, Xemnas was
ruining things for him and Mom.
“I don’t like any of these…you pick her name.” Olette said as he lay curled
beside Riku on his sofa with books of baby names and swatches of fabric for
bedding that he was having made for her crib.
“How about Luna?” Riku said as he rubbed Olette’s belly and his eyelids
drooped. "It means moon…and the moon rules the tides like she rules my heart."
Olette smiled and smoothed his hair away from his face. He slept so much
lately, almost as if he was the one carrying the baby. She giggled and kissed
his head while he rested.
The young parents-to-be took photos for her baby album and collected things for
her right up until the big day arrived. Olette was at home when her water broke
and Riku was out for a night surf. Her dad came running down the beach yelling,
"Baby! Baby!"
At the hospital, Riku held her hand through contractions and when Luna was
born, the doctor handed her over to Riku as he cried. Holding her for Olette to
see as her mom took pictures, he couldn't believe how tiny she was and how
perfectly beautiful. He was such a fuck-up, how could he have had a hand in
something so amazing?
She had little silver fuzz on her head, deep blue eyes, and as he looked at
her, Riku knew he would never be the same. The tiny girl held a heart that he
didn’t even realize he had.
When they took Luna home, he didn't leave Olette’s house for anything but
school. He fed Luna, changed her, bathed her, and walked the floors at night.
He insisted on sharing in every part of her life but Olette was back on her
feet soon and fussing over him. "You're exhausted. You need to sleep. You
should eat. Go surf!"
He laughed at her and kissed his girls. "I'll get outta your hair for a while,
ok."
She kissed him. "Ok. See you tonight?"
"Yes!" Riku went surfing with Snow and Hayner and the waves broke perfectly for
him. Life was good.

When Luna was 6 weeks old Riku set up a nursery in his suite at home so that
they could stay with him and give her folks a break. He had everything from a
crib to bottles and diapers and everything was white. When Olette saw it all
she couldn’t believe it.
"It's all so beautiful, Riku." She touched the soft blankets and marveled at
the sun-catcher mobile.
He was holding Luna while she slept, so he whispered. "Nothing but the best for
my girls."
"What about the money...it must have cost you a fortune."
"Mom told me to buy whatever you and Luna needed, spare no expense. She said
she's sorry she can't be here more." Riku sounded a little sad like maybe he
was sorry too.
When Ilsa saw the nursery, she told Riku what a good boy he was. He didn't
really believe that he was a good boy but he thought it was sweet that Ilsa
insisted on telling him. Good boys don't become fathers at 15. She called Lulu
and told her all about Luna and Lulu cried because she was missing this very
important time in her boy's life. She had been barred from the estate when she
was let go and had taken a job in another town, settling and starting a family
of her own.
The first night Olette and Luna stayed at the estate, Riku knew that he'd never
want them to leave. He was happy to get up at night to make a bottle in his
small kitchen and rock her back to sleep listening to the sounds of the ocean.
Eventually though, Olette went back home leaving Riku alone in the mansion
where he lay in bed staring at the empty crib. By 2 a.m. he figured sleep was
pointless so he got dressed and headed out.
Sitting on the sandy ground outside Olette's gate, he waited. When he saw a
light come on around 3 a.m. he knew it was time for Luna’s bottle. Creeping
across the porch, he tapped lightly on the door. Olette opened it holding Luna,
"I knew you couldn't do it." He grinned and grabbed his girls.

When she was three months old he gave her a party and they had pictures made.
After everyone left, he went to Olette. "Oly I been thinking...I know we're
young but I know this is what I want ...for the rest of my life. Will you marry
me?"
In his hand he held a beautiful ring that he had carried all day. It wasn't
huge but it wasn't tiny, it was perfect. She cried and said yes.
His parents however, had another idea. They argued and refused to sign consent
so he had to go to Olette and explain that they would have to wait. He was sure
his mom would have allowed it, but his father was totally against it and Mom
always agreed with Dad. Marriage or not, Olette was still happy.
Riku had fallen into a new routine and his routine didn’t include drugs. He had
weaned himself off heroin and didn’t even drink that often. He didn’t want to
forget a single moment he spent with his daughter. He napped with her during
the day on weekends and she was such a Daddy’s girl that Olette began to feel a
little jealous. Her mom assured her that she was irreplaceable.
The older Luna got, the more she looked like Riku. Her hair was silver and
shiny and when it grew long enough to hold barrettes, Riku bought her tons. Her
eyes were the same color as his and she had a tiny dimple on her right cheek
that showed when she smiled.
By the time she was 4 months old he had her on his surf board and she would
laugh and coo as they floated. He would adjust her tiny sun hat and sing to
her. Snow and Hayner went out with them sometimes just to watch her play and
laugh while she sat on the board leaned against her dad. They took lots of
pictures and sent them all to Riku. The two had never seen their friend so
happy.
One night shortly after she turned 5 months old, they all went to sleep and
didn't wake for a nighttime bottle…and they didn't wake for a morning bottle.
Riku went to wake his princess only to find that their baby wasn't sleeping.

The loss was devastating to the young parents and after the funeral they went
home to Riku’s rooms where they stayed for days. Ignoring calls from everyone,
they clung to one another in their misery. On the fourth day, Olette showed up
at home and Riku wasn't with her. She had left him sleeping with a note that
said: I don't think I can love you anymore. I don't think I can love at all
anymore.
When Riku woke and saw the note he went into his bathroom and locked the door.
Having given the two their space for a few days, Ilsa became concerned when
Riku stopped answering her calls from outside the suite. Finally worry got the
best of her and she used her key to get inside where she found Riku asleep in
the shower. There was blood on the floor and the countertop and smeared on the
shower floor. Horrified at the scene, she called 911 and then called Xemnas.
Riku was sent to an in-patient care facility where he was counseled and
medicated and then returned to his parents after 30 days, a completely
different person. He stared at his phone but didn't call Olette, instead he
went surfing in search of peace. He cried and screamed and lay on his board
until dark and then he went into town to buy drugs. Riku got high...and stayed
high and at 16, his life became one long party.

"I'll be out in a sec..." Riku tried his best to keep his voice even and
normal. He looked around at the white walls of his bathroom while sweat ran
down his face. Blowing out a breath, he looked down at his hands that, at that
moment felt detached from the rest of him. One hand held a razor while the
other was a tight fist and both were shaking. Why today? Why did Hayner pick
this day to want to surf with his junkie hero Riku? Maybe he had noticed that I
been down. Maybe he had been sent here by Snowman. Who knew?
All Riku knew was that the moment the blade touched his skin, he heard Hayner's
voice outside his bathroom door. Fuck summertime. I should just go away with
Mom for summer. Dad said she went on vacations to Europe every year...she never
asks me to go…or maybe she does and I’m just too stoned too remember. I should
call her, he thought, knowing full well that he wouldn’t.
Sighing and putting his razor blade away for later- because for Riku, there
would always be a later- and opened the door. "Hayner! What's up man? Ready to
get your toes wet?"
Looking around at the empty bedroom, Riku was puzzled...where the fuck was
Hayner? Probably went out to sit, or to the balcony...
Searching the rest of his suite briefly, he found no trace of his young friend.
Assuming he had gone on down to the beach, Riku suited up and went downstairs.
Passing by Xemnas on his way toward the doors, he chirped, "Going to carve."
Xemnas nodded and stopped to watch him continue out with that hideous yellow
board. It was much easier to find him out there on that board, but he worried
anyway. Riku had a bit of a bounce in his step and Xemnas smiled a small smile
of hope that quickly faded when he wondered if his son’s happiness was drug-
induced.
Out on the beach, no one was there waiting. Riku looked around confused as his
phone buzzed, making him jump. A text from Hayner - me and Snow in Port Royal-
scored some sweet gear. Home later. Bonfire?
Riku looked up at the windows of his rooms and stared. He definitely heard
Hayner knock on his bathroom door and ask him if he wanted to surf. What the
fuck? Shaking his head, he assumed it was the drugs...residual
hallucinations...and that shadow up there that looked like a man watching
him...same thing.
Since Luna’s passing and Olette’s abandonment, Riku had stayed high and
effectively fucked his way through all his fair-weather friends, and their
friends, and even some people he didn’t know. Sighing, he text back- I'll be
there.

Later that night at the bonfire, he got high as usual, got head from some
random chick as usual, and then staggered down the beach singing with Hayner,
toward home...as usual. Xemnas heard him come in and sighed with relief. At
least he knew where he was tonight. After sending his wife a quick text, he
went to bed.
The next day around lunch time (there was no point in calling before then)
Riku's phone woke him from his dreams of the ocean. Moaning as he reached to
silence it, he barely opened his eyes. But when he focused on the caller ID, he
was immediately wide awake. "Hello?"
"Riku darling. How is mother's handsome young man?" His mother cooed.
"I'm good Mom. How are you?" Riku asked, feeling quite mechanical but bursting
to ask her a million questions.
"I'm well but I miss you, my prince. Come to Paris..." She sounded almost
pleading and he knew immediately that he should pack because there was no wayhe
would say no.
"I miss you too, Mom…and don’t call me that. I’m not a baby anymore." Truer
words were never spoken as he looked around at his comfortable white cell. She
called him her prince because he was so precious to her, but when he heard the
pet name, it implied to him that Xemnas was a king and he would not entertain
that thought for a second. "I'll hop a flight and call you when I get there."
They said their goodbyes and he packed light because she loved to take him
shopping…and after all, it was Paris. Stopping at Xemnas’ study, Riku knocked.
"Dad? You in there?"
Not getting an answer, Riku continued down to the ground floor where he found
Xemnas sitting in the main parlor, reading. "Hey Dad, I'm going to stay with
mom for a while."
"Alright son. Safe trip and give Mother my love." Xemnas said as calmly as he
could. He wanted to rush the boy and inject a tracking chip into him but he
knew that was impossible. "Call me when you land so that I know you made it
safely, yes?"
"Yes sir." Riku replied as he started for the door. At 16, he was a very
worldly child. He had seen too much for such a young mind and didn’t deal with
any of it well. He was however, very independent and this worried his father
constantly. A million times he had threatened the boy’s very life and a million
times he had regretted it. He had hoped that Riku would get away from drugs and
the lifestyle, but it seemed to get worse with each passing year. Xemnas
worried that the only thing that would stop him would be death.

Landing safely in Paris, Riku called his mother from the airport and left her a
voice mail. Choosing a restaurant, he sat to eat, since she would probably be a
few hours. He had dressed for comfort before flying, so he looked a little out
of place in the airport unless you counted the homeless milling about here and
there begging for scraps or money.
"L'argent ou de la nourriture?" A tired voice asked from over his shoulder.
Riku turned to see a young man, maybe in his mid-twenties with dirty hair and
worn out clothes...layers of them. A man wearing multiple layers of clothes in
the summer could only mean one thing, so Riku held out his hand toward the seat
across from him. "Asseoir avec moi."
"Non, je suis sale." The man said dropping his head in shame and making no move
to sit.
Riku sighed, then said patiently. "S'il vous plaît, je suis solitaire."
The man looked at Riku amazed that such a beautiful boy would be traveling
alone, much less humble enough to admit that he was lonely and willing to buy a
stranger's company with food.
"Merci, vous êtes très aimable." The man said and then cleared his throat. If
this young man wanted company then he would be a polite guest and not just wait
silently for his hand-out. "Enchante. Je m'apelle Leon."
Riku smiled. "Enchante Leon, je suis Riku. Que vous voulez manger?"
"Vous pouvez choisir pour moi." Leon said humbly.
Riku cocked his head at him and nodded, then proceeded to order for the both of
them. He ate in virtual silence but Riku studied him throughout the meal. He
seemed to have paint under his nails as well as on some of his clothes...maybe
he's a painter...or maybe he just huffs paint, Riku pondered. When their meal,
complete with dessert and wine was nearly done, Riku decided to ask. "Etes vous
un artiste?"
Leon looked up at him and smiled sweetly, charming the young tourist. "Me
appeler et artiste impliquerait que je gagne ma vie avec mon art."
Riku poured more wine. "Je voudrais voir votre travail...S'il vous plaît."
"Comment puis-je refuser un tel hôte gracieux." Leon smiled as he sipped his
wine.
Riku tried calling his mother again as he left the airport with his new
vagabond friend and got her voicemail again. Calling Xemnas, he was surprised
when the man answered immediately. "Hey Dad, just wanted you to know I'm in
Paris. Mom isn't answering so I'm gonna get a room of my own if I don’t hear
from her soon...yeah I will...yes Dad. Love you."
Riku started to hail a cab but Leon stopped him and pointed. “Il est une courte
promenade dans ce sens."
“OK, ehh…ensuite, nous allons marcher.’’ Riku said with a smile. He liked
Leon’s pale blue eyes and brown hair…and he walked with a grace that defied his
humble lot in life. Riku wondered briefly if he was an idiot for following this
homeless guy to God knows where… decided that he was an idiot…and continued on.
As they walked, Riku noted that although the man wore layers of clothes, he was
clearly not heavy of frame. His brown hair was dull from neglect but his face
was kind and youthful, save the slight crinkles at the corners of his eyes that
told his age to be beyond twenty. He was only slightly shorter than Riku
himself, but then he was tall for his age- at sixteen he had surpassed all of
his classmates and teachers.
They ended up walking around the tarmac to an old hangar that looked like it
hadn’t been used in thirty years or better. Leon glanced back at Riku and
grinned as he tugged the door open just enough for them to slip through. “S'il
vous plaît, venir à l'intérieur.”
As Riku stepped inside the old hangar into the darkness, he reached out to
steady himself on the door, but touched Leon’s hand instead. Meeting pale
blues, he smiled. “Merci…”
Inside was an old plane that was dusty and partially covered with a canvas tarp
that had been cut away piece by piece, Riku was guessing…for the artwork. He
followed Leon to the far corner of the seemingly deserted building that smelled
of dust and oil. The light that shone through the dirty windows wasn’t enough
to properly light the entire space, but he could see well enough out in the
open.
Approaching the corner he could see canvasses propped against the wall, but no
supplies except for a random paint brush here and there…he must hide them.Leon
turned to him and smiled a bit nervously. “S'il vous plaît être gentil.”
Riku smiled and patted his arm. “I’m no art critic! Um…sorry. Je ne suis pas
critique d'art.”
Leon beamed at him and placed his hand on his chest. “I speak your language
little!”
Riku grinned, “Cool!”
“I think you are very good to speak French.” Leon said grinning from ear to
ear.
“Thanks…my mom is fluent and uses it around the house, so I kind of grew up
with it.”
“So…my work.” Leon uncovered the canvasses and Riku gasped at the bright
colors. They were beautiful and seemed to possess a light of their own inside
the dank old hangar.
“They’re beautiful, Leon!” Riku said bending down to see the detail better. “I
can’t believe people don’t buy these.”
Leon was still smiling as he watched the teen inspect his work. “Thank
you…Riku.”
Riku looked back at him grinning as he stood. “I like the way you say my name
‘Riikuu.”
They laughed together briefly but were interrupted by his phone. Holding up a
finger to his new friend, he turned away. “Hi Mom…no it’s ok. I grabbed
something to eat…yeah I’m still here. Sure. Can I bring a friend? Yes…he’s an
artist, his name is Leon. Ok. Thanks Mom. Love you. See you in thirty.”
Riku turned to Leon who was busy with a blank canvas and a stub of charcoal.
Curious he stepped over to see that he had sketched a quick outline that he
could tell was him. “Ahh it’s me! I’m flattered…Je suis flatté”
“It is just a drawing…” Leon said humbly.
“Would you like to come with me…and meet my mother? She’s a great lover of art
and I like your company, to be honest.” Riku offered, looking into the stormy
blue eyes.
“I am not fit to meet…anyone, but you may take a painting, if you wish…paiement
for the meal.” Leon looked a bit lost as he turned away from Riku to sit his
canvas aside.
“We’re just going to a hotel…it’s no big deal. We could hang out…with Mom.”
Riku said and then chewed his lip as he waited. He so wanted to take this
talented man back with him and get him some decent clothes and food…and
possibly a job…and maybe a place to live. Riku appreciated what he had more
than anyone realized, especially his father, and he loved more than anything to
share it with others.
Leon sighed. “How… what is your age, Riku?”
The teen looked at him, puzzled. “16 why?”
“Do you not think your mother will be, um…en colere…you want to…hang out…with a
man almost twice your age?” Leon asked.
Riku felt his cheeks heat up but instead of running away embarrassed, he
dropped his bag and pulled up his left sleeve. “As long as I’m not doing this…”
He pointed to the track marks that were beginning to fade. “Or this…” He
pointed to the scars from where he had cut his wrists after the death of his
daughter. “She really doesn’t care who I hang out with.”
Leon stared in shock. He looked up at the angelic face and then back to the
abused arm of a suicidal junkie, and he couldn’t force the two into the same
person in his mind. Reaching a dirty hand to touch the bruised skin, he nodded.
“I will go with you.”
Riku smiled and pulled his sleeve down to cover his shame and picked his bag up
from the cement floor. Leon smiled at him as if to say everything would be
alright. “I need to…” He motioned toward his clothes and shook his head.
“Change? If you want.” Riku said with all the honesty he possessed. He truly
didn’t care if Leon piled into the limo as-is.
Leon chuckled and turned away. “I will be une minute.”
Riku watched as he jogged to the opposite corner of the hangar where there was
a makeshift shower with a crude drape of fabric beside it. “Leon! Wait…vous
voulez?” Riku grabbed his travel toiletries from his bag and trotted over to
bestow them on the already undressing artist.
“Oh! Yes merci!” Leon lit up and took the small bag as Riku turned to walk
away.
Fifteen minutes later the artist bounced to a stop in front of Riku who had
been engrossed in one of the paintings… a seascape. “I am clean…and happy.
Merci beaucoup.”
Riku looked up and laughed. “Holy shit, Leon! You look great! My mom just may
keep you and send me back home.”
Leon smiled. “I spend little on these things…I buy peindre.”
Riku nodded, respecting the commitment the artist had to his craft.

Soon they were picked up and whisked off to a fine hotel where they ate and
chatted with his mom about art and Paris and the weather. Leon had pulled his
hair back into a low ponytail and Riku fidgeted with wanting to run his fingers
through the silky-looking chestnut strands.
She took them out shopping and to an art walk, and she seemed quite taken with
Leon and him with her. Riku was happy to see the both of them smiling and
chattering away. Later that evening as his mother sat on the balcony watching
the city lights come on, Riku approached Leon. “Would you like to stay the
night?”
Leon looked at him, shocked. “I…I do not… know…”
Riku stared at him, not backing off an inch. Leon stammered under the intense
aqua gaze and then nodded. He was completely confused but a clean, free roof
was just that, and he wasn’t going to pass it up.
They stayed up most of the night talking about their lives, loves and losses.
Riku learned that Leon was a 28 year old widower who had given up on life when
his wife passed away suddenly from a heart defect. He lost his job and
subsequently their home, then turned to the streets. He sold his paintings when
he could, and used what little money he made to buy more paint and what he
needed to get by.
As the sun began to rise, the two were yawning as they lazed on the sofa. “Si
je commission une peinture comme un cadeau pour ma mère, le feriez-vous?”
“Yes.” Leon smiled. “Your mother and you are…wonderful to me, Riku. You have a
heart…grand comme l’ocean.”
Riku smiled and took Leon’s hand before closing his eyes. Leon watched him doze
and thought of all the things Riku had shared with him. He had seen the scars
so he knew that the drug use and suicide attempt were left out of their
conversation on purpose. There was something missing from this boy. It was like
he had a huge hole inside that he was trying desperately to fill. Something was
terribly sad about Riku Valentine.

Around lunch time Leon awoke to find that he had been covered in a very
expensive blanket and he was alone. There was a note on the table along with
tea and coffee and some covered food trays. Sitting up slowly, he read the
note.
Léon,
Maman et moi sommes allés faire des emplettes pour quelques choses. S'il vous
plaît faites comme chez vous. Nous reviendrons sous peu pour vous chercher afin
que vous pouvez obtenir ce que vous avez besoin pour la peint. À bientôt.
                                                                                        Riku
P.S. Le bain est enorme… Donc, beaucoup de bulles!
Leon wandered into the bathroom and saw the aforementioned huge tub. Going back
into the sitting room, he ate and had some tea and then took a long hot
soak…with many bubbles. When Riku and his mother returned, they found the
brunette asleep again, but clean and dressed in the clothes that had been left
for him.
“Wake up…” Riku snickered by his ear. Leon rolled up one pale blue eye and
grinned.
“You were right about de bulles.” He said as he sat up and kissed both Riku’s
cheeks, making him giggle again.
The three went about town together like old friends. They had coffee by the
river and Mrs. Xemnas and Leon laughed as Riku was followed about by cats.
“Chats adore Riku.” She said smiling fondly.
“Les chats sont un bon juge de caractere.” Leon chuckled as they watched the
teen try and pet them all at once. “He is…magnifique. Belle et brise.”
At that Mrs. Xemnas turned to Leon and smiled, taking his hand. “Ne pas tomber
amoureux…he will break you.”
Leon looked into her sad eyes and saw the same emptiness in them that he saw in
her son’s.

They returned to the hotel with an enormous canvas and loads of painting
supplies. Leon had been near tears but Riku’s mother would not take no for an
answer. She explained that there was already a place in her suite at home on
Destiny Island where she planned to hang a portrait of her only son, and it
needed to be this size in order to look appropriate for the height of the
ceilings and the size of the room.
Clearing a space for him to work, Leon was in heaven and couldn’t wait to get
started. Hanging his coat and cuffing the sleeves of his white linen shirt, he
asked Riku to sit while he sketched his form in long fluid strokes. Riku
watched him work and was amazed at how the tiniest change could make such a
huge difference. He thought that Leon was more of a magician than an artist,
but he didn’t say so…because that would be childish.
Leon worked diligently and when Riku asked him to stop for dinner, he grumbled,
but then remembered where he was and graciously accepted. Over dinner, Mrs.
Xemnas explained and apologized that she had some errands to do the following
day and they may keep her away. She implored both of them to stay out of
trouble and behave themselves. Leon laughed and nodded but Riku just stared
emptily.
It was clear that the boy didn’t like being away from his mother, Leon thought.
He wondered if she had any idea how much he loved her…he doubted it. Rising to
leave them, she leaned over to whisper to Riku and a broad smile came across
his face. “Je t’aime.” He said and kissed her cheek.
She giggled and kissed him back. “I’m retiring to the bath and bed. You men
have a good evening.”

That night as Riku lounged watching Leon paint, he thought about explaining
about the drugs…but he didn’t. He thought about telling him about Luna…but he
didn’t tell that either. Instead he walked over and took the brush from his
hand and looked into tired blue eyes. “Tu es fatigue.”
“J’ai besoin de travailler.” Leon said hoarsely.
“Vous avez besoin de dormir.” Riku said tugging his hand and lacing their
fingers together.
“Riku…I…you are…” Leon stuttered but followed where Riku led.
“I know what I am…and I’m tired. Just sleep with me…I don’t want to sleep
alone.” Riku mumbled as he led the artist to the bed where they undressed and
snuggled…and slept.

The morning sun warmed the sheets and Riku woke to the sweet smell of peonies.
Inhaling deeply, he turned to find Leon sitting up in bed, reading the paper.
“Good morning.”
Leon popped the paper gently. “Good morning to you. We should talk about this
sleeping.”
Riku quirked a brow and nit his lip. ‘Okay… talk.”
Leon sniffed from behind the paper. “It is not… acceptable for me to sleep on a
bed with you. You are a boy, still. Riku.”
Tugging the newspaper down a bit to gain eye contact, Riku smiled. “We just
slept… there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Leon began to nod slowly, instantly entranced by the aqua gaze, but then as if
he hit a mental pot hole, he began to shake his head. “Non, nous n'étions pas
habillés correctement ... c'était indécent de ma part. Je suis un homme et tu
es un ...
Riku leaned closer to his face as he pulled the newspaper from between them. “I
haven’t been a child for a very long time.” Tossing the paper to the floor, he
sat astride the artist’s thighs and leaned in to brush his lips against his.
Leon gasped, heart in his throat, and grabbed the hands that rested on his
shoulders “Non…I do not … je n'ai jamais…”
Ignoring the strong hands that held his wrists, he kissed Leon again gently and
whispered against his lips. “I will teach you.”
Leon breathed as he released his grip that held Riku at bay, and then gasped
again when the teen’s hands wandered from his shoulders to his neck, caressed
his throat and then descended to his chest, abs and beyond.

Two weeks later the painting was finished, along with many more sketches, and
Leon sat staring at Riku with a heavy heart. “It is not as beautiful as you.”
Riku looked up from the mess of sheets and smiled. “I’mnot beautiful.”
“I have no right to ask you to stay in Paris…but I want to.” Leon said as tears
came to his eyes. “I have nothing to offer you but my heart.”
“Come back to bed.” Riku said as he tried to veer the conversation away from
hearts. He didn’t deserve this man’s heart, but he had stolen it anyway. Leon
looked at him longingly as the guilt ate away at Riku’s gut. He shouldn’t have
seduced the artist…but he did…and now he was sad. Riku had broken someone else.
Sighing, he crawled off the bed and walked naked over to where Leon sat in
front of the portrait. It was beautiful, there was no denying that. Turning to
the brunette, he kissed him and pulled him toward the bed.
Later at dinner, the painting was shown to Riku’s mother and she was over the
moon. Rushing to where he sat at the small table, she wrapped Leon in a hug.
“It’s beautiful! And now, I’m sure that I made the right choice!”
Leon looked confused, but Riku didn’t look at all fazed. The two had been
plotting. She knew of Riku’s affair with the artist and made herself scarce in
the evenings by spending time with her sister who lived there. Riku sat smoking
a cigarette and watching his mother fawn over the painting and Leon. He smiled
and nodded to her. “You should tell him now, Mom. I’ll be leaving soon.”
“Tell me what?” Leon asked thoroughly confused by the two.
“I own a small gallery here and I desperately need someone to oversee it…I was
hoping that you would agree to do it for me. Riku said that you might enjoy it
and you could display and sell your own work there as well.” She smiled as Leon
stared at her with wide eyes.
Turning to Riku, he said “Vous avez planifie cela…combien de temps?”
Riku winked at him as he snuffed his cigarette. “Since I saw your work in the
hangar.”
“I cannot accept…such a genereux gift.” Leon’s heart pounded at the prospect of
living again as opposed to simply existing. He looked from one to the other and
they seemed calm and resolved on the matter.
“You must accept it.” Riku leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Because it’s your
payment for the portrait…and there’s a small apartment in the back of the
gallery where you may live.”
Leon gasped as his eyes stung with tears. “C’est trop.” Breathless with
excitement as the long forgotten feeling of hope filled his heart, the artist
covered his face with his hands.
Riku pulled him close and stroked his hair as he whispered, “It’s not enough.”
Threading his fingers through silver tresses, Leon whispered as he cried
softly, “Mon prince.”
Mrs. Xemnas smiled as she dabbed tears from the corners of her eyes.
 
Riku’s last days in Paris were spent settling Leon in at the gallery and
shopping with his mother. At the airport, Leon was seeing them off and thanking
them again profusely. “Stop, ok.” Riku chuckled as his mother hugged Leon and
then stepped away to allow them to say goodbye.
“Vais-je vous revoir?” Leon whispered as he hugged the teen close.
Riku kissed him and smiled. “No.”

By 17 he was notorious on Destiny and in Radiant Garden for his beach parties
and his drugs. He was quite the host. Olette showed up occasionally to get
drunk and surf but she couldn't look him in the eye sober, and the feeling was
mutual. After their split he expanded his sexual horizons and was frequently
sought after and frequently obliged whoever wanted to use him for a night or
two. He wasn’t very discerning and word spread about that as well.
One weekend in particular he had taken two girls and a guy home but still
managed to wake up alone on Sunday morning. Cooking up a speedball for
breakfast he went through his mental litany of why am I still here? There is no
point to this shit anymore…
Realizing that he needed to score more drugs, he tried to muster the motivation
but failed, and decided to go into town later that day…he just didn’t feel like
existing. He had talked with the gardener- Denzel- about growing his own weed
in the greenhouse and Denzel agreed to tend it for him when Riku told him he
could smoke all he wanted in return for his professional care…so at least he
had weed. Riku knew that he would be sick if he didn’t score more junk, but he
really just wanted to sleep.
Still naked from his weekend of debauchery, he wandered over to Luna’s crib
that he still refused to take down, and picked up her blanket. He couldn’t
smell her baby-smell on it anymore and he cried as he crawled back into bed.
Crying himself to sleep, he dreamed of his daughter…
…and woke to voices…a voice and his own…Hayner?
“…wanted to know if you wanted to come surf…”
Everything sounded muffled and far away. Riku mumbled unintelligibly and then
he felt it…sick. How long had he been asleep? His stomach lurched and cramped
as he tried to get to the bathroom.
He didn’t make it, and threw up on the white marble floor. Trying to veer
around it, he slipped and fell only to heave again where he landed. Crawling to
the bathroom covered in vomit he was thankful that he had all but stopped
eating or he probably would’ve shit himself too.
Feeling the vomit clogging his nose made him even more nauseous as he retched
again and collapsed holding his stomach. There was that voice again…Hayner was
still here?
“…ok Riku…”
“...I’ll help…”
Riku heard the shower and said “No, no, no, no…” He felt hands under his arms
and then the sensation of being dragged through pools of vomit, which made him
gag and cough but there was nothing left to come up.
Was that Hayner or Snow?
He felt the warm water hitting his skin like a shower of needles and he started
screaming. The hands were holding him under the spray and he fought every
second of it. Finally, he exhausted himself and was still, but crying and
curled into a ball.
The next thing he was aware of was that the water was off and he was wrapped in
a bath sheet. It was quiet and his stomach hurt. Hayner was sitting against the
wall with his head down and they were still in the bathroom. Riku moved to get
to his knees but he was shaking so badly he could barely manage it. Hayner’s
eyes popped open and he rushed to his side.
Had he been crying? He helped Riku toward the toilet where he hung his head and
gagged, spitting out bile and snot, then tried to put a bottle of water in his
hand but he was shaking so badly that he couldn’t hold it. Desperate for a
drink, he raised his head to allow Hayner put the bottle to his lips.
Exhausted, Riku laid his head on the toilet seat and looked around with
feverish eyes.Clean… someone had cleaned the bathroom. He tried to ask Hayner
but when he tried to speak he gagged. Hayner petted his hair and Riku could
hear him sniffle. He tried again to speak, “Hey…ya got any H?”
“No…” Hayner said.
“Can ya get me some?” Riku croaked as he felt hot tears coming to his eyes.
“No, you don’t need it.” Hayner said sadly.
“Yes I do…” Riku whined. “I do…it’ll make me better. Don’t you want me to feel
better? Don’t you wanna surf with me? Come on, just get me somethin to make me
well and then I’ll do anything ya want ok. You want me to blow you for it? Is
that what you’re waitin for? I will…”
He pawed at poor Hayner as he scooted away. “No I…I don’t want that.” He
squeaked.
Riku lolled his head and cried, which set off his gagging, which brought up his
water. At least he was at the toilet he thought as his eyes watered and his
nose ran. A few minutes passed and he felt a cool cloth wiping his face.
“Sorry…” was all he could muster.
Later when he felt like moving, Hayner helped him to bed where he stayed for
two more days. He kept down his water after that so his friend brought him some
food from his small kitchen. He ate a couple bites and slept, then woke up to
find Hayner asleep in a chair by the bed and fell back to sleep again.
When he woke up sweating and shivering and grinding his teeth, Hayner was there
to bring him more blankets and give him more water and juice. When he woke up
screaming and disoriented, Hayner was there to keep him from leaping off the
balcony or getting his hands on the razor blades in the bathroom. Finally, he
woke feeling reasonably lucid and Hayner was still there, staring at him,
waiting. Riku smiled at him and said, “Hey dude. Sorry about all this.”
Hayner smiled nervously and said, “It’s cool Riku. I’m just glad you’re ok.”
Then he started to cry.
Riku sat up in bed holding his head briefly, and then reached for him. “Come
on, c’mere. Don’t cry. I’m good, ok. I was just junk sick. I’m a junkie
Hayner…a no good junkie.”
“No! You’re Riku the silver surfer and you’re awesome…and I thought you were
gonna die.” Hayner cried.
Riku petted him and cried too. He had totally scarred this kid for life. He
tried to remember how old Snow had said he was…he knew he was a few years
younger than him.
Riku stopped crying and hugged Hayner close. “I’m sorry little dude. I owe you
big time ok. If it weren’t for you, I donno what would’ve happened to me.
You’re the one who’s awesome.”
Hayner was barely 14. From then on, if Riku knew Hayner wanted something, he
got it for him and they surfed together often…but Riku still went back to his
first love, heroin.


Radiant Garden University wasn't too far from home, but far enough that Riku
felt a little liberated. He got wasted his first week and woke up on a bench at
a bus stop wearing only his jeans. He laughed it off and walked back to campus
barefoot.
He became a fixture at local clubs before he was old enough to be inside them.
Never one to pass up a good time, Riku went home with various men and women but
never formed a relationship…until Laguna. The dark haired, blue eyed man turned
out to be the friend of a friend who seemed to want to take care of the
reckless youth, so he became Riku's first official boyfriend…

Tiny water droplets clung to the dark silver strands of hair as they zipped
down their length like cars on a rollercoaster. Some reflected a prism before
leaping off the end into the whirlpool below. The water made veins on the floor
of the shower as it veered around the still form and made its way to the drain.
Aqua eyes fluttered open only to close immediately to shut out the splashing
water drops that were much too warm to be rain. Wiping his face with one pruned
hand, Riku rolled so that his face was out of the spray. It was day two or
three and he wasn’t sure what that meant calendar-wise, but he could tell how
many days he had been junk sick by the grinding in his gut and the ache in his
head. Shakily getting to his knees, he coughed and felt his lungs expand like
spit filled balloons…it was a miracle that the crackling wasn’t audible as he
inhaled deeply.
Using the sink to pull himself to his feet, he stumbled out of the bathroom and
looked around the empty apartment. Where the fuck am I this time? I seriously
need to stop doing this shit. I was at the club and left with…um…that guy.
Fuck…
Finding his phone, he scooped it up but a note that had been tucked under it
fluttered to the floor. “Aha!” He said in a silly British accent “There is
nothing like first-hand evidence!”
Popping the stationary like Xemnas popped the morning paper, he squinted at it
and then looked away to find his cigarettes nearby. Sitting on the sofa naked,
he crossed his ankles and reclined to smoke as he read:
Dear Riku,
 You’ve been very sick so I let you sleep. I hope you aren’t angry with me.
There is food for you in the oven and juice in the refrigerator. You really
should eat. I had to go to work but I’ll be home soon. Your clothes are clean
and folded by the bed. If you leave before I arrive, please be careful and know
that I enjoyed our time…but I would love for you to stay. Text me when you
wake.
                                                                       Laguna
Riku dropped an ash on the stationary as he stared at the neat handwriting. I
would love for you to stay…I would love for you to stay…odd how the words that
he had always wanted to hear had come so suddenly and unexpectedly.
Laguna…Laguna…the guy from the club. The guy that he had flirted with…wait…what
day is it again?
Checking his phone as he made his way to the kitchen, he had over forty
messages from a dozen different people. They wanted drugs, they wanted sex,
they wanted him to come to their party. Dude, did you seriously fuck my sister?
You asshole… I heard about you and Pence’s mom!sick!...are you coming or
not??...You got a hit?...were you at the Sync Friday night?...Did you ditch
school?
Oh no…school…Looking at the date, he sighed. It was Monday so he had only
missed one day of classes and that was great because he didn’t want to incur
the wrath of Xemnas. Spotting the food, he opened the covered dish to find what
he could only describe as a gourmet meal. Picking over it cold, he savored each
bite and wondered which restaurant Laguna had ordered it from…I would love for
you to stay…stay…
The apartment was nice and everything looked well taken care of…this guy wasn’t
a junkie for sure, unless he had a housekeeper. Walking through, licking his
fingers, he picked up framed photos and peered into drawers. He still hadn’t
bothered with his clothes and since the contents of his wallet hadn’t been
disturbed, he assumed that this Laguna wasn’t going to use him for his money…he
wondered if Laguna even knew who he was. Stay…
He was a beautiful man, with his black hair and blue eyes…exotic, Riku thought
as he wandered through, opening doors and peeking out of blinds…aah I’m still
in Radiant. The sun was beginning to set so he figured he would just stay the
night, after all, he didn’t want to disappoint his gracious host. He had been
treated much differently in the past if he crashed somewhere and got sick…he
would get dumped in random places or rolled onto the port at the hospital
emergency area as his so-called friends sped away…with his money…and sometimes
his clothes.
Shaking his head, Riku went about making himself presentable for Laguna’s
return from work.

Laguna arrived home around midnight, exhausted. The kitchen had been short-
handed again after the owner threw another temper tantrum so he pitched in with
the closing after the last dish had been prepared. The apartment was quiet and
semi-dark as the sconces by the fireplace glowed softly. Hmm…I haven’t used
those in months, he thought and he quietly made his way to the laundry room to
deposit his whites, toss his hat, and then padded barefoot toward his bedroom
for a shower. Right inside the door, he paused and covered his mouth with his
hand.
He had left Riku sleeping around noon that day in the sweat covered sheets. He
had been restless since he started getting sick late Friday night or early
Saturday morning so Laguna didn’t disturb his rest to change sheets. He did
however empty the small garbage pail that he had gotten from the bathroom for
Riku to vomit into. When he woke briefly Sunday to cry and curse and babble
about women…Olette and Luna…he didn’t show any signs that he recognized Laguna
himself or had any idea where he was. It was the most wretched, pitiful sight
he had ever seen and the fact that this…boy…was so intensely beautiful, made it
even more painful to watch.
But here he was, clean and sleeping peacefully. He had changed the bed and
cleaned up any other mess he had made, returning the garbage can to the
bathroom…and there was a note. Creeping to the bedside, he picked up the note
that was on his pillow:
Dear Laguna,
 Thank you so much for taking care of me while I was sick. I apologize for the
mess and the inconvenience. I wasn’t sure how to repay you for your kindness
other than to give you the one thing you asked for, that incidentally is the
one thing that no one ever wants from me…to stay.
                                                                                    
XXX, Riku
At this point Laguna looked down at the sleeping form tucked snugly under the
navy-blue sheets with the duvet folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. His
silver hair across the dark pillow reflected what little light leaked into the
room and reminded Laguna of the moon in the night sky. He smiled as he leaned
down and breathed in the scent of shampoo and soap and mint with a hint of
sweetness, like hard candy.
Placing a gentle kiss on a soft cheek, Laguna smiled as he thought back to the
club and how he almost blew Riku off when he found out he was only 18 and a
freshman at Radiant Garden University. Those things plus the fact that he was
amazing in bed were the only things he knew about the sleeping teen…yes, I want
to know you…Laguna thought and then slipped away to shower.

Riku woke when he felt the soft lips touch his face, but didn’t open his eyes
until he heard the bathroom door close. He could slip into the shower and make
this whole ‘stay’ all about sex, but he didn’t want to do that. He hadn’t had a
real relationship since Olette and he wanted to get to know Laguna Loire, so he
stayed in bed and waited.
Ready for bed, Laguna crept out of the bathroom wearing pajama pants and was
greeted by bright aqua eyes gazing up from his pillow. “Hi” He whispered.
Riku smiled and whispered the greeting back to him as he crawled into bed. “How
was your day?”
Laguna stared and blinked. “It was, um…it was hectic.” He didn’t plan on boring
his guest with details of workplace drama but…
“Why?” Riku asked threading his fingers through black silken strands. “What
happened?”
Laguna smiled and told him about his long day without going into too much
detail. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m better. Thank you for everything.” Riku said and noticed that Laguna was
staring into his eyes very intensely.
“You don’t need to thank me…I just, you were so…” Laguna tried to find words
that wouldn’t offend the other but he was having trouble.
“I know, gross, right?” Riku giggled.
“No! I would never call you gross…I was going to say pitiful but then I
thought…you know what, Riku? I don’t even know your last name.”
“It’s Valentine…I’m from Destiny.” Riku paused and bit his lip, hoping that his
reputation didn’t ruin this new beginning for him.
“And you’re 18…what are you doing here…with me, I mean?” Laguna asked as he
reached for Riku’s hand.
Lowering his eyes, Riku mumbled. “I can go if you want…I just thought…”
“No that’s not what I meant.” Laguna lifted his chin and kissed him. “I just
meant why would you want to come home with me when there are tons of other boys
your own age who would love to be with you? I just can’t help but feel I’m
taking advantage of you somewhat.”
“You’re not.” Riku said simply. “And I came home with you because you’re
different, and beautiful, and kind.”
Laguna stared at him briefly and then smiled. “Are you sure you’re just 18?”
Riku grinned and Laguna pulled him close and kissed his hair. “I’m glad you
stayed.”
The smile faded from Riku’s face but Laguna couldn’t see. He’s glad I stayed…
“Roll over and let me rub your back.”
Laguna snorted “This just keeps getting better and better.” as he rolled onto
his stomach and Riku crawled over him to sit astride his ass. Rubbing sore
muscles while they chatted about school and work, sharing details about
themselves, Riku wasn’t surprised when Laguna began to slur his words and yawn.
He stopped talking and waited for the slow even breaths of sleep. When he was
sure he was sleeping, he slid back into bed beside him and wrapped his arms
around him. Laguna made a funny purring mumble that made Riku smile as he
drifted off to sleep as well.
The next morning, Laguna woke alone. Realizing that Riku was gone from the bed,
he bolted upright and heard the crinkle of paper. He had left a note on the
pillow:
Dear Laguna,
I didn’t want to bail on you but I have class. Text me when you wake up.
                                                                                                
XXX, Riku
Laguna smiled and dragged out of bed to prepare for another day at the
restaurant. He didn’t need to be there until four but he had laundry…maybe not.
There was a stack of neatly folded laundry on the settee. Smiling he went into
the kitchen to find hot coffee and he chuckled. “I could so get used to this…”
Grabbing his coffee and his phone, he sat down to text his newly beloved.
Laguna: Hi, thanks for the coffee and you didn’t have to do laundry, but thanks
just the same
Riku: hey baby. Ru free fr lunch?
Laguna: abs
Riku: where u wanna go?
Laguna: idm to me. What would you like?
Riku: you ;-)
Laguna: come here for lunch then
Riku: b there n fifteen
Laguna ran to the bathroom to freshen up and across town, Riku hopped into his
car and headed his way, only stopping to buy flowers. He knew that Laguna like
fresh flowers as they were all around his apartment, so it wouldn’t be
weird…plus he wanted to do something to surprise him. Showing up with flowers
turned out to be a great idea. Laguna was charmed and ‘lunch’ was exhausting in
a good way.

“You could bring some things…clothes…if you wanted.” Laguna said as he lay with
Riku spooned against his back.
“Yeah…like move in?”
“Yes…if you want…if you’re comfortable with that.” Laguna murmured, praying
that he wasn’t moving too fast and assuming too much.
“Are you sure? I can be a pain in the ass.” Riku giggled, hoping that Laguna
was saying what he thought he was saying.
“I’m sure…but…I want…I mean I don’t want you to…because I’m not going to…”
Laguna stammered wondering why Riku always made him feel like the younger of
the two.
“I don’t wanna see anyone else.” Riku sorted it out and he thought that’s what
he was getting at. “And I don’t want you to see anyone else either. I’m not
good at sharing what’s mine…I’m greedy.”
“Yours.”
“Yes.”
“I like that.”
“Good.”

Weeks later Laguna came home from the restaurant early and brought dinner for
Riku. When he entered his apartment, he heard music coming from the bedroom.
Putting the food down on the kitchen counter, he proceeded to see what his
young lover was up to. Since he had moved in, they had been in honeymoon mode
and the rest of the world seemed to be standing still.
Riku looked up surprised from where he sat on the bedroom floor. "You're
early..."
"I am. I brought you dinner and thought I'd get it here before you went to
bed." Laguna smiled but made no advance around the bed to see what Riku was
doing on the floor. He could only see his face from where he stood by the door
and at that moment Riku's face looked slightly frustrated.
"Um...can you give me a second?"
"Sure." Laguna turned to go back into the den when he heard paper rattling. He
smiled and carried on.
Sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine, he beamed when Riku stepped out of
the bedroom with a gift-wrapped box. "I was going to leave it here for you to
find tonight but...I'm glad you're home early."
"May I open it now?" Laguna was almost bouncing with excitement and Riku
smiled, taking a seat and giving him the small gift.
“It’s something I saw that reminded me of you…if you don’t like it, I can
return it.” Riku said as he chewed his jaw, hoping that he had made a good
choice.
Laguna began to open the paper but stopped and looked up into expectant aqua
eyes. “You know, I’ll love it no matter what it is.”
Going back to his task, he opened the paper to reveal a box from a custom
jeweler in the city. Suddenly overcome, he grabbed Riku and kissed him trying
to keep the tears from leaking out. “You didn’t even open it yet.” Riku giggled
and caressed his shoulders.
“I know, but…you’re just so sweet…you bought me jewelry.” Laguna blushed.
“Now that I know you’ll kiss me like that, I’ll be shopping more often.” Riku
chuckled.
Opening the box, he gasped and looked up at Riku surprised. “Are you insane?”
“That’s actually debatable, but it has nothing to do with buying this.”
“How on earth…please tell me you didn’t go into debt for this.”
“I didn’t go into debt for…”
“Stop it…really?”
“Really, I paid for it.”
“Riku, it’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Oh…” Laguna’s tears fell anyway as he lifted the gold band inlaid with lapis
lazuli and set with sapphires. Riku slipped the ring onto the middle finger of
his left hand then took it off and slipped it onto his thumb.
“Where do you like it better?”
Laguna didn’t answer as he crawled onto Riku’s lap and kissed him breathless.
A month into their honeymooning, they were invited out by some friends of
Laguna’s from the restaurant. He insisted on dinner somewhere instead of a
club…they were a couple now and he wanted to do things that he didn’t do when
he was single. As they dressed for dinner, they chatted about their plans for
the coming week. “I have to see my dad at some point. He’s home and wants to
have lunch with me before he goes back to Twilight Town.”
“Didn’t you say he’s the Dean at TU?”
“Yes…probably will retire from there. He’s done the lecture circuit before, so
he may go back to that after retirement…who knows with Dad.”
“So why didn’t you go to TU?”
“Did I mention that my dad is the Dean there?” Riku snorted and Laguna
chuckled.
The dinner with Laguna’s friends went well, and happened to be at Celes, a
French restaurant that Xemnas was partial to. Laguna watched Riku glance
briefly at the menu and then speak to the waiter in flawless French. When he
saw his boyfriend staring at him with a sly smile, he giggled. “What I do?”
“Nothing…I just didn’t know you were bi-lingual and it took me by surprise.”
Riku leaned to whisper into his ear and his face turned 3 shades of pink as his
friends looked on with approval. The new boyfriend seemed to be good for
Laguna…teenager or not.
Laguna had guessed that he was accustomed to this type of dining by the ease
with which he dressed in his suit and tie while they talked that afternoon. How
did a boy of privilege acquire such a nasty addiction, he wondered? His hair
was pulled back neatly in a ponytail, as was Riku’s and they were wearing
matching diamond earrings (courtesy of Riku). His friends knew that he was in
love…and who could blame him. At 25, Laguna had seen his share of
relationships, but none had lasted. He was very independent and liked to do
things his own way…some people couldn’t handle a strong personality…but
apparently this guy was the one who could.

A break from school was upon them and Riku was faced with going home to Destiny
or staying with Laguna in Radiant. He appeared happy, but Laguna prepared
himself for the bomb to drop just the same. They had been together for over two
months and he had yet to tell Riku that he loved him. Staring at the student as
he lay on the floor reading with a glass of wine to his right, Laguna wondered
what would become of the two of them. Would Riku still be charmed by him when
he was 30 and he was only 23?
Feeling eyes on him Riku looked up from his book. “Come here, baby.”
Smiling and dropping down to crawl over and lay atop Riku’s back, Laguna
nuzzled his neck making him giggle. “What were you thinking about just now?”
“You.”
“What about me?”
Laguna debated for a second but he knew the best way to deal with his lover was
straight-forward, no bullshit. “Are you going to Destiny for break?”
“No…I’m staying home.”
Laguna smiled and kissed his neck. “Ok”
“Did you have plans?” Riku asked, puzzled by the reaction he got. “If you have
plans. I could go and stay there…I don’t wanna…”
“No sweetness, the only plans I have are with you.”
Riku smiled. “Ok.”
Laguna crawled off his back and sat up, taking his wine and draining the glass
before he sat it on the coffee table and took his book and closed it. Riku sat
up in front of him and gasped. “Why are you crying? What did I do? Why are you
upset?”
Laguna smiled through his tears and shook his head. “You didn’t do anything…I
just…oh God.”
“What? Did someone else hurt you? Want me to kick their ass? I will, just say
the word…”
“Would you stop?” Laguna laughed, wiping his tears away. Riku pounced on him
and lay him down gently but then plundered his mouth. Laguna wrapped his legs
around him and returned the kiss desperately. “Will it always be like this?”
Riku whispered as he placed gentle kisses on the other’s face and throat.
“No…one day I will be old and contrary and possibly senile.” Laguna smiled as
he tugged at Riku’s shirt so he could get his hands underneath it.
“I will too, but that’s not what I meant.” Riku giggled at the thought of
Laguna being senile.
“I love you Riku. I am deeply in love with you…so if that’s what you’re asking,
then yes…it will always be like this.” Before Laguna even considered how Riku
would react, he had said it and now he had to reap the consequences…whatever
they might be.
Riku growled gently but his voice cracked a bit and he kissed Laguna more
passionately than before. “I love you.” He whispered between kisses. “I love
you Laguna…”

The two vacationed together and then Riku went to Destiny to visit his parents
for a week…and came home stoned. Laguna nursed him back to health again like he
had when they first met and life was falling back into place with Riku starting
his next semester at Radiant. That proved to be the beginning of the drawn-out
end.
Riku fell back into partying on the weekends and getting stoned. Laguna tried
to accommodate him and learned quickly not to piss him off. When Riku was high,
he was generally happy until he started thinking…thinking about Xemnas,
thinking about what he had put his mom through, thinking about Luna and how he
missed her. One night in particular, Laguna had gone out with Riku but ended up
coming home alone when Riku went to cook and never returned.
Exhausted and tired but worried none the less, he rummaged around until he
found some powder, had a bump and the left a note before going back out to look
for Riku. At 4 a.m., he finally found him in only jeans on a park bench. He had
been robbed, of course and he was shaking as he lay staring. “Where ever have
you been, Riku Valentine?” Laguna said quietly.
“I don’t know.”
Laguna helped him to his feet and started toward his car. “What are you on?”
Riku stood on his own briefly, clearly not recognizing Laguna, and the shoved
him to the ground. “Fuck off.”
Laguna watched him stumble around disoriented for a few minutes and then begin
to look for him again mumbling, “Laguna?”
“I’m right here, baby.”
“Oh, thank God….”
Those occasions were nearly every weekend and it kept getting worse. Riku was
back on junk full time, and was doing speed besides. One afternoon, he was
yelling at Laguna demanding to know who had put the bruises on him. “Nobody,
Riku. Just forget it.” Laguna snapped.
“I wanna know who did that to you! Are you fuckin someone else?” Riku roared as
he grabbed his boyfriend’s bare arms.
“Stop it Riku!”
“Tell me who did it!” Riku screamed.
“YOU did it!” Laguna screamed back.
Riku froze and stared at the bruises, then whispered. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”
Laguna comforted him while he cried with him. Where had his sweet beautiful
Riku gone? Make-up sex was amazing and Riku cut classes the next day so they
could stay in bed but the violence soon returned and in less than two months,
after returning home from surgery for a badly broken wrist, Laguna found that
his love had abandoned him altogether. Of course, there was a note.
Dear Laguna,
I’m no good for you- no good for anyone. Sorry isn’t enough so the best thing I
can do for you is to leave and let you get on with your life. I can never be
who you need.

He was shooting twice a day the first time he OD’ed at Radiant. A guy from his
dorm called campus police who took him to the hospital.
"Wake up Riku...." a voice called to him that seemed familiar but he couldn't
quite place it.
He woke up to Xemnas ranting about how stupid he was. He hacked around the tube
in his throat and started to gag, and Xemnas looked at him with hatred. “You
will finish this year at Radiant and if you are still alive you will transfer
to Twilight University so I can see to it that you behave.”
Riku looked miserable as tears ran down the sides of his head. The doctor
rushed in and Xemnas left. When he was free of the tubes, he took a call from
his mother and she drunkenly accused him of trying to ruin her life. She was
embarrassed by his behavior and refused to see him until he was ready to act
like a proper child. As soon as he was released, he went back to campus where
his friends threw him a welcome back from the deadparty.
He did blow until he thought he would have a heart attack and systematically
fucked every available female at the party and most of the males as well.
Monday came and went as he lay in bed…he couldn’t even remember his schedule at
that point. Eventually though, he went to classes and made an effort to do some
work.
The weekend parties kept him moving. Riku ended up in town, downtown, or
another town. He had to hitchhike back to Radiant once having lost his wallet
and phone. He was leftin random places after doing various stupid things.
He remembered odd moments like puking on people he was fucking…more than once,
getting puked on while getting head, sitting on his gear and sticking the
needle in his ass, beating the shit out of a guy who tried to get him to
bottom, beating the shit out of a guy who hit on Laguna even though they were
no longer together, beating the shit out of a security guard because he woke
him up…in a museum…in his underwear…with coke on his face…he went to jail. He
was labeled a menace by the Radiant Garden authorities but many of his rides to
jail became rides back to campus thanks to Dad’s money.
Taking mystery drugsgot him abandoned a lot. Someone would bring a drug and ask
him to try it. He would do it, then they would all wait to see what happened.
If the situation looked like it might end badly, they would just leave him in a
random place that wouldn’t incriminate any of them.
He woke up behind a Chinese restaurant once, in the airport, on a transit bus,
outside an elementary school, and ultimately in jail. He woke up in pools of
vomit, piss, and worse. The list went on and each time he was left behind had a
story.
Everywhere he went, people he didn’t know would yell his name. Doing a
ridiculously stupid thing while stoned was called “a Riku”. He fucked girls he
didn’t know. He fucked guys he didn’t know. He woke up more than a few times in
strange apartments with notes left for him. Thanks for last night Riku…Thanks
for this weekend Riku… Please walk the dog before you leave Riku… Please change
the sheets Riku… If you find my underwear… If you find my wedding ring… If you
find my dildo…the list went on and got stranger each time.
Sometimes he remembered and sometimes he didn’t but the times he did, he mostly
wished he could forget. At a party downtown he wasn’t as high as usual and
really wanted to get laid…and remember it. One particular redhead had been
eyeing him as he set out to drink himself into a stupor.
She watched as other people hung on him and some groped him but he was watching
her as well, so he didn’t take anyone else up on their offers. He was holding
out for this chick because she seemed like a challenge. She had been hanging
with a blonde girl all evening and he wondered if they were together. Finally
curiosity got the best of him and he approached them before he got too wasted.
“Wanna smoke with me?” He asked the both of them.
“Definitely.” The blonde said and the redhead smiled as he led them to an
unoccupied bedroom. Once the door was closed the blonde wasted no time getting
down to business. She started shedding clothes to reveal something expensive
and lacy.
Riku smoked with the redhead while the blonde blew him and then asked. “Why are
you so quiet…I thought redheads were the ones you had to watch out for.”
She smiled through the haze. “I heard about you…I wanted to see if the rumors
were true.”
Riku laughed, “What have you heard? Tell me, what do they say?”
The blonde was making no move to get dressed so he figured he wasn’t going
anywhere any time soon and didn’t even bother pulling his pants up; he just sat
there with his pants around his knees while he smoked.
“Well they say lots of stuff…you’re a stoner, you’re rich, you’re bi-, don’t
care if you live or die, you’ll try anything once and try it again if you can’t
remember.” The redhead said, slyly winking at the blonde.
“That sounds pretty accurate actually…” Riku said with a hint of sadness in his
voice. “I think I was hoping for something a little larger than the truth, but
the truth is bad enough I guess.”
No longer wanting to hear about himself, he stood to pull up his pants and get
back to doing what he did. “Wait.” The redhead stopped him from buttoning his
jeans and he smiled crookedly.
“What, now you want a turn?” Riku giggled and pushed her hair away from her
face. She turned her head into his hand and licked his palm.
The blonde stepped behind him and began to pull his shirt off. “This is Amber,
my girlfriend and she’s never had a man. I brought her here tonight so you
could be her first…and I told her you would be ok with me being here…she was
scared.”
Smiling, Riku wondered to himself if he had fucked the blonde before but
figured it would be a buzzkill to ask. He was a little flattered and a little
disgusted, but sometimes disgusting things turned out to be fun.
He did some blow before he began to undress the redhead and the closer they got
to the act the more he thought of Olette. This girl is not Olette, he kept
reminding himself. Amber, this girl is Amber. Riku pushed her legs apart with a
little effort and told the blonde, “She’s too nervous and I don't wanna hurt
her. Get your ass over here and be her fucking girlfriend.”
This made Amber smile and the blonde lay beside her to kiss and comfort her
while he divested her of her virginity. After the initial pain and discomfort
she began to enjoy herself and the blonde wasn’t quite so cocky. Seeing her
girlfriend writhing and moaning under a man wasn’t what she thought it would
be. Riku whispered, “I think your girl is jealous…” He rolled her over so she
could sit on top of him and the blonde immediately joined in the fun.
The two left the party shortly after, but Amber came back alone and dragged him
back to the bedroom. He was cackling as she stripped him again and shoved him
down on the bed. She was hooked and he was Riku. Every time they ran into one
another after that night, they were fucking no matter where they were, and
needless to say her relationship with the blonde didn’t work out. It had all
been good until there was a (secret) pregnancy, a (not so secret) abortion, and
another assault charge (for Riku). Amber aside, he continued to defile himself
with anyone he chose… because he was Riku Valentine. He pondered once how many
miles it would be if he laid all his used condoms end to end…like the plastic
bottles on those save the earth commercials…save the Riku…

Riku was getting really tired. Speedballing his way into another overdose
changed everything.
"Wake up Riku!" He heard the same mysterious voice calling to him again, this
time with more urgency.
He woke up in the hospital again, filled with tubes again, and hearing Xemnas
bitching again. This time Xemnas was bitching because he wasn’t dead.
The doctor had called the family, thinking Riku wouldn’t make it but he did, so
apparently Xemnas felt he had wasted a trip. He even heard the doctor suggest
that he needed inpatient care and Xemnas said all he needed was for Riku to
stop fucking up and kill himself if that’s what he intended to do.
His mom had stopped speaking to him after his first overdose so he didn’t
expect as much as a phone call from her. She would probably be back in the
hospital herself and that would be laid at his feet by Xemnas as well.
Riku was released from the hospital and went back to school to another welcome
back from the dead party, and since it was near Halloween, they were all
dressed as zombies. Awesome, Riku thought but he found no joy in any of it.
Everything was gray, nothing had color or taste. His life felt empty and dead.
Winter break was coming up and he decided that he wasn’t coming back; he was
going home to die. Instead of packing up his dorm, he gave away all of his
things and nobody thought anything of it...just some rich kid giving away shit
he didn't want.
When he got to Destiny, he called Hayner up and went surfing. He gave Hayner
his favorite board and a wetsuit that he needed for cooler weather, telling him
they were early Christmas gifts. Hayner was worried but Riku promised he would
see him around.
He gave Snow his necklace that Lulu had given him made from shells and pearls.
"Thanks stoner dude, but why?" Snow said. "I've never even seen you take this
off."
Riku smiled. "Then its time, right?"

Standing at Olette’s door felt surreal after all the time that had passed since
he was there last. Her mom answered, and hugged him briefly before calling out
to her daughter. Olette came down smiling apprehensively and he smiled back,
but his eyes were empty and sad. She hugged him. "What are you doing here?"
He tried to sound less nervous than he really was. "I just wanted to see how
you were doing." After a pause he added “You know I really did love you Oly…and
Luna…and I would’ve married you…”
It had been years since Luna's passing and even though she would always miss
her baby, Olette had tried to get her life back on track. She looked confused
but nodded then hugged him closely. Something was wrong.

Riku went up to his suite and opened all the doors and windows letting the cool
ocean breeze fill the room. Staring out at the ocean, he thought of the mess he
had made of his life, the failure he was as a son and as a human being. He
didn’t need to be here anymore. Nobody needed him now that Luna was gone.
Stepping back inside, he locked himself in the bathroom where he stripped and
showered then sat for a while thinking of the happy times in his life. He was
so lonely and all he wanted was to be with his baby. Going to the vanity Riku
took the ever-present razors then sat down, leaned against the cool tile and
sliced both his wrists.
The cuts were deep and he watched as the blood spurted onto the white tile. He
began to get dizzy so he lay his head down and waited and soon everything went
black.

“Wake up Riku...” That voice again...he sounds so sad…who is that?
When he woke again, he was in a hospital bed with his arms bandaged and his
hands covered with some kind of mittens. Frustrated that he had failed to die
again, he started to struggle but his feet were restrained by ankle straps. He
screamed.
For his efforts, he was transferred to the psychiatric ward of the hospital
where he was detoxed and treated for depression. His doctor stopped in to tell
him what a lousy excuse for human excrement he was for being so selfish after
all Xemnas had done for him.
The nurses were cold and didn’t engage him in conversation. Everyone there
hated him. They all viewed him as a selfish spoiled brat and had no qualms
about telling him so. One nurse brought him the morning paper and he actually
said thank you before he realized she was only showing him the story of his
miraculous recovery from a third suicide attempt.
Knowing how irate Xemnas would be that it was splashed across the headlines, he
was surprised that the man hadn’t come in and finished the job himself…of
course now he couldn’t because the world would be watching.
After being forced to have cosmetic procedures, ordered by his father to
camouflage the marks on his arms, he was released to the man himself who gave
him a stern lecture on the way to the airport. There he was given a suitcase
and a one-way ticket.
"Classes are starting soon at Twilight and I want you to get your ass there and
behave until I arrive." Xemnas growled. "And if you find that youcan't behave,
there is a nice deep rock quarry on campus and I will make sure no one fishes
you out."
Riku nodded and looked out at the planes taxiing outside... hoping his would
crash…

Landing in Twilight Town, he found a car waiting to chauffer him to campus. The
driver informed him that Xemnas was having his car delivered later and it would
be at his disposal by the next day. He made his way to a private dorm that had
been reserved for him, dropped his bags and fell across the bed as he rubbed
his arms.
Dozing off and on, he had no idea what time of day or night it was when he
heard a knock on his door. He stood and stripped off his shirt that was wet
with sweat and tossed it on the floor. Standing in his doorway was a grim
looking boy with steel blue hair and a sack of weed. “Welcome to TU. You’re
Riku?”
Riku nodded and stepped aside for him to come in. “Yeah…and you are…”
“I’m Zexion and I’m your hook-up.” He said as he perched on the bed and lit up.
“What makes you think I need a hook-up?” Riku said as he took the joint from
Zexion’s lips and smirked.
“Because you’re Riku…and Radiant Garden is my hometown.” Zexion smiled as he
waved off the joint Riku was offering back and lit his own.
“Well, well…let’s do this, Zexion…you will be my hook-up until and unless you
tell anyone anything about my past. Deal?” Riku said as he rubbed his sore arms
that still had white bandages covering the skin grafts.
Zexion nodded, “Deal. So what can I get for you?”
Riku stretched out on the bed and thought for a minute while Zexion sat and
marveled at the silver haired immortal. “Get me an eight ball, some smack, a
sack of Bombs…as many as you can get…I need clean works… some Ativan, Adderall,
Ambien…and a twink to suck my dick.”
By the time his list was done they were both laughing. Zexion hung out for a
bit then left to fulfill Riku’s grocery list. He lay on his bed thinking that
he would end up dead one way or another so he may as well enjoy himself while
he was there. Nobody would ever convince him that this life was worth sticking
around for. Fuck my life he thought as he dozed.

Zexion came through with the goods a couple days after a disastrous visit from
Xemnas. Riku was easing back into his old habit and feeling like superman
again. One night after dinner he sat on his bed in his boxers about to pop his
Ambien and check out, when there was a knock at his door.
He sat the Ambien aside and opened the door to find the last item that had been
on his list. Before the guy even spoke Riku dropped his chin to his chest and
giggled, then stepped aside allowing him to enter. When the door was closed he
sat back down on his bed and had a bump. “Zexion send you?”
“Nnn…well he said you could help me with somethin…I wanted to do.” The kid
pushed his hood back to reveal his face and Riku stopped breathing. He was a
beautiful blonde, blue-eyed angel. How the fuck someone could be that gorgeous
and be real Riku had no idea.
“What was it you wanted to do?” Riku asked dry mouthed as he watched the blonde
boy chew his lip and scratch his nose. He very obviously needed a fix. “And
what’s your name?”
“I’m Roxas…but you can’t tell anyone I was here.” He fidgeted. “My brothers all
go here and they would um…”
“It’s cool, I get it Roxas. I won’t say anything about you being here. But you
do have to tell me what you need before I can help you.” Riku got off the bed
and stood too close to Roxas for him to mistake his interest for anything other
than intimate. Roxas looked up at his face and took a quick breath. Riku smiled
and reached to touch the soft blonde hair and tried to meet the blue gaze.
“I w-wanted to um…” Roxas stuttered then licked his lips. Riku put a finger
under his chin and lifted it so that their lips were almost touching. He
brushed his nose against Roxas’ nose and could feel the warm puffs as Roxas
breathed. He had to be near this beautiful being and he wondered how far he
would be allowed to go…how long he would be allowed to bask in his presence
before he left like everyone else.
 “I wanted to m-m” Roxas tried again but this silver haired god was stealing
his breath and his words and his heart. He put his hands on Riku’s hips and
squeezed gently as he tried to get the words out.
When he squeezed, Riku blinked his eyes slowly and slipped his arm around
Roxas, then kissed him. This was different for Riku. He couldn’t remember ever
having been so strongly and immediately attracted to someone. Sure he had
wanted people after seeing them before but this was beyond that. This was need.
He kissed Roxas like he would never let him go and Roxas kissed him back
hungrily, desperately. Riku pulled his hoodie off and instantly began to touch
and kiss every available area of exposed skin as he pulled Roxas toward the
bed.
Stumbling forward, Roxas stepped out of his shoes and Riku shoved his sweats
down and took Roxas’ erection into his hand, making the blonde groan and tug at
Riku’s boxers in a desperate attempt to reciprocate.
Shedding them quickly, he grabbed Roxas’ hand and got onto the bed on his
knees. Roxas crawled on in front of him and kissed him, pressing against him
before he kissed a trail down Riku’s chest and stomach. Sitting back against
the head of his bed, he let Roxas crawl up between his bent knees where he
swallowed him down, moaning.
As he looked into the huge blue eyes, he felt tightness in his chest. He cupped
his cheek and stroked it with his thumb already thinking what it would be to
look into those eyes every day, to wake up to that face. Roxas pushed his legs
wider apart as he sucked and stroked and squeezed Riku to orgasm and for a few
seconds the world went white and everything was blissful and perfect. From the
moment he looked into those eyes, Riku forgot everything that made him
miserable.
Recovering and breathing closer to normal, he still sat naked on the bed
watching Roxas wipe his mouth with the edge of the bed sheet as his eyes
flicked from Riku’s face to his junk. He wondered what the blonde was thinking
until he saw the fidgeting again. He wants his drugs now…that was just pay in
advance I guess. Oh well…leave it to me to fall hard for another junkie…serves
me right.
“I want you to help me mainline…” Roxas blurted, obviously ready to get fixed
before he lost his courage.
Riku’s ability to control his outward appearance had been mastered at a very
young age. Looking totally unconcerned, he asked “Ok blondie. You got gear?” as
he watched the blond reach into the hoodie and drag out a small leather case.
 He patted the bed and grabbed a textbook to lay their stuff on before teaching
Roxas how to cook, load, and tie off. But when it was time to shoot, he was
shaking so badly Riku stopped him. “Let me do it this time ok? You’re shaking
so badly I…”
Roxas held out his arm and stared at Riku’s eyes while he surveyed the vein and
then, out of the blue, he put his free hand on Riku’s cheek and pulled him
close for a kiss. Riku smiled and his eyes glittered as he kissed Roxas again
and sucked at his lip tasting himself there. “Let me do this and then we can do
that…” Riku said softly and Roxas nodded.
When the needle pricked his vein he didn’t flinch. When the drugs hit his
brain, he closed his eyes and sucked in a breath so Riku tipped him forward so
his head was on his shoulder. Hearing Roxas moan made Riku smile, remembering
the first time he mainlined and how it felt. The blonde lolled his head from
side to side mumbling as Riku caressed his neck whispering to him. “Does that
feel good baby? You like that?”
Roxas nodded his head and reached numb hands toward Riku as he was swept up
into strong arms and kissed until he was breathless. The room seemed to move as
Riku lay him down on the bed and moved the book to the table. Roxas stole a
glance at aqua eyes filled with tears and wondered why he was so sad… but he
didn’t ask.
Riku held him and kissed him like a lover and the longer their bodies were
connected in that intimate way, the more Roxas came alive. He bucked against
Riku and pulled him tighter to him by digging in with his heels, and when he
felt Riku shove a pillow under him, he yelped but he held him even tighter.
In a drug haze, Roxas could hear Riku’s voice but his words weren’t
registering. Riku however was aware that a floodgate had opened and he was
powerless to stop it.He is everything perfect and beautiful,Riku thought. He
had never felt anything like this for anyone before and as frightening as it
was, he would chase it with all he had. He has to be mine…Riku thought
desperately.
Biting him viciously on the neck as he came, Riku panted while Roxas screamed
through his own orgasm, and then he held onto him, silently crying with his
head on Roxas’ shoulder. Getting himself together before the blonde noticed, he
kissed his neck. “My god…”
Roxas turned his back to him lazily and wiggled against him before reaching
back to tug at his hair gently and giggle. That sound rang through Riku’s
heart. If he needed something to live for, that sound, that face, that
body…this beautiful boy could be it. Pressing the blonde onto the bed gently,
he kissed him and cuddled him trying to evoke as many of those giggles as he
possibly could.
They lay quietly chatting about drugs, skating, and surfing but soon Roxas
became quiet, then got up to dress. He’s leaving…the always leave…
When Riku opened the door for him Roxas looked at him with cold empty eyes, his
demeanor had completely changed as he prepared to go back to his other life
with his brothers. “You can’t tell anyone I was here…no one can know.”
Riku nodded but kissed him softly again to try and kiss away the hardness his
features had taken on. Roxas smiled a tiny smile and breathed in the sweet
smell of his new temptation. He would keep this…him. He would keep him for
himself…he was not going to share Riku with anyone…and that meant keeping him a
secret. If Sora found out…
As Riku watched him go, he realized he was all in with this one. He knew at
that moment that he had never been in love before. This was real. He felt a
surge of emotion as he closed the door and thought maybe his life wouldn’t
always suck. Maybe one day Roxas would want to be with him…he was definitely
willing to wait.
***** THE RED TWINS *****
                                 THE RED TWINS

The Midgar slums was no place you wanted to be after dark unless it was your
home. It was dangerous and if you didn't know the right people, it didn't
matter if you lived there or not.
"Aaaaarrr!" An old bum yelled in pain as he tried to fend off his attacker.
"Shut the fuck up, ya pussy!" A little redheaded snot nose was cracking the bum
across the knees with a piece of pipe.
"I'll kill you, you little bastard!"
*Plunk* the bum's head hit the pavement in the filthy alley and Reno dug
through his pockets taking anything of value: a few bills, some dope, and a
pipe. He looked at the bum for a few seconds and decided Da might like his coat
so he stripped it off him and ran to the drain pipe attached to the corner of
the shoddy building, tapping it three times. He waited a few seconds then
looked up to see a familiar shadow. He hurried to the end of the alley and then
strolled casually out, hands in his pockets, coat stuffed under his arm,
dragging the ground.
Three blocks away a junkie lay dead behind a dumpster. It was easy to die in
the slums and nobody cared. Reno walked into the building where he lived with
his twin brother and their Da. His mom had gone to be with Jesus; that's what
his Da said but Reno thought it sounded like a crock of shit and he didn't mind
saying so.
"Hey old man." Reno said to his Da as he shucked his coat and pulled off his
little boots. "Ya want this coat?"
Ruari Sinclair wasn't a nice man. He drank a lot, cursed a lot, fought a lot,
and beat the shit out of his kids a lot. His name meant 'red king' and he
expected to be treated like one. His wife Ailis had been dead three years and
the little brats she left him with were his bread and butter most days. They
were slick alright- he taught them that, or so he said. They were smart too- he
would tell people. They were going to make him a rich man one day- he was
counting on that.
Reno dropped the coat across the armchair that used to be green before years of
sweat, dirt, spills and blood had turned it the color of a scab. Ruari looked
at the coat and then at his boy. "Where's yer goddamn brother?"
"He's comin." Reno knew that Axel would cross the rooftops until he reached the
corner of their street. They made it a habit not to be seen together outside of
their sector.
"Yeah he damn well better…er else I kick yer ass fer it." Ruari sneered with
his rotten teeth. "Ya toothless little fuck. When ye gonna grow some more fer
me ta knock out?" He grumbled as Reno watched out the grimy window for Axel.
Finally, he spotted him skipping down the sidewalk toward home.
"Here he comes." Reno said more to himself than his father, as he went to the
door to open it for his brother. Axel slipped inside babbling about rabbits. He
had blood on his right hand and his cheek. Reno grabbed his hand and asked him
worriedly, "This yours, Runt?"
Axel paused and focused on Reno. "Not mine." He said pulling his hand away and
wiping it on his dirty pants. After he deemed it clean enough, he gave his hand
back to Reno.
"Let's go bath." Reno whispered.
"K" Axel agreed.
They didn't speak to their father when they were together unless they had to
and the old man didn’t seem to mind. When they were yapping, he thought about
his Ailis. Reno started their bath as Axel got their towel; they only had one
that they all shared and when Da used it, they washed it. They washed each
other's hair with bar soap and talked about the night's take.
"I got a few $20 rocks and a pipe. I also got some H off one guy but I donno
who Imma pass it to. Did you hide yer stuff?"
Axel nodded. "I got a sack a weed but I wanna keep that. I also got a watch and
a necklace. The water's cold… can we get out now?"
"I guess but we got mass tomorrow and ya know how father Liam is always lookin
behind our ears so..."
"Oh yeah. This week is mass? I thought mass was next week?"
"No Runt. Ya gave a few days to the bunnies yo."
Axel scowled as they got into their oversized t-shirts for sleeping. Underwear
was a luxury and you couldn't miss what you never had. They brushed and braided
one another's hair and lay down on the bare musty mattress, listening to Da
fumbling around in the next room. He slept on the couch unless he had a woman.
If he had a woman the boys had to hide. They had made themselves a pretty
decent spot in the closet because they weren't allowed to see Da's women…no
peeking allowed.
Reno peeked once and got caught- that's when he lost his front teeth. He said
it didn’t matter because it was easier to spit and smoke. Axel just thought it
made him look like a tough guy…plus he could eat candy without opening his
mouth.
Axel thought of all this as he tried to go to sleep but wasn’t having much
luck.
"Reno" he whispered.
"What." Reno whispered back.
"Why we hafta go ta mass tomorrow?"
"Cause we do. Da said. So go ta sleep."
"Reno?"
"What?"
"You know that whole God thing is a crock a shit." Axel shared.
"I know. It's like playin pretend." Reno explained.
"Reno?"
"What?"
"Why do we get to do mass together but Chancey don't do mass with his brother?"
"Cause we the same person, just split in half." Reno said as he petted Axel.
"Do you like Chancey?"
"Not as much as I like you." Axel yawned. He tucked his head to Reno's chest
and fell asleep, but Reno lay awake listening to Da. He ran his tongue across
his adult teeth that had only just come in a year prior. He'd be graduated
before Da noticed…and he was glad.

The next morning they walked to school. On the way, their friend Chancey joined
them. "What's up Reno? What's up, nutter?"
Reno swatted him on the shoulder and Axel spat, "Fuck you, fat ass."
"So guess what? My Dad didn't come home last night." Chancy announced.
"So?" Reno piped up.
"So he’s prolly locked up again." Their friend said.
"Or dead." Axel added.
Chancy laughed. "No such luck, bunny boy."
"You never know. Father Liam says that miracles are real and happen all around
us." Reno witnessed to the boy as if he were a devout believer.
Axel scoffed. "Pfft" and Reno elbowed him, smiling.
"Yanno sometimes I forget you two freaks are younger than the rest of us."
Chancy snorted.
"Whatever, yo."
Axel chose that moment to go off on a rant. "There goes one...a bunny...you see
it Reno...Imma chase it..."
He was about to bolt when Reno grabbed his arm. "Fuck no, Runt. We almost at
school and we got evenin mass."
Axel stared into the distance "He said you're an asshole."
Chancy laughed, "Your brother's a nutter, Reno."
"Fuck you, fat ass." Reno and Axel said in unison.
At school they were the freak show. Twin red heads, three years younger than
everyone else in their grade. They were able to skip ahead but needed to
complete every third year. They were almost eight years old and everyone else
was 11 or close to it. They didn't like most of the kids and the feeling was
mutual.
They had these stupid uniforms and they were so tiny compared to the other kids
even the girls, Axel lamented. He liked girls but they didn't like him because
he was a little boy. He told Reno once, "I can't wait til I get taller. Imma
get Myra St. George to suck my dick."
"Runt, by the time we get tall as these kids we'll be past them in school and
they still won't like us." Reno said as he and Axel walked down the hall
holding hands.
"I'll still get it. She's a bitch with big tits and I hate her fuckin guts. I
should just kill her." Axel sneered. Reno laughed at his brother because he
rarely hated anyone and he had a feeling that maybe he had a crush on Myra St.
George.
After school they headed to mass. On the way they shared a joint, caused a car
accident, and stole two apples. As they changed into their cassocks and
surplices Reno asked, "Do you think Father Liam is a creeper?"
"If by creeper, you mean lecherous faggot then yes, yes I do." Axel giggled.
“You're goin to hell, yo." Reno grumbled.
"WE are goin to hell. I'm not goin anywhere without you." Axel retorted.
Reno snickered "Hey check me out." He started doing a booty dance in his
cassock and looked ridiculous. Axel cackled and then slapped his hands over his
mouth, afraid that Father Creeper would hear.
Sure enough, Father Liam came in with a stern look on his face. "Boys! Being an
altar boy is a privilege and I will not tolerate insolence and disrespect in
the church. Am I understood?"
Standing side by side looking angelic they said, "Yes Father, sorry Father."
“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the Lord!”
When he was gone Axel flipped a bird in his general direction.
"Straight to hell, yo…" Reno muttered.
"Pfft" Axel said.
They perfectly executed all their duties and were out and gone as soon as they
were finished. Going over to Wall Market in sector six, they sneaked into the
Honeybee Inn to eat. Two ladies spotted them and hustled them into an empty
room. "Stay right here boys and we'll bring you some goodies."
Reno smiled while Axel got his eyes full of stockings and garters. Soon they
were sitting with four scantily clad ladies who were fawning over them and
cooing about their beautiful red hair. The ladies were used to the twins and
their strange mirror image movements but that didn't keep them from staring.
Reno was right handed and Axel was left handed. They were perfectly in sync as
they moved and it was entrancing. If they were addressed together they answered
together. They watched the pretty girls while they ate and let them brush and
braid their hair.
"How come Father Liam lets you boys keep your hair long?" One asked.
"Cause our Da told him if we had ta cut it we couldn't be altar boys. He wanted
us, so he said ok as long as it was clean and pulled back." Reno said.
"You boys know your Da is in here a lot. Aren't you afraid of getting caught?"
Another asked.
"Nope." They said together.
They finished their food and took their backpacks behind a screen to change
into their street clothes. If they got their uniforms dirty Da would kick their
asses. Da didn't do laundry but the lady in 4c that he fucked did theirs once a
week.
The whore who brought their food asked them as they changed, “How old are you
boys now?”
“Almost 8” they answered.
“Well! Only ten more years til ya can come in for business.” All the girls
laughed and Reno and Axel grinned at each other.
“If ya think we’re waitin til we’re 18 ta get laid, yer crazy, yo!” They all
laughed as the boys emerged in matching jeans and hoodies, holding their book
bags.
"Let's go see Baba." Reno said as they hit the streets again.
"K" Axel replied and Reno bumped his shoulder. "You know I hate that, yo."
Axel grinned and nodded.
"Well stop it then."
"K"
Reno growled and Axel squealed as they ran through Wall Market. Slowing their
pace, they went inside a small shop yelling "Baba!"
A lady came out and hugged them both. "How are my boys? Have you eaten?"
"Yes ma’am" They chimed.
"Time for dessert then!" She presented them with cupcakes and they smiled those
winning smiles and ate their treats. She fussed over their clothes and asked if
they needed food for home.
"No" they said. They didn't take food home because the rats would get it and
even though she knew this, she offered anyway.
Out the door and down at the train they decided where they were going for work.
"I'm goin ta sector three." Axel said.
"That's too far!" Reno said.
"Nu uh." Axel argued.
"What if somethin happens?"
"Nothin's gonna happen." Axel scoffed knowing that Reno was just worried about
him chasing bunnies and getting lost.
"Fine. I'm stayin in six." Reno said sadly. "Don't be late. I'll be at the
corner of L and 44th at 10:00."
Axel grinned. "K"
"Goddammit!" Reno swore.
"Yer goin ta hell for that!" Axel laughed as he hopped the train for sector 3.
Reno waited until he was gone and strolled through the streets of sector 6.
Before dark they shoplifted and picked pockets but after dark they got busy.
Reno took the piece of pipe out of his book bag and walked the dark alleys
until he found an easy mark. Some teenage junkie had passed out sitting on a
crate. He’s probably a whore Reno thought. He felt the pockets and checked for
jewelry while keeping an eye on the junkie’s face to make sure he didn’t bat a
lash.
What he found on the junkie whore was a game changer: a gun. He checked to see
if it was loaded and tucked it into his ragged jeans. He wished his hands were
bigger...it would be hard to shoot this one. He had found a gun last year but
asshole Da sold it. He couldn't wait to show Axel. The guy never woke up or
moved and Reno wondered if he was dead. Moving on, he scouted the other alleys.

In sector 3 Axel scavenged through a cart full of junk that some bag lady had.
She’s dead now so she won't need it, he thought. She was kinda dead when he
found her…he just helped her finish. Many people, especially women would want
to cuddle him when they saw him out late. When he was close enough, all he
needed to do was hug them and poke his knife in their jugular. It never took
long for them to shut up. Sometimes he got their blood on him but he was
learning to stay clean.
He found cool stuff in the cart and stuffed all he could into his bag. He was
sneaking across rooftops, picking up what he could, stopping once to play in
someone’s pigeon coop as he made his way back to the train.
At the station there was a lone man waiting. Axel stood near him, fearlessly.
The man was wearing a suit...He looked like...a Turk. Axel’s heart leapt with
glee!
"Hey Turkey." he smirked with all the smart-assery he could muster.
"Why are you out so late?" The dark suited man asked.
"Goin home." Axel noted the man looked foreign and had long black hair. He
screwed his face up as he assessed the Turk.
"Where have you been that you are not home already? It is late." The Turk said.
"Visitin" Axel said vaguely.
"Visiting whom?"
"Why?"
"Because I want to know."
"Maybe I don't wanna share." Axel offered a sly smile.
"Maybe you are lying and have been out here robbing people." The Turk fired
back.
"Imma kid." Sounding as offended as possible, he placed a hand on his chest.
"I was a kid once, too." The Turk said as he lit a funny looking brown
cigarette.
"If you gimme one of those I'll answer yer question." Axel was pushing his luck
with the assassin.
The Turk looked at the kid who couldn't have been more than 8 or 9 and arched
an eyebrow. "Fair enough."
He gave him a cigarette and lit it for him. Axel took a drag and blew the smoke
away from the man. "That's good… what is it?"
"It is from Wutai. It has herbs and is very expensive here."
"Are you from there?" Axel asked as he smoked the sweet cigarette.
"I am asking the questions now. Were you down here to rob people?"
"Nope" Axel stated with conviction.
"I do not believe you." The Turk said flatly.
"I do not care." Axel mocked his tone. "I said I’d answer yer questions. I
never said I’d tell the truth."
"Touché" the Turk said grumpily.
They boarded the train and rode in silence. At sector 7 Axel strolled to the
exit and was stopped by a strong hand. The Turk looked down and said, "I am
Tseng. Who are you?”
"Nobody." Axel replied as he hopped off the train.

At the corner of L and 44th Reno waited under the streetlamp talking to the
local whores. He sold all of his dope and a bracelet that he had just scored
that night. Around 10:15 Axel came skipping down the street. He bowed to the
whores and they giggled and petted his hair. One of them, a teenage boy, said
"You guys should get home before your Dad gets pissed."
"Right" they agreed as they walked away holding hands.
That night was bad. Da was drunk and pissed off when they got there, so they
ran straight to the closet to go through their things. He was yelling about
them staying out late and said he didn't wanna see them until tomorrow. They
knew better than to come out of the closet while he was awake so they ignored
his ranting.
"I finally found a gun! This is gonna make everything easier." Reno spouted.
"Lemme see." Axel hissed.
Reno took the gun out and showed him. The standard Colt 1911 was their way to a
better life. "I'm keepin this gun forever." Reno said as he touched it
reverently.
They began going to the train graveyard so they could practice shooting. The
guy at the gun shop in Wall Market cleaned it for him and gave him a box of
ammo in return for all Axel's weed. Reno and Axel took turns shooting at the
targets they found in the junk yard. They started out with big things but
eventually used rats for practice.

After finding the gun, the twins were getting lots more money as well as drugs
to sell so they began putting back money for their future above plate. They
talked about their plan to get out of the slums and after a couple years of the
money adding up, it seemed more real.
On the weeks they didn’t have mass, Da was back to beating their asses. "Ya lil
assholes! I wish ya had died with yer ma!"
Axel stared blankly and Reno just watched Da, calculating his next move. He
cracked Axel across the face making his nose bleed. Axel didn't flinch. That
angered Ruari more so he cracked him again. Axel still stared blankly.
Reno screamed, "Stop Da!"
After the third strike Reno charged his father, shoving him away from Axel.
"Stop! Hit me! Hit me, you asshole!"
Ruari laughed at the screaming ten-year-old. "Fine then. Your turn." He took a
swing and everything went black.
When Reno woke up he was in the closet with Axel who was crying quietly. "Runt,
stop crying. I'm ok." Reno croaked.
Axel stopped his sobbing and looked at Reno, his face a mess of bruises and
blood, a big patch of his hair had been ripped out and his scalp was bleeding.
Reno pulled him down and snuggled him and sang an Irish lullaby that their
grandma used to sing before she went to be with Jesus and mom. Fuck ‘em all,
Reno thought. He petted Axel's face and promised him he would fix everything.
"I wanna kill him." Axel said flatly.
"No. We'll have ta go to the orphanage, yo. And that'll be worse than this."
Axel nodded but wondered how anything could be worse than this.

The next night in sector 5, Axel killed a man in an alley. He was a redhead and
was drunk…and that was close enough. On his way out, he was sniffling and
didn't notice his Turk, and bumped right into him. Axel looked up at him,
pissed off and snapped "Watch where yer goin man."
Tseng laughed at him and grabbed him by the arm and shuffled him back into the
alley. "Look you little shit, I have been watching you for over two years now.
I have seen you all over these slums. You are going to end up dead or in
prison. Why do you not stay ..."
Seeing the bruises on his face, Tseng stopped. He knew immediately why the kid
didn’t stay home. "Am I going to find a body at the end of that alley?"
"Yep." Axel said smugly.
"Did you do it?"
"Nope."
"I do not believe that."
"I do not care what you believe, Tseng." Axel snapped mockingly.
Tseng looked at the kid, amazed that he remembered his name and added to the
list of things he wondered about the crafty little redhead.
"Can I go now? I shouldn't be out so late and blah blah cause Imma kid."
Tseng released his arm and stepped away from him.
"See you around, Tseng."
"See you around, Nobody."


During the Christmas holiday of their 11th year the twins decided they wanted
to give back to the good people of their community so they made a list of
people who they knew to be bad: Child molesters, rapists, murderers of
innocents- there was no shortage of them in the slums. When they had agreed on
a few names they set out to find and kill them as a gift to their neighbors and
the good people like Baba.
Axel loved to skip along as Reno strolled and smoked. His episodes seemed to be
getting farther between but they were lasting longer. Reno had to watch him
closely so he didn’t miss the signs when Axel changed. He could tell when Axel
was hearing voices and usually he could tell when he saw bunnies or bad things.
When they separated to work at night, Reno worried constantly so he was a
little relieved when the agreement was made that this particular ritual would
always be done together. They had their own holiday tradition now.

Everyone’s favorite altar boys walked down the aisle of the church in perfect
step with one another. At 12 they were also the favorite of Father Liam. They
were growing tall and strong as well as handsome, so the Holy Mother Church was
happy to provide them with new clothes and shoes whenever they seemed to be in
need of them.
After mass Father Creeper informed them that they had earned the duties of
Blessed Sacrament from Holy Thursday after mass until midnight, and then all
day Good Friday and Holy Saturday. They thanked him profusely and left.
At Wall Market they walked into a pub and got two beers and a table.
“Goddammit yo, a whole weekend on our knees.” Reno grumbled.
“Thought you’d like that.” Axel laughed.
“Hey fuck you, Runt.” Reno laughed with him.
“Goin ta hell fer that.” Axel cracked.
“Hey, let’s go to tha Don’s” Reno suggested. Axel nodded and they had a couple
more beers and headed out. After having done a few favors for the Don, they no
longer had to sneak into the brothel- he gave them full access to the place.
They still had to pay for services if they wanted them, but they could come and
go as they pleased.
They trotted upstairs to see the girls who were still always happy to see them.
Faces had changed over the years but a few were the same. They still sat with
them to chat and brought them food. On this day the twins told the girls about
their duties for the holy days and how they dreaded it.
One of them said, “We can help ya forget about it yanno.
The boys chuckled but the girls didn’t. Reno and Axel looked at each other and
shrugged, and plowed headlong into sex ed together.

Later on the train home they stared at each other but said nothing. At home
they bathed together like always, even though their lanky frames were too big
to fit comfortably in the tub. They dressed in shorts now to sleep instead of
shirts.
Sitting on the bed passing a joint they heard their Da come in with a woman.
Reno and Axel looked at one another. Where the fuck would they hide now? They
turned their eyes to the closet and dreaded trying to sleep curled up inside as
they were growing to be quite tall like their Da. Ruari banged on the door and
kicked it open, holding the woman by the waist. They looked at him with
identical expressions of surprise.
 “Guess what I heard at the bar, boys?”
They looked at each other and back at him and said, “What?”
“Don’t play dumb now! I know where ye spent tha afternoon!” They looked at each
other again and stared before slowly turning back to him.
“Well don’t just sit there- we gotta celebrate! Come on in here and sit down
with the missus and your old man.”
There was no more hiding in the closet after that. They could bring girls home
if they wanted and the very first chance he got, Axel looked up Myra St.
George. She was waiting when they got out of school, and Reno peeked through
the door while Axel got what he had waited on for 5 years. They were in high
school now and still younger than their peers, but no longer subjected to
bullying. They were respected and feared and that’s just how they liked it.


Axel was back in sector two holding a junkie against an aging building
searching his pockets. As the twins matured, the speed and accuracy with which
they could rob people was mind-bending. They were the most effective cons under
plate as most people outside of their home sector still believed that there was
only one red haired thief. Axel extracted, sifted through, and assessed the
contents of the junkie’s pockets and in seconds had tossed most of it on the
ground while pocketing the drugs and money.
"Hey schoolboy, you ever try it?" The junkie asked as Axel’s eyes flashed over
his body.
Deciding that he was probably referring to the drugs, Axel cocked his head to
the side, rolled his eyes and kneed the guy in the balls. As the man writhed in
pain, Axel further relieved him of his watch and cell phone, and left him in a
heap. His work done, he set out to find his brother at the whorehouse and have
a drink while he waited.
"Thanks for waitin, yo." Reno said as he approached. Axel nodded and stood to
leave. "Aren't you gonna have a visit with tha girls, Runt?"
"Nah, not tonight. I just wanna... I'm good." Axel said and Reno raised his
head up to look at his eyes.
"Are you high?"
"No, I just wanna go home." Axel said quietly, obviously struggling with
something.
"No problem...is it the rabbits again?" Axel's delusions had become worse and
Reno knew it. He would get lost and do things without remembering. He forgot a
lot of things and people, especially dead ones. Reno had been doing damage
control but when Axel strayed between sectors and got lost, he was harder and
harder to keep up with. Hoping to ease his mind, Reno opened his backpack "Hey
I got ya somethin. I know how much ya love the computers at school yo, so I
scored ya a nice laptop."
Axel started to cry silently. He had a way of crying that was absolutely
heartbreaking. Unlike Reno, who simply didn’t cry at all, Axel would let the
tears stream from his eyes while, aside from looking like a lost puppy, made no
other sound or expression. He looked at Reno with tears running down his
cheeks. "I'm sorry…I."
"Did ya forget somethin, Runt?" Reno asked concerned.
"There was a guy and he had some junk and I ... Reno I don't know what...
Reno?"
He hugged his brother at a loss for anything else to do. He comforted him at
the bar and then ushered him home. Ruari was drunk as usual, and the twins
managed to get to their room without an altercation. As soon as the door was
closed Axel started shedding clothes and crawled into bed crying again. Reno
undressed quickly and snuggled in with him petting his hair. "Please tell me
what's wrong. Tell me what yer thinkin, yo."
"I don't ...Reno what's wrong with me??"
"I donno but Imma fix it, ok." Reno had no idea what was going on in his twin's
head but he was determined to figure it out. He tried to make Axel stop crying
with no luck. Axel was literally wrapped around him arms and legs bawling like
a baby.
"Sshhhh" Reno said quietly then he started to sing the lullaby their
grandmother used to sing to them. Axel quieted almost immediately and started
to relax. Reno kissed his cheek and saw him smile- that was a win in his
opinion.
"That guy that had the junk...He was um...nice." Axel whispered. Reno was
puzzled but he knew Axel- there was more to his story.
"Nice um lookin…" Axel cleared his throat gently. There it was. He was
attracted to a guy and it freaked him out. Reno had known that he was attracted
to both men and women for a while but he could take things like that in stride.
Axel took no change well.
"That's ok, Runt. I like some guys too."
"You do?" Axel looked up at him with red eyes.
"Sure. If someone is beautiful, it don't matter ta me if it's a guy or not. I
mean why should it, yanno?" Reno reasoned. Axel nodded. "Tell me about ‘im."
Reno smiled.
"He had black hair and really great tattoos...He was prolly about 20 and he was
kinda... I donno... I feel stupid." Axel laughed.
"Don't. I'll tell you about the first guy I was with, yo." Reno offered.
"The first? You mean there's been more than one? And you fucked ‘em?" Axel was
astounded. Reno always seemed like the big brother even though they were twins.
He took ass whippings for Axel and tried to help him when he lost time, he beat
up bigger kids for calling him a nutter- Reno was first and best at everything
in Axel’s opinion.
"The first was a guy I met at The Honey Bee, he works there... He was nice ta
me and showed me a lotta new stuff, yo." Reno laughed. "Thisis kinda weird,
talkin about..."
"But I donno how ta be with a guy." Axel said. "All the girls at Don's say
stuff about us...they say we..."
"I know what they say." Reno stopped him. "Next time we go, ya want me ta
introduce ya?"
"Yes..." Axel whispered then he flipped over with his back to Reno.
He spooned up to him and whispered, "What's wrong now?"
Axel mumbled. “…talkin bout it makes me…
Reno laughed in his ear "Poor Runt" then he wrapped his arms around Axel's
waist squeezing him close. Axel bit his lip, scooted away to roll over again
facing Reno, and then kissed him. "You take good care of me, Reno." He kissed
him again, lips lingering.
Feeling Reno's hand in his hair, he turned to kiss his wrist and when he
started to pull it away, Axel grabbed it, kissing the palm. Reno turned his
face and kissed him deeply, as he reached down to touch him. Axel gasped in
surprise but didn’t hesitate to do the same and shivered before scooting
closer. "Is this bad?" he panted out.
"No." Reno assured him.
"Reno...show me?" he whispered. Reno hummed and grasped his hips, pulling their
bodies flush together, then wrapped his hand around both their erections. Axel
covered Reno's hand with his own and squeezed. There was no need for words when
they reached their end. They held each other tightly and spilled between sweaty
bodies as they continued to kiss and stroke each other's hair.
"I love ya, Runt." Reno spoke once his breath became more even.
"I love you too."
The Sinclair twins shared everything. They didn’t concern themselves with
whether or not they had friends, or girlfriends, or boyfriends because they
didn’t need any; they had each other.

A few weeks later after discussing and deciding that what happened between them
was above God’s judgement, they cooked up a plan to torture the lecherous old
priest that took every opportunity to grope and fondle them since they became
altar boys years earlier. One day after school at mass, Father Liam kept
looking at them strangely. They both noticed but didn't say anything, just
waited.
"Boys," he said after mass that evening, "I would like to have you stay over
and help me with some things if you don't mind."
"Yes Father." They said but soon they figured out that he just wanted to change
some things on the altar and really didn't need them at all. They gave each
other the look.
"Father Liam?" Axel said in his most vulnerable sounding voice.
"Yes, son?" The old priest asked as he watched the boys work.
"Can I have confession here? Or do I have to sit in the confessional? I mean
it's just us and Reno. He knows everything about me anyway."
The priest looked intrigued and said, "Well I guess it would be alright, Axel."
He dropped to his knees and clasped his hands. "Forgive me Father, for I have
sinned. It's been a week since my last confession."
The priest watched him quietly then touched his hair as if he was afraid. "What
is your sin?"
Reno had approached his kneeling brother and joined him, looking very humble to
the priest's surprise. He held the rosary he wore that Grandmother had given
them to share.
Axel spoke quietly while Reno peeked to see how the old man would react. "I...I
touched my brother in a sexual way."
Reno watched as the old priest turned red and then white and then red again. He
scooted closer to Axel while they remained on their knees.
"And I kissed him." Axel said chewing his lip. Reno was about to giggle
watching the old man squirm.
"And I let him touch me back." Axel added.
The priest put his hands to his face then reached to touch Axel's hair again
and said, "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Axel kept his head bowed and shook it slightly "No...I know it's a sin but..."
Reno reached over and took Axel’s hand. Axel continued, “But I love my
brother…and when we touch each other…”
The old priest was shaking and interrupted, “Maybe what you have done isn’t a
sin, son. Maybe you need to better explain your actions…”
Reno was about to chew his lips off to keep from smiling. Axel squeezed his
hand letting him know he felt the same way. It was hard to keep the tremor out
of his voice as he said, “I can show you and then you can decide if it’s a sin
or not, ok Father?”
They opened their eyes as they heard the scrape of a chair across the carpet.
The old priest sat down. Reno secretly hoped he didn’t have a heart attack
while Axel prayed to all the saints that he did.
Axel turned to his twin and kissed him lightly then looked at the priest sadly.
Axel, when he was lucid, had an amazing gift for schooling his expressions.
Reno always said he should be an actor. Reno himself didn’t have the patience
for acting; his temper always got the best of him.
“I don’t believe that is a sin, my son.” The priest said in a shaky voice. “You
love your brother, as you should, and showing that you love him in that way-
while not conventional is acceptable as long as there is no lust in your
heart.”
Axel looked at the priest and mouthed the words lust in my heart then
whispered, “I don’t have a heart.”
Reno looked at him questioningly. This wasn’t a good sign. When Axel started to
wander off mentally, things got unpredictable fast.
He turned to Reno and winked where the priest couldn’t see and Reno was at
ease, then he kissed him again. They released their hands that had been clasped
to embrace each other. Axel deepened the kiss as Reno grabbed his ass jerking
him close. The priest gasped and began to pray.
Axel caressed Reno’s cheek as he broke the kiss and before the old man could
react to this last transgression they tugged each other’s hair loose from the
ponytails they were required to wear for mass. The priest stuttered in his
prayer as Axel pulled Reno’s head back by his hair and began kissing and biting
his neck. They touched one another as the priest watched until, in a rustle of
fabric he fled to his office.
They looked at the empty chair and giggled quietly. They lingered briefly in
case the old man had anything to say before they left…penance maybe? Nothing.
Outside the church they cackled as they trotted down the street. “I’m sick of
this shit yo. Let’s quit.”
“K” Axel said snickering.
“Dammit Runt!”
“Sorry” he giggled and started skipping. “Hey Reno, how much longer til we can
move out?”
“It might be a while yo. I got a connection now, but I’m still building a
clientele yanno.” Reno lit a cigarette and gave it to his brother then lit his
own. “Have you seen Tseng anymore?”
“Not lately. He still thinks we’re the same person.” Axel laughed like a fool.
Reno nodded but didn’t laugh because he knew the Turks were no joke. Everything
was a joke to Axel - he truly didn’t care if he lived or died.
Reno definitely wanted to live. He couldn’t really blame the Runt for being
reckless. He didn’t even have control over who he was going to be every day so
why should he take life seriously. There was a sad vulnerable Axel, a jester
Axel who couldn’t be serious, a pissed off Axel who liked to fight, and a quiet
Axel who only wanted to watch people die.
Reno watched his brother skip ahead of him and swing around a street lamp, and
wondered if he would ever be a whole person, or just disconnected pieces
jumbled together.
At home they changed their clothes and grabbed their bags. The days of changing
at Don’s were over because their clothes took up too much room in their bags
that could be used for more important things. Axel watched Reno empty the drugs
into his bag. “Leave me some.”
Reno looked at him for a moment making sure he had heard correctly. “Since when
do you use this shit?”
“Since I smoke it with the dealer in sector 3.” Axel mumbled.
“Smoke it is all you better do. If I catch ya with a needle in yer arm, we’re
gonna have a problem yo. And I’ll kill yer fuckin dealer in sector 3.” Reno
spat and Axel looked hurt.
Reno went to him and kissed him and held him, whispering. “I love ya Runt but
junkies die. I don’t want that to happen to ya. I couldn’t live without ya.” He
kissed him again and let him go.

Their grandmother used to have a saying…talkin up a ghost. If you talked about
someone and they mysteriously showed up after a long absence or if you talked
about a dead person and then found something of theirs; that was what she said.
The Sinclair twins must have talked up a Turk. As Reno walked the streets of
sector 6 peddling heroin, he walked parallel to him in the shadows across the
street, watching and taking photos.
He watched the redhead sell the last of his wares and check his watch before
heading for the train. Over the years he had seen this kid go from pick pocket
to murderer. It didn’t take long in the slums. He had to have a plan; he was
too smart not to.
This little self-proclaimed Nobody had become Tseng’s pet project that he began
pursuing on his off days…many years ago. He saw the kid everywhere and was
amused at how sometimes he would skip like grade-schooler and other times he
had the swagger of a seasoned killer.
The people that he killed were all junkies or other drug dealers or worse, so
he didn’t make a fuss; ShinRa wasn’t concerned with crime in the slums. Don
Corneo ran the slums and he didn’t concern himself with anything unless it cut
into his profit.
Wandering around in sector 5, Axel went into the old church to sit down. It was
the only church he liked. It was old and run-down but he found peace there. He
lay on a pew and put his head on his bag and stared at the bottom of plate
through a gaping hole in the roof. He wanted to go up there. He wanted to see
the sky and feel the rain.
Sometimes he and Reno would go over to sector 8 where plate was never
completed, just to see the sky. Hearing footsteps inside the church he sat up
as quietly as he could and squinted into the darkness. The shadows moved like
they were alive, and in the back of his mind Axel knew he wasn’t going to
remember any of it… and then a black bunny hopped by.

“Hello again.” Tseng said as they waited on the train.
“S’up?” Reno said lighting a smoke. Tseng lit up as well and looked
suspiciously at Reno’s bag. Reno watched Tseng’s eyes as well as his hands,
standing at a comfortable distance but holding a relaxed posture. He’s good,
Tseng thought.
“So what brings the Turks to the slums?” Reno asked.
“I was just out for a walk.” Tseng said, “Visiting.”
Reno nodded, “Late for visitin, ain’t it?”
Tseng chuckled, “I feel we have had this conversation once before.”
Reno thought of Axel and figured he would play along. “Yeah I think we have.”
“What is it that you want to do with your life when you are done peddling drugs
and leaving bodies in alleys?”
Reno looked at Tseng through the smoke from his cigarette and smiled. “I wanna
be a Turk, yo.”
Tseng smiled broadly and nodded. “Good answer. You are quite the joker.”
Reno thought to himself, no that’s my brother. “I can be. But seriously, I just
want a better life…up there.” He pointed to the underside of the plate.
The train pulled up and they boarded together. Reno sat right beside Tseng and
the other train passengers left the car. Nobody in the slums got cozy with the
Turks. The only thing you got with a Turk was killed or arrested. Tseng glanced
at Reno as if to say in his monotone you are in my space. Reno smiled like a
Cheshire cat but didn’t budge then brushed his hand against Tseng’s knee. Tseng
looked at him sternly and said, “Please do not touch me.”
Reno moved his hand a little higher, hovering briefly and Tseng immediately
pushed it away. “This is not a game. I do not wish to harm you but if you
continue to touch me, I will.”
“Sorry” Reno said smirking, and was obviously not.
“I do not believe that.” Tseng said.
“I do not care what you believe.” Reno giggled.
“I am warning you kid, mocking a Turk is unwise.” Tseng snapped as he watched
Reno’s focus shift to something outside the train, then stood abruptly. “It’s
been real yo, but I gotta bail on ya. Until next time!”
He blew Tseng a kiss as he hit the emergency stop and got off the train in
sector 5 because he had seen a familiar flash of red as the train sped through
the night. Tseng was tempted to follow him but he was tired and he had work
early the next day so he remained in his seat. Whoever died in the slums this
night would probably deserve it anyway.
In sector 5 Reno followed Axel who seemed to be burdened with something heavy.
He knew his brother wasn’t himself and the worst thing he could do was startle
him; he would be chasing him the rest of the night.
Following him into an alley near the old church, he saw Axel sit down on the
filthy pavement beside a body. Reno groaned internally as he wondered what he
had gone to get before returning to the dead body… and why was he taking great
care to do something to it?
He called his name and got no response so he moved closer and tried again. This
time Axel stopped and looked slowly over his shoulder. “Glad you’re here. Can
you help me with this?”
Reno approached to see his brother’s handiwork. Axel had taken the man’s
insides out and was stuffing him with rocks. Kneeling beside him, he put a
couple rocks inside the gutted corpse. “Why are we doin this, Runt?”
“Cause he’s the wolf, Reno…the one that ate the baby goats…” Axel said as he
stuffed in more rocks stretching the skin of the dead man’s torso. He was
obviously thinking of an old fairy tale and Reno was struggling between his
need to help his brother and his need to vomit.
“That’s enough Runt. Let’s get goin before someone sees this.” Reno said as he
stood when he noticed the man’s eyes were gone. “What ya do with his eyes, yo?”
Axel looked at the man’s face and scratched his head, patted his pockets then
mumbled, “I ate…them…”
Reno winced as he stifled a gag. “We need ta get ya cleaned up, yo. Let’s go to
the Don’s place before we head home.” He said with a shudder.
“K” Axel smiled knowing Reno hated it.
Reno sighed and took his hand, wet with blood and rough with grit, and led him
down the street in the shadows. “So what did ya do with the other stuff you
took outta tha wolf, yo?”
“I left it for the man in the church…I mean he didn’t see me. I didn’t wanna
bother him cause he was cryin and talkin. I think he was crazy, Reno…or maybe
prayin…same thing…same thing...same.” Axel said as he swung his free arm and
flopped his hand as he explained.
“What did this man look like?” Reno asked curiously.
“He was beautiful, Reno. He looked like an angel, a sad angel. His hair was
yellow and spikey and he had a wolf head on his SOLDIER armor…so when I saw the
wolf in the alley, I killed it for him…and the rocks were…the rocks were so he
can’t come back…but if he does…” Axel rambled.
“You said somethin about baby goats yo. Where did they go?” Reno wondered,
hoping the baby goats were some of Axel’s hallucinations and not some kid
running around somewhere.
“They went with the bunnies…bunnies.” Axel mumbled as they walked then he began
rubbing his face with his bloody hand. Reno didn’t know who this poor sad
SOLDIER was but hoped he didn’t freak out when a found the pile of innards in
his place of worship. Bless his brother’s crazy ass.
After stopping at Baba’s they entered the brothel through the back out of
necessity. Reno had borrowed a blanket to wrap around Axel just to get him
there because he was drenched in blood. The girls sent them straight to the
shower and brought in clean towels and clothes for them both.
Inside under the fluorescents of the bathroom, Axel started to come around.
“I’m cold, Reno.” He said, teeth chattering.
“We’re gonna get a nice hot shower yo. Just help me get ya outta these
clothes.”
“What happened? Did I fall...or…swim in shit…what is this?” Axel winced in the
light of the bathroom like he had just woken up.
“Yeah you fell baby, now get in there ok. Get under tha shower and rinse yer
hair.” Reno said as he stuffed their clothes into a trash bag after searching
Axel’s pockets and finding more heroin.
In the shower they shampooed each other’s hair and began washing away the grime
and blood. Axel’s arms hung limply at his sides while Reno scrubbed. “Reno?”
“Yeah Runt?”
“What day is it?”
“It’s still Friday…it’s night time.”
Axel was silent. Reno looked up at his face and Axel was watching him with a
blank stare and dead eyes. “I’m tired of this.” He said finally, then nuzzled
Reno’s cheek and kissed it. “I love you but I’m so tired.”
Reno knew he was in trouble. He needed to get his twin to a good shrink and get
him medicated so he could have a life…but all that stuff was above plate. They
were just 16 and that stuff was still a ways off. Reno kissed Axel and held him
as whispered, “Don’t leave me, Runt.”
Axel dropped his head and nodded as if he had been given a life sentence
without a chance for parole. They put their chins on each other’s shoulders and
stood under the hot spray.
“You guys wanna stay here tonight?” A voice asked form outside the shower.
They poked their heads out and there were three ladies holding robes for them
smiling. They looked at one another from opposite ends of the shower curtain
and smiled. “Yes.”
The night had plenty of distractions and they were in a much better mood by
morning. Waking up in a mess of beautiful limbs but still clinging to each
other was to become the norm for them.
They talked the next day about getting their own place and getting Axel some
help. If they worked hard they could have the money in a year. Reno could take
a few jobs for Don Corneo, and Axel could help with Dirty Sal’s porn business.
They already got money from Reno’s pushing and Axel’s computer and electronics
repair that he did from their Da’s apartment. With both of them having a second
job, things would move a lot faster…as long as nothing catastrophic happened.

Nine months into the hard work and saving, something catastrophic happened.
Reno lost Axel one night and didn’t find him for almost a week. When he did, he
was strung out and filthy, lying in a bar bathroom. “Come on Runt, time to go
home.”
Axel looked up at him with dead eyes and said, “I jus wanna diiiee.”
“Not an option, yo.” Reno hoisted him over his shoulder and headed home. He
knew that Axel had been using heroin but he didn’t know how much Axel loved it.
He was so worried about his psychosis that he didn’t entertain the fact that he
was also becoming a junkie. Reno knew all about junkies. Junkies died.
Thanking the Father that their Da was out, Reno took him inside and cleaned him
up. Unbeknownst to Reno, Axel had encountered Tseng on his week-long bender.
The Turk had followed him here and there before deciding that he was just
another junkie lost to the slums, and said goodbye.
Axel didn’t remember much of what he had done, and within 24 hours of his
rescue couldn’t do anything but scream in pain from withdrawal. He had puked on
every scrap of bed linen they owned and Reno was trying to keep him still and
quiet as their Da came home.
“What the fuck ir you two doin in there?” Ruari kicked the door open to see the
boys on the bed. Reno was pinning Axel down and trying to cover his mouth as he
squirmed and screamed.
He grabbed Reno by the hair and jerked him off Axel and onto the floor where he
began kicking his ribs. Reno cried out and tried to protect his ribs and get
Ruari loose from his hair at the same time. Axel curled into a ball shivering
on the bed and started retching again.
Ruari dragged Reno from the room kicking him and punching at his face. Since
childhood Reno instinctively covered his mouth to try and protect his teeth but
that left everything else open. Ruari knew this and took advantage of it as he
dragged him down the stairs, beating him and out onto the street where he
pulled a bottle from his pocket.
Reno tried to stand but his father still held his hair and jerked him back
down, kicking him again and again until he stopped moving. His ears were
ringing and his vision was blurry but he could feel something wet splashing
over his battered ribs. Great, he’s pissin on me Reno thought as he tried to
focus on freeing himself.
Then suddenly there was heat and he started to scream. He was literally on
fire. His father released his hair so as not to get burned and walked back into
the building.
When Ruari Sinclair was back inside, people ran over to extinguish the flames
but the damage was done. Reno had horrible burns on his ribs and hip that
needed to be tended immediately but all he could think about was Axel. What’s
Da gonna to do to Axel?
He struggled with the people trying to help him until he heard Baba say,
“Settle down boy. What’s done is done. Let me take care of you and then I’ll
see to your brother.”
Reno calmed and let his neighbors help him to Baba’s shop where she also lived.
She put him in the back on a cot and called for the doctor. The slum doctor was
a hack but he was as close as you were going to get to medical help beneath
plate.

Back at the apartment, Ruari returned to the bedroom where Axel was lying in a
puddle of his own vomit on the bare mattress. “I know what’s wrong with ye. Yer
a fuckin junkie! Yer brother was tryin ta cover fer ye. Well, I don want ye
here no more. Nary one of ye. Sa get out and take yer shite with ye. I said get
out boy!” he yelled as he grabbed Axel’s hair and punched his face repeatedly.
The beating brought Axel to life, one of him, and Ruari didn’t expect it. Axel
crawled off the bed ripping his hair away and leaving a handful in his father’s
fist. He picked up Reno’s bag, got the gun and started laughing hysterically as
Ruari reassessed his situation.
“You’re done beatin us, old man.” Axel pointed the gun at his father’s face.
His eyes glittered with rage as Ruari started to back out of the room slowly.
“The only reason I haven’t pulled this fuckin trigger is cause Reno told me I
couldna kill ya…when we were 9…in August…on a GODDAMN THURSDAY NIGHT!”
“I want ye out when I get back.” Ruari said once more as he picked up his coat.
Axel was trembling all over and when the door closed he collapsed. He needed to
find Reno. Knowing that his brother would be looking for him too if he was
able, he wiped the vomit off his face and left for Baba’s place…no shirt, no
shoes, and Reno’s gun in his jeans.

Baba ushered him in and told him what had happened to Reno. Axel wailed and
cried when he saw his twin. “Let me kill him Reno! Pleeease!!” Axel began
tearing at his hair and panting as he mumbled “…let ussss…let uss kill him…”
“You’ll go ta prison, Runt…and I’ll die or go in with ya. That’s not our plan,
yo.” Reno spoke from the cot where he lay with gauze over his burns.
Axel went still and blinked, looking down at Reno repeating quietly, “That’s
not our plan.”

Axel took over Reno’s pushing until he was well enough to get around and they
stayed at the shop. The old woman loved having them and was sad when they told
her they had found an apartment they could afford. “Who will look after you
two?”
“We’re 16 and accordin to these new ID’s that Axel got us, we’re 18 yo.” Reno
laughed. “We’ll be ok Baba, and I promise we’ll visit.”
They moved to their apartment with their few belongings. Their reputation
preceded them so neighbors warmed up to them quickly and soon they could trade
favors for an odd piece of furniture or a home cooked meal. One lady neighbor
would come over when her husband was at work and do their laundry…and fuck
Reno.
Another lady who lived in the building across the alley always left her
curtains open. She got a surprise one day when Axel knocked at her door. She
had been undressing for him and Reno nightly and they noticed that there was
never a husband around, only a kid. One afternoon while her kid was out
playing, Axel trotted over and knocked. She answered the door a little
embarrassed to see the redhead face to face, leaning on her door frame smoking.
“Hi neighbor.” He said around his cigarette with a smile, then scooped her up
and stepped inside her apartment, kicking the door shut. He fucked her into her
mattress, much to Reno’s delight who was watching from their window across the
alley.
One evening they were in Wall Market at the tattoo shop. The owner, an old man
who loved the boys, was heart-broken when he heard what Ruari had done to Reno
and offered him a free tattoo to cover his scars- a beautiful red phoenix. All
the kids in slums began calling him phoenix because of it, and the redheads
became infamous.
“Jiji!” they yelled as they entered and the patrons inside waiting all smiled
and nodded to them.
The old man came out looking worried. “What are you boys getting into now?”
They laughed, “Nothin…yet. Just wanted ta let ya know we’re goin up next week.
If ya need anything we can get it while we’re there yo. We already checked with
Baba.”
“I don’t need anything except for you both to come back safely.” The old man
said. “What takes you boys to the top anyway?”
“Axel needs ta see a doctor yo, a real one…and we’re applyin for some
universities.” Reno bragged.
The old man came around the counter and hugged them. “I’m so proud of you both!
We must celebrate when you return.”
“We will” Axel said as he hugged the old man back.

Later that same night they were hanging around a street lamp in sector 7 when a
familiar face popped out of the shadows. “Busted” Axel hissed.
Tseng stood looking at the two of them for a moment before he spoke. “All these
years…there were two of you…all this time.”
They looked at each other and said in unison, “We get that a lot.”
The Turk was not amused as he stared them down. “I guess you two think you have
played me for a fool.”
“Not at all, Turkey.” Axel snarked and Reno hissed, knowing his brother was
dancing on a landmine. That was Axel though, he didn’t care.
Tseng smiled at them and said quietly, “Very well…I will not mistake you two
ever again. Goodnight.” He strolled away toward the train station.
The twins shrugged and went about their business of selling drugs. They had
started going out together after the burning incident. Axel refused to let Reno
out of his sight and Reno was relieved because it made Axel much easier to keep
up with.
When they finally got home and crashed, they slept like the dead. The next
night as they walked to the train they met the usual crowd at the platform
where a guy in a long coat managed to bump into both of them. They were a
little irritated but he was polite so they let it go. The next memory they had
was waking up on said train platform, propped on each other back to back.
Turning around and looking each other over, they reached out to touch one
another’s face. “What the fuck…” Axel said.
“What the hell?” Reno hissed as he touched his twin’s face. “You have tattoos…”
“So do you…” Axel said and then in unison, “on yer face.”
Looking around them for clues as to what happened they realized they had notes
pinned to their jackets like their grandmother did when they were in
kindergarten. They ripped them free and read them while still sitting on their
asses on the platform as people veered around them on their way to or from the
train.
Axel’s read: “You were the unpredictable one. Your marks indicate that you are
like a jester and nothing is what it seems.”
Reno’s read: “You were the one always watching. Your marks indicate that your
eyes are always open.”
They looked each other once again and said “Tseng”
Hurrying home to a mirror, they forgot all about the fact that they had been
drugged and dragged all over Midgar in the night.
“That’s fuckin awesome!” Reno said as he saw his tattoos. They were red like
his phoenix tattoo and sat high on his cheekbones.
Axel just stared at his for a moment then looked at his brother sadly. “I look
like a clown…” Then he burst out laughing like a mad man. “This is cool as
fuck!”

The next week when they hopped off the train on top of plate they had the
address for a doctor and the University. The shrink was definitely their first
stop. He listened to Axel and Reno’s account of Axel’s behavior and timeline of
his symptoms, and since they were paying cash he started Axel on some
medications immediately and gave them a number to call in case of emergency. He
had a contact who regularly delivered medications to the slums to those who
could afford them.
They left and headed for the registrar’s office at Midgar U. They were stared
at and a few people whispered about their tattoos as they made their way to the
office to wait but they paid it very little attention. Once inside they
presented the staff with their paperwork.
After conversing amongst themselves they asked if they could re-test the boys.
Reno and Axel agreed and set up a date for the same day as Axel’s next
appointment with his shrink. As they did a little shopping, they kept seeing
the same suit over and over on different people…Turks. They were being watched.
Axel’s cell rang and he answered the unknown number. “Yep”
“I can see that your new tattoos are healing nicely.” The voice said.
He turned to Reno grinning. “It’s our buddy, Tseng!”
Reno cackled as they walked through the crowded streets of Midgar.
“Say Tseng, next time ya wanna fondle us, we’d rather be awake for it.” Axel
heard laughter in the background before Tseng could answer so he assumed this
was some sort of Turkey conference call.
“I will see to it you are left in a more uncomfortable position if I have to
apprehend you again.” Tseng said curtly.
“I get it, I get it.” Axel giggled. “Thanks though for the boss tats. We’re
already notorious in the slums, this just adds to our charm.”
Reno snickered as Axel passed him the phone. “Tseng! I do appreciate that you
made sure my ink matched, yo. It was a nice touch.”
“Youare the phoenix- I would like to make you an offer. Your Nobody will have
the same employment opportunity as you, if you wish.”
“I do not wish, yo. He needs stability and I think college can give him that
better than life as a Turk.” Reno glanced at Axel sadly.
“We understand your concern. We have already spoken with his doctor.”
Reno checked his watch and thought, damn they move fast.
“If you agree to join us, he will be well taken care of. The best doctors and
if need be, supervision…and of course we will take care of any costs.”
Reno perked up; a better life for Runt and I get to be a Turk. His life
couldn’t get better…could it? He was afraid to look past what he was being
offered. “Lemme talk to ‘im first.”
Axel was eating candy and people-watching while he waited for Reno to finish
talking. He saw something small and black hopping in the crowd and started to
follow. Reno watched him wander around briefly and said, “Look yo, I got my
hands full at the moment. Gimme a day or two.”
“That is acceptable. If we haven’t heard from you in two days, you will be
hearing from us.” The line went dead and he ran Axel down and guided him to the
train station.

Back at home Axel took one of his new pills and they started making dinner.
Their apartment wasn’t as shitty as Da’s so they kept food in the house to
cook. Axel had bought Reno an apron that had chilies all over it, and the words
‘Hot Stuff’.  He made Axel’s favorite, and they sat to eat.
“So Tseng kinda made me an offer on tha phone yo.” Reno began feeling him out.
“Like a job?” Axel slurped down the homemade spaghetti sauce.
“Yeah, a job…but the thing is, I told him I wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t ok
with you.”
Axel mulled it over and asked, “Would you still live here?”
“I guess yo, once I’m done with trainin…but Turks travel so I would be going
outta town some.”
Axel looked a little nervous at the prospect of being without Reno but he
couldn’t hold his brother back. “Will this be like now or…”
“When we get you squared away with college, yo.” Reno said as he chewed a piece
of garlic bread.
“Yeah that’s right, I’ll be…goin away from …” Axel nodded his head. “That’s
good Reno. You take that job and be a Turk. I’ll go to college and we can stay
together when we’re both home.”
“Sounds like a new plan, Runt!” Reno sounded happy but still watched his twin
for signs of distress.
They cleaned their mess and showered before bed. They both thought about what
it would be like to be apart for days and nights and both were apprehensive,
but they knew that things had to change to get better. Things changed when they
got their own place and that turned out well…this would too. When they snuggled
into bed together Axel kissed Reno and whispered, “I love you.”
Reno returned the kiss warmly. “I love ya too. I’m gonna miss this, yo.” He
kissed him again and Axel settled his forehead against Reno’s chest like he had
for as long as he could remember. The next day, Reno called Tseng and accepted
his offer.

Time seemed to fly by after they finalized their new plan. Reno wanted to give
Axel a big send-off party for college but Axel had asked him not to. He was
nervous, and didn’t want a big deal to be made. The new medicated version of
Axel was a bit more down-to-earth, but not a lot. He still sang and danced in
the street sometimes, he still wore his hair in pigtails when he slipped into
one of his others, but he didn’t disappear for days and he tended to recall
nearly everything.
Reno would be leaving for training in a few days and Axel would be on his own
for the summer unless he came home early. He spent some time reminiscing about
the happier times he had spent in his youth, like their high school graduation
where they shared the honor of valedictorian and spoke their entire speech in
unison while their Baba and Jiji watched proudly.
The following Monday, he was gone and Axel was staring at the walls. The first
week, he didn’t sleep at all. The second week he was delusional despite his
meds, so he called his doctor. The doctor said he would send him something,
which he did but not soon enough…
Axel had picked up his gun and tucked it in his waistband, and decided to go
for a walk- the quiet apartment was a mocking reminder that his twin was away.
He ended up in sector 6 talking to one of Reno’s old contacts and after telling
him about the insomnia, the guy offered him some help. He accepted the pills
and a little junk for later, then walked back home and went to bed.
Reno freaked out when he stopped hearing from his brother. After giving it some
thought and talking to some of the other recruits, he decided it must be some
kind of ploy by the Turks. It was probably a test to see how well he could deal
with stress. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he continued to excel in his
training and become an immediate favorite of Rufus ShinRa.

Arriving home after a few months to make sure Axel was ready to go off to
college, what he found was a nightmare. Axel was strung out and there were
people actually living there with him who Reno didn’t know. It only took the
new Turk a few minutes to have the apartment cleared of strangers and their
belongings, then he took a long look at his sleeping brother.
Through all the noise of throwing out the squatters, he slept on. He was pale
and thin, hair dirty, and arms covered in bruises and sores where he had picked
at his needle marks. Reno took a photo then hoisted his brother over his
shoulder and walked out.
On the way to the train station he called for a car to meet him at the station
up top. He stopped by their Baba and borrowed a clean blanket to cover his
sleeping brother who drooped over his shoulder like a rag doll. By the time the
train reached the upper station, the car was waiting to take Axel to a detox
and rehab center. Reno walked in and got the respect his uniform warranted.
The orderlies took Axel to the medical wing and assured Reno that he would have
a private room and the best care. Reno thanked them assured them that if he
wasn’t satisfied with his twin’s care, they would know.

Back in the slums, he went inside his and Axel’s apartment and cleaned until
dusk. He grabbed a bite to eat from a street vendor on his way to sector 6. If
anyone knew how Axel got in this kind of shape it would be one of the guys
there.
He strolled down the streets looking for his old contacts, his relaxed gait
masking his inner rage. Up ahead a guy waved from the corner. Bingo, Reno
thought. He waved a finger in reply. When he stopped to talk, the guy had just
finished selling to a girl who couldn’t have been more than 12.
“They’re getting younger and younger, yo.” Reno observed and noted the
direction that the girl took when she left. “Yanno I saw Nobody before I came
down this way. He’s a mess yo.”
“Yeah he told Ronnie he was havin some trouble sleepin so he hooked him up with
somethin…not sure what though. That was months ago.” The guy said flatly.
Reno nodded, “Yeah, so where is Ronnie? I need ta catch up with him anyway.”
The dealer looked at Reno warily. “Uhh look I wasn’t rattin my brother out. I
know yer a Turk now and all but we was just talkin, man…”
Reno started lighting a cigarette as he nodded, “I get it, I get it. Look I
just wanna know where he is and we’re just two guys talkin. Now, you can tell
me and live or you can keep yer mouth shut and die.” Reno checked his watch and
looked back at the dealer. “Yer runnin outta time, yo. Decide.”
The dealer ultimately decided to live…sort of. “Ronnie’s down on 22nd every
night about this time.”
“Thanks” Reno said as he shoved the barrel of his Colt under his chin and
pulled the trigger, spraying the dealer’s brain matter on the street lamp they
stood under.
He stepped back letting the body fall to the sidewalk. Taking out a
handkerchief to wipe spatter off his face and then his gun he mumbled at the
guy’s dead body… “I said I’d let ya live…I didn’t say for how long, yo.”
Strolling down 22nd he approached Ronnie smiling. “Just got back yo. How’s
everything?”
Ronnie grinned, “Great man! Good to see ya. How’s it feel to be a Turk?”
“Great actually.” Reno said with a smirk.
“Yanno I was tellin the guys …they were sayin you would come down here and bust
us all but I said no way… he survived this place an he knows how hard it is…he
ain’t like that…  So can I hook ya up with somethin? On the house!”
Reno nodded. “Sure but not here, got a reputation to uphold and all now.”
Ronnie was happy to give the Turk some good drugs…that was like insurance.
“Step into my office.” He chuckled as he walked into a nearby alley. Reno lit
another smoke and followed, hands in his pockets.
Ronnie started to dig through his backpack as he asked Reno what he was in the
mood for. Reno took a long drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke toward the
opening of the alley and said, “How bout some of what ya been sellin my brother
yo.”
Ronnie looked up to see the familiar smirk at the other end of the same Colt
1911 that he had been carrying since he found it, but now all newly chromed,
engraved, and shiny.
“I-I-I…”
“That’s exactly what I thought you’d say yo. What ya got in there?” Reno said
as he snatched the bag from the dealer’s limp arms. Dumping the contents onto
the ground, he shuffled through it with the toe of his boot. “Niiiice.”
Ronnie was shaking and looking around for his chance to bolt. Reno noticed but
didn’t say anything. Let him have his moment of hope, he thought. When Ronnie
felt he was distracted enough, he tried to make a run for it only to realize
that while Reno was raking through the drugs with his foot, he had taken hold
of his coat with his free hand. Reno cocked his head to the side as the fabric
jerked and said, “Goin somewhere?”
Ronnie shook his head no and stood still. Reno nodded, “Yeah, I think you are
goin somewhere. Get yer ass to the back. We’re gonna talk about my brother.”
At the end of the alley Reno sat down on an old packing crate and waved his
gun. “Have a seat yo. I’ve had long fuckin day.”
Ronnie sat and waited on the inevitable. “Fer what it’s worth man I didn’t know
that Nobody was gonna get strung out like that. I mean I thought he could
handle his shit yanno. I didn’t know he couldn’t do it without you.”
Reno nodded. “Me neither man. Yanno he’s goin off ta college in a couple
weeks…well as soon as he’s outta rehab.”
“He’s in rehab? That’s great and college…wow. Ya don’t hear that down here
yanno.” Ronnie said as he started to relax. Maybe he had overreacted, the
dealer thought.
“I know. I’m proud of im.” Reno said as he flicked his butt into the filth.
“Ok, you ready?”
Ronnie’s eyes got huge. “Ready fer what man?”
Reno stood and wiped off the barrel of his gun. “To die, yo. Surely ya didn’t
think I’d let ya live. That’s mybrother, my blood, and you knew he was strung
out and still kept takin his money. I know how shit works down here, like you
said. I used ta be where you are, ya dumb fuck. So get up now and die like a
motherfuckin man, yo.”
Ronnie stood up and began to cry as he said, “Sorry…sorry. I’m sorry.”
Reno paused at the heartfelt apology and asked, “Wanna get high first?”
Ronnie looked up through teary eyes and said, “Oh God yes.”
Reno picked up his bag and a handful of packets of drugs and tossed them his
way. Ronnie sat back down and started preparing a shot with shaking hands.
“You got family, yo?”
“I have a brother…he’s a dealer up on 17th.” Ronnie said as he tied off his arm
and found a vein. Reno thought about the dealer he had left on the curb before
coming down and watched him. “Ya been really forthcoming with tha truth. I
guess I could let ya go hang with him… ”
“I’d love to man. That’d be great.” Ronnie said as he injected the drugs.
“Ok, let’s go see him, yo.” Reno raised the gun and shot Ronnie in the head. He
sat long enough to smoke another cigarette then left the slums to check on
Axel.

Three weeks later, against the doctor’s better judgment, Reno took Axel out of
their care so he could get him started to college and spend some time with him
before he had to leave on a mission. He had new meds but was still adjusting.
Back in their apartment in the slums, Axel walked around touching things and
whispering to himself. After watching him briefly, Reno excused himself to the
bathroom pray silently. He had abandoned him to the filth of the slums and he
would never forgive himself. Eventually he got himself together and came back
out to see Axel sitting with his laptop typing and chewing his lip. “What ya
doin Runt?”
“I was just checkin my e-mail. Goddamn I was AWOL for a long time…it’s a mess.”
Axel typed and clicked. He glanced up at Reno and saw the worry on his face.
Launching himself off the sofa, he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry, I’m
sorry. Thank you, Reno. Thank you for everything. Please don’t be upset.”
Reno smiled and hugged him back. “I love ya, Runt. You don’t have to thank me
for anything. I shoulda been here to take care of ya.”
“No no, you deserve to have a life too besides takin care of me. I got this
now. I’ll stay away from the junk and keep my own ass in line, I promise.”
Reno hugged him and rubbed his back, “Do you have any idea how much I love you,
Axel?”
He pulled back and looked at him… Reno almost never used his given name. “I
love you too.”
“I gotta go on a mission and I’ll be gone for a while. I want ya ta call me or
text me every day and lemme know yer ok, yo. I won’t be able ta work if I donno
yer ok.” He held Axel’s face in his hands. “And write everything down, yo. I
want you to write down when ya take yer meds so ya don’t forget ok.”
“Ok I will.” Axel turned his head to kiss his brother’s hand.
Reno cooked Axel’s favorite for dinner then they went to shower and went to bed
early. They clung to one another whispered to each other sleepily as they
dozed. Reno woke at 3 a.m. and laid watching Axel sleep. He petted his hair and
touched the tattoos on his face. Axel’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled,
“What are ya doin?” he whispered.
“Memorizin this face, yo. Relaxed and peaceful, that’s how I wanna think of ya
while I’m gone.” Reno whispered back. Axel kissed him softly. Reno held up a
hand that Axel immediately pressed his own palm to, then twined their fingers
together and closed his eyes.
Reno fell into a deep sleep plagued by nightmares that Axel was missing and he
couldn’t find him.
The next morning as he cooked breakfast for them, Axel sat flipping through the
newspaper. He paused while reading. “Hey Reno…Da’s dead.”
Reno quirked a brow as he felt a heaviness left from his heart. “Good. Bout
time yo. How many eggs ya want?”
“Two is good.” Axel said, and life went on. 

For Axel’s first year at Midgar U, he unknowingly had a baby Turk as a roommate
so Reno could focus on his career. He excelled in his field and was granted to
begin a study which he completed over the summer and had published in the fall.
Staying busy helped him get through the times Reno was away and it also helped
him to earn multiple degrees. Axel found that he worked well under pressure but
he made sure not to neglect his weekend partying.
Unbeknownst to his Nobody, Reno ended up in rehab twice during the years he
attended MU. He had a bit of trouble sleeping which led to a bit of trouble
partying when he couldn’t sleep. None the worse for wear, he was there to see
his brother receive his Masters in Psychology.
Reno had taken his lumps and earned his spot with the Turks as an assassin just
as Axel had taken his, and showed all of Midgar that a street rat from the
slums with freaky hair and tattoos on his face could outshine the upper plate’s
brightest. Celebrations were in order.

“What’s this?” Reno asked as he looked over some paperwork that Axel had put on
the table between them while they waited for their dinner.
“I wanna get my PhD…” Axel said as he knocked back another shot. “Doin a
dissertation will be a pain in my fuckin ass but I know I got it.” He tapped
two fingers to his temple as Reno chuckled.
“I think I wanna do my study on twins and multiples but I haven’t decided on a
direction yet. I got the summer and there’s so much…I got enough research for a
good foundation with some other studies that I did before but I need…ah…I don’t
wanna bore ya but…” Axel said as the waiter returned with their food.
Reno thought of the blonde hottie at work who had quadruplets at Twilight
University and the fact that the Turks had a target in Twilight Town who they
were still gathering dirt on…if he could get Axel to do his study there, then
he could keep an eye on him as well as Cloud’s kids that he was always worrying
about.
He debated telling Axel but then decided against it. He needed to focus on his
dissrtr…dissera…what the fuck ever he needed to focus on for his PhD, plus he
should be unbiased. Reno realized that Axel had been talking the entire time
his mind was wandering.
“…so I already have two years. I just want one more…Reno?”
“Yeah, yeah. I was listenin yo. Lemme help you. I have a few connections so
lemme see what I can come up with before ya decide where ta go.”
“Thanks Reno. I sure have missed you. We goin home tonight or you gotta leave
again?” Axel asked trying not to let Reno hear how desperately he hoped he
would be staying home.
“I’m home for a while yo. Got some office work to do…” Reno said as he thought
of Cloud then smiled. “I love ya Runt.”
“I love you too.”
***** THE STRIFE *****
Chapter Notes
     I added a few dividers because of the length of this chapter.
                                  THE STRIFE

“I killed him…I killed him…” Cloud wept in the old church in sector five where
he collapsed after dragging back to Midgar half out of his mind from Mako
poisoning. He had escaped the mad scientists who had shanghaied his body after
Nibelheim burned, but not without first being turned into a science project. He
was suffering from extreme PTSD and there was a constant buzzing inside his
head and he thought he would go insane from it. He saw Sephiroth’s face
everywhere, he saw Zack’s face each time he closed his eyes. Staring through
tears, he puked on the floor where he lay, and then slept.
Waking to someone poking you isn’t ever pleasant but when the poking is
accompanied by a nagging voice that you’ve heard since your childhood…it’s
enough to make you…
“WHAT?!” Cloud snapped as he sat upright and reached for the buster sword that
he had lugged all the way from wherethefuckever.
Tifa glared at him. “We all thought you were dead! Where the fuck have you
been? Do you know how upset I’ve been?! Do you realize what you’ve put Denzel
and Marlene through? I can’t believe you’re just lying here sleeping like you
don’t have a care in the world!”
Cloud rubbed his face with both hands as he sat trying to mentally turn the
volume down on the nagging bitch standing over him. He was sorry he fucked
her…ever. In his mind, he prayed to his mom’s gods that this was all a bad
dream…or a prank. Yeah that would be really funny…the Turks could pull off a
prank like that.
“…and what the fuck is going on with your eyes? Are you stoned?! I swear to God
Cloud Strife if you’ve been laid up here getting high all this time, I will
kick your ass! Get your ass down to the bar and see the kids!”
Die…die…die Cloud thought as he looked at her from between gloved fingers. At
19 he should’ve been laid up somewhere stoned and not saving the fucking
planet, or listening to this. Fuck my life…just fuck it. Cloud stood shakily
and brushed off his pants, looked down at the dried vomit on the floor then at
Tifa’s angry face and said, “Whatever…” as he walked past her toward the door.
“So that’s all you have to say?! You are unbelievable! I can’t believe you take
everything so lightly! No wonder Sephiroth loved you; you’re just as heartless
as he was!”
Cloud turned at that with his hand still on the door and growled, “Don’t speak
his name to me. You didn’t know him.”
“Like you did? If you knew him so well, how come you didn’t stop him BEFORE he
killed our parents, huh Cloud?” Tifa spat with her arms crossed over her chest.
“I’m sure you think because you’re sucking someone’s dick that you know all
about them but obviously you two didn’t do anything else with your mouths…like
talk.”
Cloud slid his hand down the door and turned, advancing a few steps toward Tifa
who instantly raised her fists and scowled. He hissed, “Tifa…don’t stand there
and assume that you know anything about my relationship with Sephiroth…or that
you know anything about sucking dick. Trust me when I say that I’ve gotten
better head from other cadets than I ever did from you.” He felt accomplished
as her face got red and she clenched her fists in anger, and then took a swing
which he easily dodged. “I may not have saved our parents but I saved your
sorry ass…don’t make me fucking regret it more than I do at this moment. Now
get your goddamn ungrateful ass down to the bar and cook me some fucking
dinner.”
Cloud turned and walked out, leaving her there screaming at the top of her
lungs.

He stayed at the bar for a few months after that, until he couldn’t take any
more. Tifa had told him if he was going to live there then he had to pay rent.
Her idea of rent wasn’t Gil, and knowing that he had insomnia she would come in
at random times during the night to collect. He had lots of practice fucking
her to shut her up over the years before he met Sephiroth, but he was ready to
be free from her tyranny- even if it meant he never got laid again. He decided
to run away.
He holed up in an old abandoned house right outside Nibelheim with enough booze
to give himself alcohol poisoning every day for six months. The roof had a hole
in it, the grass was two feet of hay, and there was no running water but he
didn’t care. When everyone found out he was alive he became an instant
celebrity…and he hated it. After an angry phone call from where he hid in a
janitor’s closet at Midgar Mall, ShinRa agreed to give him time off to
recuperate but then he would be expected to resume his military service.
Until that day came he planned to remain happily intoxicated. He would wander
into Midgar at night occasionally to pick up odds and ends…a sack of weed, a
whore, or more booze…SOLDIER metabolism and what not. On one particular foray
into town he ran into Vincent Valentine who proceeded to buy him even more
drinks and laugh at him while he puked. Cloud was a hot mess and Vincent knew
it, so he decided to keep an eye on the brat so he didn’t end up as dead as his
son, Sephiroth.
Vincent looked on as Cloud stood outside his shack, night after night, swinging
his sword and screaming at things only he could see. He cried often and as much
as Vincent wanted to comfort him, he was afraid of getting too close…he was on
a collision course with disaster and suicide was a very real possibility.
Instead of joining him in his misery, he watched and waited. Cloud talked to
himself and tore at his hair. He went hunting for monsters just to have
something to kill. He ignored his phone and rarely ate or slept. Just when
Vincent was ready to give up on the kid, something happened that changed
everything.
One afternoon, ShinRa trucks passed by his shack and he happened to be outside
shirtless, taking a piss. The first two trucks blew by in a hurry but the third
one had a flat and the men changing the tire recognized him immediately. Cloud
Strife, half naked, drunk as fuck with a whiskey bottle one hand and his dick
in the other. He saw them coming his way but he couldn’t stop pissing.
Godfuckingdammit Cloud thought as they came closer and closer. Looking down at
his traitorous member he hissed. “Stoooppppp.”
Finally, he stopped and had just enough time to tuck his dick back into his
jeans but the buttons would have to wait.
"Wow! Cloud Strife! Everyone at ShinRa is looking for you!" One of the men
crowed, smiling.
"Thass bullshit right there cuz if tha turkeys wanned ta fine me...I'd be
foun.” Cloud slurred.
The men had a good laugh and after snapping a few photos, thanked him for his
service and went on their way, but not before Cloud gave them all a shot of
Whiskey. "S'not healthy ta drink lone." He told them.
Within a week he was hauled in to see Rufus ShinRa. “Cloud…I understand that
you’re young and reckless…but it’s time you dried out and got back to work.”
Rufus sat on the corner of his desk looking down endearingly at his (new)
favorite SOLDIER. “I’m worried that you will continue this downward spiral with
the alcohol and…well, you need to be working. You need a purpose…so that things
like this don’t happen anymore.”
Rufus clicked a small remote and a picture of Cloud appeared on the wall. Cloud
bit his lip and watched as Rufus clicked through the photos: Cloud with an arm
around a ShinRa employee while he held a whiskey bottle, Cloud with his hand
down his pants, Cloud pissing. Ugh.
Cloud rubbed his face. “What do you want from me, Rufus?”
Rufus’ face went blank. “Resume your duties, soldier. I commend you for what
you did. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to …do that. But the
company needs you.”
Cloud stared then nodded. Sure, he thought the company needs me to be their
poster boy. Better than a rent boy. Rufus watched him process. “I know you may
not realize or believe that, but it’s true. We’ve raised you to first class
status and are prepared to make you a General as soon as you submit to the
diagnostics that the science department requires.”
Cloud was dumbfounded and said quietly, “Rufus…I’m no general…”
“But you are. Give it some thought at least. I understand that you’re still in
mourning but just think about it and what it could mean for your future.” Rufus
clasped his hands.
“I’ll think about it.” Cloud spoke seriously and honestly as he thought of how
generous his boss was being, considering the fact that he had killed his world
famous general. “Hey Rufus…sorry about the um…” he pointed at the photo of
himself still on the wall, larger than life.
Rufus smiled mischievously, “I’m keeping them in my personal collection.”
Cloud laughed and left him there to ogle his image.

After a week with Tifa and the children, Cloud moved to ShinRa tower and
settled into his new office. He stayed in touch with Denzel and Marlene and let
them sleep over on weekends but kept his contact with Tifa to a minimum. She
seemed even more volatile since he moved out and he wished secretly that she
would fall in love with someone and be happy.
One afternoon his secretary buzzed and she was crying. Instead of buzzing her
back or taking the call, he went out to her desk. “What’s wrong Judith?”
She sniffled and said, “It’s that horrible woman from the bar. She’s angry
and…she accused me of sleeping with you, Mr. Strife.”
Cloud looked at his middle-aged secretary and sat down on her desk. “I’m sorry.
She’s…a bitch. Don’t worry about anything she says. Everyone knows she’s nuts.
I’m sure if Bob got wind of her accusations he would laugh it off. He knows how
much you love him, Judith.”
She smiled and dried her tears as Cloud picked up the phone from her desk and
snapped, “Why didn’t you call my cell?”
Judith watched as the color ran from Cloud’s face then he dropped the phone.
She could still hear expletives being shouted from it as it lay on the desk.
Cloud stood and told her that she could have the rest of the day off before
going back into his office to collect his things and leave.
Walking into the bar, he didn’t even slow down as he passed all the glasses and
got a bottle of vodka before finding Tifa upstairs. She was done shouting but
was still crying. “Cloud what am I going to do?”
“I’ll take care of you.” He assured her before taking a long drink. He had
stopped in the doorway to her room just in case of fits of temper.
“Her eyes snapped up at him. Oh great! I was thinking I’d have to shut down the
bar to have enough money for the procedure. God! Maybe you are going to be a
help in this.” She began drying her tears, looking relieved.
“Well it’s my baby, Tifa… of course I’m gonna take care of all that. I wouldn’t
expect you to pay for prenatal care and childbirth and…”
She cut him off, “I’m nothavingthis baby. Are you stupid?”
Cloud gawked at her and sat his bottle down as he stepped inside and closed the
door behind him. The closer he got to her the higher his eyebrows went and the
brighter his mako eyes glowed. “You will have this baby. You will take care of
yourself and my baby or I will have you put in a place where you won’t have a
choice. I have lost everything in this life that was dear to me except your
nagging ass, and you will not take this baby away from me. Do you understand
what I am saying to you right now?”
She screamed and hurled a pillow, a book, and a lamp. Cloud used the pillow to
deflect the book and the lamp before leaving her there with her first and only
warning about his child.
Two weeks later, they went to see her doctor under the façade of happy
expectant parents. Two months later the doctor told them they were expecting
quadruplets. Cloud was over the moon and set about preparing for four babies
instead of one. The doctor explained about the higher instance of multiple
births in military families and said that it was probably attributed to the
treatments SOLDIERs received. Tifa was miserable and no longer bothered to hide
it from her doctor.
Over the course of the pregnancy Cloud tried to talk her into marriage, even if
in name only, but she refused. He bought a huge house in Costa del Sol but she
refused to live there. She demanded he quit the military but he refused, just
as she refused to sever her ties with Avalanche. As months passed and the
babies began to move and kick, she seemed to resent him even more. The days of
summer wore on and her health began to fail. Confined to bed, she began to
ponder what each of her babies would look like and how much like Cloud they
would be. The thought of all four of them looking like her would be a fitting
reward for his ruining of her life, she thought with a wistful smile, but every
Strife she had ever seen was blonde and blue-eyed…strong genes and such.
Her physical decline led her doctor to insist on an early delivery and in a
moment of nostalgia, she chose Cloud’s birthday for the procedure. As the
babies were born they were handed off to Cloud by a nurse and he held them for
Tifa to see. Cloud had chosen their names: First was Ventus, then Vanitas, then
Sora, and last was Roxas. They were all beautiful and perfect and healthy.
Soon after the delivery, Tifa coded and was rushed into surgery but her organs
were failing. During the night, with Cloud at her side she took her last
breath. He was devastated as he said goodbye to his childhood friend and lover,
and the mother of his children. He wept, and felt for a moment that he was
being punished for wanting a family and happiness.
Vincent showed up early the next morning with flowers for the new mom and
cigars for Cloud. What he found was an exhausted father and a deceased mother.
Knowing that Cloud couldn’t mentally take much more, he set to work on helping
in any way he could, all his resolve to remain detached- out the window. He
thought of his own son and how he had never been much more than an acquaintance
to him during his short life, and he saw this as penance. Maybe helping Cloud
would in turn help him bear the pain of finding out about Sephiroth too late.

Vincent left reluctantly that first night at home in Costa but Cloud insisted
he would call if he needed help. He needed time to think. Watching his sons
sleep, he reflected on the past three days. His boys were delivered on his
birthday as per Tifa’s wishes… and she was gone. Vincent had come to welcome
the new babies and congratulate the couple but instead ended up helping with
funeral arrangements. Once that was over, all he needed to do was take them
home to Costa del Sol. He had bought a beautiful home on the beach...Well
ShinRa bought it when Rufus learned of the pregnancy. He had told him to find a
house to raise his children in and the company would foot the bill. Cloud had
been so excited to tell Tifa but it was short lived when she became angry and
refused to live there. She said she didn't want anything that ShinRa gave him.
He kept the house hoping to take them there for her recuperation because he was
sure she would fall in love with the place once she saw it… she never did.
Sora cried out, startling the new dad, and he rushed over. He was awake and
holding onto Roxas. A tear slid down Cloud’s cheek as he thought of how happy
his mom would have been to hold the boys. Vanitas cooed and Cloud smiled.
"You're talkative."
And so it went. Feeding took a long time and Cloud soon figured out that if he
put them in their bouncers he could feed two at a time. Nighttime feedings were
toughest because they would all be wailing at the same time. Diapers were
ridiculous and he had cases delivered to the house. By the end of the first
week he felt like he had done OK but it was time to restock the house and he
wasn't going to take his 4 newborns to the super center.
"Vince hi... I need to go do a little shopping for the house. You think you
could come by for a while?"
Vincent was only blocks away at a hotel, expecting Cloud to be calling. When he
came over, he had reinforcements in the form of Cid and Shera. Cloud beamed as
they came in and Shera shook her head at Cloud in awe. "How have you managed,
baby? This house is so clean and not a thing out of place."
"It was easy...I haven't had time to mess it up. The boys’ room, now that’s
another story." Cloud laughed.
When they entered the nursery, it wasn't as bad as all that. The boys were
sleeping and Shera couldn't wait to get her hands on them. Cid just stared with
tears in his eyes. "Goddammit boy they look like you spit em out." he
whispered.
Cloud looked tired but happy and later, he would explain that even though he
had lost four people dear to him: his mom, Sephiroth, Zack, and Tifa, he had
gained four. He recalled his mom telling him once that the goddess gave to us
but she also took away, and she would never leave us with nothing…if all you
have is a beating heart, you have something. Cloud felt like the richest man on
Planet because he had four healthy sons and a nice place to raise them, a good
job to provide for them, and good friends to enjoy his life with. Cloud Strife
felt blessed….and tired.

Weeks went by and Vincent popped in from time to time to find Cloud always
happy, always tired, and most of the time disheveled.
“Why don’t you take a night off? Go somewhere and drink a little…unwind. Get
some sleep for Gaia’s sake.” Vincent chuckled and Cloud peered into the mirror
in his foyer. His hair was wrecked and he had dark circles under his eyes.
Making a face, he giggled. Vincent shook his head. “I’m calling Cid and Shera
and then I’m getting you outta here.”
He took Cloud to a bar where he let him drink until he was adequately sloshed,
then drove him to a hotel nearby. Cloud was singing as they entered the
expensive hotel and the lady at the desk recognized him. “Mr. Strife! How are
you? What can we do for you this evening?”
Vincent spoke up on his behalf as Cloud stood with a silly grin and played with
the pen on the counter. “He needs a room for two nights. He needs quiet and if
you don’t mind…call me if he checks out early.” Vincent gave her a card and
smiled, showing a little fang.
“Of course, Mr. Valentine.” She returned the knowing smile as she made the
arrangements. “Will Mr. Strife be making use of the spa? It would be very
refreshing for him. We all here are aware that he has four new babies and I
think he would benefit greatly from a visit to the spa.”
“That sounds great…in the morning…and thank you.” Vincent said. He saw Cloud up
to his room and then left him to sleep it off.
Once left alone, Cloud stripped and collapsed onto the huge bed, falling asleep
almost instantly. He never heard the faint peck or the whispers of housekeeping
Mr. Strife…
Before leaving the hotel, Vincent made other arrangements to have something
delivered to Cloud during his stay at the hotel. He instructed the three young
ladies before him: “He’s 20, mako enhanced, and hasn’t had any fun in quite
some time…enjoy.”
The next morning Cloud slept through his massage and his facial, then fell
asleep again in the sauna. Early that afternoon he called Vincent to say thank
you for everything and that he was coming home because he missed his kids. As
soon as he arrived, before greeting anyone, he scooped up Ventus and Vanitas,
kissing them and smelling their hair.
“You have a good time, blondie?” Cid asked grinning.
“Yeah…” Cloud mumbled as he snuggled his sons. “The housekeeping was
excellent.”
Cid laughed and Cloud giggled.
Shera was holding Sora and Roxas while they slept. “These two have to be
together all the time, don’t they?”
“Yeah Sora and Roxas are inseparable. It gets kinda hairy at feeding and
bathing time but as long as they’re touching one another in some way it’s not
so bad.” Cloud nodded. “These guys are a little more independent.”

Months passed and the boys progressed a bit ahead of schedule for normal
unenhanced babies. Soon came teething and Vincent once again urged Cloud to
take a break. “I had a break on Sunday.” Cloud yawned. “I took them all to the
park and read for a while.”
Vincent looked surprised and asked, "Really now? What did you read?"
Cloud chuckled "I read that book on teething...the one with all the helpful
hints."
Vincent laughed and clapped his friend on the back "You’re unbelievable, Cloud.
You never cease to amaze me. Youdo know that you're a wonderful father, right?"
"I know many things, sensei..." Cloud laughed. "Many things I know pertain to
diapers and burping and formula but I have acquired great knowledge… but I
guess I could use a night out. The boys probably wouldn't mind a night away
from me as well. Let me get some notes together for you and Cid and Shera…a lot
has changed in the past few months.”
When Cloud was gone, Vincent and Cid looked over the notes he left and began to
think that they had bitten off more than they could chew. “What the blue hell
is all this?”
“It looks like lists of things for each boy…Sora has to be with Roxas…Vanitas
can’t be next to Roxas…Ventus will only sleep with Vanitas…I hope these little
shits have their names on all their clothes.” Vincent snorted.
Shera walked through carrying Sora who was wailing away and chewing on his
hand. Vincent and Cid looked back at the lists and scanned them, but by the
time they found anything about teething Shera had already rubbed Sora’s gums
with the oil and returned him to Roxas, quieting him immediately. She looked at
the dumbfounded men and smiled, “The lists were for you guys. I talk to Cloud
at least once a week so I know what’s going on. Why don’t you two go make us
some tea?”
They stalked off to the kitchen grumbling about Cloud and Shera having baby
secrets.

When the boys were six months old, Cloud tried a few nannies, none of whom he
felt measured up. His year of paternity leave was half gone and he had to make
some big decisions… later.
One afternoon when the boys were eight months they got a surprise visit from
‘Uncle Rufus’. Cloud welcomed him inside and warned that his white suit may not
remain white for very long.
“Come on in…I’ve been in the floor with the boys all morning.” Cloud explained.
“I think today’s the day!”
Noticing that he held a small video camera Rufus asked, “Day for what? Are they
graduating already? Where are the little beasts?”
Cloud laughed, “No. Roxas has been trying so hard to walk…I think he’ll do it
today.”
Following him out to the carpeted solarium, Rufus sat down and stared at the
small Cloud replicas. Their hair had lightened to shades of blonde except for
one. The one pulling up on the chair’s hair was so blonde it was nearly white.
Cloud sat down gracelessly on his ass, on the floor and reached out. “Come on
Roxas, come to Daddy!”
Roxas looked away from Rufus to Cloud and grinned, then turned and cautiously
released the chair, taking his first steps. Rufus watched the spectacle of
Cloud celebrating with his sons who had all begun to giggle. He was trapped
there between joy for Cloud, sadness that his own father had been a piece of
shit, and fear because all the baby laughter was beginning to sound like a
horror movie soundtrack.
The two men watched as Roxas crawled to Sora and pulled his shirt toward the
chair. Sora followed and Roxas pulled himself up then reached down for Sora. He
held Sora’s shirt as he also stood and then they walked together before
plopping down again and laughing. Ventus and Vanitas watched them quietly and
then looked at one another before crawling over to attempt the same feat. They
were successful as well and Cloud was celebrating all over again. Rufus was
near tears as he got onto the floor on his knees to play with the babies. They
crawled all over him and drooled on his suit, but he didn’t seem to care.
He and Cloud were relatively close in age and watching Cloud with his kids made
everything he did as president of ShinRa seem very insignificant. He made
himself a fixture in their lives, despite his demanding position and made a
point to be there for all of the occasions that his own father had delegated to
the Turks.
When their first birthday came around he showed up with a crew of men who sat
to work behind the house building a playground complete with a pirate ship to
climb onto. By the end of the party the men were done and the boys were taken
out to play. Rufus played with them for a while but then returned to Cloud’s
side. “I’d like a word, if you have a moment.”
“Sure. This is great by the way.” Cloud pointed at the new construction.
“Well, you guys deserve it. There’s something else, Cloud. I know that you’re
reporting back to work next week and your job requires some travel.” Rufus
said, watching Vincent play with Vanitas.
Cloud’s eyes dropped and he nodded. “Vince and Cid are gonna pitch in and help
with the boys but…”
“I know, I understand…and that’s why I’ve decided to offer you a position that
will allow you to be home every day and also to work mostly from home…if you’re
interested.” Rufus turned to look at Cloud who was staring at him with his
mouth slightly open in shock. “I…Rufus, I don’t know what to say. What position
am I qualified for, I mean there’s nothing…I’m just a General and that’s all I
know how to…”
“Director of SOLDIER. You’ll retain your title as General of course but I’ve
been acting as interim director since Lazard…anyway, I think you’d make an
excellent Director and if you don’t accept, then I will appoint you.” Rufus
smirked.
Cloud was tearing up and lowered his head, hoping his boss didn’t notice. “I
donno what to say Rufus…thank you.”
Rufus lifted his chin with a finger and smiled at Cloud’s tears, “Happy
birthday, Cloud.”

Cloud took over as director of SOLDIER and stayed home as much as he could. The
boys grew fast and milestone after milestone came and went. By the time they
were three, he was considering therapy for Roxas because other than whispering
to Sora, he wouldn't speak to anyone else.
One day as he tried to draw him out Ventus and Vanitas watched with interest.
"Rox, did you know that of all you boys, you look the most like me?"
Roxas looked at him with large blue eyes and touched his hair, then touched
Cloud's hair. Cloud smiled. "What is that? What do we have that's the same,
Roxas?”
Roxas whispered "Haiw”
Cloud smiled wider, pleased that he had gotten a response that hadn’t first
been filtered through Sora. "That's right baby. Can you tell me what color our
hair is?”
"Lellow" Roxas whispered even softer than the first time.
"That's good, Roxy. I'll ask one more question and then it'll be your turn OK.
Let's see..." Cloud looked over at Vanitas and winked. "What color is Vanitas’
hair?"
Roxas looked at his brother lovingly and whispered, "Blllack. It's my fabrit."
Vanitas grinned with pride and Cloud was stunned. That was the most Roxas had
spoken to him in one sitting, in his life. Feeling accomplished, Cloud upheld
his end of the deal. "OK now it's your turn. You can ask me any question you
want."
Roxas turned to Sora who was sitting by his side holding his hand as always,
and leaned over to whisper. Sora put his hand on Roxas’ cheek while he
whispered and nodded vigorously. Roxas whispered a bit louder this time. "Who's
da man dat watch us?"
Cloud smiled, "You mean Uncle Vincent or Uncle Cid?"
Roxas looked confused and shook his head. "Dat man inna black shiwt wif
shiiiiny haiw." Roxas made the hand motion to indicate long flowing hair.
Cloud’s jaw snapped closed and he looked at the other three boys.
“When does this man watch you?” He asked, trying not to let his panic show on
his face.
“All the time.” Sora spoke in Roxas’ stead.
“He’s here now.” Ventus added.
Cloud looked around the room even though he knew they were there alone. They
must have made up an imaginary friend, he thought. Ack…why would they make
their imaginary friend look like Sephiroth? Cloud had a chill that shook his
entire body and Vanitas giggled. Cloud chuckled nervously. “That was funny, huh
Vani?”
“He touched you.” Vanitas giggled seemingly delighted that their invisible
friend was theirs alone, and had the ability to tease their dad.
Cloud held his breath for a second and then asked, “I have some pictures…will
you tell me if the man in the pictures is your friend?”
All four boys said, “YEEEESSSSS!!” and clapped their hands. Oookay…Cloud
thought apparently Seph still has a fan club. He retrieved two photos from his
room: one of Sephiroth in uniform and one of him that Cloud himself had taken
where he was in jeans and a tee. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he herded
the boys around to see.
“I’m going to show you a picture now and you tell me if this is your friend
ok?” Cloud was holding the pictures to his chest as the quads nodded and waited
for the picture to be revealed. Cloud flipped the photo of Sephiroth in
uniform. It was the stock photo used by the media when Sephiroth died and was
taken only months before Nibelheim. The boys looked at the photo closely, and
then at one another.
“Dat’s not him.” Roxas spoke up for the group, which was a first.
“Okay guys well, this other one is the same man, so I guess I don’t know who
your friend is.” Cloud lay the other photo down beside the first one before he
made to pick them both up.
“Dat’s him! Dat’s him, Daddy!” Vanitas squealed, making the others look and
they all erupted into screams and squeals of delight. Cloud looked at the photo
of smiling, happy Seph and his heart ached to be held by those arms again. He
could almost smell his hair and hear his laughter…it was as if he was there but
just out of his reach. He watched as his kids passed the photo back and forth
and decided immediately that it needed to be laminated so as not to be
destroyed out of love by little sticky hands. 
“What his name Daddy?” Roxas asked as he stared at the photo.
“His name is Seph.” Cloud said reverently. They whispered among themselves and
eventually began playing ball, the photo forgotten. Seeing his opening, the
tired father went to his kitchen to get coffee. When he returned, the boys
turned all at once to face him and froze.
Knowing guilt when he saw it, he scanned the room but found nothing unusual
until he heard a plop… plop.. plop, plop, plop as their ball bounced then
rolled toward his feet from the opposite side of the room. Taking a deep breath
and closing his eyes briefly, he swallowed his heart down from his throat and
said in his best playfully scolding voice, “Seph! You better not make a mess in
here!”
The boys erupted into giggles and Sora ran to get the ball. Cloud watched them
play and chase each other around the solarium and he watched occasionally as
the ball seemed to change direction or was batted down if it went too high. The
tears were coming…oh yes.
Unwilling to risk upsetting his boys, he stepped into the bathroom and locked
the door before he slid down onto the floor to cry. He sobbed with his face
buried in a towel and thought he’s been here all along. Life was so unfair and
he felt so selfish for wishing that he could still have him. He felt he should
count his blessings and be grateful, and not pine after impossible things.
Cleaning himself up and trying his best not to look like a wreck, he emerged to
find his kids sitting in a half circle talking and holding hands. They looked
up at him and began to speak in turn like they did so often.
“Seph say he sorry Daddy.” Ventus began.
“Sorry he made you cry.” Vanitas continued.
“He say he loves you.” Sora smiled.
“And us.” Roxas whispered.
Cloud went over and sat down in front of them and Roxas squeaked, his eyes
getting huge and Sora clapped his hand over his mouth while Ventus and Vanitas
giggled. “Let me guess…I sat on Seph?”
They all nodded and had a good laugh with Cloud. It took some getting used to
but Cloud adjusted to life with Ghost Seph and as suddenly as it started, so
did it stop.

By the time the boys were 5 they didn’t seem to recall having an imaginary
friend at all. Cloud played with them on the playground in back of the house
and marveled at how different they had all become despite looking so much
alike. One thing hadn’t changed though. Roxas and Sora were still inseparable.
They still whispered and held hands.
Sometimes Sora would stare off into space and his eyes would become empty but
there seemed to be no other symptoms so Cloud decided he was just lost in his
imagination and tried not to worry. Vanitas had shown a little bit of temper,
but Ventus was always there to calm him down. He was the voice of five-year-old
reason.
Their first day of school was an adventure in itself. Cloud had chosen the best
private school on the island for his boys and had them all in uniform and ready
to go. There were the usual hold-ups like Sora’s bladder or Vanitas and Ventus
goofing off on their own planet but they made it there on time.
When parent hour was up and Cloud left, he didn't make it any farther than the
coffee shop on the corner. He unpacked his laptop to work, promising himself
that he wouldn't make a habit of it. Scrolling through his emails and trying
not to look at the clock, he paid no attention to the customers coming in or
leaving the shop. He sat for a time engrossed in his work when someone cleared
their throat very near him. Cloud raised his head first and then his eyes.
"Let me guess...you just couldn't get any farther from the school." Rufus
smiled.
"Well it is the first day...wanna join me?" Cloud pushed the chair across from
him with his foot.
Rufus sat and Cloud noticed that he wasn't in his trademark white. "Are you
actually having a day off, Rufus?"
"Yes! What gave me away the street clothes or the fact that I'm getting my own
coffee?" Rufus chuckled.
"Both." Cloud smirked.
Rufus reached across the table and closed Cloud’s laptop. "For God’s sake, if I
can take a day off so can you."
Cloud smiled and flagged a waitress over. "Will you get me a refill and
whatever my boss wants?"
The waitress winked at Cloud and then turned to Rufus, "What would you like Mr.
ShinRa?"
Rufus grinned at her fiendishly. "I was trying to be incognito today but I see
I've failed."
She blushed, "Everyone knows you sir."
Rufus placed his order and sat back to wait. "So, Cloud, what will you be doing
with your free time while the boys are in school?"
"Working… I hope to spend more time at the office if they adjust well." Cloud
fingered the edge of his cup.
Rufus watched him for a moment and then remarked, "Cloud...are you aware that
in 5 years you haven't changed a bit? I'm not talking about your attitude; I
mean the way you look. You don't look a day over 19. It's frightening, I tell
you."
Cloud laughed, "Well...I don't really know what to say. Thank you? After all it
was your science department that developed the pickle juice I was submerged in
for months."
Rufus grinned. "I guess you're right there. I wonder how you will look in ten
years?"
Cloud smiled and a blush tinted his cheeks. "The boys will be 15...that alone
scares the shit out of me. I'm not really concerned with my looks."
"And that's part of what makes you beautiful." Rufus said as the waitress
returned.

The boys enjoyed school and were eager to learn and the first parent’s
conference was informative. "Mr. Strife, please sit. I'd like to start by
saying that your boys are very bright and eager in the classroom. They are far
beyond their classmates academically and developmentally so we have made
accommodations by having half their day in a different class with more advanced
instruction."
“That’s good… I mean I want them, for now at least to be in the same grade with
kids their own age. Kids can be so cruel and I don’t want them exposed to that
unnecessarily. They have the eyes and people will begin to single them out soon
enough.”
“I agree.” She took out individual folders for the boys and opened the first
one. "Ventus is the class peacemaker. It's amazing how quickly he can diffuse a
bad situation between others and he loves to organize tea parties with the
dolls."
Cloud looked at his writing and artwork and was satisfied.
"Vanitas is the defender. He will not suffer a bully to live." She giggled as
she opened his folder.
"Has he been fighting?" Cloud asked with concern.
"No, but he defends all the smaller or more timid students. He has many
friends." She smiled warmly. "Sora is so silly. He does his work and never
disrupts class but at playtime he always has an audience."
Cloud nodded. "He’s silly at home as well. He’s always making the other boys
laugh."
"Roxas is quiet. He’ll answer if I ask him a question but he doesn't talk to
any of the other children besides his siblings. This concerns me, Mr. Strife."
This would be the first of many teachers who were concerned about Roxas.

A brief affair with the kindergarten teacher led to an amicable split
eventually but left Cloud with a void once again. Busying himself with his kids
and work, he slid headlong into an affair with his boss, the man himself. The
boys enjoyed having Uncle Rufus around more often and of course there were
amazing vacations, outings, and gifts, but the other most noticeable change in
their lives was Vincent. He had become more scarce.
Cloud was accustomed to Vincent disappearing now and then but it had been so
long since his last hiatus, he had to wonder of it had something to do with
Rufus… of course it did.

One evening he was watching the evening news and chatting with Cid while Rufus
played with the boys. He was trying to explain that Vanitas had begun cursing
more lately.
“Well I don’t know why the hell he’s cussin more than normal.” Cid barked.
“None would be good…” Cloud said quietly, trying not to get Cid wound up.
“It ain’t hurtin a damn thing for that boy to use his words.” Cid grumbled.
“He’s been cussin since he could talk…its part of who he is.”
The kids all came inside squealing “It’s raining! Uncle Rufus did a rain dance
and made it rain!”
He stood behind them grinning like a fiend. Sora and Roxas ran off upstairs
while Vanitas and Ventus sat down with Cloud. “What ya watchin, Daddy?” they
asked in unison.
“I just turned on the news. You guys need to get changed for dinner.” Cloud
patted their legs as he stood and strolled into the kitchen.
The news anchor was talking about the re-building of Nibelheim and Vanitas was
completely engrossed. Rufus watched the boy as he listened. There was a picture
of Sephiroth behind the anchor as he talked and as soon as it was over Vanitas
and Ventus hopped off the sofa, crowing about how awesome that General
Sephiroth looked in his uniform, then ran upstairs to change their clothes.
Later at dinner Vanitas sat slicing the air with the bread “I’m Sephiroth…gonna
burn the whole damn town…”
Cloud glanced at Rufus helplessly and then turned his eyes to his raven-haired
son. “Could you stop being him at the table, please…and watch your language.”

The boys were 8 when they got expelled from their first private school. Vanitas
had attacked a bully and used a pencil as a weapon. Never mind that the bully
was two years his senior and half a foot taller. Cloud went down to the school
where the mother of the bully called Vanitas a monster… and it deteriorated
from there. Two days later he got a phone call from the board of directors at
the school saying that maybe his boys would fit in better at a different
academy. Cloud hung up the phone and announced, “We’re going on vacation!”
 
The boys enjoyed their ski vacation while Cloud searched online for a new
school and called Rufus, asking him to join them at the mountain resort.
“The boys got kicked out of school so you took them skiing?” Rufus asked
grinning when he arrived.
“Yeah, I know…father of the year, right?” Cloud smirked. Rufus opened his mouth
to reply when all four boys ran by them laughing and squealing, “Vani has a
girlfriend!”
Cloud watched them blaze a trail through the indoor play land and shook his
head. “I have my hands full.”
“That you do, Cloud…that you do.” Rufus beamed with pride when he saw the cause
of all the giggles and squeals: a little blonde girl smiling at Vanitas.
That night the boys were gathered for story time and Sora had laid his head on
Roxas’ shoulder. Cloud watched the two and it seemed the dynamic between them
was shifting. Sora had always led Roxas after their first steps but now Roxas
seemed to do more leading again and Sora was more passive, and they still held
hands and whispered to one another. Roxas whispered to all the boys but he and
Sora were constantly at one another’s side.
When story time was over and the boys went off to bed, Cloud and Rufus decided
to have a drink by the fire. Sora and Roxas watched from the top of the stairs.
Sitting in the shadows, holding hands, Roxas whispered. “Why did Vani kiss that
girl?”
“Cause he thinks she’s pretty I guess.” Sora whispered back.
Roxas huffed, “I don’t think any girl is pretty enough to kiss. I don’t like
him kissing…it’s not right.”
“But why, Roxy?” Sora asked.
“Because…he doesn’t kiss you and me and Ven. Why would he wanna kiss a stupid
girl?” Roxas pouted.
Sora thought for a moment then asked, “Do you want Vani to kiss us?”
“I think it’s only fair.” Roxas scowled. “Don’t you?”
Sora nodded and they went off to demand their kisses from Vanitas.
 
“Why do you want me to kiss you?” Vanitas asked with his arms folded across his
chest, feeling very worldly and mature since he had been the first to get a
kiss from a girl that wasn’t a teacher or babysitter.
“Because we’re your brothers and you’re supposed to love us more.” Roxas
snapped. Ventus sat between them looking from one to the other like a tennis
match- his usual vantage point when Vanitas and Roxas argued. Vanitas looked at
Ventus to gauge his reaction, then leaned over and kissed his cheek.
Roxas squinted his eyes at Vanitas in anger, prompting him to smirk and lean
over to kiss Sora. Sora giggled and returned the kiss on the cheek. He ruffled
Sora’s hair and looked at Roxas defiantly, then kissed him right on the lips.
Roxas beamed with satisfaction and there would be no more arguments about girls
and kisses until much later.
Downstairs by the fire Cloud got his share of kisses from Rufus and the next
morning Rufus took Cloud’s laptop and phone and shooed him out to play with the
boys. When he came in frozen and exhausted they were being enrolled in another
private academy in Costa that was far more expensive than Cloud would have
liked.

The Strife quads were fiercely popular in their new school and took total
advantage of it. Their dad was a war hero and everyone knew his name. Ventus
was still herding them all downstairs for school at age 10 and Sora and Roxas
were still holding hands. There had been an issue in the beginning, and Cloud
even encouraged the boys to do things separately once in a while but when they
did things separately two things happened: Sora had anxiety and Roxas got into
fights. Cloud decided that therapy would be a good idea.
Once forcibly liberated from one another, Roxas became introverted and started
skateboarding while Sora became more and more outlandish in his behavior. The
therapist seemed to think that Roxas was acting out but Sora’s behavior had
nothing to do with whether or not he was in the immediate company of his
brother. “Sora is exhibiting some signs of schizophrenia, Mr. Strife. I’d like
to spend more time with him.”
After Cloud got a call from the school saying that Sora was being disruptive
and talking to himself until they returned him to Roxas, Cloud relented.


“So, Sora…why don’t you tell me what you like to do when you’re not with
Roxas?” The doctor asked as he watched Sora fidget in his seat.
Sora chewed his lip and thought for a moment then said, “I don’t really do
anything …but wait until I can be with Roxy.” Sora looked off to his left and
whispered inaudibly as the doctor wrote.
“It smells funny in here…everything smells funny in here.” Sora mumbled “I
don’t like the smells…I want Roxas. Where is he? Where is Roxas…I thought he
was going to be here today.”
The doctor watched as Sora became increasingly agitated eventually getting up
to pace around the room, asking for Roxas, when suddenly he stopped as if
someone had physically stopped him. His head snapped around to face the doctor
and then he walked right out of the office into the lobby asking everyone he
passed, “Where is Roxas? Have you seen Roxas?”
The first try at medicating Sora didn’t go over well with the other three boys.
Vanitas and Roxas were angry and Ventus cried when Sora didn’t act like himself
anymore. Ven would sit by him until he absolutely had to move and then Roxas
took over, following him wherever he went. All four of the brothers went to the
next therapy session and Cloud was near a breakdown.
“Boys, why don’t we start with Sora? I want each of you to tell me what you
don’t like about what is happening with Sora.” The doctor said and Cloud sat
and waited, knowing that Vanitas had been waiting to get this off his chest,
but Sora was first.
“I don’t like the pills I take because I don’t feel happy anymore. I don’t feel
sad though…I don’t feel anything.” Sora said, then added “and I’m always so
thirsty.”
Roxas butted in. “He doesn’t act like Sora anymore. He’s not happy and it’s
because of the stupid pills.”
Ventus snapped, “There was nothing wrong with him to begin with!”
Vanitas waited a second for the room to quiet then he said, “If I told you
everyone should wear blue ties and that people who don’t wear them needed to be
medicated because they obviously aren’t right in the fucking head, would you
wear a blue tie or take the pills?”
The doctor looked at him for a moment as Cloud whispered, “Language Vanitas.”
“Son, this is far more serious than what your brother wears.”
“I’m not your son and I’m 11 years old so why don’t you explain to us what you
think is wrong with Sor and then we’ll decide how we feel about the goddamn
medicine.” Vanitas snapped as Cloud hissed “Vanitas!”
The doctor raised an eyebrow at Cloud and then explained as best he could to
the boys what schizophrenia was and how Sora needed the medications so that his
behavior didn’t get out of control. They listened and when he was done they
conferred with one another quietly then gathered around Sora.
“Sometimes he sees stuff we don’t see.” Vanitas spoke first.
“And he talks to people who aren’t there.” Ventus added quietly.
“At night sometimes, he gets really scared and cries and won’t stop unless we
sleep in the bathroom.” Roxas added as though he didn’t want to admit it. “I
promised I wouldn’t tell… sorry Sora.”

Sora’s meds were adjusted and readjusted as he turned 12. He became a menace at
school but was constantly defended by his brothers which led to more fighting.
Sora was always pranking other students and rearranging classroom furniture. He
collected toads on a rainy morning and deposited them into his least favorite
teacher’s desk drawer. He and Roxas refused to stop skateboarding in the
hallways and eventually they were excused from that school as well.
"Put their asses in public school with the rest of the riff-raff." Vincent said
as he swallowed a shot of vodka. Cloud had been seeing less and less of Rufus
and as a direct result, Vincent started to show up more often.
Cloud rubbed his eyes. "But what about Sora? He's still adjusting to his meds
and..."
"And nothing." Vincent said pouring another shot. "Sora is never gonna be
normal but the kids at a public school will accept him faster than the snooty
kids he's been dealing with up til now."
Cloud gave it some thought and called the boys down. They were all dog-piling
Vincent as soon as they saw him. "Uncle Vincent! We didn't know you were here!"
Ventus crowed as they all piled on his lap and shoulders.
"Well I just got here about two shots ago." He laughed and Cloud shook his
head. The boys had noticed recently that if Uncle Vincent was doing shots at 6
in the afternoon he would be there all night...and it was Friday.
"How do you boys feel about going to public school?" Cloud asked his brood.
The room erupted in cheers. Vanitas howled "Finally! Thanks Dad! I love you!"
Ventus laughed and whooped loudly hugging Vanitas. Sora whipped Roxas against
him and they were whispering cheek to cheek, still holding hands with big
smiles on their faces. At 12 the boys were sliding headlong into puberty and
Cloud was waiting for the fallout from the hand-holding and whispering. He
watched them talk excitedly about shopping for "regular" clothes since they
didn't need uniforms anymore, sneakers and jeans and jackets and tees and "Dad
can we go to the mall?!"
He laughed and nodded. "This was Uncle Vincent’s idea so he's coming too!"
They dog-piled Vincent again.

Over dinner the boys all chatted about what public school would be like. Cloud
watched them and Vincent watched Cloud. It was like the volume had been turned
up on Cloud’s entire life and after having been friends for so long, he could
see what was going on inside his head. He was like a spring that was being
compressed past the point that it should break.
Cloud Strife wasn’t a control freak. He was not a naturally dominant
personality but he had to be with his kids and he owned that shit. He chose to
be dominant in his relationships and he owned that as well, according to Rufus
ShinRa. But everyone needed some down time and Vincent gave Cloud his down time
now and then, simply because since Sephiroth died, he and Chaos were the only
ones who could.

Later at home they watched movies together. Cloud noticed that Ventus and
Vanitas were giggling over their phones. and he smiled. Sora kept his head on
Roxas’ shoulder whispering to him now and then and Cloud winced at the
closeness of his lips to Roxas’ skin. He whispered to Vincent "Do you find that
weird at all?"
Apparently, Vincent had noticed too because he turned so that lips brushed
Cloud’s ear "Just a little, yes."
Cloud giggled before he could stifle it and all the boys looked up at once.
Vince laughed and made them both drinks. When he sat back down he whispered to
Cloud again, “That’ll probably change as they get older. They’re still children
and you shouldn’t worry.”
Not long after, Sora and Roxas went up to bed. Vanitas was asleep on the sofa
and Ventus was asleep on the floor in front of it. Vincent stood and looked at
Cloud briefly before climbing the stairs.
Cloud entered his bedroom and was blindsided. Vincent grabbed both his wrists,
shoving him down, and pinned him to the bed. Cloud growled as Vincent's eyes
flashed yellow. He nuzzled his throat like a beast as Cloud panted and strained
to free himself.
He always fought at first. It was survival instinct. Cloud knew that Vincent
was just barely in control of Chaos and each time this happened he entertained
the fact, however briefly, that this could be the time he slipped.
Fangs scraped skin as he struggled and grunted, trying to wiggle his wrists
free but the panic began to subside. Vincent reached behind him with one hand
while holding his wrists in the other. Cloud jerked when he saw the leather
strap that Vince obviously had waiting. He quickly tied his wrists as the
SOLDIER's eyes glowed electric blue. "I won't do this tonight "
"You will do what I tell you." Vincent growled as he ripped Cloud’s shirt
completely off and Chaos laughed evilly. His fear forgotten, Cloud squeezed
with his thighs as he kissed him roughly. He could hear the low rumble of a
growl as Vincent divested him of what remained of his clothes and threw them at
the bedside lamp.
He felt the slice of a razor fang across his pectoral and the subsequent drain
of blood that followed, he writhed as hot skin touched his own and continued to
struggle until he was properly bound. Finally, he was able to let go. Cloud
wasn’t in control of anything here; he didn’t need to be so he stopped
fighting. This was his down time.

Their first years in public school changed the quads a lot because they could
be individuals. Vanitas was the tough guy, still defending the weaker or
smaller kids but what had changed was that he looked so different from his
brothers that none of the underclassmen knew he was one of the quads until it
was pointed out. He wore mostly black and liked leather. Cloud allowed him to
get his ears pierced and in doing so, Vanitas found his first love: pain.
Roxas skated everywhere. The misfits at school all gravitated to him and he
seemed right at home surrounded by them.
Ventus fell in with the nerds, joined the cheerleading squad, and was happy
there. Sora had settled somewhat but had developed a compulsion to smell
things...and people. His friends teased him at first but after Roxas smacked
one of them in the back of the head with his skateboard, the others saw the
error of their ways.
Their early teens were developmental and experimental years. Ventus had a
girlfriend, then a boyfriend, then another girlfriend. Vanitas dated lots of
girls but never for long. He said it wouldn’t be fair to the rest if he settled
with one. Sora and Roxas dated a set of twin girls who wanted them to do
everything together. That seemed perfect since they were together every waking
moment. It lasted for nearly an entire school year, but ended suddenly.
"Where are the twins today guys?" Cloud asked.
"We broke up." Sora and Roxas said in unison.
"Wow what happened?" Cloud looked at the boys concerned but they didn't seem
upset.
"They said we were freaks." They said and Cloud noticed that Sora was rubbing
the back of Roxas hand with his thumb.
"That was shitty. You guys seem OK with it though. Are you?"
"We're fine, Dad." They said as Roxas turned and whispered to Sora. Cloud
nodded and left them to each other but he couldn’t shale the feeling that he
was missing something… something major.

One afternoon a girl came by to study with Vanitas. “He’s in his room, have a
seat and I’ll get him.” Cloud said as he ascended the stairs. Walking into
Vanitas’ room he spoke softly. “Vani there is a young lady downstairs who said
she came to study with you…however she doesn’t have any books and she looks
closer to my age than yours. Shed some light?”
Vanitas smiled. “That’s Ash, she’s helping me study but not for school.”
“More light, Vanitas.” Cloud stared at his grinning son.
“Ok it’s not studying exactly, but she’s teachin me stuff…” Vanitas smiled
coyly.
“Goddammit Vani…” Cloud snapped.
“Language Dad.” Vanitas quipped.
“Don’t make me ask her myself.” Cloud warned.
“Ok, ok. She is the piercing artist from the tattoo shop on 3rd and M St. She’s
showing me how to gauge my piercings myself safely…that’s it.” Vanitas
explained.
“I can respect that Vani, but I still would rather you go there because it’s
sterile and…” Cloud was trying to be reasonable but that was about to end.
“Dad, I can’t…I mean I can but it’s embarrassing.” Vanitas tried to explain
without saying that when he went in for a piercing or to gauge up, the pain
turned him on.
Cloud saw a bit of a blush and thought maybe Vanitas cried or whined and didn’t
want to do that in front of the people at the shop. “Ok…that’s fine then. She
can come up. Don’t pierce anything new without asking me first?”
“Sure Dad. You’re the best.” Vanitas said as he hugged Cloud.
“That’s what you guys keep sayin…” Cloud chuckled as he left the room.
Back downstairs Cloud wasn’t going to let this young lady off as easily. “Miss
Ash?”
She stood and smiled, “Yes. Which brother are you? Vani said he has three.”
Cloud looked at his shoes. That took all the fire out of him. He had planned to
snark and snarl and be condescending and rude, and lay down rules about his
kid…but she went there. He knew he didn’t look much older than his kids and one
day he may even look younger than them. He took a deep breath and pointed up
the stairs. Vanitas could explain this time.

In high school, Ventus was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and began medication.
Immediately the boys developed a system for his episodes and Cloud watched it
in action with amusement. They were on the beach when Roxas noticed Ventus’
eyes begin to flutter. They were walking toward him anyway but Vanitas was
closer so he elbowed Sora who yelled, “Vani…catch!”
Vanitas didn’t even look in Sora’s direction, but found Ventus immediately and
darted to his side just in time to catch him as he began to collapse. Tossing
him over his shoulder, he walked toward the house.
Everything escalated from then on. They were driving, except for Ventus, and
dating and planning for college. Vanitas had started smoking and as much as
Cloud bitched, he still found a way to get by with it. Roxas and Sora did
everything together, even brought home dates occasionally to allay any
suspicions that Cloud may have had about their closeness. Ventus and Vanitas
knew the truth but had been sworn to secrecy and Vanitas’ constantly being in
hot water for smoking, new body art, or sleazy girlfriends twice his age made
it easy for the others to fly under Cloud’s radar.
But even the best kept secrets have a way of getting exposed… especially in
life or death situations.
“Hello” Cloud said flatly without even checking the caller I.D.
“Hello? Is this Roxas’ dad?” a female voice said.
“Yes, it is. Is something wrong?” Cloud asked instantly worried.
“I don’t know what happened to him I mean…we were at a party and he just…I
don’t know.” The voice sounded near panic.
“Where are you?” Cloud asked grabbing a pen.
“We’re on the beach by the Grand Hotel…there’s a bonfire.” She said and he
heard a moan in the background.
“I’ll be right there.” Cloud bolted for the door, hitting Vincent’s number on
speed dial.
At the bonfire he found Roxas and a girl off to the side in the shadows. He was
lying on his side and had been sick. Scooping him up he spoke briefly to the
girl who was obviously stoned, and then took Roxas to the hospital where he was
informed that his son was under the influence of alcohol and opiates. The
following Monday found Roxas in a therapist’s office in a rehab facility. He
would do his first six-week program and carry on as if nothing had happened.
While he was inside, Sora was inconsolable. He had been at the same party and
for the first time, refused to follow Roxas. Cloud explained that if he had
gone along with him then they both would’ve been in the hospital but Sora just
shook his head saying, “Doesn’t matter…he’s everything…Rox is everything to me.
I would rather die with him than live without him.”
After Roxas’ rehab, he and Sora were once again inseparable but it wouldn’t
last. Cloud watched one afternoon as they came in from surfing, holding hands
and smiling. Sora tugged Roxas’ hand to make him stop and turned to him to
whisper. Cloud smiled as the boys slipped into their own little world but then
he noticed Roxas’ hand on Sora’s waist and the small circles his thumb was
rubbing on his skin. Maybe it was nothing but it looked sort of intimate to
Cloud.
Then Sora pulled back to look into Roxas’ eyes and Cloud knew that look but he
didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so he kept watching. Sora’s hands went to
Roxas’ shoulders and he was saying something. Roxas had both hands on Sora’s
waist now and was leaning into him. Their noses brushed briefly and Sora closed
his eyes. Cheek to cheek again they continued their conversation as Sora’s
hands went up to Roxas’ hair. They had to be clueless tha he was watching,
Cloud thought. He was sure of it when Sora’s lips brushed Roxas’ ear and he
instantly pulled their bodies together. Nope, Cloud thought…that was the line
they just crossed. I should intervene and say…what? Don’t fuck your brother? Oh
god…I’ll think of something.
Cloud knew how devastated they would be at having been caught like this so he
averted his eyes and waited for them to go upstairs. As soon as the door closed
and the lock clicked, he knocked. “Guys? Can you come down to the kitchen we
need to talk.”
There was a long talk and much crying after which he decided that the boys both
needed to be in therapy. They were encouraged to do things separately again and
weren’t allowed to sleep together anymore. Sora began drinking and Roxas
started sneaking away from the house at night to do God knows what.
The therapist had a session with Cloud and explained that what was happening
wasn’t common but the problem could be fixed. He adjusted Sora’s medications
saying that his consent to the relationship probably stemmed from his
psychosis.
“What about Roxas? He’s not schizophrenic…is he?” Cloud asked knowing that it
took two people to have a relationship like this and he wasn’t willing to lay
it all at the feet of his very troubled brunette.
“He’s definitely not. He is however very protective of Sora to the point of
obsession. He has a compulsion to give Sora everything he needs so that he
doesn’t need to go to anyone else for anything…even sex. He probably felt this
way long before puberty but it would have intensified at that point.” The
doctor explained. “He exhibits signs of manic depression so we are going to
focus on that with him.”
“What should I do?” Cloud asked, desperate to help his sons have a normal life.
“Changing Sora’s meds will help. He may become more independent and even start
to deny Roxas if he makes advances. Roxas needs continued therapy and we will
start him on something to keep the compulsion at bay as well as combat the
depression.”
Cloud nodded and thought of his kids and how they were about to enter their
senior year in high school and would be going off to college. How would he deal
with them being so far away? He had agreed to let them all go to Twilight
University since the four of them would be together but now he wondered if that
was such a good idea. He needed to make the other two aware of the situation
before they all went off to college.

Senior year was full of studies and plans and dates and dinners. Vanitas only
got into one fight at school that year… and it was with Roxas.
Cloud sat between the two in the office and waited for them to cool off. Soon
enough Vanitas was sent back to class. He wouldn’t even look at Roxas and it
broke Cloud’s heart to see them like that. They had told him that the fight was
over a guy that Roxas had befriended who Vanitas didn’t like.
“He’s a junkie and Rox don’t need to be around that trash.” Vanitas had spat.
“Fuck you Vani, you can’t choose my friends for me. Besides, look at the freak
show you hang with.” Roxas had said bitterly. Vanitas bit his lip piercings and
looked at his brother with murder in his eyes.
Those were the last words they said to one another for a week.
That weekend Cloud invited Vincent over and they had a beach party and allowed
the boys to bring their friends. The boy in question showed up and stayed close
to Roxas. Sora had blossomed since his medication change and was lively and
more than a little outspoken. He clowned around with everyone…and sniffed the
ones who would allow it.
After a while Vincent and Cloud went inside to relax and let the teens relax a
little as well. They went about making food for everyone when they heard angry
shouting from the patio. They scrambled out to break it up before it escalated.
As they suspected it was Roxas and Vanitas but they were away from the others,
and Roxas’ nose was bleeding.
“Are you two fighting again?” Cloud snapped.
“No sir.” Vanitas said as Roxas stared a hole in him.
“Then what the hell happened to your nose?” Cloud turned to Roxas who was still
staring at his brother.
“I hit him…but it’s not a fight, Dad.” Vanitas blurted as Cloud began looking
over Roxas’ nose.
“When you hit someone and make them bleed, it’s a fight, Vanitas.” Cloud
snapped.
“It’s ok.” Roxas said batting Cloud’s mothering away gently “I deserved
it…we’re good, right Vani?”.
Vanitas looked sad but he stepped over and hugged his brother. “Yeah…we’re good
Roxy. I love you.”
Roxas hugged him back and squeezed his eyes shut as he whispered, “I love you
too.”
Cloud and Vincent went back inside after deciding that disaster had been
averted.
“Thanks.” Roxas said. “You didn’t have to lie for me…I owe ya.”
“If you wanna do something for me Rox, lay off the coke. You don’t need that
shit. I know you’re havin a hard time with the ‘new’ Sora but it’ll all work
out. He still loves you. He will always love you.” Vanitas said trying to
comfort his brother.
Later that night after the guests had gone, the boys all went surfing, clamored
inside at a little after 2 a.m., then raided the kitchen and went to bed. Cloud
woke the next morning to find Sora asleep in Roxas’ bed. They were snuggled
close but dressed, so he decided he had to trust them at some point.
Graduation was emotional for everyone and they dispersed after their obligatory
dinner with Dad to go to parties. Cloud waited up and kept his phone close by
in case they needed him but the night was quiet and peaceful. The following
morning wasn’t.
Vanitas came through the door around 8 still drunk and leaning on Ventus who
was grumbling and shirtless. Sora rolled in on his board but before Cloud could
scold him for skating inside the house, he fell and cackled loudly…he was drunk
as well. Roxas was last to enter and he was staggering slightly and still
scratching his head. Apparently, he hadn’t been awake very long.
Cloud sighed as he began to feel his years whether he looked them or not.

The summer was filled with parties and preparations for college but with
minimal drama. Cloud even went away for a week-long trip for ShinRa and came
home to find the house clean and orderly and all the boys in their own beds.
That was such a huge relief that he collapsed on the sofa and slept until they
woke him for once. The word that woke him was “Catch!”
Then the squeaking of sneakers on the floor and a yell of “I’m not gonna make
it!”
Then a thud near the stairs. Cloud yawned and stretched and prepared for the
rest.

                           The Birth of Strife House

Twilight U was an old school and walking across campus was like a time warp.
The campus was still pretty empty and the buildings dark for the most part. It
was eerie and gave Cloud chills. A feeling of foreboding distracted him from
what should have been an enjoyable stroll around campus. They had gone ahead a
week early so they could get their housing squared away and the Dean was
waiting for them quite pleased to see their famous father had come along.
“Mr. Strife, I’m honored to meet you. We’ve taken care of everything on our end
and the house you reserved has been prepared for your boys to move right in.”
The boys all turned to stare at Cloud with their mouths open. “When did…”
Vanitas said.
“You got us a house?” Roxas asked.
“So we can all be together!” Sora squeaked.
“So we can keep each other in check, no doubt.” Ventus smirked.
Cloud laughed and Dean Xemnas watched the boys and marveled at the way they
interacted with one another and Cloud.
“I wanted your first year here to be less traumatic…so I got you guys a house
right off campus. It’s nothing fancy but you can all be together and next year
if you wanna live separately you…” Before he could finish the boys were all
hugging him and laughing and telling him how great he was and how much they
loved him.
Dean Xemnas looked on in envy. His only child, an adopted son, hated him and
lived to shame him. He couldn’t remember having a sincere hug from him since he
was a small boy. Riku was probably the same age as the Strife quads but had
insisted on going to Radiant Garden University because it was closer to their
home on Destiny Islands, and also because it was far away from him. Now that
the Strifes were here he supposed that was probably a good idea, considering
his son’s genetics.
Dean Xemnas accompanied them to the house off campus where they would reside
for the next nine months. The old house looked like it was built in the same
era as the university itself and had been beautifully restored. TU owned many
of the houses around campus and rented them as dorms. The boys walked in and
immediately fell in love with the place. Sora bounded upstairs and the other
three scattered as Cloud spoke to the Dean alone.
“I think they like it.” He chuckled.
“Apparently…” Xemnas said as he looked around seeing none of them. “They seem
like fine boys Mr. Strife. I’m sure they’ll be happy here.”
“Do you have children, Mr. Xemnas?” Cloud asked passively as he listened to the
chattering from all over the house.
“I do…I have a son about their age. He’s going to Radiant U.” Xemnas said
hoping that Cloud wouldn’t pry.
“Really? Well I’m sure you miss him. I was sad at first when the boys said they
wanted to come all the way here to school…but what do you do?” Cloud said.
“What, indeed.” Xemnas agreed thinking that this man had no idea how lucky he
was to have happy respectful children who loved him. He was saddled with an
ungrateful spoiled drug addict who hated his very existence.

Soon visiting was over and the boys were getting settled. Cloud told them he
was heading out after double checking Sora’s meds and Roxas’ pupils and Ven and
Vani’s breath. They all laughed and told him not to worry. Pfft. Cloud Strife
not worry…right.
Sora flopped onto the couch. “He’s gone…what now?”
Roxas lit a joint and smiled. “Wanna hit, Sor?”
Ventus strolled by taking the weed from his hand. “Me first.”
Roxas giggled and Vanitas watched them and grumbled. “I’m goin to the store. I
need a drink.”
When he returned with more beer than he could carry, Sora paid they guy who
helped him before calling everyone together.
“I found this in the attic. Looks like the guys who lived here last had a
tradition and I think we should keep it going.” He said as he shoved a large
cardboard box toward them and smiled.
Ventus opened the box and picked up the note that was atop what appeared to be
a bunch of deflated sex dolls.
Mermaids:
In this House there is a tradition we call the swimming of the mermaids. Every
year before the first day of class we had a party to celebrate and released
some of the mermaids into the quarry. We hope you continue this tradition and
enjoy your time here at TU- and remember your brothers are not always your
blood.  –
Vanitas burped and opened his second beer. “Guess it’s a good thing I bought
extra. By the weekend the rest of the students will be here…”
“I’ll make some flyers.” Ventus said.
“I’ll find some more weed…” Roxas said.
“I’ll do something obnoxious and be no help at all.” Sora mumbled, and they all
roared.
That night they got drunk so they spent the next day getting settled and
stocking up on food and necessities. As soon as they could discern the partiers
from the rest, they began to circulate their flyers. Roxas soon met his hook up
in the form of a blue haired goth-looking kid named Zexion.
“S’up dude…I was told you could get shit.” Roxas said.
“You were told correctly, blondie.” Zexion said as he smoked behind the caf.
“So…I need shit for a party.”
Zexion smiled because shit for a party meant money and since this kid was new,
he would probably be a repeat offender…plus he was cute.
“I got you…just tell me what you need.”
Roxas smiled and rattled off what he liked and what he needed as well as what
his personal favorites were. They needed weed but he liked his laced, but laced
and dipped was his favorite. They needed some Adderall but he preferred coke.
Zexion nodded and agreed to supply Roxas with what he needed for the party …and
throw in a little something for him… as a gift.


"I hereby dub this Strife House, motherfuckers!" Vanitas smashed his beer
bottle across the bannister shattering it and splashing bystanders with beer.
The already rowdy crowd cheered and the music was returned to beyond noise
ordinance level. Half the student body was in the house, on the lawn, porch,
sidewalk, driveway, and in the street out front and everyone was smashed. A
little after midnight, a crowd of them staggered down to the quarry to launch
the mermaids. Zexion was among the observers and when they returned to the
house, he raised his beer to Roxas and winked. Roxas was so stoned that he
stared for a full minute before he realized who he was, and returned the wink.
Even stoned, the boys did so much in unison that the others were intrigued.
Their guests would play games to try and trip them up and many of the girls
insisted on kissing all four of them to see if they did that the same. Other
girls wanted to test other theories but that was carried out upstairs. They
were rock stars.
Around noon the next day, the Strife began to come alive. Ventus woke up on the
bathroom floor in his boxers, Vanitas woke up in his bed with a girl he didn't
know, and Roxas woke up in Sora’s bed, with Sora.
Vanitas walked down the hallway in jeans knocking on doors yelling "Get up!"
Ventus sat up and immediately began to vomit. Vanitas heard him and laughed as
he lit a joint and took it in to share with his sick brother. "Wake and bake,
Ven. It'll settle your stomach." Ventus nodded and took it from him, grateful.
Roxas pulled Sora against him and sighed. Why did we have to stop this he
wondered as he kissed his brother's face. Sora reached up with both hands and
began combing fingers through blonde hair as Roxas smiled and covered his face
with butterfly kisses. Sora sniffed, then kissed Roxas softly. "Shower...we
smell like beer...."
Roxas giggled as they crawled out of bed.
Downstairs Vanitas made coffee and went back up to meet whoever he had fucked
the night before. She’s cute he thought…blonde hair, nice tits, not bad. "Hey
doll. Time to wake up." Vanitas touched her arm and she rolled over lazily. As
he ogled her naked form, she shifted and began to snore softly.
"Wake up, baby." He said again, this time sliding his hand down her back and
over the curve of her ass, prompting her to arch her back and moan. He smiled
and stepped over to lock the door. Shedding his jeans, he slid into bed beside
her, wrapping his arms around her hauling her body against his. Her blue eyes
came open halfway and she smiled right before she bit him.
"Aaaaaaaa!!!!" Vanitas screeched as pain shot through his neck, down his arm
and straight to his dick. She rolled him onto his back and bit his lip, tugging
the silver ring not very gently, as she crawled on top of him. He moaned and
she snickered. Sitting up astride him she looked down and grinned as he grabbed
her hips roughly and pushed inside her. She shrieked, then moaned before
grabbing his wrists and shoving his hands away from her body.
"Why baby? Lemme touch you." Vanitas panted as she had her way with him.
"You are touching me...with your dick...that's enough." She growled. “And I’m
not your baby.”
"But I want..." Vanitas began.
"I'm aware…we covered that last night. Shut up." She growled before a soft
whine escaped her as she used his body.
Vanitas opened his mouth to speak but before he could she slapped him hard
across his cheek. He moaned and growled "More". The sadistic blonde grinned as
leaned down, and sank her teeth into his shoulder.
He screamed and grabbed her, tossing her off him. She began to laugh but
stopped when he pounced on her, snatching her legs up over his shoulders. She
clawed at his back and cursed at him. She even kicked him once but she wouldn’t
let go of him. Vanitas had found his favorite toy in the form of a blonde named
Larxene. They were loud, violent, and unapologetic.

Sora and Roxas were in the kitchen making some greasy food for Ventus when they
heard the noise and giggled. "That bitch is crazy. Did you see her last night
pulling on his snake bites? That shit looked painful." Roxas said.
“He seemed ok with it…” Sora pondered as he crushed a Dramamine and sprinkled
it over Ventus’ hash browns.
“That’s an understatement.” Roxas snorted, sliding some bacon onto the plate.
“Considering he fucked her in the bathroom with the goddamn door open…do you
hear that shit, Sor? Sounds more like fighting than fucking.” Sora snickered
and they took Ventus his food.

The next night people began to filter into the house looking for a place to
party. The Strifes didn’t have to provide anything but a roof. Saturday night
ended up being much like Friday night so Sunday brought a visit from Dean
Xemnas.
Opening the door in his My Little Pony boxers Sora squinted at the morning sun
and the angry Xemnas. “Dean Xemnas sir…good morning. Do you always visit people
at the ass-crack of dawn or…”?
“Mr. Strife, we need to have a talk about you and your brothers’ idea of campus
decorum.” Xemnas snapped.
“S’not on campus, sir…” Sora was rubbing his eyes and scratching his ass as he
stood in the doorway clearly not allowing him to enter nor giving a fuck that
he was pissed.
“But it’s owned by the university!” Xemnas said a little louder.
Sora winced and snapped, “So I’ll have my dad buy it!”
“I’m afraid it’s not for sale. Speaking of your father…I should probably give
him a call to let him know that you boys have been misbehaving. I’m sure he
would be quite…”
Sora scowled and cut him off. “Call him…I fucking dare you.”
Xemnas whipped out his phone having come prepared to blow the whistle on them.
Sora stood unfazed. “After you tell him we’ve been bad, pass me the phone so I
can tell him how you were here last night and offered to blow me if I let you
call me Cloud.”
“But I didn’t… I wasn’t…you wouldn’t dare.” Xemnas stood still, not dialing the
phone.
“Oh I would…and Dad would believe me…poor little troubled Sora.” He stared at
Xemnas unflinching.
Xemnas looked into the bloodshot blues as Roxas appeared behind Sora wearing
only a bedsheet. “Who you talkin to, Sor? Come back to bed…that chick…oh hey
Dean Xemnas. What’s up?”
Xemnas opened his mouth to speak but Sora beat him to it. “The Dean here was
sayin that he liked our party and he hopes next time we can spend some quality
time together so he can get his mouth on my dick…he was just leavin.”
Xemnas’ eyes bugged out as he began to stutter. “Th-th-that’s not…”
“Wow.” Roxas said. “Way to go Sora. First weekend here and you’re already
fuckin the Dean. Well done…”
Xemnas stormed off and Roxas patted Sora’s back. “Time for your meds baby boy,
and that chick from last night wants you to come back upstairs.”
Sora closed the door and pulled Roxas’ sheet off as he followed him up the
stairs. “I don’t wanna take those pills today…just lemme have today.” He
sniffed the edge of the sheet.
Roxas turned and stepped back down so he would be even with his brother.
Wrapping his arms around him, he whispered, “Dad says you have to…you need
them, Sor.”
Sora hugged his naked brother to him and nuzzled his cheek. “I need you, Roxy.”
Roxas shivered and kissed Sora’s ear hissing, “Me first, and then take your
meds…promise?”
“Promise.” Sora whispered as they ascended the stairs holding hands to evict
the chick they had slept with the night before in favor of one another.
Afterward, as Sora slept, Roxas crept into the bathroom and sat down to smoke
A-bomb and cry.

By Winter break The Strife, as they were called were notorious for their
parties as well as their antics around campus. Sora’s on again off again affair
with his psychoactive meds made for a very colorful individual. He had started
volunteering at the homeless shelter in Twilight Town in his spare time and
befriended a lady named Aerith. She lived at the shelter in winter but the rest
of the year she lived under the freeway bridge downtown. She adored Sora and
even though she wasn’t in her right mind most of the time, she always made time
to speak with him.
Cloud had come to spend the Thanksgiving weekend with them in Twilight Town and
they spent more time asking him questions about what he had been doing with his
time than talking about college. He was overjoyed at seeing them so happy.
Weeks later they were all packed and ready for winter break, so once they got
Sora out of the duffel and seated on the plane, they were on their way back to
Costa for a month.
Cloud picked them up at the airport and they chattered all the way home. Roxas
came down with ‘the flu’ a few days in and was confined to bed until Christmas.
New Year’s was a big party on the beach with Uncle Vince and everyone drank in
excess. Vanitas begged to take Cloud’s new motorcycle back to school and Cloud
of course said, “Not no, but HELL no!”

Back at TU the boys fell right back into their routine and the rest of the
campus partiers did as well. The first man through the door of Strife House was
Zexion and he was holding. Roxas eyed him warily as he approached and gave him
a half hug. “S’up man? How was the vacay?”
“I should’ve seen you before I went back…I was really sick, Zex.” Roxas said
quietly.
“So, you kicked and you’re clean…planning to stay that way?” Zexion asked as
Roxas’ eyes flicked from his face to his book bag. “Say somethin dude you look
like a psycho right now.”
Roxas dropped his head and Zexion leaned in and said, “Come with me…I got you.”
He followed Zexion to the upstairs bathroom where they locked the door and
snorted some coke. Roxas was on top of the world again and Zexion gave him some
weed and a little junk for later…if he wanted it. Roxas blew him for his
generosity.
They chatted during the party and Roxas found that he was a mainliner. He
thought about it briefly but didn’t want to get that far gone on the stuff
though… because junkies were assholes.
Freshman year ended with a monster party and word from Cloud that he had paid
the rent on Strife House another year in advance, since they seemed so happy
there. Their grades were mediocre but that was to be expected, everyone said.

Summer break was spent regulating Sora’s meds, getting Roxas clean and back to
the shrink, and Ventus and Vanitas getting drunk with Uncle Vince and joyriding
on Cloud’s motorcycles…not at the same time of course. Cloud was exhausted by
midsummer.
“How did I do it every day, Viiiince?” He moaned as he opened a beer and
flopped onto the deck chair.
Vincent laughed. “It’s kinda like bein in the jet stream…as long as you’re in
it and cruising along, you don’t think about how fast you’re goin because you
acclimate to it. But after you’re out of it for a while…then you get back in
there- it’s like getting you head snatched off your shoulders.”
“That’s incredibly accurate.” Cloud murmured and they toasted with their beers.
The boys noticed that Uncle Vince hadn’t spent a single night since they had
been home and were curious as to why. They speculated that maybe he had a
girlfriend and left it at that.
Cloud sat watching them surf one afternoon while steaks cooked on the grill.
His boys were men now…but they were still his boys. He noted the progression of
body art that Vanitas had started getting shortly after he went to TU. The
outlines of four dragons covered his chest and back, most of his ribs, with
parts that disappeared under the waistband of his shorts. There were parts
where the color was being filled in and he marveled at how committed his son
had to be to this particular idea, to sit for so many hours under the needle.
Bouncing up to sit with Cloud and smoke, Vanitas grinned and flicked salty
water on his old man. Cloud laughed at him and flapped his wet hair as he sat
by him. “You know Vani, that’s going to be beautiful when it’s finished.” He
said nodding at his son’s art.
Vanitas smiled proudly. “Thanks Dad…you donno how much it means to us that you
accept the things we do like this. A lot of guys at school take a lotta
unnecessary shit for the smallest things…piercings, tats, even hair color.
We’re lucky.”
“I don’t know about lucky Vani, but I want you guys to feel comfortable
expressing yourselves. It has always pissed me off the way people are so quick
to judge others on outward appearance.” Cloud said as he stood to check the
steaks.
“You’re fuckin awesome, Dad.”
“Language Vanitas…and don’t tell me you’re just expressing yourself…you little
smart ass. I know you’re thinking it.”
They both laughed and Cloud sat back down, when something caught his eye. “What
happened there?” He pointed to a scar on Vanitas’ shoulder.
Vanitas grinned like he Cheshire cat and said, “Overzealous female.”
Cloud winced. “Looks like a small overzealous shark.”
“Closer to the truth than you know.” Vanitas chuckled as Cloud’s eyebrow rose a
fraction and he laughed with him.

Sophomore year at TU saw at the Strife boys back at their house and preparing
for the swimming of the mermaids once again and Ventus busily preparing a
calendar and planning theme parties for different weekends throughout the year
while Sora headed down to the shelter to re-up his volunteer status and get
started. Roxas was a little quieter than usual and Vanitas had been watching
him closely since Sora started his new medication schedule.
The blonde seemed to be taking it harder than Sora that the two were spending
less time together. The new schedule and dosages seemed to have made a huge
change in him. He was still as nutty as a squirrel turd but he appeared to have
his compulsions under control…except for the sniffing. There would always be
sniffing.
“Rox, come help me with this stuff.” Vanitas called out.
Roxas dragged over to him to see what he was doing then picked up some laundry
to figure out what belonged to whom. “What’s goin on with you?” Vanitas asked
point blank.
“Nothin…I’m good.” Roxas said quietly, fooling no one.
“Bullshit Rox…spill it.” Vanitas tried not to stare at his brother, keeping his
eyes on the laundry.
“It’s stupid, forget it.” Roxas said, folding a pair of his own jeans.
“Not stupid if it’s botherin you this much. You can tell me…I won’t say
nothin.”
Roxas stared for a moment and mumbled, “M lonely.”
Vanitas thought before he spoke. He knew better than to say the generic things
like but you have all of usor you have lots of girls around or you should go
out more. He went straight to the root of the issue. “Sora?”
“Yeah.” Roxas said almost in a whisper reminding Vanitas of when they were
really small and Roxas would only speak in a whisper and usually only to Sora.
“You could volunteer at the shelter too if you want. Me and Ven can take care
of shit around here.” Vanitas offered knowing that Roxas wouldn’t do it.
“I’m not gonna follow him around like some love-sick puppy, Vani…he’s doing
good and having me taggin along will just fuck it up. He’ll feel sorry for me
or feel guilty or somethin and then…never mind.” Roxas said taking the last of
the laundry and heading upstairs leaving Vanitas to ponder what he had said.
Twenty minutes later Roxas slid down the bannister holding his board and yelled
through the house, “Goin to skate, back later!”

Right down the street from Strife House and connected to campus was a huge old
cemetery that covered a few city blocks. There were paved roads through it that
dipped and curved…the perfect place to skate in the city. Roxas skated until he
was tired then chose a mausoleum to sit by where he fired up a joint.
He thought about Sora and the relationship they had versus what it was now. He
hated that he was so attracted to his brother. His shrink said that he
shouldn’t be and the laws of nature and gods said he shouldn’t be…he was wrong.
He was wrong in how he felt about his brother and he was wrong for wanting it
to continue. He should find someone else to be with and stop waiting on Sora to
have a lapse in his meds.
Maybe he should be like Ventus he thought and just fuck everyone but not be
with anyone. Ventus seemed happy being a slut. Everyone on campus knew he was a
slut and he was perfectly ok with that. No one on campus knew that Roxas had
fallen in love with his brother and if they did, no one would be ok with it.
Maybe he should just get high and not worry about it. Roxas nodded to himself
and headed home.

Walking into the house, he heard screaming from upstairs but before he panicked
he realized it was just Vanitas and Larxene fucking. The blond he had hooked up
with the year before kept coming around and they sounded like the soundtrack to
Fight Club. He sat down on the sofa and popped in his earbuds as Sora came
through and grinned at him pointing at the ceiling. He just smirked and turned
his focus back to his cell.
He didn’t see Sora circle round to the back of the sofa nor did he notice that
Sora had leaned down over his shoulder and was currently sniffing his hair.
Roxas felt a tickle on his neck and reached up to scratch. Sora moved away. As
soon as he dropped his hand he felt another tickle but when he reached up to
scratch his neck a hand caught his wrist firmly. Roxas whipped his head around
and Sora kissed him, grinned, and walked away. “Fuck my life.” He whispered.
The party the following weekend was a turning point for the brothers. Roxas was
high enough to be around Sora without feeling awkward and Sora was in rare
form. It was a toga party so everyone was dressed in their finest bed linen.
Ventus had bought a bunch of huge pillows and tossed them in the corner of the
den and people were pulling them out to sit on as they passed the bong. Vanitas
watched Roxas and Sora for a while and thought that maybe things would be ok
after all. They were laughing and talking and being…normal. That in itself was
strange.
It didn’t last. Roxas had meandered off to the kitchen with a dark-haired girl
who had started hanging out a lot. She was a stripper who went to school at TU.
Not long after, Sora went into the kitchen to get another beer and came right
back out looking like he had to puke. He went directly upstairs, built a
blanket fort in his room and wouldn’t come out.
Eventually, he needed food but insisted on eating in his fort. Vanitas had had
enough, and went up to drag Sora out physically… but it turned into a vicious
tickle fight which Vanitas lost. He lay on the floor panting and laughing,
having been ejected from the fort after his defeat. He waited there for a few
minutes and soon Sora’s head popped out, and he began to whisper to Vanitas
sadly.
Sora explained that Roxas and Xion (the stripper) had been practically fucking
when he had walked into the kitchen. He wasn’t prepared for the shock of it and
it made him a little sick and scared. He was worried that Roxas would want to
be with Xion all the time because she was funny and pretty and…a girl.
“Sor…I know how you feel about Roxy but you’ve changed so much, baby… and Rox
has been kinda stuck, well…being Rox. He needs to be with other people Sora…and
so do you.” Vanitas looked away because he didn’t want to see Sora cry. He took
a deep breath thinking how this shouldn’t be him…it should be their dad but he
truly didn’t want to drop this on Cloud.
“I get it…we can’t…that’s what the doctor said…” as Sora spoke his voice got
lower and lower. “I shouldn’t expect…I want him to be…”
Vanitas heard the flap of blankets and the rustle of clothes, then Sora’s
footsteps leaving the room.
Sora went into Roxas’ room and crawled into bed with him. “Roxy” he whispered.
“What’s wrong?” Roxas whispered back.
“I know what the doctor said and I understand but you’re still my favorite.”
Sora sniffed Roxas’ hair as Roxas rolled over to snuggle him.
“I love you, Sor.” Roxas said, feeling nothing but warmth and comfort.
Things between them became a little easier after that. Roxas did his own thing
(drugs) and Sora hung out with the homeless people, comforting the pelts of
dead cats and the cart lady who picked up the contraband that got tossed off
the freeway bridge by people fleeing police.
Ventus and Vanitas whored their way through many of the girls at school and in
Ventus’ case, some of the boys, before branching out to the clubs in town and
adopting a few strippers who became regular entertainers at Strife House.

Finally, summer break rolled around again and the boys went back home to Costa.
Roxas sought out his boy who used to sell him weed to let him know that his
needs had matured and if he wanted his money he would need to procure more than
weed for him.
Cloud took half the summer off work to spend with the boys, but the second half
of the summer, he was oddly absent. They knew he had been going into the office
in Midgar more often but they had no idea it was that often.
“Ya think he’s got a girlfriend?” Vanitas asked his brothers as they sat on the
beach drinking and smoking and getting blown (Roxas).
“Donno…maybe. If it’s anything serious I’m sure he’ll tell us.” Ventus said,
and Roxas grunted from under the blanket Ven had tossed over him and the flavor
of the week.
Sora sat with his hash pipe ignoring them all and singing softly as he stared
at the ocean. Vanitas and Ventus watched him briefly to make sure he had no
comment to offer and then carried on their discussion.
“It would be weird to see Dad with a chick. He’s never dated anyone…oh except
that teacher we had way back. Remember that, Ven?” Vanitas chuckled.
Ventus laughed and opened his mouth to speak but Roxas croaked “Sora” from
under the blanket. Silence fell like the Hindenburg as Ven and Vani turned to
look at Sora to see if he noticed. They knew what was happening under the
blanket and they prayed that wasn’t why Roxas had called out his brother’s
name. Sora stared at the ocean, eyes glazed…oblivious. Roxas poked his head out
of the blanket/tent. “Sora…didn’t you hear me callin you?”
Ventus and Vanitas looked at one another clearly relieved and helped snap Sora
out of his trance. “Hey Sor, Rox is talkin to you.”
“Oh…” was all he said then he crawled over to where Roxas was and went under
the blanket with him and random summer chick. Soon there were puffs of smoke
escaping the blanket and they heard Sora and Roxas giggling.

Just when they got into the groove of summer, it was time to go back to school.
Roxas had a new agenda and he couldn’t wait to talk to Zexion about it. How
high was too high, really? Sora was happy to be going back to Aerith and the
bridge people. Ventus was happy to go back to the regular whores at school and
the parties of course. And Vanitas was just happy because…beer.
Junior year brought more new faces and that meant more gawkers. The Strife
didn’t try to walk two by two in perfect step, they just did. More often than
not, Sora and Roxas spoke in unison if they were both talking to the same
person. Any question that addressed them as you guys was definitely answered by
both. Their closeness had returned without the intimacy and it was beautiful to
watch, especially for people who weren’t used to seeing it.

Ventus stood near the caf handing out flyers when Vanitas came rolling by on
his board shaking his hand flinging blood off his knuckles. Ventus shook his
head and looked around for the fallout. He saw a guy sitting on the
grass…no…getting up off the grass with blood on his face. School’s in, he
thought as he watched the freshman use his shirt to stop the blood gushing from
his nose.
Just when he was about to pack it in someone caught his eye. There was a blonde
guy looking around at the place like he was new…a freshman maybe, but he didn’t
carry himself like a freshman. Ventus realized he was staring at the guy, so he
walked over to welcome him.
“Hi, welcome to TU.” he said politely as he looked over the crazy blonde hair
that was almost a mohawk but wasn’t. The blonde looked at him and offered a shy
smile and nodded. “Is it that obvious?”
Ventus was so shocked by the color of his eyes that he didn’t even hear the
question. His own eyes travelled from the impossible blue of his eyes to the
shy smile to the slender build and long fingers, to the jeans that fit too
perfectly, stopped at the worn in doc martens then travelled back up slowly to
the eyes. Ventus raised his eyebrows and tried to find his composure. "I'm
sorry what did you say?"
The blonde smiled again. "I asked if it was so obvious that I'm new here?"
"Oh...um no... It's just that I'm not…new… and I don't remember seeing you here
before. I mean I would have remembered you...I'm Ventus."
"I'm Demyx... I'm a transfer from Midgar U." He chuckled.
Ventus got himself together and remembered that he was holding a handful of
flyers for their welcome back party. Holding one out toward Demyx he blurted,
"We're having a welcome back party tonight...you should come."
Demyx took the flyer and read it. "Strife House...I don't know where that is
but I..."
"I could come by and walk you over. It's off campus." Ventus said as he
silently wished he didn't sound as desperate as he felt.
Demyx blushed and smiled nervously "Well how can I say no to that… So sweet."
Ventus found his cool after hearing that and grinned. "I try."
"Do you now? So do I... if I think it's worth it." Demyx said quietly and
smiled again. Ventus was so taken with the blonde that he didn't notice it had
started to rain.
"I um... Ventus...we should probably um..." Demyx said just as Ventus realized
it was raining and had started coming down harder.
"Oh!" He shrieked as he jerked his jacket off and flung it over Demyx’ head and
shoulders. "Sorry." Ventus said as he started toward home. "I’ll be back around
6. Which dorm?"
"I forget the name but there's a scary lady named Larxene…" Demyx said as he
hurried toward the caf.
"I'll be there!" Ventus shouted as he ran off.

Inside the caf, Demyx pulled the jacket off his head and shook the rain off as
a girl walked over smiling. "Well I see you've met one fourth of the Strife.
Congratulations."
Demyx smiled and said, "One fourth?"
"They're quadruplets. You'll meet them all if you're planning to go to that
party.” She pointed at the flyer in his hand. “My name’s Xion, by the way."
"I thought I'd get settled and just have some me time but he said he would come
down and walk me over...and he's so..." Demyx said.
"Yes darling, all of them are so..." Xion batted her eyes and they laughed
together. She gave him the rundown on the Strife as they ate and the more he
heard the more excited he became about the party.

Across campus in a private dorm, a very angry and disheartened Riku Valentine
looked down at the colorful flyer before tossing it into the trash. Stripping
to his boxers he lay on his bed staring at the bandages that covered his arms
from his wrists halfway to his elbows. "Couldn't even do that right... Loser."
He grumbled to himself then he lit a cigarette and started peeling off the
surgical tape. A knock at his door disturbed his progress and he growled
"What?"
Dean Xemnas strolled in and stood over him where he lay sprawled on his bed and
stared down in disgust at his adopted son. Riku looked up at him blankly, not
knowing what to expect.
"I'm only going to say this once, Riku. Stay out of trouble and away from drugs
but if you cannot, then make sure you do a better job on your next suicide
attempt."
Riku was numb to his insults after all the years so he merely smirked. "I won't
let you down sir."
As soon as the words left his lips, Xemnas slapped him across the face hard
enough to loosen one of his molars and split his lip. Riku smiled up at him
with bloody teeth and quipped "I love you too, Dad. Thanks for the -"
Xemnas hit him again. "Damn you boy, don't you know when to shut up!"
"Apparently not...if I did you wouldn't keep -"
Crack! Across the other jaw, making his ear buzz annoyingly. He didn't raise
his head for a fourth as a tear slid out of his eye and dangled on the tip of
his nose, bloody drool string vibrating gently with his breath.
"I wish I had never signed those Goddamn adoption papers. You are the worst
thing that ever happened to me." Xemnas spat as he walked out slamming the door
behind him.
Riku was exhausted and broken, having come to campus fresh from rehab. The only
visitor he had up to that point was when a kid named Zexion who came by to bid
him welcome and offer to be his boy if he didn’t want to stay on the wagon. The
blue haired kid said he was from Radiant so he knew who Riku was…reputation
preceding him and all that. He didn’t want to think about any of it and Zexion
hadn’t come through with the goods yet so he crawled under the covers planning
to stay there until Monday.

Demyx was waiting nervously and jumped when he heard the knock at his door. He
had taken care to dress in something that he thought Ventus would like. Years
as a whore had given him more than a little insight into what men liked.
That was all behind him now, he reminded himself as he opened the door.
"Hi...Ventus." Demyx smiled and Ventus looked him over. Wow he thought, were
his eyes that blue earlier.
"Ready?" Ventus asked.
"Sure um...gimme one sec." Demyx said as he turned toward the bathroom "Come on
in, I won't be long."
Ventus stepped inside and looked around. When his eyes fell on the guitars, he
smiled as he thought of those long fingers that reached for the flyer. Demyx
emerged from the bathroom having taken his meds and gave Ventus back his
jacket. They strolled out, talking about his guitars and music. Demyx was in
heaven.
At Strife House the party was already becoming lively. Xion was dancing for
Roxas and Sora as they held hands and watched. Vanitas waited for a lull in her
routine then walked over and scooped her up. She squealed and laughed as he
carried her to the kitchen. Roxas lit a joint and passed it to Sora who hit it
then lay his head on Roxas’ shoulder. "I'm so wasted, Roxy." He whispered.
Roxas giggled and rolled his head to the side so their cheeks were touching
"Dance with me Soraaaa." He stood and pulled Sora up by both hands.
"We can't dance to stripper music..." Sora slurred and Roxas cackled wrapping
his arms around his brother as people milled around them drinking and smoking.
They began a slow dance when Roxas noticed that Sora was getting heavier and
heavier. “I know just what you need, Sor…”

Riku woke disoriented to rapping on his door. He looked at his clock and
touched his face remembering his visit from Xemnas. The knock sounded again and
he mumbled “…gimme a minute…Jesus.”
Still in his boxers, he opened the door to a surprised looking Zexion. “C’min.”
Riku said as he left the door open and turned to get a cigarette off his desk.
Hearing the door close he turned back to face Zexion and jerked his head toward
the book bag in his hand.
Zexion held it out still staring at the Riku…which irritated him to no end.
“What’s your problem dude? You never seen a guy in his boxers before? Did you
like, skip gym class or some shit?” Riku mumbled as he opened the bag and
dumped the contents on his bed.
“Your face…you have blood.” Zexion said nervously.
“Oh! Oh sorry dude.” Riku laughed. “Had a disgruntled visitor earlier…shoulda
cleaned that shit up but I fell asleep.”
Zexion nodded and said, “I would’ve been by earlier but I saw Dean Mansex
hanging around and I didn’t wanna chance it.”
Riku nodded but didn’t offer any information about himself or what had happened
to his face as he sorted the drugs.
“I wanted to drop this off on my way to Strife House… you should come.
They’re…”
“Pass dude, maybe next time. I look like I been hit by a truck and I feel about
the same. I really just wanna bake and sleep.”
Zexion nodded “No problem man…I get it.” He was silent as Riku went to his
closet and came back with a roll of bills. He sat on the bed and started
counting out Zexion’s part. He was being generous.
“There is one thing that’s not there…” Zexion said and Riku looked up and
stopped counting. “The blonde to suck your dick will come later.”
Riku cackled and threw a couple more hundreds on the pile. “You’re my boy, Zex!
You wanna hit with me before you head?”
“Sure, why not. Those guys are probably wasted already. I hooked them up with
enough shit to tranq a family of elephants.” Zexion said as he sat on the floor
beside the bed and got his own gear out.
Upon waking Riku had no intention of banging any H but when the opportunity
presented itself he couldn’t find a reason not to. His mouth watered as he
watched the drugs cook and he noticed that Zexion had come out of his hoodie
and was cooking a speedball. His tracks were dark but Riku didn’t see any
sores. He looked down at his own veins and thought for a second that this was a
bad idea. He glanced at Zexion’s tracks as he hit then pulled his foot up on
the bed to shoot between his toes. He was going light anyway compared to what
he was shooting before he died. Funny he thought…before I died.

Strife House was a riot and Xion had introduced Demyx to everyone who she
deemed important enough to know except for Roxas and Sora who were AWOL.
Someone said they were doing blow in the kitchen and someone else said they had
left on their boards. Both stories were probably true. He made his way back to
Ventus who had been keeping an eye on him as he circulated through the house
with the dark-haired stripper.
“I’m baaack.” Demyx said smiling.
“About time.” Ventus laughed and grabbed his hand. “Come with me.”
Demyx let himself be led out onto the deck then turned to face Ventus. “I’ve
heard stories tonight…about you.”
Ventus smiled sheepishly. “I’m a bit of a slut so I’m not really surprised.”
Demyx nodded and his heart fell just a tiny bit but he wanted to know Ventus
for who he truly was and didn’t want any bullshit. Demyx was done with
bullshit. Obviously Ventus had no problem being forthcoming with the ugly truth
so he went on. “I appreciate your honesty.”
“Lies hurt people.” Ventus said seriously. “And I don’t like hurting
people…especially people who look like you.” He smiled and tugged Demyx’ shirt
pulling him closer.
“You’re too sweet…” Demyx said quietly as his mind wandered back to a redhead
that once made a habit of calling him Beautiful. He reached for Ventus’ hand
that was still attached to his shirt and pressed it to his chest. Ventus
lowered his head and bit his lip then looked up at Demyx through ash blonde
bangs and melted into his arms as Demyx kissed him. Walking backward to a deck
chair that he had spied on his way out, he sat pulling Ventus onto his lap,
kissing him greedily and pulling his tee up to his chest. Ventus moaned at the
touch of the long hands on his bare skin as he threaded his own fingers through
blonde hair. Demyx wasn’t paying attention to the cool night air or the damp
feeling of autumn, all he felt was Ventus and when he heard the soft moan
escape his lips he pulled him closer, making Ventus squeak. “You wanna go…my
room?”
Demyx nodded and stood, still holding him. Ven giggled, “I guess you can carry
me if you want.”
He kissed him hard and turned to stumble through the house toward the stairs.
They heard a few cat calls and some applause before they reached the correct
bedroom. Demyx kicked the door open and Ventus kicked it closed.

Everyone that went to give the mermaids their proper send-off came back inside
still amped. Sora and Roxas threw some pillows by the coffee table and hauled
out the hookah. Flopping unceremoniously onto the floor, they loaded up and lay
down with their heads slightly under the table to smoke and giggle. Xion and
Vanitas fell in with them as well and they discussed what was important as well
as they could over the blaring music.
“This shit id dope.” Vanitas yelled and pointed to the hookah. The others
nodded and Xion giggled. “Says a lot about the quality of head he probably got
in exchange for it, right Roxas?”
Roxas gaped because he was so stoned that he wasn’t clear if she had actually
said it or if his conscious had taken to screaming at him. Glancing toward Sora
he knew immediately that she had said it. Sitting up too quickly, Sora banged
his forehead and cursed before crawling away. Roxas tried to follow but was too
disoriented from the smoke and decided that he would just have to reap the
consequences later… or maybe he would just throw himself into the quarry. That
was an option.

The following morning, they were still under the coffee table. Sora had
rejoined them, snuggled against Roxas, and the house was quiet. Roxas woke
first to feed his habit and then he woke Sora and Vanitas. “Let’s go pester Ven
and his new guy.”
They crawled out snickering and headed upstairs. Upon entering Ventus’ bedroom
they all hissed at the sun shining too brightly through the curtains, then
proceeded to the bed. Vanitas crouched down at the foot of the bed while Sora
and Roxas stood beside it in plain view. They looked at one another and raised
their eyebrows as they checked out the naked body lying next to their brother
who was obviously a cover hog.
Vanitas tugged the duvet enough to make Ventus try and tug it back. The other
two watched grinning. Vanitas tugged harder and Ventus grumbled and pulled
harder before abandoning it altogether to snuggle Demyx for warmth. Demyx
rolled to his side and Roxas and Sora’s eyes shot from his bits to each other
and mouthed damn. Vanitas was wheezing trying to stifle a laugh at his
brothers’ antics then he snatched the duvet completely off the bed.
Demyx sat straight up in bed. He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t know
these people and when he looked next to him in bed and saw a head of ash blonde
hair- his brain thought Rufus ShinRa and he panicked, immediately scooting away
from Ventus while trying to cover himself. Ventus rolled over, “Cut it out you
guys…. assholes.”
When Demyx’ brain registered that Rufus wasn’t there, he let out a long sigh
and rested his head on his bent knees. Vanitas was lying on the floor laughing
while Sora and Roxas stood giggling. “Get up, Ven!” They said.
Demyx raised his head to stare at the two speakers who seemed to have one voice
or one brain or maybe he was hallucinating…They looked at him appreciatively
and smiled. “Hi.”
“Stop that…it’s creepy.” Demyx grumbled, trying to get his composure and still
trying to cover his parts.
They laughed together. “We’re sorry.”
“Still doing it.” Demyx said as he managed a sheet skirt and crawled off the
bed toward the bathroom.
Sora elbowed Roxas and they said “Come baaack!”
Demyx scurried into the bathroom and slammed the door. They were silent until
they heard the lock click and they burst out laughing. Ventus sat up grinning,
“You guys are assholes. You scared the shit out of him.”
“Easy target.” They said as they left the room still giggling. Vanitas stood to
follow but Ventus stopped him. “Vani?”
“Yeah?”
“How do you…nah never mind? Forget it.” Ventus said as he started to search for
his underwear.
Vanitas squinted at him and stood for a few seconds longer before nodding and
walking out.

                                       0

Back in Costa Del Sol, Cloud was lying on the beach dozing under an umbrella
when his phone buzzed. He groaned, knowing it was work and checked his empty
glass before he checked his phone. “Rufus” he grumbled as he pouted wishing he
had another margarita. The message said:
I’m sending you a package via Turk…a new one. Be gentle.
“Pfft” he went inside to make another drink. Emerging from the house with his
laptop and a pitcher of margaritas with a straw in it, he collapsed back into
his spot of shade. Rufus’ face popped up on the screen and he was grinning.
“Good to see you…Cloud.”
“Not my favorite greeting Rufus, but please…go ahead.” Cloud grumbled as he
slurped at the straw.
“I sent you a text about the package and I clearly see you are at home, so what
warrants the call?” Rufus said as he sat buffing his nails.
Cloud belched loudly making Rufus hiss “Cretin!”
“I don’t see why you gotta send a new Turk…I like the old Turks just fine and
they don’t fuck with me or ask me a bunch of questions.” Cloud complained
around his straw.
“Consider it part of his training then. That way if you end up kicking his ass,
it will be justified.” Rufus said making Cloud giggle.
“Cloud Strife are you drunk?” Rufus leaned toward his screen making Cloud laugh
out loud.
“Rufus, my boys are back at TU and yes I’m drunk. If you’re that worried for
your new Turkey then maybe you shoulda sent an OLD one!” He cackled as he
tossed the straw aside and turned up the pitcher.
“Ahh! You are a Neanderthal Cloud, and its sooo very hot.”
Cloud looked closer at the screen and smiled. “Rufus, are you flirting with
me?”
“I’m always flirting with you dear, you just don’t always catch it. Now! This
Turk will be there soon so I suggest you sober yourself and put some clothes on
for goddess’ sake.” Rufus chuckled at Cloud’s silly drunken grin. “And take
those sunglasses off so I can see those beautiful baby blues before I go.”
Cloud pouted but took off his sunglasses for Rufus.
“Oh my God you’re still gorgeous! I think the next time I need a package
delivered to you I’ll bring it myself.” Rufus said seductively.
Cloud smiled sweetly “Just bring yourself…I got your package.”
Rufus squealed and Cloud laughed. “It has been a long time, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah…” Cloud said, trying to remember the last time he had Rufus’ ankles up by
his ears.
“You wouldn’t want this old man now though. You look as young as your sons…and
alas I do not.” Rufus said with a dramatic flourish and wave of his hand.
Cloud winked at him “You’re still hot.”
Rufus giggled. “I love the flattery dear but I need to go. I have engagements
to keep. Be nice to my baby Turk.”
“Will do.” Cloud closed his laptop and looked at his empty pitcher before
falling back onto his blanket.

He woke himself up snoring, still on the beach. He needed water so he started
to get up when he noticed two bottles, ice cold, by his side. Where’d this come
from, he wondered as he opened one and chugged it. As he tipped his head back
he noticed a Turk uniform and long red hair. That must be the baby out there
wading in the surf. She gets points for bringing me waterhe thought.
Taking off his sunglasses as he didn’t really need them this late in the
afternoon, he noticed the boots sitting by his blanket. Wow, he pondered, she
has really big feet for a chick. Cloud stood and dusted himself off then walked
down to greet the baby Turk. “Hi…thanks for the water.”
“No problem, yo. Thought ya might need it if that pitcher was full when ya
started.” The Turk smiled. “I’m Reno…I brought…you...” He stalled out as Cloud
kept getting closer and closer to his face.
He stopped only inches from Reno’s nose and said, “You’re a dude.”
“I’m…sorry?” Reno was completely confused.
“I thought you were a chick but you’re a dude…and you’re pretty.” Cloud said
the words but his expression was one of frustration. His eyebrows drawn
together and his mouth turned slightly down at the corners.
“Thank you? I think…” Reno was frozen to his spot in the sand, pants rolled up
to his knees, nose to nose with the savior of the planet who just called him
pretty. What should his next move be?
“You’re pretty too, Sir.” Reno grinned.
Cloud started laughing and backed off. “Come on baby Turk Reno. I think I’ve
had too much sun.” Cloud laughed as he walked toward his house.
“And maybe too many margaritas, yo?” Reno chuckled as he followed.
Cloud kept walking but raised one finger and chuckled, “You can NEVER have too
many margaritas!”


Roxas saw Zexion crossing the quad with his bookbag and fell into step beside
him. "What's up Zex, you got a minute?"
"It's Saturday Strife, I have deliveries to make. Speak it." Zexion slowed his
pace for his next best customer.
"I wanna um..." Roxas stalled and Zexion stopped because he felt like Roxas
needed his undivided attention. Roxas winced and scratched his head.
"You wanna what Rox? Fuck? Drop out? Get a puppy?" Zexion asked with a smile,
secretly hoping that Roxas wasn’t about to ask him out. He didn’t date his
customers, not even the ones who gave excellent head.
Roxas chuckled "I wanted to ask you about um...mainlining."
Zexion nodded "The only way to fly, in my opinion. But look I've never helped a
first timer and I'm a bad trip sitter." Wheels were turning in the dealer's
head as he added "Come with me."
Roxas followed him to his dorm where he gave him a set of works and said. "Go
to the Sawyer building up to the private dorms, 2A. He'll help you." 
"Thanks. How will I know I got the right guy?" Roxas asked nervously.
"You'll know" Zexion smiled. "His name is Riku. Tell him I sent you."
Roxas nodded and Zexion gave him a two-finger salute and started to walk away.
"Let me know how that works out for ya."

That night after the party was in full swing and Sora was adequately wasted,
Roxas went upstairs to grab his hoodie and gear, and head over to Sawyer.
Ventus was busy chatting up other people and while Demyx understood that he had
no intention of settling down, he didn’t have to like it.
Vanitas had gone downtown at the strip club where Xion danced where he met a
friend of hers named Namine, who was newly single.
Spotting a new face in the crowd she danced his way and leaned toward where he
sat at the stage side bar. "Hey baby, you're new."
He smiled when he heard the lilt of an accent in her voice that he wouldn't
have expected. "I'm a friend of Xion’s." He said as she inched closer in her
dance and he tucked some bills into what she still had on. He was decent about
it and didn't try to grope her so she beamed and he gave himself a mental pat
on the back.
After her set she went backstage and showed back up on the floor in a different
outfit. He had left the bar after her dance and moved to a table. She walked
past him carrying drinks and he watched her blank stare turn to a fake smile as
she approached the table to deliver the order. As she turned back, he looked
away and lifted his hand for a waitress, facing opposite the direction he knew
she would be coming.
"What can I get for you baby?" She asked as she popped a stiletto on the chair
opposite his. He looked up and she gasped. "Oh my God you're Xi's friend! I
thought you left." She smiled and put her foot back on the floor.
"No... I just moved… I saw what I came to see." Vanitas winked.
"Well can I get you a drink or maybe something to eat?"
"How about a dance?" He asked. 
"Absolutely, come with me."
So far it had been all business. She was treating him like any other customer
at the club but he was about to change that. In the private room, she closed
the door and he sat on the cushy sofa. She turned to him and before she could
ask for his money he was giving it to her. She smiled "This is too much,
cutie."
"No, it's not..." Vanitas smiled but refused to take the money back. She turned
on her music and started to dance, and smiled sincerely as he bit his snake
bites and tucked his hands underneath his thighs. She pulled him up from the
sofa and did her tease routine but as she pulled his shirt up she gasped.
"They're beautiful."
"Thank you." He kept his hands obediently by his sides.
"Can I take it off?" She asked excitedly, all her business composure gone away.
"Sure ...can I smoke?" Vanitas asked just being himself.
"Sure." She grinned as he pulled his shirt over his head and lit a smoke while
she bent to inspect the dragon tattoos, her dance all but forgotten.
Tracing some of the details with her fingers she breathed. "Sooo beautiful."
“I wanted to say that to you but you steal my fire by saying it first."
She laughed out loud "You are so funny! Do you go to university with Xion?"
"I do. You should come hang out after work." He said figuring she had probably
heard the same line a million times.
"If Xion is coming, I will come too. What is your name?"
"Vanitas."
"Vanitas… I like that name."
"I like the way you say it. Say it again." He smirked.
"Vaniiitas." Namine cooed.
He closed his eyes and said softly, “Say it.”
Her lips brushed his ear and she moaned "Vanitaaas…"
He shivered as his defenses fell and his hands hovered inches from her body.
She pushed him gently back to the sofa where she went back to her dance,
sliding her hands up his thighs and chest, then climbing onto his lap and
dropping her top. He knew the rules and respected them because these girls were
at work. Who wanted to be harassed on the job, right? But that didn’t mean it
was easy.
The rest of her tiny outfit was gone and Vanitas was singing Irish drinking
songs in his head as he chewed his lip rings. The devil on his shoulder was
saying - It's right there in your face idiot - touch it! But he didn't. When
her hands brushed across his crotch his eyes flicked to hers and she smiled.
"Impressive."
"Thanks." He spoke so softly that it was inaudible over the music. She spun and
turned the music down then returned to his lap.
Completely naked and straddling his hips, and asked seriously "If I let you
touch me… what would you want to do?"
"Are you giving me permission??" He asked, recalling that Xion had warned him
that her friend had been assaulted by a customer recently and was having some
difficulty getting past it.
She was about to say no out of habit but then..."Yes"
Vanitas raised both his hands and placed them on each side of her face, then
kissed her softly. Namine stared at him in amazement. “That wasn’t what I
expected.”
“But was it what you wanted?” he whispered.
She nodded and hugged him smiling. “Too sweet, Vanitas…”

Back at Strife House Zexion had come and gone, Roxas was still AWOL when
Vanitas returned, Ventus had been dragged off upstairs by Demyx, and Sora was
walking around shirtless smoking and sniffing random people. Before Vanitas had
a chance to ask about Roxas, he walked through the door and went straight to
Sora, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a hug. Sora was smiling and they
were whispering to one another. Vanitas was relieved that things seemed to be
normal…their version of normal anyhow.
A few people were staring at the two brothers whispering and holding each other
like lovers so Vanitas walked over to them and wrapped his arms around the both
of them and whispered, “I love you guys but people are gonna talk…you should
give them something to say.” He chuckled and walked away to wait for the
fireworks.
Sora grinned his biggest stoner grin. “Kiss me, Roxy.”
Roxas giggled, “Ok... but”
Sora kissed Roxas deeply in the middle of the crowded room. There were howls
and catcalls and whistles just as Demyx and Ventus descended the stairs. They
both saw the spectacle and Vanitas standing off to the side laughing so they
went on as if all was normal.
Sora and Roxas began to laugh and stumbled into the kitchen together to get
drinks. As soon as the door was closed Sora turned Roxas to face him and
squeezed his arms. “Where were you?”
“I told you I went to see Zexion” Roxas tried to free himself as his stomach
burned and fear crept up his spine.
“Zexion was here.” Sora spat “And you taste like come. Where WERE you Roxas!?”
Roxas stared at Sora like he had two heads. “S-sorry…” was all he could think
of to say. Sora stared back at him and suddenly started laughing as he walked
out of the kitchen. Roxas needed to vomit. He had just had the most amazing sex
with the most amazing guy only to come home and be assailed by his brother/
lover/whatthehellever they were. He didn’t know if Sora was really pissed or
not, but he was a little afraid to leave the safety of the kitchen.

The party wound down and the week passed without incident. Sora spent more time
with the bag lady but he and Roxas still found time to torture Demyx between
classes.
“Ssshh here he comes Sora.” Roxas giggled. Demyx was walking in the direction
of where they were crouched beside the shrubs that bordered the quad. Getting
their game faces on, they stood and strolled up to fall into perfect step on
either side of him.
“Hi Dem!” They said.
Demyx winced “Hi guys…”
“You free for lunch?” They asked.
“Actually, I’m meeting my study group for lunch.” Demyx said as the sound of
their footfalls keeping time made him want to hum.
“We wanna have you for lunch, Dem.” They said and then laughed, also in unison.
Demyx shivered. “You guys know how creepy that is right?”
“We thought you liked us …” They said looking hurt.
Demyx being a kind-hearted person, was instantly devastated that he had hurt
their feelings. “I didn’t mean it that way guys, I swear. I love you
guys…you’re awesome. Let’s go get lunch together. I can go to study group
Monday.”
They grinned at him and carried on to the caf. Sitting between them, he smiled
a little nervously and then moved to the other side of the table so he could
face them. “This is better. Now I can look at you while we talk.”
They smiled and he began to notice that everything they did was exactly the
same. They were both right handed and every move was like a choreographed
routine; they even chewed and swallowed in time with each other. It was
fascinating and strange and his food was getting cold. They looked at one
another and winked and went back to their eating without as much as a stutter
in their actions.
“Ssso, g-give me the ssscoop on your b-brother V-Ventus.” Demyx stuttered as he
attempted to stop watching. Demyx had a terrible stutter that stemmed from
horrendous abuse he suffered as a child at the hands of adoptive parents. He
also had Tourette syndrome but the meds he took normally kept it all at bay.
His stutter would resurface if he was under stress for a period of time
however, and during finals week he barely spoke unless he was high. He secretly
wished he had smoked some greens before running into these two.
“He’s a slut” they said, “or was.”
Demyx smiled and tried not to tic as they drank their waters. “W-well, sssadly
he has t-t-told me in no uncertain terms that h-he d-d-d-oesn’t wanna settle
down.” He sighed. “But I’m not going anywhere.”
They cocked their heads to the right and said, “He’s an idiot.”
This made Demyx smile and relax at the same time. They’re not so bad he
thought.
After lunch, they walked him to class before running to theirs. They were shot
down that he seemed to be acclimating to their antics so they decided to up
their game.
Waiting outside the library in the shadows that evening, they smoked a joint
before they saw Demyx walk out under the gas lamps that lined the walkways on
campus. They sneaked through the shadows whispering his name at random times
and watched as he started to come undone.
Soon he was running as fast as he could toward his dorm but they were keeping
up and calling his name louder each time. Inside Demyx’ head the Turks were
after him to drag him back to Rufus and he wasn’t going to just let them get
him. He bolted into his building and slammed the door, panting.
“What the hell happened to you?” Larxene barked as she came out to see what the
noise was.
“N-nothing.” Demyx said as he collected himself to climb the stairs.
Outside Sora and Roxas were laughing their asses off as they walked toward
their temporary home.
The campus wasn’t completely deserted and as they passed the big fountain Roxas
noticed a familiar head of silver hair zip by on a skateboard heading for
Sawyer Hall. He watched with his eyes without turning his head and right before
he was out of his line of vision Riku looked up and saw him. He smirked and
reached out his hand in his direction as he rolled out of sight.
Roxas tried his best to think of a reason he needed to stay behind but he had
nothing. Sora had begun to chatter about the house and the party that they
needed to get back to. Tomorrow night was supposed to be a pajama party and
Sora was psyched. He had bought new pajamas just for the party…and matching
slippers.
Tonight’s party was just a party though, and Roxas needed to get home and fix.
The first time he fixed by himself he was so nervous he couldn’t get his vein,
but since then it had become second nature. He had only been back to Sawyer
once during the week and Riku wasn’t there. Riku was there now, his gut told
him…and Riku has drugs. He looked at Sora as they neared the now infamous
Strife House and chewed his lip. People were there and the music was loud.

Xion and Namine were both working that night so Vanitas had bailed on his
brothers to sit at the club. Ventus was passing the bong while he waited on
Demyx no doubt, because each time the door opened he looked up hopefully.
Zexion strolled in around midnight followed by Riku. A few people called his
name as he walked in, making him smile a little as if he was embarrassed. Aqua
eyes searched the room as he lit a joint and offered Zexion a hit. He hung back
in the crowd like a wallflower and listened to music.
Sora and Roxas came sliding down the bannister of the stairway and he couldn’t
help but smile. Seeing Roxas relaxed and happy was amazing to Riku. He saw him
around campus from time to time but he always seemed so serious…unless he was
chasing Demyx like he had been earlier.
Riku watched without staring and made himself scarce in whatever area they
migrated to. Roxas had made it clear that he didn’t want anyone knowing that
they knew each other like that. He didn’t blame Roxas. Look at him he thought,
blonde and beautiful and surrounded by people who care about him. Why would he
want them knowing he associated with me…an outcast and a loser?
Riku slipped out the door virtually unnoticed but when he reached the bottom
step and started down the walkway, someone called his name from the direction
of the deck outside the kitchen. Looking in that direction he saw a familiar
head of blonde hair so he walked over casually and said, “S’up Rox?”
Standing in the shadows Roxas reached to pull him closer and further from the
light. “I came by the other day and you were out…I wanted to get some more um…”
Riku grinned crookedly and said, “I wanted some more of that too…” and he bent
to kiss Roxas.
“I meant some more bombs…but yeah that too.” Roxas smiled but he could see the
wall go up over Riku’s expression when he nodded. Digging thru his bookbag he
produced a baggy full of what Roxas was after, and pressed it to Roxas’ chest.
Roxas reached to push the bag away but Riku wouldn’t budge. “Take it.”
“But I don’t have the money on me.” Roxas said.
“Don’t worry about it…my treat.” Riku said flatly looking like he just wanted
to be anywhere else. The doors to the deck opened and closed and he saw panic
in Roxas’ eyes. “Go on…”
Roxas looked at him briefly and then kissed his cheek before running to the
front of the house stuffing the drugs down his pants as he went. Riku shook his
head and slunk off in the shadows back to his dorm where he fixed and swallowed
half his Ambien…

He woke up Monday around lunch time covered in puke and piss. Everything hurt
as he tried to get up from the floor. He remembered shooting after he left
Roxas but then...oh yeah, the Ambien. He decided he should probably crawl to
the bathroom as opposed to walking because if he passed out from dehydration at
least he was already on the floor. Managing a sitting position, he peeked over
the edge of his bed.
Well, he thought that's where the puking started as he eyed a dried mass with
half-digested pills mixed in with whatever he had eaten last. The center of the
bed was reasonably free of vomit but he could definitely tell that he had a lot
to drink that day...Friday...that was Friday.
Looking weakly down at himself he began trying to blow the gummy vomit out of
his nose using his sheet as a tissue. His boxers were wet on one side and dry
and stiff on the other, and as soon as he could breathe through his nose he
wished he couldn't. All he could smell was puke and piss, so he began his crawl
toward the bathroom gagging.
Turning on the shower he crawled over into the tub and lay there thinking about
all that he needed to do when he heard his door open and close. Oh shit he
thought that can only be one person. Riku didn't have the energy to get up so
he lay there sticking out his tongue to catch the warm water as chunks of vomit
loosened from his hair and began to clog the trap.
Xemnas stepped into the bathroom and glared down at him. He stared back,
silently passive.
"I will assume from this mess that you are using drugs again."
"You assume correctly." Riku croaked.
Xemnas folded his arms as he stared down at the silver haired boy who was so
desperate to ruin his life. "Didn't you learn anything at the hospital?"
"Yessir" Riku said quietly. "I learned that I'm a piece of shit, undeserving of
your support or pity or love and I have shamed you and Mom, sullied your
reputations… and I also learned that I don't deserve the life you've given me
and" at this point Riku started to cry "adopting me was a mistake because I
have never brought either of you a moment of happiness. And I learned too that
I am a miserable failure at suicide and as a son, as a friend, as a lover, as a
father..."
Riku continued to sob as Xemnas stared down at him with tears in his eyes.
"Your mother...your mother wanted you Riku. She loved you but you ruined that.
You ruin everything you touch and if you don't see that then you should go back
and visit the grave of your baby daughter."
Xemnas shook as he tried to control his emotions. "I would rather it was you in
that grave." He turned from his weeping son and growled "I want this mess
cleaned up immediately."
When Riku stopped crying he was alone, so he struggled to his knees to strip
off the filthy boxers and get cleaned up. He still had no idea that it was
Monday.

Sora was planning to go down to the bridge to see Aerith and Roxas chewed his
nails waiting for him to leave. He hadn't seen Riku around in days and he kind
of blew him off on Friday night. Riku probably fucked whoever he wanted. He
probably left and went straight to someone elseRoxas thought. Besides after
Sora’s episode in the kitchen at the party Friday he was wary of him finding
out that he was seeing someone…but he wasn’t really seeing him…was he? He had
told Riku that first night that he didn’t want anyone to know about the drugs.
What he didn’t tell Riku was that he didn’t want Sora to know about the sex.
Sora knew he had flings before and even joined in sometimes but if he thought
his position with Roxas was being threatened…well who knew what he would do. He
would be hurt, definitely. He never wanted to hurt Sora. Roxas understood the
shrink saying that they shouldn’t sleep together but that didn’t undo the years
they had spent doing it, or all the mixed-up feelings that went with it.
Sora had his meds to take the edge off his wants and needs and emotions just as
Roxas had meds to take the edge off his, but the guilt…the guilt ate him alive.
Everything he did in his life was weighed and measured by what he thought
Sora’s reaction would be. And he had never…ever put anyone before Sora.
As soon as he was gone, Roxas headed to Sawyer Hall. When he was nearly there,
he heard the sirens and the horns of the firetrucks. “What the fuck?”
Getting closer, he saw the firemen going behind Sawyer with the hoses and they
came back a few minutes later, some cursing, some laughing. Roxas was watching,
puzzled when he heard a cough and a giggle. He turned toward the sound and
sitting there in the twilight under a huge oak tree smoking a cigarette with a
Cheshire grin, was Riku.
Roxas strolled over like he hadn’t been almost running to get there to begin
with. “What’s going on over there?”
“Some idiot dragged their mattress outside and lit it on fire.” Riku giggled.
Roxas smiled. “That’s fuckin crazy. Why would someone do that?”
Riku smirked as he started to get up off the ground. “Because the quarry was
too far to drag it and dump it.”
Roxas cackled realizing who the idiot in question was.
“Let’s take a walk.” Riku looked around suspiciously. “Dad will know it was
me.”

The two walked to the cemetery where they perched in front of one of the old
mausoleums in the shadows. “I haven’t seen you around in a few days. I actually
thought you’d come to the pajama party Saturday night.” Roxas said as he picked
up small pebbles by his feet.
“I was impaired. Were you needing something or did ya just miss me?” Riku
looked at him and winked.
“I uhh…”
“That was a rhetorical question, Roxy.” Riku smirked.
“Don’t call me that. Sora calls me that.” Roxas snapped quietly.
Riku looked at the blonde and tried to figure out how he could be so perfect.
His eyes the perfect blue, his mouth the perfect shape, his tiny nose, and that
hair…he was jerked from his reverie when Roxas spoke again.
“I didn’t need anything. I just um, wanted to hang out.” Roxas’ words set
Riku’s mind spinning. He wanted to hang out but he didn’t want anyone to know
they even knew each other? Riku pulled out his phone and tapped out a text
message then asked, “You wanna hang out now?”
“I thought…um, sure.” Roxas said as the sun finished setting on Twilight Town.
Riku stood and brushed off his overpriced jeans. “Come one we can go to Zex’s.
He’s out.”
Roxas stood and started after Riku. “Are you sure?”
“He will be by the time we get there.” Riku smirked again as they trudged
through the cemetery toward the Phillips Building.

Sora was sitting under the freeway bridge holding the pelt of his friend’s long
dead cat while she talked about random things and people, some imaginary and
some real. “Aerith…do you think you can love someone too much?”
“Yes…yes. You can love someone so much that you stop loving yourself…and that’s
bad.” She said sincerely as if she had done it herself. “Sometimes people you
love go away…or get sick and die…and you’re left with nothing except a baby and
you don’t even get to keep that…fuckin stupid…just…Sora…love yourself first.”
He thought about what she said and thought of Roxas. He loved all his brothers
but he and Roxas were closer…too close. He should look for someone else, maybe
then Roxas would feel like it was ok to be with someone else…to love someone
else. The thought alone pissed him off so he shoved it down and shook his head.
“Let’s smoke this, Aerith.” Sora said as he pulled a joint and a lighter from
his hoodie.
“Yay!” She said excitedly. “Look Sephiroth! Sora brought some herbs to smoke!
He’s such a good boy.” Picking up the gray pelt of her former pet she cooed and
cuddled it as Sora passed her the joint. I’m not crazy he thought…until I start
doing that, I’m not fuckin crazy.

Inside the Phillips building all was quiet as they made their way through the
halls. A girl came out of one of the doors and smiled. “Hiiii Riku. What brings
you here?” She walked past them toward the stairs.
“I’m not actually here.” He smiled at her over his shoulder.
“Ok I get it. My lips are sealed.” She winked and kept moving and so did they.
Zexion’s dorm was much like any other dorm, two of everything. Two! Roxas
thought…he has a roommate. Riku closed the door and locked it, then turned to
Roxas who had stopped right inside by a desk, where he froze when he thought
about the phantom roommate discovering them. Riku touched his elbow with a
single finger and said, “Earth to Roxas. Where’s your head at?”
“Hmm? Oh, I was just thinking about Zexion’s roomie…won’t he be coming back?”
His heart was beating faster than he wanted it to as his skin tingled where
Riku touched him.
Riku dropped his hand and mumbled, “He’s gone home for a week…don’t worry…no
one will know.”
Roxas turned to see Riku pull his shirt over his head and toss it onto one of
the beds. He bit his lip and stepped closer and began taking off his own
hoodie. Riku was smiling and Roxas’ eyes explored the exposed skin and the
healthy attention behind the jeans he was wearing.
Even standing nose to nose, Roxas couldn’t look him in the eye. He watched the
rise and fall of his chest and the tip of his tongue as it darted out to wet
his lips. He looked at the clean silky silver hair and the earrings glinting on
his lobes. He couldn’t do the eyes…not yet.
Riku studied the blonde’s face as he looked him over. What’s he thinking? Is he
deciding if I’m worth it? Why does this have to be secret? Is it because I’m
the Dean’s kid? Does Roxas even know I’m the Dean’s kid? Does Roxas want to
fuck me or does he just want to fuck? Why won’t he look into my eyes,Riku
wondered…that looks like guilt, but why? He must have someone and is cheating
with me.
He raised a hand to touch Roxas but he immediately raised his hand to meet it,
palm to palm. He threaded their fingers together before Riku leaned down to
kiss his slightly parted lips. He tried to take his time but Roxas was
aggressive and already peeling off his jeans and yanking at his underwear.
“Slow down, baby.”
“I want you…” Roxas said as he shoved Riku’s jeans down to his knees “to fuck
me.”
Riku tried not to be disappointed that Roxas was acting like everyone he had
ever fucked since Olette, but he was. He never should have entertained the
possibility that this one might be different. He wanted so much for Roxas to be
the one who would care.
He stepped away from Roxas and glared at him. “No…not like this. I’m not your
bitch…you can’t even look me in the eye and you think you can tell me to fuck
you and I’ll do it?” He pulled his pants up. “You don’t know me Roxas, you
don’t know anything about me.”
“I’m sorry… this was a mistake.” Roxas mumbled as he started to pick up his
hoodie, feeling humiliated that he didn’t even know how to communicate properly
with anyone but Sora…Sora.
Riku stopped him, taking the hoodie and tossing it aside. “Maybe it is, maybe
it isn’t but before you fuckin leave this room you’re gonna look me in the eye…
Roxas.”
Presently Roxas was staring at his own feet. Riku took his hands, leading him
to the bed and guiding him to sit. Roxas kept his eyes lowered, cheeks still
pink but smiling slightly. “I don’t see what the big deal is about the eye-
looking…”
Riku laughed “There he is, ladies and gentlemen. Roxas has entered the
building!”
Roxas grinned but kept his head down.


Vanitas silently slipped his arm from underneath Namine's head as she slept.
She had showed up at the party with Xion and they talked and drank while he
rubbed her feet. She had fallen asleep talking about Midgar and how much she
loved the city.
He admired her determination as she told him of how she and her family had fled
Wutai when she was a teen and settled in the slums. She worked and saved to pay
her own way out and she hoped to one day earn enough money to have her own
business. She didn't like dancing but it was lucrative.
He stretched and strolled into the kitchen for a beer. Mostly everyone had gone
and he assumed the rest had crashed. Walking upstairs to check on his brothers
he heard moaning coming from Sora’s room and kept moving. Roxas' room was
quiet, not even music was playing and that was suspicious. Opening the door a
crack, he still heard nothing.
All was dark and quiet as he entered and tiptoed to the bedside lamp where the
dim illumination revealed an empty bed. Checking the time, he left to find
Ventus and maybe to question Sora but only as a last resort. Nobody liked to be
interrupted when they were fucking...fucking...maybe he should check with Sora
first.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back in the direction of Sora's door when it
opened and a redhead from his western civ class walked out with her shirt
buttoned wrong, wearing a hat with Mickey Mouse ears on it. He turned his head
thoughtfully then caught up to her. "Was Roxas in there with you guys?"
The redhead looked at him unfazed. "No... not this time."
"OK Thanks" Vanitas went to the linen closet to grab a blanket and step over to
knock on Ventus' door.
Demyx opened the door sleepily. "Yeah?"
"Looking for Rox. You seen him?"
"No sorry. Want me to help you find him though?" Demyx had become honorary
family as he was easily Vanitas’ favorite hanger-on at Strife House.
"Nah, he'll wander in later." Vanitas said as he headed back down to cover
Namine so she wouldn't get cold...or get groped.
Upstairs Sora text Roxas.
Sora: where ru??
Sora: ru seein some1??
Sora: who is it?
Sora: u don’t love me
Sora: I flushed my meds
Sora: I hate u
Sora: I love u
Sora: where ru??????
 

Riku sat on the bed and pulled a stone faced Roxas onto his lap. He meant to
look into those eyes. Whatever reason Roxas had for all this guilt, he wanted
to know. He had no intention of ending this fling or affair or whatever it
seemed to be becoming but he still wanted to know what he was up against.
Roxas didn't want to look into his eyes again. He didn't want to see the raw
emotion that he had seen the first time; he didn't want to feel the guilt or
take a chance on the other seeing into his soul. Riku was his dealer not his
friend, Roxas kept reminding himself. There was no obligation to tell him
anything but he felt a desperate need to. Maybe it was just a need to tell
anyone...
Riku lifted Roxas' chin and kissed him. "Look at me, Roxas."
Roxas turned his face away but then dipped down to kiss Riku's neck and nip at
his throat. The warmth of his lips tickled Riku’s skin and sent chills down his
arms. Leaning into the touch he ached for more.
"Am I that hideous?" he asked as he traced his hands across Roxas’ chest making
him shiver.
"You're not hideous... It's just your eyes...they see too much when you look at
me. I don't want you to see...me." Roxas mouthed against his neck, reaching
back down to the jeans that were never re-fastened.
"Then tell me..." Riku said as he allowed him to touch and kiss while he simply
held him. "Why do you seem to feel so guilty about this...do you have someone?
Are you cheating… Roxas?"
Hearing the question, he froze briefly as he felt Riku's hand move from his
waist around to squeeze his erection through his pants. "Yes..." He breathed
right before Riku covered his mouth with his own and crushed their bodies
together.
Roxas breathed in the scent of him as they kissed, and squirmed trying to
wiggle free of his jeans. Riku giggled as he pushed him off his lap to stand so
that he could rid him of the rest of his clothes.
As soon as Roxas was stripped, he tugged Riku's jeans down below his knees and
left them to crawl back onto his lap. Riku tried to still him long enough to
retrieve some lube but Roxas continued his assault, so Riku stopped fighting
him and let him have it.
Roxas kissed and caressed, nipped and sucked; his actions mirroring the touches
he himself craved. Riku wanted the blonde so badly but he wanted more than just
sex. He knew Roxas didn’t understand and he didn’t know how to make him see
that he was in this for more. Afraid that the truth would cause Roxas to reject
him in favor of whomever it was he was involved with, he kept silent except for
the soft hisses and moans.
Roxas slid off his lap and sucked him down sloppily as Riku lay back propped on
his elbows to watch. He wondered who Roxas’ significant other was and whether
it was a girl or another guy. He’s so beautiful Riku thought, he could have
anyone. What was so special about this other person that he needed to sneak
around?
Feeling the saliva run down his balls, he reached for Roxas and pulled him up
"C'mon. That's enough."
"Okay" Roxas said innocently, making Riku want to tell him everything, tell him
he couldn’t leave, tell him that he was in love with him as he crawled on top,
allowing Riku only seconds to position himself before he sank down onto him.
"Ooohhhgoddamn." Riku groaned gripping Roxas' thighs as he bucked up making him
whine. Roxas rode him hard and began stroking his own weeping cock. I may as
well not even be here Riku thought as he watched Roxas' beautiful face in
ecstasy with his eyes closed tight. It had been a long time since he had felt
as used as he did at that moment, and it hurt.
Roxas felt hands caress his hips, his thighs, and then cover his own to help
him stroke himself. Without realizing he was relinquishing more than just
control of the pace, he moved his hands.
Riku wanted the beautiful boy to want him, and he wondered who he was seeing in
his mind while he fucked him. He wanted to be good enough to make him forget
about whoever it was he was hiding from. “Roxas” Riku moaned but the blonde
still didn’t open his eyes.
Riku growled as he grabbed his hips and pulled him off, then tossed him down
onto the bed. Laying half on his stomach, Roxas was panting as he turned but
Riku pushed him down. He began to turn again but was pushed fully onto his
stomach as Riku crawled onto the bed behind him and shoved his legs apart. "If
you don't wanna look at me then get on your fuckin knees."
Roxas was trying to process the words when his hips were jerked up and back
roughly as Riku spread his cheeks and spit before shoving inside again. He was
mortified as Riku kept him spread while he fucked him. He’s probably looking
Roxas thought. He probably thinks I’m a whore. He probably thinks I’m
disgusting. I am disgusting. This, Roxas whimpered is exactly what I deserve.

Demyx woke to the feeling of being watched. He had been too relaxed since
getting to the school and the paranoia that had recently started creeping back
in made him wonder if he didn’t need his meds adjusted…or maybe he had been
smoking too much weed. Looking around the dark room he didn’t see very much of
anything. He strained his eyes to make out shapes then snuggled closer to
Ventus. Drifting back off to sleep, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone
else was there. As soon as he began to snore, the door opened silently and Sora
slipped back out.

Vanitas opted to snuggle with the sleeping Namine as opposed to abandoning her
to sleep in his own bed. He heard the stairs creak softly and knew immediately
that it was Sora. Raising his head, he whispered, “Sora…what’s wrong?”
“I donno where Rox is and I can’t sleep.” Sora whispered back as he neared the
front door.
“But where ya goin?” Vanitas asked as he started to get up. “Sor?”
“I’m just going to skate the cemetery is all…so I can get tired and s-sleep.”
Sora said, not very convincingly at all.
“Did you take your meds?” Vanitas was approaching him and saw him turn away
quickly as he fumbled with the doorknob. Vanitas knew that in Sora, that was a
sign of panic. What the hell is going on with him?
“I did…I just can’t sleep without…” Sora said just as he managed to get the
door open. Vanitas could hear his labored breathing in the dim lamplight of the
living room and he worried that he may be having a panic attack. He was certain
that Sora had skipped his meds and wondered how many days he had missed. I
really should call Dad he thought.
“I know buddy, I know you want Rox ok…but why don’t you sleep in Ven’s…oh yeah.
Well why don’t you sleep down here with me and Namine?” Vanitas asked calmly
reaching a hand out to his brother.
Sora turned so that Vanitas could see half his face. “It’s ok…if I sleep here
with you and Namine?”
“Sure Sora. I love you and I want you to get some rest. Come on…you can skate
the cemetery tomorrow if you want. We’ll skate it together.”
Sora closed the door slowly and turned to face Vanitas. He was covered in a
light sheen of sweat and his breathing was starting to return to normal. “Come
on, Sor.” Vanitas took his board from under his arm and sat it by the door then
began leading him to the sofa. “Namine really likes you, yanno.”
“Really? Why?” Sora said wiping sweat from his face with his tee shirt.
“Cause you’re fuckin awesome.” He wrapped an arm around his brother and sat on
the sofa pulling Sora across his lap so that he could thread fingers through
his hair.
“I don’t feel right, Vani…I just feel…wrong. What’s wrong with me?” Sora asked
before he yawned.
“You know what the doctor said about your condition and when you miss your meds
you don’t feel right.” Vanitas said as he soothed his brother.
From the other end of the sofa a soft lilting voice said, “Do you want to lie
here with me Sora?”
He looked up at Vanitas’ smiling face and said, “Yeeess Nami…”
Sora crawled over to snuggle with Namine who had all but adopted him as soon as
they had met earlier that night. Vanitas wondered if everything really would be
alright like he kept trying to tell himself…more than that, he wondered where
Roxas had gone.

Riku was relentless as he fucked Roxas. He seemed to be only seeking his own
pleasure…if he found pleasure in destroying Roxas’ ass. Roxas had given up on
any form of resistance and an hour and a half after he walked through the door
of Zexion’s dorm, he felt like rag doll. The only noises he could make were
involuntary groans.
Riku hadn’t uttered another word after his initial command and Roxas assumed
this would probably be the last interlude between the two. There were tears
streaming from the corners of his eyes but if Riku noticed he didn’t
acknowledge or care. Roxas reveled in the punishment and wanted it to go on
forever.
Riku had watched as Roxas cried and then turned his own eyes to the ceiling so
that Roxas wouldn’t have the pleasure of seeing the tears he shed himself. If
there was a god, he was cruel for allowing him to be this close to something so
beautiful that he knew he would never be able to keep. Roxas was beautiful and
perfectly broken…just like him.
Leaning down over Roxas’ back, he didn’t bother helping him find completion as
he found his own, and Roxas cried out at the pressure and the pleasure and the
pain. Riku did something then that he didn’t plan, and he wished immediately
that he could take back…pulling away slowly, he lay down beside Roxas who had
collapsed, and kissed him softly on the lips, the forehead, then the tip of his
nose. Roxas did something completely unexpected as well: he giggled. Riku was
devastated.

Ventus woke in the predawn hours to Demyx tracing lines on his abs, pushing the
covers down as he went. Smiling at the soft touch he reached down and took
Demyx' hand and bought it to his lips.
"I have to go, Ven." Demyx whispered as Ventus kissed his fingers.
"Why?"
"Because... reasons I'm not ready to discuss right now." Demyx chuckled as he
pulled his hand away.
"Did I do something wrong?" Ventus asked clearly not worried about it.
"No baby, I just...you do everything right and beautifully, and you make me
feel...Ugh, I'm not ready for all these feelings and I know it's not what you
want. Can we just drop it for now?" Demyx spluttered.
"OK...just...we talked about commitment and relationship stuff, and you
know..." Ventus began.
"I know. And I need to go, ok. I shouldn't be spending the night..." Demyx sat
up and started to collect his clothes.
Ventus watched him quietly, thinking about what Demyx was struggling with. He
should just let him go. Demyx would find someone great because he was a great
guy and deserved to have what he wanted.
Ventus was convinced that he would never want a relationship. Relationships
were hard and he didn't think it was worth the work just to have someone to
wake up beside day after day. As he lay pondering his thoughts, Demyx kissed
his forehead and mumbled that he would let himself out.

Roxas smiled ang lightly touched Riku's cheek, exactly where his dimple would
appear if he were laughing, and gazed at the closed lids with long charcoal
lashes. It was amazing how fast he had fallen asleep and Roxas was hesitant to
leave. He enjoyed the peace he felt and the soft scent of Riku that reminded
him of how he thought a baby would smell...all clean and sweet. Roxas wondered
why it had to end, but then… Sora crept back into his mind... He squeezed his
eyes closed as his stomach knotted and burned. Peering over at the clock- he
moaned, looking toward his jeans crumpled on the floor- he dreaded...
Riku rolled toward him and draped an arm across his stomach then slid his hand
up his chest, jarring Roxas from his mental streaming dread.
"Stay..." Riku whispered without opening his eyes. He didn't want to see Roxas'
expression...he was happy with the expression he had seen before he fell
asleep. That smile was what he wanted to remember until he saw him again.
Feeling warm puffs of breath on his face, he knew Roxas was close enough to
kiss, but he hesitated.
"I can't... I ha" Riku kissed him before he could finish and much to his joy,
Roxas returned it passionately. Stroking his chest, he slid a hand up to Roxas’
throat to feel the smoothness of his skin and the slight, steady thump of his
pulse.
Roxas put a hand on Riku’s cheek reverently as the kisses ended and in return,
Riku kept his eyes closed to allow Roxas his freedom from scrutiny even though
he wanted to gaze into the blues that would haunt his dreams and fantasies. As
long as he kept his eyes closed he could imagine Roxas happy. Too soon he felt
the bed move as Roxas sat up groaning. He giggled but he rolled away…he
wouldn’t watch him go.
Roxas dressed silently and avoided checking his phone. Stopping at the door to
look back or not, he was silently debating. Riku couldn’t help himself as he
listened to the faint sounds of leaving and rolled to face the door. Roxas
glanced over his shoulder to see sad aqua eyes fixed on him and stared briefly,
letting Riku finally have the eye contact he had demanded earlier… then left
without a word.

Walking into Strife House, he didn't know what to expect. Whether or not Sora
would be mad wasn't the question; how mad Sora would be was the thing. He
checked his phone as he propped his board against the wall right before a
strong hand grabbed his throat and slammed him against the wall, holding him
there.
Staring into the furious eyes of blue flashing with gold, Roxas knew only one
way to get free. Raising a knee, he got Vanitas solidly in the balls and ran
upstairs as soon as he was released. Locking his door, he sat on his bed to
read the messages Sora had left, then he fixed while he cried.
Vanitas writhed on the floor briefly before he started for the stairs. Halfway
up, he met Demyx coming down.
“See ya later, Vani.” Demyx mumbled and he descended, not noticing that Vanitas
was irate and limping.
“See ya dude.” Vanitas snapped as he trudged on, holding his balls.
“Roxas…open the goddamn door. I’m not gonna hurt you. I don’t wanna fight.”
Vanitas said to the locked door, attempting to keep the murderous tone out of
his voice.
“Bullshit, Vani.” Roxas barked as he tried to roll a joint before giving up and
getting his pipe.
“We were worried about you, that’s all. Where were you?” Vanitas picked at the
grain of the wood as he propped his forehead against the door.
“We weren’t shit. Sora was worried and you were pissed because I wasn’t here to
pacify him. I want my own life!” Roxas was shocked at the honesty of his own
words.
“Since fuckin when don’t you have your own life?” Vanitas snapped angrily
ripping at the doorknob.
Roxas had moved closer to the door to sit on the floor and smoke and as he
spoke he tapped the doorknob. “Since ever…and that right there is exactly why
you’re still on the other side of that fuckin door, motherfucker.”
Vanitas flipped a bird at the door and sat down. “You smokin?”
“Yep.”
“Open up and share.”
“Nope.”
“Bogart.”
“Yep.”
Vanitas thought about their lives and how close Roxas and Sora had always been.
He assumed that they both had wanted it that way. He never thought for a second
that either of them felt trapped by their relationship. “Sorry Rox…you’re
right…and I think we should call Dad about Sor.” Vanitas admitted, lying down
and sniffing at the crack under the door.
“Agree. Shotgun?” Roxas poked his fingertip under the door. “Right here.”
Vanitas slid across the hardwood to position himself correctly. “Ready.”
Roxas moved his finger and blew the smoke as Vanitas inhaled it, then coughed
and banged his face on the door making Roxas giggle from the other side.
“Dumbass…” he mumbled.
“It was your idea!” Vanitas tried to sound angry, still lying on the floor.
“Lemme in now.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“You can’t be trusted.”
“Since when?”
“Since you hugged my neck with your fingers. Fuck you, Vani.” Roxas was
giggling now and Vanitas couldn’t help but smile.
“I said I was sorry.” He smiled.
“I forgive you. So spill about the blonde.” Roxas said then hissed because he
knew what would come next.
“I will if you tell me who you were with tonight…last night.” Vanitas could see
the faint light of dawn illuminating the rooms downstairs.
“Never mind.” Roxas said sadly.
Vanitas wanted to help him but he didn’t know how. Hoping there would be more
words from his blonde brother, he stared at the crack under the door and waited
but there was nothing.


After receiving a distress call from Vanitas, Cloud entered the kitchen of
Strife House to find Sora counting the marshmallows from a box of cereal that
he had emptied on the counter. There was a small cabin built from square
crackers nearby and a marshmallow fort on the table, complete with marshmallow
SOLDIERs that had toothpick arms and one double marshmallow SOLDIER with a
toothpick sword. Cloud closed his eyes briefly when he heard the familiar
rumble of laughter in his head.
“Hey Sor.” He touched Sora lightly on the arm.
“Hey Dad!” he spun around and hugged him. There was a bit of a tremor in his
arms and Cloud wondered how long he had been constructing his food art.
“Wanna come home for a visit?” Cloud smoothed Sora’s dirty hair from his
forehead.
“Is it ok? I mean, can I? What about school?” Sora asked as he sniffed Cloud’s
hair and clothes. “You smell different.”
“I came from Midgar…I’ve been working.” He silently hoped that Sora would take
that explanation and let it go. He probably smelled like Reno since he had
taken him to the airport to see him off and kiss him goodbye.
“Oh…I got a …something…it’s a green paper…from my professor…I donno where I put
it. Help me find it, Dad.” Sora mumbled as he sniffed random spots on Cloud’s
shoulders and hair.
“Ok baby. Is it in your room?” His heart ached for his son but he knew he had
to keep it together. There would be time to break down later when he was alone.
“Yeah…I think so.” Sora turned abruptly and started for the stairs.
Inside Sora’s bedroom Cloud could almost gauge to the day how long he had been
off his meds. Everything was out of place but not in disarray. Lacrosse
trophies were set up like a small city in the center of the floor, around the
city roads had been built from post-it’s with mini-wheat cars and mini-
marshmallow people and jelly bean animals. Books formed walls around the city
and outside the walls were (wilted) broccoli trees and rocks. Cloud’s heart
fell to think of Sora being so near the quarry in this state of mind.
“I have some papers in the closet…maybe it’s one of them.” Sora carefully
opened his closet to reveal all the clothes squeezed to the center and the
walls papered with different colored notes. Cloud scanned them as he got closer
and the more he read the more devastated he was.
Mr. Strife…your work is amazing…
Mr. Strife your recent submission was the best I have read…
Sora, I would like to take your work with me and present it at the next seminar
in Midgar…
Would you be interested in speaking at the next…?
Each paper was praising Sora for his work in bio chemistry and Sora had stuck
them to the wall in order by date and separated by color.
“Sora, did you respond to these?” Cloud was concerned that his son may be
missing important opportunities.
“Sure, yeah…cause people need to understand.” Sora seemed surprised that Cloud
had even asked. “Here it is…the last green one. I wanted you to see it.”
Cloud looked closely and noted that the date was only days ago.
Mr. Strife, we all appreciate the brilliance of your work and would like to
meet with you about a possible tenure here at Twilight University. We
understand that you may already be obligated as we are aware that you have been
scouted by more than one company. Please join us for dinner on the 25th. A
formal invitation will follow. If you have any questions, please feel free to
visit my office any time.
Sincerely, Dean Xemnas
Hugging Sora and telling him how proud he was of him masked Cloud’s panic over
the severity of his situation. “If you’re making that dinner on the 25th then
you should come with me today so you can be back by then. Right?”
Sora nodded sadly, the reality setting in while Cloud was reading that he was
probably there because he had stopped his meds. He told Vanitas he hated the
meds because it felt like he was putting a corset on his brain. He wanted to be
normal without pills but if Dad was there, then it probably wasn’t going to
happen. Cloud helped him pack a bag and then sent him to shower while he talked
to his brothers.

Sora’s absence had two of the Strife brothers holding their breath until they
saw how Roxas handled it. They never knew with him- his reactions had run the
gamut over the years from silent indifference to screaming rages where he had
to be sedated and carried out of the facility where Sora was being treated.
Ventus and Vanitas agreed to stay close to him for the first week and report
any incident to Cloud. There was none. Aside from spending more time skating
and doing assignments, Roxas was Roxas.
One afternoon he sat working on a paper but his mind kept wandering. After
stretching his arms, he decided to go skate and clear his head before he
butchered the paper completely. The cemetery was quiet and appeared to be empty
as far as he could see, so he popped in his ear buds and hit the first hill.
Lost in the feel of the pavement and the music, he began to sing as he skated.
Sitting in the shadow of a mausoleum, Riku was smoking and reading with his
earbuds in. Board across his lap supporting his book, he caught a glimpse out
of the corner of his eye of someone or something zipping by a few rows down the
cemetery. Deciding his book was more important he focused and turned up the
volume on his Ipod.
Soon the distracting flash was back, closer now and he could tell it was
another skater. Popping out his buds, he could hear the grinding wheels and
…singing. Smiling in spite of himself he listened quietly to the song that he
recognized as the skater weaved in and out of the mini-streets that ran through
the cemetery.
The singing stopped abruptly at the skid of wheels and a loud “Fuck!” followed
by the patter of sneakers running to keep from eating it. The sounds made him
chuckle because he had been there himself many times. Fuck pebbles he thought.
He heard a familiar giggle then the scrape and clatter of the skater hitting
the hills again. Soon the singing started again…different song, same band Riku
thought.
He peered around the corner of the mausoleum and watched Roxas zipping through
the cemetery smiling and singing. He looks so free and happy Riku thought…it
was a breathtaking sight. The louder he sang the bigger his smile got and Riku
was enraptured. As Roxas neared his hiding place he almost ducked back behind
it but he didn’t want to be a creeper so he sat very still and watched. Roxas
flew right by him and didn’t even notice.
Riku listened and knew that he was about to be discovered so he popped his buds
in but didn’t turn his music back on and opened his book.
Roxas saw him as he passed the big white mausoleum and slowed down. Goddamn
he’s beautiful, Roxas thought as he cruised the silver haired boy who seemed
oblivious to his presence. Hitting the next corner, he hopped off onto the
grass and grabbed his board. Strolling up to Riku he didn’t stop until the toes
of his sneakers were touching his. Riku looked up at the blonde and smiled.
Roxas could’ve died a happy man when he saw the dimples in his cheeks.
Taking a seat beside him he said quietly, “How long you been here?”
Riku couldn’t hide his happiness. “Long enough to hear your renditions of a
couple of Weezer songs. Good job, by the way.”
“Thanks” Roxas laughed. “I needed a break from writing so I came out for a
skate.”
“I came out here for the sun. It’s nice out for October…I miss the sun.” Riku
said as he continued to smile and stare at the blonde. He had been clean since
the Ambien incident so everything was intense…especially emotions.
Roxas hopped off the stone that they were sitting on and kneeled between Riku’s
feet and thought immediately of how much he looked like some of the angels
around the cemetery.
Riku’s pulse quickened as he watched the blonde fidget.
“Wanna go somewhere?” Roxas asked as he plucked at blades of grass between
Riku’s shoes.
Riku knew what he wanted and he had plenty of that but he wished for a second
that Roxas wanted to go somewhere to be with him just for him…and not for his
drugs. “Sure…my place?”
“Yeah. Race you?” Roxas said grinning. Riku stood, grabbed his stuff and
nodded. Even if Roxas just wanted his drugs he wasn’t going to pass on an
opportunity to enjoy his company.

Upon entering the dorm, Roxas dropped his board and began shedding: Hoodie,
shirt, shoes. Riku watched him with greedy eyes and slowly dropped his own
hoodie on the chair by the window then went to the closet to get Roxas’ treats.
Before he could turn around the blonde was behind him wrapping him in his arms
and fumbling with the buttons of his jeans.
“Slow down…you want this first or…” Riku said as he turned to face a blushing
Roxas.
“I’m sorry I thought…” Roxas stuttered.
“You thought you had to do that first?” Riku was a little pissed that Roxas
would think that and immediately thought of Zexion, and wondered if he had
taken advantage of him. I’ll sort that out later he thought. “I donno how it
worked with your other guy but…it doesn’t hafta be that way with me ok?” Riku
stroked Roxas’ cheek and nuzzled his hair. “And as far as that grudge fucking
last time…that shit won’t happen anymore either. I was sore for days and I
don’t see how you walked home.”
Roxas mumbled. “It was a miserable walk, and then my brother jumped me as soon
as I got there…still worth it.”
Riku laughed and held up Roxas’ little square of brown. “Here ya go, baby…and
you don’t have to fuck me for it.”
Roxas looked at him intently and then nodded as he snatched the square from his
hand and went straight to get his gear from his hoodie. “You not doin any?”
Riku watched him with a bit of pity. He had been a junkie for a long time but
it was still depressing to watch another junkie when you were clean. “I um…not
today. I been clean for a week or so…just enjoyin the break…the lucidity…the
coke.” He laughed because heroin was the only thing he was off of.
“So, get high with me.” Roxas smiled as he cooked.
Riku watched him and noticed the bruises on his arms. “Lemme do that…your arms
look… lemme help.”
Roxas handed him the needle innocently and Riku crumbled at the huge blue eyes
looking up at him. “You’re killin me, Rox.”
“What I do? Help me, Riku.” He pouted. Riku shook his head with a smile and
waved his arm, directing him to follow. Sitting on his new bed, he put the
needle over his ear and started taking down Roxas’ pants. Roxas giggled and
Riku chuckled. “I said I wasn’t gonna fuck you, didn’t I? That might have been
a lie.”
“S’ok.” Roxas said quietly and Riku looked up to see him watching him, biting
his lip, hands by his sides.
“You want me to?” He asked softly as he tugged Roxas’ jeans down and his hair
brushed against his stomach.
“Yes…” Roxas whispered but having his pants around his ankles Riku could
already tell what he wanted and the junkie in him knew which one he wanted
first.
“Turn around…Imma shoot this behind your knee and give your arms a break, ok.
I’m sure your brothers would go the fuck off if they saw those tracks.” Riku
spoke and Roxas felt a little prick.
“All of em would…except maybe Sora…umph.” Roxas bent over grabbing onto the bed
and Riku chuckled. “Hit?”
“Yeah” Roxas slurred as he crawled onto the bed. Feeling a little resistance,
he looked back and saw Riku holding his underwear staring at him ferally.
“You’re not gonna need these, baby.” He pulled them down allowing Roxas to
crawl out of them and collapse giggling. He shed his own clothes, and snorted a
line.
 
                                      00

Roxas left for Strife house and Riku set about completing a paper he was
writing on the popularity of psychedelic drugs in the sixties in contrast to
the rise of opiates after the end of the Wutai War. When he finished, he got a
bump before heading to Xemnas’ office. He didn’t have an appointment so there
would be a speech about his precious time and following protocol. He didn’t
care.
“Hi, is my Dad busy?” Riku politely asked the receptionist who was always
flirting with him. She was a junior and this was her work study. Riku would
rather take his eyes out with hot forks than to work for Xemnas.
“You may go in.” She smiled and winked. He smiled back and leaned across her
desk to kiss her cheek. “Thanks”
Walking into the office, he took a deep breath then blew it out as he closed
the door.
“How are you Riku? Are you enjoying your new bed?” Xemnas asked sarcastically.
“Yes, as a matter of fact I was just enjoying it a bit ago with another student
but that’s not why I’m here. I wanna see mom. I wanna talk to her and she won’t
return my calls. I thought maybe you would ask her for me. Please.” Although he
asked humbly, Riku kept his head high because Xemnas hated to see him cower.
For some reason it pissed him off…sign of weakness or whatever.
“I will speak with her, yes. Is there something that I can do for you until she
gets in touch?” Xemnas was curious as to why Riku suddenly wanted to talk with
his estranged mother.
“I just need to um…apologize for some stuff. Sir. And I think I should do it
face to face is all.” Riku said honestly. Being off junk brought a new
perspective and the last time he had spoken to his mother it had been very
ugly.
“Very commendable son. I’m proud to see you taking some initiative with your
mother. She loves you very much and has been distraught since you two haven’t
communicated properly.” Xemnas said from behind his desk.
“I take full responsibility for her condition, Dad. I do. And I’m very sorry
for what I put her through…and you.” Riku said humbly without a hint of
sarcasm.
Xemnas however didn’t pull any punches. “I think we both know that part of that
statement isn’t true.”
Riku began to chew his lip but didn’t lower his head. “I am sorry for what I’ve
done to you.” Riku spoke as calmly as he could but his voice cracked slightly.
“Is that an apology?” Xemnas asked as he stood looking down his nose at his
son.
“Yes sir.” Riku said hating the way the words felt in his mouth and feeling the
tears rise to his eyes but not spill. He wasn’t allowed to cry in front of
Xemnas. “I’m deeply sorry for what I put you and Mom through…for years. I’m
grateful that you have anything to do with me at all after the things I’ve
done…I don’t deserve it.”
Xemnas eyed him warily and nodded. “I accept your apology. I’ll contact your
mother and she will be in touch with you.” He walked around the desk and shook
Riku’s hand then pulled it forward to look at his wrist. “Healed nicely. Very
good. I hope all that is behind us.”
“Yessir. Of course.” Riku nodded and left the office as quickly as he could
without being rude. Outside he took a deep breath then vomited into the
perfectly trimmed hedges.


People began to filter into Strife House at dusk. Zexion was approaching the
yard when he heard a shrill whistle that could only be one person…one infamous
person from Radiant who bumped him back to delivery boy with Xaldin. He turned
and put his business face on. “S’up Riku?”
“I want to know how blondie’s been paying you for his shit.” Riku lit a smoke,
making sure he stopped on the sidewalk.
“Well, he paid with cash, mostly.” Zexion wondered if Roxas had stiffed Riku or
shorted him maybe.
“And when he didn’t have cash?” Riku blew a stream of smoke through his nose
staring at Zexion with a seething glare.
“You know how it goes man…what’s this about?” Zexion asked even though he had a
good idea that this was about jealousy, not drugs or money.
“What it’s about is a good customer thinking he has to blow you just cause he
shows up empty handed once in a while. It’s bad business.” Riku spat.
Zexion had heard enough stories about Riku not to want on his bad side. “Well
he hasn’t been to see me in a while so I donno who…”
“He’s been comin to me.” Riku said still giving Zexion the death glare.
“So what ya want me to do, Riku? Fuckin apologize for lettin him suck my cock?”
Zexion sighed inwardly, knowing that he wouldn’t be hanging around Strife House
much anymore…if at all.
“No…just stay away from him. If I’m not around and he comes to you, give it to
him. GIVE. IT. TO. HIM.” As he repeated the words he poked Zexion in the chest.
Zexion nodded and started backing away, “Yeah whatever boss man.”
Riku snarled and thumped his burning cigarette in Zexion’s general direction,
then strolled up to the house like he owned it.

Drinking a beer and chatting with a girl near the kitchen Riku looked like just
another party-goer. Roxas came sliding down the stairs and everyone yelled
“Roxaaaass!”
The blonde grinned and cruised by without missing a beat and winked at Riku
when nobody was watching. Riku was over the moon. He hung at the party for a
while and decided to bail since he knew better than having any alone time with
Roxas. Stopping in the guest bathroom for a leak before he left, he was about
to zip and run when someone walked in without knocking.
“I was done but uh…” He looked up into the face of one Roxas Strife who looked
like he had no irises.
“You came…” Roxas giggled as he kissed Riku and began groping him.
“Mmph mm mmhmm ph phn” He only released the blonde long enough to lock the door
and then indulged him.
Out of his jeans, Roxas pushed Riku none too gently against the wall and
dropped to his knees. Riku was panting as he watched and touched the blonde’s
face with a shaking hand. “Baby…” Everything was so much more intense when he
was straight and the vision of Roxas on his knees sucking him off would be
burned on his brain forever. He was beautiful and as much as Riku wanted to
keep him happy by keeping them quiet, he wanted everyone to know…not just
Zexion…that Roxas was his.
Riku picked him up and pressed his back against the bathroom wall, glancing up
at a small framed picture before sliding a few inches to the left… just in case
it fell. Roxas pulled his knees up as high as he could get them whispering
“Please, please…Rikuuu.”
Riku groaned as he held him up by his ass, ignoring his own protesting muscles.
Hands trailed over straining biceps and found their way into soft silver hair
as he tried to be quiet and keep his feelings to himself. The music blaring
through the walls allowed him to take a few liberties. “Roxas…fuck!”
Roxas didn’t seem to even notice as he whined and pushed against him mumbling
about the floor? Riku stumbled to the sink and sat him on the counter. Watching
Roxas’ eyes flick from one thing to the other around the small bathroom and
then back to his face, he wondered where this was going to end up.
Roxas released the death grip he had on his shoulders and pushed him away
before sliding off the counter and dropping to his knees again, this time
tugging Riku’s hand to join him. He wasted no time, kissing Roxas greedily and
before he could focus on his angelic face, it was gone as Roxas turned his back
to him and braced his arms on the side of the bathtub.
“Goddammit Rox…” Riku mumbled as he shoved back inside him. Roxas moaned and
the music seemed to get even louder outside the bathroom. Riku shivered as he
leaned down over Roxas’ back and dug his fingers into his hips. Roxas whined
his name desperately, arching his back with a groan and Riku was helpless to do
anything other than what he wanted.
He paid no mind to his knees grinding onto the tile of the floor or the fact
that the zipper of his jeans had somehow made its way underneath one of his
shins- that was probably bleeding. He paid no mind to the voices outside the
bathroom or the beat of the music that made everything vibrate. All he felt was
“Roxaaas…say you’re mine…say it Roxas.”
“Yes” Roxas whined, free hand reaching back grabbing for anything as he reached
his end. Riku whispered unintelligible things and felt sweat trickling down his
face as he came, and was acutely aware that he was probably bruising the pale
skin that he loved to touch. When he had stilled all but his panting, Roxas
pulled his hand to his lips and licked his sticky fingers. Riku’s head plopped
onto his shoulder and he whimpered. “Why god?”
Roxas giggled “I don’t think I can stand…” He grunted as he started to crawl
away, allowing Riku to slip free from his body.
“I think I’m bleeding.” Riku murmured as he watched Roxas stand slowly and step
shakily to the sink.
“What? Where?”
“It’s all good…my zipper.” As he stood he looked down past red abused knees and
to see that the zipper pull was fully embedded in his leg, and yes, he was
bleeding.
“Holy shit!” Roxas giggled and rummaged for a band aid.
“Worth it.” Riku grinned and slapped Roxas’ still naked ass.

As he left the party, welcoming the cool breeze outside, Riku noticed there
were more people arriving but he brushed it off and started toward his dorm. He
had done enough partying, puking, fucking, and dying at Radiant to let a few
slide. He was happy. He saw Zexion hanging around another dorm as he passed so
he stopped to speak…probably a bad idea but he did it anyway. “S’up?”
Riku looked infinitely more calm than he had for their previous conversation,
so Zexion engaged him. “What was up with you back there at Strife?”
“I’m just looking out for Roxas.” Riku didn’t want it to escalate but ready if
it did…
“You’re a junkie and a pusher just like me… but if he’s your pet, I’ll keep my
distance.” Zexion made his case and waited for Riku to bite.
“I’ve been a pusher for a few years but I never made anyone blow me for dope.”
Riku spat, dropping his smoke because he knew what was about to happen.
“I didn’t make that twink Strife blow me…he just did.” Zexion said evenly, with
a smirk. “He loves sucking dick… I just allowed it.”
Without warning, Riku sucker punched him and then stood over him as he rolled
around holding his nose. He winced at the blood and shivered, making sure none
of it got onto his custom-made shoes. “Is it broken?” he asked quietly.
Zexion stopped and looked up at him. “I don’t think so…” he sat up and touched
his nose gingerly.
Riku grabbed him by his shirt and hit him with a right, then dropped him. “Now
it is.” He left for Sawyer to turn in early.

Roxas and Riku passed by one another a few times each day going to classes but
didn’t speak. They would nod at one another like mere acquaintances. Vanitas
had started watching Roxas’ behavior at parties to try and figure out who he
was seeing but finally he gave up and thought he was just relieved to have a
break from Sora. Hopefully things would be better when Sora came back. All
Cloud had said was he’s different.
Their famous father showed up with Sora in tow the Monday before Halloween.
Sora was quiet but he hugged all his brothers and told them he really missed
them but the nurses at his facility were hot. They all laughed and breathed a
sigh of relief that Sora hadn’t changedthat much. He showed no aversion or
preoccupation with Roxas either, which was good.
Cloud took them all out to dinner and as they drove away from campus they
passed Riku on his skateboard. Cloud hissed quietly but didn’t speak. Roxas
stared briefly but tried not to be too obvious. Sora however squawked, “Check
that shit out. Has he been here the whole time…how the fuck did I miss that?”
Roxas looked out the window and then at his brother, trying to keep his
expression in check, but Sora paid no attention. Ventus spoke up. “He’s the
Dean’s kid, Sor he’s been to…the house a couple times. He transferred I think,
because I never saw him before this year.”
“I saw him hanging around Zexion.” Roxas added to try and deter Sora.
Sora nodded, “Zexion’s the guy who brings our w…”
“Weekly bulletin, yeah that’s him!” Vanitas snapped and everyone let their
breath out at once. Cloud drove on in silence.
Sora glanced back and saw that Riku had stopped and was texting on his phone.
“Damn he’s hot…” Sora hissed and Roxas rolled his eyes.
Dinner was an adventure as always and the Strifes saw that their brunette
sibling was more like his much younger self: carefree, wacky, no filter.
The other boys seemed content to let Sora take center stage. Vanitas didn’t
mention his new girlfriend because he figured his dad wouldn’t approve of him
dating a stripper, Ventus didn’t mention Demyx since they weren’t really
dating, and Roxas didn’t mention anything because he was a junkie who was
fucking his dealer.
Back at Strife House Cloud hung out and made sure Sora got settled back in, and
then left. As soon as he was out the door Sora went to Vanitas and patted him
down for a joint and then fired it up. They all laughed and just like that,
there was a new normal at Strife House. They began planning their annual
Halloween bash.

Tuesday morning Riku was on his way to his first class when his cell buzzed in
his pocket. It was his mom and the text said I see you. Stopping his board, he
looked around and didn’t spot her anywhere at first, then he saw her by the
fountain smiling at him. She was dressed in business gray with dark glasses,
her long blonde hair pulled back but hanging down her back like spun silk…she
was beautiful. He smiled in spite of himself and walked up to her not knowing
what to expect.
“Hi Mom.” He said breathlessly, as he sat his books on his board and reached
out a hand.
Her lips quivered like she would cry for a second, then she held out both her
arms. Bitching out or not Riku hugged his mom right there at the fountain in
the center of campus. “I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered, realizing that
he actually had.
“I’ve missed you too. Why don’t we go somewhere and spend the day together,
yes?” She wiped a tear that escaped her dark glasses with a black gloved hand.
“Yes.” He beamed.
Her idea of going somewhere to spend the day meant a spa in Travers Town. They
hadn’t had a spa day together since Riku was very young and in junkie years, it
had been eons. They chatted about school and her work while they got their
massages. Facials were quiet martini time. Mani/Pedi time was their fourth
martini and she was speaking more freely, and Riku was beginning to giggle.
After spa they went shopping and she spoiled him with designer clothes. He
talked her into buying herself a pair of chucks which she wore for the rest of
the day while they shopped…with her gray skirt and blazer. Riku told her she
looked amazing and he meant it. They held hands as they walked and he wished
that he could take back every single time he had made her cry. She was never
the same after Luna…but then neither was he.
They ate at a nice restaurant where they had more drinks and she laughed louder
than he had ever heard her laugh. Reaching across the table he took her hands.
“Mom…I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the things I said back then…after…when
I was on drugs at Radiant. The things I did were terrible and the things I said
to you were unforgiveable. I am so sorry.”
She stared at him silently then squeezed his hands. “I forgive you darling. My
Riku.” She smiled. “None of it is your fault, you know. You were born
faulty…damaged…I expected too much.” She sniffed. “I told your father he was
too hard on you…that he pushed you too hard but he wouldn’t hear of it. I knew
deep down that you weren’t going to amount to much but he seemed to think that
you would be great. I was happy to have you just as you were …to play with and
to comfort me.”
Riku stared at her, dumbfounded. She said that like she was talking about her
dog or something.
“Had he not agreed to adopt you, I would’ve gladly hired you just to have you
with me… a pool boy perhaps. You always loved…”
The wonderful day he was having, just withered and died. He wanted to leave. He
wanted to cry. He wanted to scream… but he did nothing. He merely sat quietly
and listened to what a failure he was, and accepted it as truth. He would never
be able to please either one of them.
"What's the matter now, Riku?"
"Nothing, Mom. I've had a great time today. Thank you." he said numbly, trying
to find his emotional footing… it kind of felt like when you were deeply
absorbed in a book and then dropped it, losing your place completely.
"I enjoyed seeing you darling. You're such a beautiful boy...you could easily
make a fortune on your looks...that may be a good career path for you. I
understand that your GPA is rather lackluster...and this is your senior year."
She stirred her drink and winked at him.
"You think I'm beautiful?" He asked, desperately trying to glean something
positive from the entire day.
"Yes! Didn't your father tell you that we were very pleased with how you turned
out physically? And I know you recall the summer in Paris with Leon… the
painting and the drawings. Honestly if you were homely I’m sure he wouldn’t
have bothered… much less letting you bed him the way you did…. Swept him off
his feet, and you were just a boy at that.”
Riku nodded, merely waiting for her to wind down.
“So, my beautiful boy, are you seeing anyone?”
"I um... Yes, but nothing serious." He thought of how he worshipped Roxas even
though all he wanted from him was sex and drugs.
"Well tell me about him." She said as she leaned across the table.
Riku sighed. "He's truly beautiful, Mom. He has the bluest eyes I've ever seen
and his hair is...It's the color of yours almost. It's just...he's beautiful."
She smiled "It sounds like you're infatuated darling. Why isn't it serious?"
"He doesn't want...he has a ..." Riku trailed off as a smile spread across his
mother's face.
"You're his man? His... Oh my." She giggled and ordered another drink, offering
Riku but he opted for shots instead. The waiter left a bottle of Grey Goose and
a glass. This will probably end badly, Riku thought.
"Tell me...is he one of your professors?"
“No…he’s um.” Riku didn’t know what to say. No one was supposed to know about
Roxas.
"Let's go see your father!" She giggled, forgetting about Riku’s love life
momentarily. She was already flagging the waiter back and Riku picked up the
vodka…he would probably need it.

"He'll be mad." Riku looked across campus, dreading the long stagger to his
dorm
"Nooo he’ll be happy that we had a fun day together."
"He'll be mad because we’re drunk." Riku warned but she was getting out of the
car already, business suit and chucks. Riku hopped out and rushed to her side
so he could attempt to keep her from staggering. "Would you like to see my dorm
instead?"
"Oh yes dear and you're probably right about your father. Who would know better
what makes him angry than you?" She snickered.
Riku nodded, mocking his father. "Indeed."
Upon entering his dorm, she scanned the room and mumbled “Dreadful… like a
prison. I’ll send Miguel to decorate… honestly, how do you tolerate it.” A
knock at his door made him wince as he offered her his chair and turned to shoo
away whoever it was. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Roxas. "Rox...
Hi."
Roxas looked at him hesitantly "Bad time?"
"My mom's here."
"Can I meet her?" He grinned and Riku nodded dumbly scrolling down his mental
list of things he thought Roxas would say, wanting to meet his mom being
nowhere near the list, much less at the top. Ushering him inside, he realized
that he was unable to deny Roxas anything.
"Hello Mrs. Xemnas." Roxas smiled and reached for her hand.
"Hello there little blonde boy! I would stand to greet you but it seems Riku
and I had a little too much to drink with our dinner." She giggled as she took
his hand.
Roxas laughed and turned to Riku "Dude, you got your Mom drunk?"
"She got herself drunk... I was merely an innocent bystander." Riku giggled.
"Mom this is Roxas Strife."
"Strife...your father has to be the famous SOLDIER-you look just like him."
"Yes ma'am." Roxas said politely.
"Riku, do you have anything to drink?" she asked and he went to his fridge
while Roxas sat on the side of the unmade bed and absently picked up a pillow,
fluffed it and held it against his chest.
Riku returned with bottles of whiskey, vodka, and tequila and his mother raised
a brow, then looked at Roxas "Have a drink with us, Roxas?"
"Absolutely!" he grinned and Riku rubbed his face thinking of the implications
of Xemnas walking in to discover her thee having drinks with an underage
student.
They did shots and talked about school gossip. Riku had sat by Roxas on the bed
and his mother noticed that their arms were touching and it looked like their
pinkies were hooked together. She stopped talking mid-sentence and squinted.
"Are you two holding hands?"
Roxas looked at their hands and blushed and Riku bit his lip and waited for the
worst.
"Oh, I don't mind. I should be going anyway...give you boys some alone time..."
Roxas stood, "No I should go. I intruded and I apologize. Riku, I'll see you
another time. Mrs. Xemnas it was nice meeting you."
He started out despite protests from Riku's mother and as Riku held the door
for him, he hissed. "Can you come back later?"
"Yeah...text me."
"I will" Riku stuck his fingers into Roxas jeans pocket and pulled him close,
dropping a quick kiss on his lips. Roxas’ tongue darted out, making Riku giggle
and kiss him again. He was hopelessly lost to the blonde and he knew it.

Mrs. Xemnas flopped ungraciously onto Riku's bed and dragged a pillow under her
head. "I'm going take a short nap before I go to face your father."
"Don't blame you." Riku covered her with a blanket from his closet and she
smiled and dozed. He got a shower and put on pajama pants before waking her.
"Mom, it's late."
She smiled groggily. "Mon prince." Riku smiled crookedly as she pulled him down
by the arm. "Snuggle with mommy like we did when you were small."
Riku smiled and snuggled in bed by her, and then text Roxas.
Riku: Mom is staying the night sorry
Roxas: np tmrw?
Riku: sure if I survive this
Roxas: LoL
Riku snapped a selfie beside his sleeping mother and sent to Roxas
Roxas: beautiful
Riku: she is
Roxas: I meant U
Riku: whoever it is you're with...leave them. I wanna be with u
Roxas: can't
Riku: Y
Roxas: Its complicated
Riku didn't text back and neither did Roxas.

The next morning Riku was awakened by a slap across the face and yelling. His
mom was telling Xemnas to shut up as he was threatening to kill him. Xemnas
lowered his voice and hissed "I will bury you sooner or later, you little
bastard."
"I said nothing happened! We were just snuggling like we did when he was
little."
"He's no longer little!!"  Xemnas roared. Riku looked back and forth between
the two, the blood leaking from his lip ignored. "Look at him!"
"He's still my son!"
"He's never been your son!"
"Yes, he is!" She cried desperately as if Xemnas’ words could take her child
from her.
"I want you off my campus before noon or I swear you will go right back to the
hospital." Xemnas threatened, pointing a finger at her face.
Riku watched his mother's fire go out with those words and Xemnas walked out
and left them. She sat down to cry and Riku hugged her close. "He won't send
you back, Mom. He loves you."
"How can he love me and accuse me of being intimate with my own son?" She
cried.
"I don't know...the one I love can do no wrong in my eyes" Riku suddenly
realized the depth of his feelings for Roxas and it was frightening.
She stared at her son silently for a moment as she dried her tears. Thinking of
how young and naïve he was, she looked him over briefly. "Sit down and let me
do your hair before I go, baby."
He sat as she dug through her bag before plundering his bathroom for
conditioner and elastics. She brushed and sprayed conditioner as she talked.
"You're in love with this boy...Yes?"
"Yes" Riku croaked near tears and desperate for a hit or a smoke or something
to alter his reality.
"Walk away now and save yourself the heartache later." Her judgement was
clearly colored by her own experience.
"I don't think I can." Riku said quietly. “It's Roxas.”
She had finished his braid and fastened it so she took his hand and led him to
sit on the bed with her. "Look at you...stop that now." Wiping his tears away
she looked into his eyes. "Does he know?"
"I haven't told him, no."
"Don't. He'll be gone before you’re finished speaking. Give him time, Riku. If
he has eyes in his head he will fall in love with you." She kissed both his
cheeks and stood. "Now get me something to wear with these lovely shoes so that
I may get out of this wretched little town." She laughed making him smile.
He felt proud that she chose to wear some of his school sweats and as he walked
her to her waiting car, a passing student whistled and said "Nice ass baby!
Hey, Riku and where ya find that one?"
She looked horrified but before she could speak, Riku had punched the guy in
the mouth. Shaking his hand, he turned to her, "Sorry Mom."
She was smiling "Do you know how long it's been since a man defended my honor?"
He smiled checking the tooth marks in his knuckles. "Long time?"
She laughed and hugged him. "Yes. That was lovely what you did there."
"Part of my skill set." He raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Be a good boy, Riku."
"I will...try." he smiled. "I love you Mom."
"I love you my darling."
And she was gone. Their first meeting in 3 years and he was feeling good when
he stepped over the bleeding boy, and went about his day.

“We should do a theme.” Vanitas said later that day.
“What kind a theme? Let’s do pirates!” Sora said with his face in Vanitas’ hair
as they sat on the sofa.
“You can be a pirate Sora.” Vanitas patted him.
“I changed my mind…Imma be Peter Pan.” Sora smiled and lit a joint. “Peter
fuckin Pan…OOOH!! Can Nami be Wendy?!”
Vanitas snatched away his weed and hit it. “If Namine is being Wendy then I’M
being Peter fuckin Pan!”
“Noooo! It was my idea and I don’t wanna be a Lost Boy!” Sora was trying to
wrestle the weed back from Vanitas as they argued.
“You can be Captain Hook!” Vanitas squawked as Sora climbed onto his lap and
pinned his arm to take the joint back.
“Great! Thanks Vani! You’ll be an awesome Peter fuckin Pan…wearin tights…and
you’re straight…so you say…Peter fuckin Pan…” Sora walked away chuckling with
the weed, leaving Vanitas to wonder who had actually won the argument.

Roxas chewed his lip as he stared at his phone. When he left Riku in the care
of his mother, he had returned to Strife House to find Sora ‘entertaining’ a
cheerleader in his bed. Passing through to bang some junk in the bathroom, he
collapsed at his desk to nod. When he came around, Sora was calling his name
and the girl- whoever she was- was reaching for him. Watching turned into self-
pleasure, which turned into joining in, which turned into taking turns. He felt
a tiny bit guilty for banging a stranger but he was high so he didn’t feel like
he should be held accountable. Riku probably fucks people all the time he
thought.
“S’up Rox?” Sora strolled past and flopped down in the desk chair.
“Nothin…s’up with you?” Roxas was enjoying Sora 2.0.
“I finally talked to that hot guy…the one with silver hair.” Sora said
passively as he picked up a shirt Roxas had worn and discarded, and stuck it to
his face.
Roxas thought he would vomit as his stomach turned inside out. “Really?” was
all he could muster as he kept his eyes on his phone.
“I invited him to Halloween. I mean he was probably comin anyhow but I just
wanted to speak to him. He smells nice.” Sora said with the shirt still over
his face.
“He does…” Roxas mumbled as he text Riku.
Roxas: did u fuck my brother??
Riku: WTF Roxas??
Roxas: well did u?
Riku: NO
Roxas: ru going to
Riku: Whadda u care neway?
Roxas: he’s my brother
Riku: m not good enuff fr u and now m not good enuff fr yr brother?
Roxas: I never said that
Riku: didn’t have to
Roxas: what does that mean?
Riku: why do I have to b a secret but nt varsity squad??
Roxas: it was just Nelle n I was blown out of my mind
Riku: that’s not how I heard it
Roxas: u heard lies
Riku: who ru seein?
Roxas: nobody!
Riku stared at his phone remembering the times Roxas claimed that he was seeing
someone and that’s why he couldn’t be with him and thought…he’s been lying. He
waited, wondering if Roxas would see that he had slipped.
Roxas: not anymore
Riku: were u ever?
Roxas: yes
Riku: who?
Roxas: not important
Riku: I don’t wanna b with ne1 else
Roxas: then don’t b- bt if u can’t keep it low thn I can’t see u nemore!
Roxas felt panic rising in his chest and stared at the text he just sent. Why
did I say that? Why am I sabotaging my own possible happiness?
Riku: f that’s how u want it- just remember this is ur call
Roxas: what ru sayin?
Riku: u don’t want me- some1 will
Roxas didn’t hear any more from him and when the Halloween party rolled around
that weekend, he watched the door. Vanitas was Peter fuckin Pan and Namine was
Wendy. Sora was Captain Hook and Roxas was a lost boy dressed in teddy bear
pajamas…with ears. Ventus was dressed as a sheep and everyone got a kick out of
that because of his narcolepsy. Demyx came as a rock star and of course brought
his guitar.
Most of the campus was there at some point during the party, all in costume.
The booze flowed and the drugs were passed. Zexion showed up as Edward
Scissorhands and Riku came in shortly after dressed as the Mad Hatter. Roxas
saw him when he came in and as soon as their eyes met Riku started toward him.
Roxas panicked and went upstairs.
In his room he was pacing when he heard the door open, then close and lock. The
only light in the room was a lamp but Roxas could see the hat as Riku
approached him without speaking. He grabbed Roxas and kissed him roughly.
“Where were you?” Roxas asked as Riku’s hands sought a way to get him out of
his teddy bear pajamas.
“Why?” Riku asked breathlessly as he found a zipper in back. “Thought you
didn’t wanna see me?”
“Zexion said…” Roxas began but Riku stopped him with a growl “When did you see
him?”
“Downstairs just a little while a eeeep!” Roxas squeaked as Riku pulled his
bear suit down to his knees. “Riku!”
“You gonna tell me no?” He hissed when he felt Roxas’ hands trying to find
their way through all of the layers of his costume.
“No…I mean wait…I mean ah fuck it.” Roxas stopped his grasping and stepped back
nearly tripping over his suit.
Riku looked like he was right out of a fairy tale and Roxas just wanted to
start over with him…but he didn’t know how. He didn’t even know where to begin.
Riku stared at him and then lowered his head and turned to leave.
“Riku wait.” Roxas started toward him, pulling his suit back on. “Can’t we just
talk?”
“About what?” Riku never turned around, merely paused with his hand on the
doorknob.
“The girl… it was a mistake… and I’m sss”
“Not important.” Riku interrupted, throwing Roxas’ own words back at him and
then he left him there. The truth was, Zexion had been the one to tell Riku
about the cheerleader… and the truth was, Riku had been devastated… more truth
was, that Riku blamed himself for all of it.

When Sora realized Riku was there he made a point of catching his eye then
winking at him. Riku smiled and tipped his hat. Demyx was playing and singing
but beginning to slur but nobody noticed as they passed him the bong. Vanitas
was wired and walking around on the furniture saying he could fly but when he
ran for the stairs saying he had an idea, he was stopped abruptly by a fussy
sheep. “You’re stayin on the ground floor, Jenny. You’ve done enough blow
tonight that you won’t sleep til Monday. Stay down here so we can watch you
burn or go fuck Nami somewhere…in the pantry or somethin.”
Vanitas laughed and spun around a few times then bolted up the stairs just to
slide back down cackling. Hopping off the rail, he yelled, “Where’s my Wendy!?”

Roxas reappeared and Sora went over to corner him. Roxas thought he would
swallow his tongue when Sora wrapped his arms around him and sniffed his hair
then whispered, “Did you see the hatter? He’s so hot.”
Pushing his panic aside he fell back into past protocol and rested his hands on
Sora’s waist and whispered back. “I did and he is. Have you talked to him?”
“No, not really. I donno what to say…and the chicks here are on him like
gnats.” Sora hissed.
“Maybe you should just leave it, Sor.” Roxas whispered.
“Maybe…Rox?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you happy?” Sora asked as he stopped his hair sniffing.
“Yeah…I’m good. Don’t worry about me.” Roxas kissed his cheek and Sora nuzzled
him and smiled as his eyes closed at the softness of the touch.
Neither of them noticed the eyes on them. When they were together like that
they were in their own world where no one else mattered. Riku watched the two
and glanced around to see who else had noticed. Ventus kept looking their way
but he wasn’t staring so it must be normal to a point. Riku wondered how
normal.
“Dude lets cook.” Zexion said distracting Riku from Hook and the Lost Boy.
Riku nodded as they headed for the second-floor bathroom.
He had been clean- pretty much- for weeks so this was going to be bliss and he
knew it. He had been waiting for Roxas but now what was the point? So Riku set
about the business of being Riku. As they walked past Sora and Roxas, he
glanced up just as Roxas’ eyes fluttered closed. He never missed a step as he
proceeded to the bathroom but his brain was baked. Is that why Roxas is putting
me off? Is that why he said it was complicated? Is that why he was all fucked
up and weird about a relationship?
Leaning against the bathroom door while Zexion cooked his drugs, Riku pondered
what he had seen: hands on hips…chaste cheek kisses…whispered words…they looked
like lovers.
“Hey man, you got your gear?” Zexion asked as he sat in the corner so he
couldn’t fall to either side…if he did that is.
“Nah…I wasn’t planning to saddle up tonight…but I got my girlfriend.” Riku
smiled and Zexion chuckled and watched him snort an obscene amount of coke.
“AAaaaaahhhAAA!!!” Riku laughed and dragged Zexion to his feet.
“You’re insane.” Zexion giggled as he stumbled a little before getting his
balance.
Riku turned and tipped his top hat grinning.
The two descended back to the party and Riku went about wrecking any female who
got in his personal space, completely ignoring both Roxas and Sora. He wasn’t
back on Destiny or at Radiant but apparently Riku was still Riku after all.


The morning after Halloween, Strife House looked like a fairy tale massacre.
There were bodies everywhere among the litter of bottles, bongs, discarded
costumes and wigs. Very few of the attendees had left the party so when Vanitas
emerged from his room he had to step over bodies every few feet in order to get
to the kitchen and his coffee pot. Squinting at the clock in the den he thought
of going back to bed.
“Mornin Vani” Namine said from behind him.
He turned and smiled, taking her into his arms. “Mornin baby. I tried not to
wake you. Want some coffee?”
“No…I need to go. I have an interview later and then work tonight.” She kissed
him and then started toward the door. “I’ll text you later, mi amor.”
Vanitas suddenly didn’t want her to leave so he hurdled the bodies between them
and scooped her up into a hug to whisper “No te vayas, amorcito.”
“I need to Vanitas. And after last night…I need rest, nene.” Namine smiled
sweetly at his glistening eyes.
He smiled back like a fiend and nodded. “Okay you win this time.” She left him
there in the sea of bodies and waved over her shoulder.
Ventus had the hangover from hell and sat on the stairs holding his head until
he smelled coffee. Walking into the kitchen he patted Vanitas on the shoulder.
“Mornin.”
Vanitas nodded “Yeah but just barely.”
“It’s gonna look like a zombie apocalypse around here when people start wakin
up.” Ventus giggled despite his headache.
“I know right. Is Dem here somewhere?” Vanitas passed his brother a cup of
coffee.
“In bed.” Ventus mumbled.
“So, is that a thing?” Vanitas raised a brow as he sipped his coffee.
Ventus sighed. “No…I donno. It’s too early for a question like that. Come on.”
He motioned Vanitas toward the deck and they walked out together. Demyx stood
in the doorway to the kitchen and smiled before turning to go.

Roxas and Sora woke up together in Sora’s bed. Sora reached for his meds and
then crawled over Roxas, sniffing his hair as he passed. Roxas grabbed on,
trying to pull him back down whining “Nooooo”
Sora giggled, “I gotta pee and take my meds. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Roxas smiled and rolled himself in the covers like a burrito, never opening his
eyes.
Sora jumped back into bed and shook Roxas. “Wake up (sniff). There are people
everywhere!” he laughed. “I left the door open so we can watch them…they’ll
look like a bunch of zombies.”
Roxas rolled to face the doorway and Sora snuggled behind him to wait.

Riku woke up in Roxas’ bed to one of two naked girls who was mumbling “…crazy
ass Strife parties…last time I ever…” He watched her get off the bed and
thought about how many times he had done this. Seriously Riku thought I need to
stop this shit.
“Hey…” he spoke and she turned around blushing and wide eyed.
“Hi…Riku, I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.” She said as she plundered
the clothes in the room for her discarded costume.
“No rush…hell it’s not my house.” He sat up and found a half a joint and lit it
up while he watched her appreciatively.
“Mine either but…shit…I should go.” She said and then the usual ensued. “Thanks
for um…last night. It was amazing and you are…wow…but seriously my boyfriend
can’t find out about this…ever.”
Riku nodded but didn’t reply right away. He was busy thinking about how he was
everyone’s dirty secret or like the ugly items in the lost and found that no
one would ever claim. He missed Radiant. He was a legend at Radiant.
“My lips are sealed, baby.” He choked out around the smoke and she smiled,
stepping closer in her fairy costume to kiss him on the forehead. Scrunching
his face, he asked, “The fuck was that?”
“You have blood on your…everywhere else.” She scowled and slipped into the
bathroom.
Riku touched his face and felt the dried blood that had to have come from his
nose. “Faaack.” He grumbled. When the first girl departed, he washed his face
and began looking for his costume pants. Girl two woke up before he found them
and she was much less sorry for what she had done than Girl one.
“Come back to bed, Riku.” She purred as she sat up reaching for him.
“Gimme a reason.” He smirked.
Smiling at the challenge she threw the covers off. Riku shook his head and
started to turn and leave her there…that’s what the old Riku would have done…or
would he? She would be humiliated and sad. Fucking is not a public service he
thought as he walked back to the bed, most of the time.

Sora and Roxas heard the noises coming from Roxas’ room and giggled at each
other. Then they heard banging and something fell over. Roxas’ eyes grew wide
and Sora laughed at his expression. “Somebody’s getting their ass wrecked in
your bed!”
Roxas hissed “Yuck Sora, stop laughin.”
They waited until the noises stopped and watched the doorway. Sora had laid his
head on top of Roxas’ so they were cheek to cheek facing the door, only covered
to their waists with Sora’s arm draped across Roxas’ chest. It was so normal to
them they didn’t consider possible implications.
Riku opened the door for Girl 2, who had been dressed as a fairy as well and
let her exit first. She strolled by the doorway carrying her wings and glanced
inside to see the two spectators. Smiling, she waved and moved on past to the
stairs. They giggled quietly.
Riku lit a cigarette and started past the doorway when he felt eyes on him.
Sora and Roxas both sucked in a breath as he turned his head and met their
stares head on. Taking a puff off his smoke, he turned his head sideways trying
to figure out the two-headed beast, then his lips curved into a smile. An
eyebrow rose as he turned his entire body to face the room but didn’t enter.
Riku had put on the knee length pants that were part of his costume as well as
the ruffled white shirt that he failed to button, and the vest. The hat in his
left hand and the coat across his arm drooped a bit as he leaned a shoulder
against the doorway and continued to stare as he smoked.
“Goddamn” Sora whispered as he ogled Riku.
“Yeah” Roxas whispered back as he tried to read Riku’s expression.
Sora kissed Roxas’ cheek as a protective gesture and watched Riku watch them.
Roxas was barely breathing and his heart was pounding in his ears. Riku bit his
lip as he watched Sora disappear behind Roxas in the bed…except for his arm
still across Roxas’ chest.
Goddam Riku thought, how fuckin hot is that? That’s gotta be why Rox has been
stallin me. Godfuckingdamn I gotta walk away…
Sora’s hand moved down Roxas’ abs to grip the cover and start to pull it up but
stopped. Riku was standing with his mouth hanging open, cigarette forgotten. He
saw Sora’s eyes peek over Roxas’ neck and then watched them curve as a devious
smile blossomed on his face. Riku’s eyes flicked from Sora to Roxas (who looked
like he was going to have a stroke) to the covers.
Sora gave the covers a tug downward just enough to make Roxas gasp and Riku
stand up from his leaning position. Roxas lost his deer in headlights look and
lay half-lidded staring at Riku blankly. Sora raised his head enough to smirk
before he leaned down to kiss Roxas’ neck softly and pull the covers down
lower. He could feel Roxas’ erection underneath so he pushed it down with the
covers so that all Riku could see was smooth pale skin and the faint outline of
obliques. They seemed to be whispering to one another as Roxas reached down to
cover Sora’s hand with his own.
Riku watched, stunned- Roxas’ mouth open slightly, Sora whispering with his
lips brushing against his ear while their hands gripped the covers and Riku had
a pretty good idea what else. Finding his Zen, Riku flicked the butt of his
forgotten cigarette into one of the many half empty cups nearby and stepped
inside the room swinging the door closed quietly before sitting on the wingback
chair by the window.
Sora whispered, “What now?”
“You started this Sor…trade places with me.” Roxas hissed, feeling completely
exposed and humiliated. Neither one had noticed as they whispered, that Riku
had put his coat aside and was unfastening his pants.
“No…I don’t wanna.” Sora snipped and Roxas grunted as their joined hand
squeezed his cock.
“But Sor…” he began to protest but Sora was pressing against his ass and
squeezing him again.
“Fuck…” Roxas hissed then he heard a hiss from the chair. They looked up
simultaneously to see Riku stroking himself silently as he watched them. “Just
do it Sor.”
Sora rose up to his elbow and pushed the covers down to Roxas’ knees, baring
both of them before he covered his mouth with his own. Roxas and Riku moaned in
unison, making Sora smirk into the kiss. He rolled to his back as Sora
continued to kiss him and put both hands in his hair, but at that very moment
he wished for death. How would he ever look Riku in the eye again? Sora
however, gave no fucks at all. Roxas raised his knee partially shielding
himself from Riku’s greedy eyes but Riku grunted and as if they had fucking
telepathy, Sora pushed Roxas’ knee flat onto the bed then threw a leg across
him to hold it down.
Roxas wrestled his leg free and raised it again so Sora rolled him back to his
side and pressed against his back shoving a knee between his legs, spreading
them and mumbling “Don’t fight me, Roxy…you belong to me.” Just loudly enough
for Riku to hear.
Roxas reached up with one hand to grab Sora’s hair and back with the other to
grab his hip. Sora hummed as he kissed and nipped at his neck slipping his left
hand under Roxas to hold him. Riku mumbled curses as he watched the two writhe
on the bed and Sora’s hand became wet and slippery when Roxas neared orgasm.
“Goddammit.” Riku hissed as Roxas leaned his head back onto Sora. He was
determined not to leave that fucking chair, but when Roxas tipped his head back
and released Sora’s hair to reach his hand toward him, all of Hell couldn’t
have kept him in it. Riku growled as he took the few steps to the bed where
Roxas’ hand immediately took over what Riku had been doing himself.
Looking up into the aqua eyes and letting Riku see all that he was, Roxas let
go. He felt the heat of Sora’s orgasm against his ass where he had him spread,
then his own spilling onto the bed as Riku’s spattered his chest and drained
down his arm. Sora began to giggle as Riku panted and leaned over to brace
himself on the bed before his knees said fuck it. Roxas was stone faced and
closed his eyes as he released Riku and then rolled over to curl against Sora.
Riku stood and grabbed some tissue before getting his pants in order, and Sora
petted Roxas’ hair while he looked up at Riku with dare in his eyes and a smirk
on his lips. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t think of a single thing
to say so he turned to get his jacket and hat. At the door, he looked back at
the two who hadn’t moved, but he still couldn’t speak. He opened his mouth and
closed it again, bit his lip, tried again, then shook his head and left them.
Passing by the kitchen he saw Ventus and Vanitas having coffee and they waved.
People were staggering around everywhere, searching for clothes, keys, dignity,
whatever, and Riku leaned into the doorway. “Best fucking Halloween party.
EVER.”
As soon as he was gone Roxas got up to shower. “Can I join?” Sora asked
sheepishly, knowing the blonde was pissed or embarrassed or both.
“No… just take your meds, Sora.” Roxas snapped as he went into the bathroom and
slammed the door. Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it, Roxas
stepped into the spray. He cried quietly as he bathed, then got out and jammed
a needle in his arm to make it all go away.
Sora stared at the locked bathroom door and sneered. “You honestly thought I
didn’t know…you thought I wouldn’t smell him on your clothes…” Scrambling off
the bed, he bounded downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee before he started
helping clean up. He told Vanitas he was going down to see Aerith after they
were done and he may wanna check on Roxas because he seemed pretty bummed, but
he had no idea why. Vanitas remarked that Roxas was almost always bummed so he
didn’t worry too much about it.
 
Riku left the Halloween party thinking that he had it all figured out but
wishing he didn’t. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like to be in Roxas’
position. He obviously loved his brother who was clearly bat-shit crazy.
All this time he had been giving Roxas shit about having someone else when all
the time it had been someone who was completely and utterly inescapable. It was
a fucked up situation, but then it wouldn’t be the first one Riku had been
involved in. He decided then that he wouldn’t press Roxas for answers anymore
and when he came by for dope, he would let him do whatever he wanted because as
long as he had that, he still had a tiny piece of Roxas for himself.


The first time after Halloween that Roxas needed drugs, he puked on the way to
Sawyer because he was so mortified at the thought of facing Riku. He had even
gone to Zexion first to try and avoid Riku altogether but Zex was clean and
planning to stay that way. Knocking on the door he half hoped that Riku wasn’t
there…but he needed…so he sucked it up. When the door swung open he mumbled, “I
umm… need.”
“Get in here.” Riku tugged him inside by the elbow and Roxas looked everywhere
but at his eyes as he waited.
“So, we’re there again? All the way back there?” Riku brushed a hand across his
cheek before turning to the closet.
“Sorry.” Roxas squeaked, so close to tears that his nose was beginning to run.
“What are you sorry for, Rox?” Riku asked placing the balloons into his shaking
hand and closing his fingers around them.
“For not…for fuck…for lyin…for all of it.” Roxas sputtered as hot tears ran
down his cheeks. Riku rubbed his arms and pulled him close, his own heart
breaking for him.
Roxas didn’t return the hug. Instead he fumbled through his pockets then asked,
“Will you help me?”
“Sure.” Riku took the gear and the drugs and stepped away as Roxas took off his
hoodie. Riku hissed when he saw his arms. “You gotta move Rox. Your arms
baby…shoot between your toes.”
Roxas nodded and began to put his hoodie back on but Riku stopped him. “You
don’t have to go yet…just…I’ll still help you.”
Roxas nodded again and seemed to relax a little. Riku helped him with the drugs
and as soon as Roxas was high, he wanted to thank his dealer…and his dealer let
him because he was a dealer and Roxas was a junkie whore.

The parties went on and Thanksgiving was spent kicking junk for Roxas and
saddling up for Riku. He was coming up on a month at home on Destiny and he
couldn’t manage it straight. Roxas on the other hand was afraid that Cloud
would know he was stoned so he kicked it before the holidays. The others kept
an eye on him and said that he had the flu even though they had a pretty good
idea that he didn’t.
Demyx asked Xion to spend some holiday time with him at his apartment in the
city and Vanitas promised Namine that he would be back in time for New Year’s
to spend time with her. Sora said goodbye to the homeless people at the shelter
and went down to the freeway bridge to party with the rest. He had pizza
delivered like he did before each break and like every other time, they lit all
the trash barrels on fire and got loaded. Good times.


Winter break brought harmony to the Strife home in Costa Del Sol. Roxas was
quiet but even he seemed to enjoy Christmas Day surfing in the sun with his
brothers. Sora never mentioned the morning show they put on for Riku; it was as
if it had never happened. Cloud seemed to have more lengthy phone calls than
usual but he just said it was work and the boys didn’t question it because he
seemed so happy.
Riku spent most of winter break stoned at his home on Destiny. His mom was back
in the hospital courtesy of his dad and he wasn't allowed to see her. Xemnas
was at the estate but he stayed in his study. He didn't come out when Riku sat
against his door singing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. He didn't
come out when Riku had a meltdown about his mother and tried to jimmy the lock
with a spoon while he ranted. He didn't come out the night Riku was brought
home by the police for being drunk and disorderly, nor did he come out when
Riku slept in front of his door the night before he left to spend New Year’s in
Radiant Garden.

The Strife were back at TU and seemingly well-adjusted. Vanitas had been back
for a week with Namine so they were surprised to find him at Strife House.
"Me and Nami had a fight. She threw me out yesterday." Vanitas admitted. “I was
high and burned a hole in her blanket…she was beyond pissed.” After giving him
a pep talk they were all ready for a party.
Sora went to the homeless shelter to check in and speak with Aerith, Ventus
sought out Demyx to begin their drinking early, and Roxas went to his room to
shoot dope and cry. Being back at TU was a blessing and a curse. He was back
where he could freely self-medicate but he was also back in Riku’s general
vicinity. He was back to being a junkie whore, back to being owned by his
brother.
Once settled, Riku went to Xemnas’ office knowing it would be empty. Sitting in
the big chair he opened drawers until he found the one he wanted. In this
drawer were Xemnas’ expensive pens, his expensive imported candy, and his
journal among other things. He took it out and flipped through seeing the
entries for the days leading up to winter break. Every single day he uses this
Riku thought before replacing the journal to stroll around the room.
Taking out the expensive dark liquors from the small cabinet he drank some and
poured some into the potted plants before pissing into the bottles and putting
them back in the correct place with the labels turned just so. Sitting back at
the desk Riku took out the candy and ate the entire box which he chased with
imported brandy, then opened the drawer again and shoved two fingers down his
throat. Puking all over the expensive pens and the journal and whatever was in
there that he didn't care to look at wasn’t his initial plan, but it seemed
like a good idea at the time. When his stomach was empty, he gagged a few times
then picked up the photo of his Mom and left.
Back at Sawyer, he found a hooded bundle at his door. "What ya need, Rox?"
Zexion raised his head and an eyebrow. "Sorry?"
"Sorry Zex, come in."
"Dude I just wanted you to know that I'm going to the methadone clinic and if
you wanna go too... you can go with me."
Riku smiled crookedly and said honestly. "Thank you but I don't think I'm ready
yet. I appreciate the kindness, though. I mean it." With that he hugged him and
patted his back. It would be different not having Zex around all the time. Even
after he jumped him over Roxas they remained friends, tied together by a shared
addiction.

“Welcome Back from Xmas Break. We’re All Broke as Fuck” the banner across the
den hung sloppily as people milled around with cups of booze and various other
items of an illegal nature. Demyx sat playing as random people sang along.
Somehow it turned into a game where he would play a song related to the people
picked out by Ventus, while everyone listened.
Vanitas watched quietly, smiling. He wished that Ventus would be good to Demyx
but it wasn’t his place to say anything as he was having problems of his own.
Namine was always bitching at him about smoking weed and partying in general.
He pondered his thoughts as he began ass-watching from his spot on the sofa. A
few asses in, and he realized he was looking at guys…fuck my life he thought,
and then he text Uncle Vincent.
Vanitas: S’up nunky?
Vincent: the fuck is a nunky?
Vanitas: uncle…saw it on tv
Vincent: how’s it going? Cloud said you guys had a great time over break. Sorry
I wasn’t around more.
Vanitas: it’s good. We did. And what’s up with that? Where were u?
Vincent: busy
Vanitas: I C. Come visit?
Vincent: sure-when?
Vanitas: surprise me :-)
Vincent put his phone away and left the coffee shop in Midgar. He didn’t tell
the brat that he hadn’t been around because his pop had a new sweetheart…
another Turk.

By midnight the cops had been by to warn about the noise so they toned it down
momentarily. Thirty minutes later they were back in full swing. Roxas was
dancing with Xion as Demyx sang Roxanne by the Police, and Ventus was howling
because…well because.
Vanitas walked by and Demyx began to play Smoke Two Joints by Sublime and he
nodded and grinned and kept moving. Out on the deck he sat down and propped his
feet on the railing, lighting a joint.
“Surprise.” A deep voice said beside him from the shadows. Vanitas panicked,
jumping out of his chair and grabbing a mop that stood nearby. When he heard
the laughter, he sagged and put the mop down.
“You scared the fuck outta me Uncle Vince.” Vanitas was holding his heart and
his weed.
“You’re lucky it’s not your dad surprising you. He would have a fuckin meltdown
if he saw this.”
“Ya think?” Vanitas giggled as Vincent took the chair beside his, then reached
up and took the joint from his fingers.
“Want a drink?”
“Sure…but just a beer.” Vincent nodded as Vanitas reached for the joint. He
looked up at him and laughed loudly. “I took it from you, so it’s mine now. Go
get me a drink ya little punk.”
Vanitas laughed as he went inside and Sora rushed out and jumped on Vincent’s
lap. “We missed you over break. What the fuck Uncle Vince?”
“I was busy Super Sora. Cloud said you guys had a good time, though.”
“We did.” Sora said sniffing his dark hair. “You don’t have a smell…”
Roxas came out smiling and crawled on top of Sora who was still sitting on
Vincent who grunted “You guys are getting a little too big for this.”
“I miss you, Unc.” Roxas said as Sora nuzzled his hair, breathing deeply.
Vanitas and Ventus came out together and crawled on top of the pile, laughing
while Vincent yelled and the chair broke. He crawled from under the laughing
ball of Strife and stood to brush himself off. “You boys will never change.”
As if on cue three of them glanced at Roxas who didn’t notice. Vincent grunted
in understanding. “So get me my beer ya slackers so I can be on my way. You
know an old man needs his rest and now I also need to see a chiropractor.”
They dispersed but he grabbed Roxas’ elbow. “Hang on, Blondie. What’s goin on
with you? You look angrier than usual.”
Roxas looked at him puzzled and mumbled “M not sad…I was smiling.”
Vincent looked into his eyes and saw the misery. He hugged Roxas and whispered,
“Tell me, Roxas.”
“I can’t…I… can’t…” Roxas murmured quietly and then loosened himself from his
uncle and walked away.

Riku never showed up at Strife House that night. Sitting on his skateboard
under the big oak near the quarry, he pondered his life. He was so tired.
Looking at the picture of Roxas on his phone he wondered what he was doing and
how he was coping. He had awful images in his mind of Roxas being sad and
alone, crying and strung out, but he couldn’t go over to the party and not be
with him. He didn’t have the mental capacity to play pretend tonight.
He wanted to tell Roxas that he loved him but they couldn’t get past that
dealer/junkie surface. They had gotten off to a decent start but never really
had a chance because…Sora. That was it. If he survived the summer (literally)
he would hook up with Sora. That would make Roxas choose. He just didn’t want
to be lonely anymore and Sora would be happy to have him…and if it made Roxas
finally decide what he wanted, well that was just a bonus.

Spring semester was tough and the boys did a lot more studying. Cloud came for
a visit, Demyx and Ventus grew closer but were still unofficial. Ventus running
through the house in one of Namine’s slips, being intercepted by Demyx and
kissing like newlyweds… but still unofficial. The other three quads agreed that
their fourth needed to wake up before he lost his soul mate.
Vanitas and Namine were officially taking a break and unofficially over for
good. He spent a lot of time painting and studying, and watching asses. The
days dragged on with Roxas and Sora once again moving in tandem, finishing each
other’s sentences, and sharing a bed occasionally.
Outside sitting on the grass beside the deck, Riku was waiting for Roxas to go
to bed. He couldn’t stay away from Roxas. Standing to peek through the window
he saw that he and Sora were still working so he sat back down and sighed.
Taking a vial from his pocket he snorted some coke and started to pull up
blades of grass. He took out his phone and dimmed the screen before he text his
mother.
Riku: I miss you
No reply came and he wasn’t surprised. He heard voices and scooted behind the
shrubs at the end of the deck to listen. Vanitas was on the phone outside.
…I said I was sorry Nami…no I…ok but I…
Apparently, that was all, because Vanitas’ phone went flying across the yard.
Riku smiled as he heard the door slam. Soon he grew too restless to sit any
longer so he stood and stretched but peeked in one more time. Roxas was gone
but Sora and Vanitas were still there.
He sneaked around the side of the house and looked up at Roxas’ bedroom window.
His lamp was on and he could see his shadow pass by the thin curtains. He stood
with his skateboard under his arm watching as Roxas got ready for bed. Riku
didn’t realize he was crying until the light went off and the wind hit his wet
cheeks as he skated away.

The last week of junior year was busy and of course there was a party planned.
Roxas hadn’t been back for drugs in weeks so Riku was assuming he had cleaned
up for the summer. He had gotten off junk as well but he knew it wouldn’t last.
Sora went to the freeway bridge to say goodbye to Aerith, and as he helped her
pet the gray cat pelt she called Sephiroth, she gave him a flower boutonniere
and they danced under the bridge as cars passed overhead. The rain started soon
after and they continued to dance and sing to each other. Sora didn’t know what
other people considered family but this was as close as he ever had to a mom
and he was keeping her.
After getting a lecture from Vanitas on what an idiot he was for not committing
to Demyx, Ventus had an attack and woke to find the note on his chest. Scrawled
on the paper were the words: Don’t be an idiot. He smiled and folded it tucking
it into his pocket then called Demyx to see if he could come and visit him at
his apartment over the summer. Demyx was no longer sad about packing up his
dorm.
Vanitas sat on the edge of the fountain watching asses and wondering why the
end of his junior year in college felt so anti-climactic. He was the watcher
and many things he had noticed around Strife House weighed heavy on his heart
but he tried to express it in his work instead of internalizing it. Pondering
the lives of others briefly, he glanced down at his phone where he had once
again tapped out a text to tell his dad that he had changed his major to art…
and once again deleted it. I’ll tell him over the summer,he thought as he
nodded to a passerby who happened to be the subject of his exam project… kind
of.

Later that afternoon before the last party of junior year, Roxas dropped his
board and went ripping through the cemetery with his buds in, singing. Not long
after, he saw Ventus and Vanitas go sailing past grinning. Bringing up the rear
was Sora wearing a flower and a smile. They skated until near dark and never
noticed the still figure seated in the shadow of the white mausoleum watching
them.
 
                                      000

Stepping off the plane in Costa, Roxas felt better immediately. He didn't know
what he wanted but here there was no pressure. Being clean brought clarity and
he kicked his own ass for what he had done, but at least he could forgive
himself a little. He thought of Riku but only briefly. Looking at his brothers,
he thought -It's time to worry about Roxas for a while and let everything else
sort itself out.
They walked across the parking lot to their dad’s waiting SUV and people turned
to watch them. Four identical beautiful faces, and for their trip home they had
worn their jerseys with STRIFE across the back, they walked in step, two by two
effortlessly.
Cloud was standing by the car watching his boys with pride. I wish Reno could
be here he thought smiling. He would have some smart ass shit to say.
Vanitas elbowed Ventus, "Is dad smoking?"
"Looks like it." Sora said from behind as Ventus and Roxas grunted.
Vanitas chuckled "But we just got here."
They all roared with laughter and Cloud smiled. "Hey Dad!" they all said as
they surrounded him in a group hug.
"Hey guys! Food first or home?"
"FOOD!!!" The yelled as if enough people weren't staring.

There was more of the same at the restaurant and the owner wouldn't let Cloud
pay the enormous bill, instead he asked for a family photo to display in his
establishment. They happily obliged and with Cloud in the center they looked
like 5 brothers.
As soon as they got home they all suited up and went surfing. They surfed the
afternoon away and built a bonfire on their spot of beach, spreading blankets
out so they could laze properly. He was so relieved to have his boys home and
seeing them all relaxed and happy dropped his stress level considerably so he
was ready to have some fun with them.
"I know you guys are men now, but you’re still my babies, so why don’t you all
tell me...something I don't know about your lives. Vani, you first." Cloud sat
down a cooler of beer and tossed them all one before he flopped down and laid
his head on Ventus' lap, looking at his other boys through their fire.
"Let's see...something you donno bout my life...will this get me into trouble?"
Everyone laughed and Cloud assured them "No repercussions."
"Hell Yeah!" Roxas squawked and everyone roared knowing he had the most to
tell.
"OK...no repercussions...remember when I had the chick come over when I was a
kid...for the piercing?"
"Yes...I remember because she thought I was your brother and I didn't correct
her." Cloud said and Ventus raised his fist for a bump.
"Well the reason I started getting pierced at home is cause after the initial
couple I figured out I’m into pain and every time I would go back I’d embarrass
myself." They all laughed at Vanitas til Cloud was wiping tears.
"What about all your tattoos? How did you get through that?" Cloud asked still
chuckling.
"My artist would let her come along… she was my girlfriend, Dad… and she was
twenty-two!" Vanitas grinned. Another burst of laughter erupted and Vanitas
added "OK it someone else's turn now...Ven!"
Ventus looked down at Cloud grinning. "This is something I recently discovered-
I like wearing women's clothes." They all laughed and hooted about the slip.
"What slip?" Cloud asked giggling.
"This guy I was seeing asked me to put on a slip that was in the laundry, so I
did." Ventus said as everyone snickered.
"And paraded through the house in it!" Sora laughed.
They all laughed as Cloud howled "Did no one see this as a great photo op!?"
"Oh Yeah!" Vanitas flipped through the pics on his phone and showed Cloud.
"Aww Ven... you look beautiful." He said reaching up to stroke his sons smiling
face.
"You're the best, Dad!" Ventus said as he threaded his fingers through Cloud's
hair. "OK who's next?!" Ventus said. "Roxas!"
They all hooted and applauded "Come on Roxy! No repercussions remember!" Sora
wailed hugging his closest sibling.
"Lemme see..." Roxas said tapping his chin with his finger making them all
cackle. That in itself made Cloud curious. They all seemed to be hanging on
Roxas' words. "I... got really drunk and puked on a girl." He said and Vanitas
snorted because he knew what was coming. "While I was fucking her." Roxas
finished to all around moans and laughter.
"What did she do!?" Cloud asked as he finished his beer.
Bellows of laughter followed as Roxas squawked "She got up and sucker punched
me!"
Vanitas squealed "Larxeeeene!!!" and they all were laughing and crying
together.
"Ok Sor, your turn...make it good." Ventus said encouraging his brother.
"Umm..." Sora said as he thought. "OK Dad, no repercussions. I get high with a
homeless lady who talks to a dead cat." They all fell over laughing and Sora
beamed. "Been doin it for the last three years."
After they settled Ventus smoothed Cloud's hair and said, "Your turn Dad." They
jumped and howled and got more beers to await a big revelation.
Cloud moaned "Nooooo."
"Yeeeeaaahhh!" They yelled and began to chant "DAD! DAD! DAD!"
"OK OK!" Cloud said laughing. "No repercussions... 0. None." They were
intrigued and fell silent.
"I... had an affair with...one of my superiors at work...for three years."
Cloud said solemnly.
The boys stared. "When the fuck did you have time?" Vanitas blurted making
everyone laugh and then they chorused "Language Vanitas!"
Laughter and giggles subsided again and Ventus asked "Who was it?"
"Can't say, guys." Cloud smiled shaking his head.
"Someone we know?" Sora asked.
"Yes." Cloud said softly remembering when they were small and could see
Sephiroth. God how he missed him still.
"Why did it end?" Roxas asked.
"The person died...K.I.A." Cloud said as he watched the fire.
"Did you love her?" Vanitas asked as he watched the ghosts of the past play in
his father's eyes.
Cloud almost corrected him when he said 'her' but he didn't. He only replied
"Yes."
The boys all looked at their Dad the hero and thought of how much he had lost
and sacrificed to be their father...and hewas the best. As if each knew what
the other was thinking, they all crowded around him "We love you Dad."
He smiled. "I love you guys too. I'm the luckiest man in the world."
They had their moment and then looked at one another, silently agreeing that
the beach confessional hadn’t even skimmed the surface of the burdens they
carried. Ventus grunted and looked away sadly while Vanitas looked to Roxas
with pain visible in his eyes. Sora looked out toward the surf with a seething
stare and after cowering from his side just a fraction, Roxas diverted. “Let’s
cook some dinner out here… we can invite the neighbors. What do you say, Dad?”
Cloud beamed and nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.”
Turning music on and getting the food together the 5 began to draw a crowd.
Their family bonfire ended up being a beach party with beer, food, dancing, and
night surfing. The boys watched as Cloud asked one of their long-time neighbors
to dance then they high fived each other and giggled. She was an older lady who
had been living there since her retirement about ten years prior. Cloud winked
at them as they danced by and the boys all chorused, "Hi Ms. Harvey." She
smiled and waved and they all grinned. Their Dad was fuckin awesome.


Riku woke up but couldn't open one of his eyes. Touching his face, he hissed at
the swollen painful egg under the right eye that refused to function. Looking
around at gray walls and a freshly hosed floor, he raised his monovision to
meet three staring sets of eyes. Slowly he sat up, feeling the needles of pain
from bruised ribs and found that his left wrist was purple and swollen to
roughly the width of his hand. Dropping his gaze back to the floor, he made his
way to the communal toilet to have his morning piss. Holding his breath to keep
from screaming, Riku wondered which one of the blue boys had been butt-hurt
enough to work him over so thoroughly.
Sitting back down on the metal bench he kept his eye on the floor as he was
approached by one of the other residents of the cold damp cell. Shuffling
through his disjointed memories he tried to recall what had landed him there
this time. "Hey Pretty..." The inmate said sweetly. "About time you woke up."
Riku rolled one aqua eye up to inspect his forward cellmate and determine his
chances if he needed to defend himself. The man was medium height, very thin,
with long black hair (possibly a wig), too much make-up, and wearing too short
cut-offs, a string top, and heels...obviously a prostitute. Riku smiled,
relieved that he wouldn’t need to fight, and even though the inmate flew in the
face of everything his father had instilled in him growing up, it was people
like this whom Riku trusted. People like this guy/lady made Riku feel accepted
and at ease.
"Hey...how long have I been out?" He patted the metal bench, summoning the
cautious but kind whore to his side.
"They brought you in and dumped you last night and you slept through...its
afternoon now, around 4." She seated herself gingerly by Riku's side.
The student nodded and looked around the room again. One of his cellmates had
stretched out on the bench opposite the one he sat on, and was eying him warily
with a scowl while the other stood in the corner ignoring everyone, or so it
seemed.
Looking back at his new 'friend' Riku smiled crookedly. "Guess you don't know
what landed me here, huh?"
The whore beamed and shook her head, black hair swinging in chunky curls
(definitely a wig) "No but the officers who dumped you said that your rich
asshole dad would be to get you before the sun went down."
Riku snorted and immediately regretted it when his nose began to bleed.
Covering his face with a hand, he reached for the tissue that his friend had
scurried to get from by the toilet. "Here... that looks painful, Pretty...They
tried to mess you up."
"Thaks, bud I dodt feel real priddy ride dow." Riku staunched his nosebleed
like a pro. One didn't use drugs on the scale that Riku Valentine used drugs
without knowing the fastest, most effective way to stop a nosebleed.
"My name is Violet." The guy in the wig stuck out her hand.
"I'b Riku. Dice do beet you." Riku smiled with his nose full of tissue and took
Violet’s hand and kissed it.
Violet gasped and then squawked, "Well that's a first! I would ask you what's a
guy like you doing in a place like this, but sinceyou asked me, I'm sure you
don't know."
Riku smiled. "Ok thed, whad's a sweed lady lige you doig id a dup like this?"
Violet giggled, "I think you could probably guess."
Riku nodded. "Probably. Did dey bust your pip too?"
"No...so it's not going to go well for me later. I'm just enjoying my mini
vacay." Violet said with a brave smile, waving her hand with a flourish. "So,
tell me Pretty, what's a smart college boy like yourself doing with those?"
Riku's eyes fell to see a fuchsia painted nail at the end of a long thin finger
pointing at his fresh tracks. He lifted his Cycloptic gaze to meet deep brown
staring eyes. "I'b edjoig by subber break?"
"Hmmm. I think you may need to reassess your idea of fun." Violet said
thoughtfully and then patted his arm. "You’re too pretty to go out like that."
Riku chuckled. "So I beed told."
"It's true. You should take care of yourself. You're devastatingly handsome,
and obviously smart. You'll make some girl a fine husband one day." Violet said
sweetly and Riku thought of how that was very motherly of her. But Riku was the
king of deflection and sucked at introspection so he replied, "Or sub guy?"
"Yes, or some very lucky guy." Violet sniffed as she watched Riku for a sign
that he may be taking a shot at her.
He knew all about discrimination and prejudice so he winked at her and said, "I
dod't thik I'b the settlig dowd type, Vi. As a batter of fact, I seeb to
rebebber subthig bout a fide youg bad od by lap right before I got hauled
id...yeah...that's why I'b here." Riku started to giggle making Violet smile.
"What did you do?! Tell Violet everything!" She scooted next to him and he
grinned and lay his head against her, but then leaned away to remove the tissue
from his nose.
Stepping over to the toilet he flushed it, then washed his hands in the sink.
Touching the mouse under his eyes gingerly, he hissed, then sighed and splashed
some water on his face and dried it with his shirt. Running his fingers through
his hair he turned to go back to his bench and his new friend.
"You pretty enough to go back over there with your whore, or you need me to
help you with your good eye?" The inmate on the bench grumbled.
"Look dude, I don't want any trouble...I got enough." Riku said as he turned
away. The other inmate let it go because he really wanted to hear Riku's story.
He had been locked up plenty and he had never seen the chief escort a prisoner
to a cell before…but then he had never been locked up with Riku Valentine.
Keeping quiet about what he knew of the notorious frat boy, he peered at the
other inmate who seemed to share his thoughts and nodded.
Riku stretched out on the bench and lay his head on Violet's lap. She looked as
proud as she had probably ever looked in her life as she combed her bony
fingers through his silver hair, picking out the dried blood.
"I was at this party on elm...for a while anyway. I hooked up with this
guy...cute but not usually my type...anyhow, he's all over me and so I let him
blow me. I'm getting ready to bail cause the party's burning out and I'm outta
blow. This kid starts like he's gonna follow me home." Riku began and as he
spoke the other two inmates had moved to sit on the bench directly in front of
him so they could listen.
"I said dude, I'm not even from here- I'm going to Destiny." Riku said and then
chuckled, "He gets pissed and tells me that his dad’s a cop and if I don't take
him with me then he’ll have me picked up. So then I say let's just stay at the
party, thinking I'll slip out after he's wasted, right? WellI got wasted and
ended up fucking him." Riku shut his eye and snickered. "He was in high
schoolhe said...I probably really deserved to get my ass kicked...anyway...I
said he could come home with me after."
At that there was a chorus of "Aww" then he continued. "We stopped somewhere to
get a bite to eat before we left town...One of those all-night waffle joints.
They were full up, so we were gonna wait in the car for a few...and then we
decided to fuck while we waited…aaaand then someone called the cops." Riku
giggled and the sound was infectious. The other three chuckled with him. "And
wouldn't you know, the cop who busted us was his dad."
They all roared at Riku's misfortune and he had a coughing fit, but continued.
"Things escalated really quickly after that."
"I bet! So, what they charge you with?" The guy who had been in the corner
asked.
"Well turns out the kid was seventeen, but just, so they pinned me for fuckin
in public, indecent exposure, d and d, and assaulting an officer." Riku said
grinning. "The public was a given, because I was reaming that kid pretty
good...his dad yanked me out of the car with my junk out, so there was that."
The others were still laughing. "Man, I would've loved to have seen that cop’s
face." Bench guy said and corner guy nodded.
"I guess you put up a good fight then?" Violet asked.
"I didn't resist. I didn't wanna get my ass beat...I was wasted and I knew it,
but when the cop saw his own kid crawl out of the car with his pants down, he
snapped and started teeing off on his face...calling him…all kinds of shit. It
pissed me off so I jumped him." Riku said sadly. "I got a couple good swings in
before the other cop got me...and then I spit on the dad cop."
The others hooted and bellowed but Violet just smiled and sighed. "I think I'm
in love!"
Riku was still laughing when an officer came back and called his name.
"Valentine! Shut up and get your ass out here."
Violet watched as a shadow fell across Riku's face and he sat up slowly.
Pulling off his hoodie to reveal tanned muscles covered by a black beater, he
gave the hoodie to her. "Put this on...what's your last name?"
"Flowers...why?" Violet asked as she pulled on the warm hoodie and Riku
strolled to the cell door. "Violet Flowers, really?”
“No, William Turner really, why?” Violet asked again.
“I can take you with me." Riku said as he was cuffed by the officer.
"You don't have to do that, baby. I'm in no hurry to get the shit beat out of
me. Besides, your daddy ain't gonna bail out a whore for you." She snorted but
her heart was touched that this wayward youth wanted to help her out.
Riku turned to her and smiled as he was being led out, "Sure he will."
Riku left the cell with the officer and the two guys on the bench shared what
they knew with Violet. Bench guy looked at her and smirked. “You’re not from
Radiant, are you?”
Now snuggled in the warm hoodie that proudly displayed the Twilight University
logo, Violet shook her head. “I came here from Port Royal a couple months ago.”
“Our esteemed cellmate was Riku Valentine. He’s pretty well known around here.
Rich college kid…kind of a junkie Robin Hood.” The corner guy said and the
bench guy snickered. “He’s been hangin around Radiant since high school…all the
pushers know him…most of the pimps.
He’s always doin shit like bailin people outta jail, helpin out the bums,
whores, other junkies…and kids. He’s big on kids.” The bench guy continued.
“His old man is loaded and he usually funds whatever Riku wants to do.
Sometimes he ain’t around for months and just when we all think he’s dead, he
shows back up, stoned and giggling.”
Violet nodded and pulled the hoodie sleeves down to cover her hands. “I’ve
never been lucky in my life…I guess it’s finally my turn huh?”
“Honestly, I was shocked to see him back at all. Jimmy said that his dad sent
him to Twilight Town after that thing a while back.” The corner guy said
quietly and the three huddled together to gossip.
“What thing?” Violet asked, eyes wide.
“Heard Riku tried to kill himself at his house on Destiny…it was in the
papers.” Bench guy said and corner guy nodded. “Word was he actually died, but
they got him back…I heard it wasn’t the first time either.”
Violet looked sad. “Why would such a beautiful boy try so hard to end his own
life?”
“Donno…he just don’t give a fuck about himself. I mean as much as he seems to
care about other people, he don’t give a single fuck for his own life.” Corner
guy shook his head.

“Violet! Get your skinny ass out here!” An officer had returned as their chat
would down and opened the door yelling.
Violet stood and smiled at her fellow criminals as she walked toward the door.
Corner guy piped up and said, “Tell Riku to hit up Bobby on 5th for me!”
Bench guy added, “And tell him my girl Jessa works at the mall Sbarro!”
Violet nodded and followed the officer out. In the lobby, she was greeted by
Riku and a very imposing man in a suit who could only be his father; they had
the same beautiful hair. The father looked stoic as he signed the release
papers and Riku reached to take Violet’s hand. He was holding an ice pack on
his eye with his free hand and had another one taped to his wrist.
Xemnas broke the uneasy silence when he leaned toward the bullet-proof window
as he slid the paperwork into the opening, and growled. “This department
WILLpay their medical costs; my lawyers will see to it…and this farce will NOT
appear in ANY publication.”
The officer behind the glass looked a little green but had no response as they
left the station. Riku tugged Violet’s hand and whispered. “No matter what,
just keep quiet, ok?”
Violet nodded obediently as she followed them to the chauffer driven car.
Taking their seats quietly, they both snapped to attention when Xemnas turned
to look back at them both. “You need to go to the hospital Riku, but would you
like to eat first?”
“Yes sir. Thank you.” Riku responded and Xemnas turned to the driver. “Take us
to Celes, Riku and…Violet are under-dressed, so inform them that we will be
entering through the kitchen and dining in private.”
As soon as the car was parked at the upscale restaurant, the driver was off and
running. Soon he was back to open doors and escort them to the kitchen
entrance. Walking through the busy kitchen, a few of the employees spoke to
Riku and smiled, nodding to Violet who smiled politely. Seated in a large
dining area that was closed to the rest of the establishment, Violet was
beginning to get nervous. They were the only diners in a room that easily held
50 tables.
Riku patted her hand and asked quietly, “What would you like to eat?”
“This is a French place…I don’t know…fries?” Violet said, making Riku grin.
Xemnas spoke up just then. “I can order for you if you like.”
Violet nodded, “Thank you.”
“Riku will you be having the usual attempt at American cuisine made by this
nice French establishment?” Xemnas peered at Riku over the menu.
“You can order for me too, Dad. I’ll try something new.” Riku said with a half-
smile.
“Very well.” Xemnas mumbled as he was secretly pleased with Riku’s unusually
compliant behavior without having to scream at him to get it.
The three proceeded to have an extravagant meal complete with wine and small
talk…very small talk…mostly about the food and the French in general…but, baby
steps. When they were finished, Xemnas excused himself to the bathroom where he
asked the attendant to give him privacy and to please not allow anyone else
entrance. Inside he covered his face with a towel and sobbed.
Xemnas had no idea with to do with his son and hadn’t had a clue in years. He
didn’t understand him and why he was so bent on destruction. His wife was no
help anymore as she was so distraught by his last suicide attempt that she was
lost in a world of prescription drugs and therapy. Taking some deep breaths, he
attempted to regain his composure.
At the table, Violet relayed the other two inmates’ requests to Riku who nodded
and explained to Violet that once Xemnas cut them loose he would go over to see
her pimp to make sure she didn’t get any shit for her arrest, and then offered
to get her a legitimate job in town. “Who’s going to hire an uneducated whore,
Pretty?”
“I’ll find you somethin. Just tell me you’ll stay off the street.” Riku said
seriously.
“I…I will. I promise. But only because you’re so pretty.” Violet smiled and
Riku, being Riku, kissed her cheek and winked.

Xemnas returned and they proceeded to the hospital where they were tested and
x-rayed and in Riku’s case, splinted, taped, and stitched. Back in the car they
drove down and recovered Riku’s BMW from impound where they said goodbye to
Xemnas. “Thanks again Dad.” Riku said as the sun was going down on another day
in Radiant Garden.
Xemnas nodded and paused, then shook his head. “Riku, I…am relieved to see you
alive. I know you have your own ideas about me, but I…even under the
circumstances, I’m happy to see you. I’ll be going back to Twilight early, so
if something should arise, it may take me longer to get to you.”
Riku was stunned at Xemnas’ attempt at making amends but he was wary of reading
too much into it. Managing a smile, he murmured. “I’ll stay out of trouble.”
“Very good. Violet, it was a pleasure. Please take care of yourself.” Xemnas
said sternly as he tried to keep his emotions in check.
“Thank you very much for everything, Sir.” Violet smiled.
“Thank me by taking care not to let this happen again.” Xemnas scolded, making
Violet roll her lips together to keep from smiling. “Yes Sir.”

Driving through the dusk toward the hotel where Violet’s pimp lived, Riku
called a guy to deliver a message that one of his bag men was in lock-up and
then called the Sbarro and asked for Jessa. “Your man’s in lock-up.” Incoherent
babbling. “Yeah…I was…he was fine when I bounced.” Babbling again. “Aaah!
Hahaha! Yes, this is Riku.” Squealing and laughter. “Look I gotta go. Take
care. Call me back at this number if you need that.”
When he ended the call, he was pulling into the hotel lot. Violet stared at him
with tears in her eyes. “What?” He asked, truly confused. “I told you I’m not
gonna let him hit ya.”
“It’s not that…you’re just such a good guy.” Violet sniffed.
“Not really, Vi. I’m really a junkie asshole…and when I tell your daddy in
there that you won’t be coming back, you might get to see that, yes?” Riku said
as he stretched his eye as wide as he could get it. If he was going to have to
fight with this guy, he would like to at least have binocular vision to make up
for his useless hand. He stared at the rundown hotel briefly and asked
curiously, “Are you one of Jack’s”
“Yes” Violet sighed.
“Cool, come on.” Riku hopped out and Violet noticed a spring in his step. That
was a really good sign or a really bad one, she didn’t know this Robin Hood
well enough to discern.
She trailed him quietly as he went to the correct door without a question to
her and stepped back slightly before kicking it open and off the top hinge.
“Jack!”
A few squeals were heard as three women scattered and scrambled to other rooms.
Jack the pimp looked startled as he spun to face the door, coke covering the
tip of his nose. “You.” He seethed.
Riku sneered viciously before launching fist at the pimp’s face without
replying. The fight that ensued was short in which Riku used the pimp’s head to
break the television and then proceeded to pilfer his stash of drugs. “Take a
seat, Vi. I gotta fix.”
She sat and watched Riku shoot heroin while he sat on the filthy floor beside
the body of the unconscious pimp. Inside she was screaming for him to stop but
her mouth remained closed. When he was hitting Jack, she was mortified at how
his face contorted with rage. It was like watching a waking nightmare. She
wondered if that intense hatred was self-loathing, and if all the good that he
did for others was an attempt to atone for something he couldn’t forgive
himself for.
Tossing her the keys he slurred with a smile. “Drive…I’m impaired.”
Before he left he scrawled a note and clipped it to the pimp’s dreadlocked
mane. “Thanks for the brown…Violet don’t work for you anymore.”   - Riku


By the end of June Roxas was staring at his phone willing it to do...something.
He missed Riku even though thinking of him reminded him of the mess he had been
the last time he actually spoke to the drug dealer.
Ventus walked by and glanced at him then said. "Who is it Rox?" he knew his
brother was pining for someone but he had no idea who.
"Nobody." Roxas said as he faked a smile and went to the kitchen.
Thinking of his own someone, Ventus text Demyx.
Vanitas watched him smiling at his phone. Idiot, he thought then he looked at
his own phone and thought about Namine for the first time since he left TU.
Wowhe thought, I didn't even realize that I had forgotten about her...out of
sight, out of mind I guess. That really puts shit in perspective.
Roxas couldn't take it anymore so he text Riku.
Roxas: s'up
Riku: Roxaaaass
Roxas: lol ru stoned
Riku: yeessss so wasted
Roxas: wubd?
Riku: I got arrested! Lol call me.
Roxas almost bolted from the room but he knew his sibs would get nosy so he
walked upstairs to his room casually and called Riku. The phone only rang once
before Riku answered making Roxas heart leap.
"Hi Blondie!"
There was loud music and people laughing and talking in the background,
obviously a party, then Roxas heard a door close muffling it all. "Better?"
"Much, haha. Sounds like a good time." Roxas said cheerfully as his gut started
to twist because hearing that voice made him want to be where he was. Riku
could tell Roxas was smiling and that made him smile. He thought of a thousand
questions he wanted to ask but his drug muddled brain couldn't get the words
organized.
"Spill. What you get arrested for?" Roxas lay across his bed and waited for the
scoop.
"When I got home, Dad was still pissed bout his desk so I went to Radiant to
party." Riku slurred into the phone and Roxas closed his eyes trying to picture
what he must look like. "I was with some guys and one of em… his dad was a cop
and when he saw his kid with me, he lost his shit. He hit his kid like… just,
it was bad and I lost it. I fuckin… Haha! They hit me Rox... In ma face...a
lot. I got shitches. Stitches!" Riku howled into the phone and Roxas’ face
split in a ridiculous grin.
"You're insane!!! Did they hit you for resisting?" Roxas asked giggling.
"That and other stuff… and fr singin on the way to jail!" Riku cackled and
wheezed as they laughed together.
"What were you singing, idiot?!" Roxas had forgotten about his brothers and was
laughing and squealing into the phone.
Riku wailed "ROOOOXXXAAAANNE!!!"
Roxas howled and rolled on his bed. "Oh my God!!!"
Riku’s laughter tapered off. "Come see me, Rox. I miss you so… you don’t
understand."
"I can't...you know how my brothers are." Roxas said quieter.
"I donno why we can't...why you don't...what's so bad about me, Rox? You fucked
that girl that cheerleader and Sora knew… right? He was there, right? So why am
I different? Why don’t you just tell him? After Halloween I think he prolly
considers us all more than acquaintances…"
“I can’t… I just, not yet…he’s doing so well on his meds. Maybe this was a bad
idea.” Roxas felt nauseas while inside he screamed Noooooooo!
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, look I promise I won’t ask again. No pressure, baby. I
promise, ok?” Riku paused as Roxas heard someone enter the room where Riku was
and speak, to which he replied "I don't want to-I'm on the phone. Yeah. No, no
ok… just fuck off." Then the door opened and closed again.
"What was all that?" Roxas asked feeling jealousy knot in his stomach.
"Roxaaas…I know I’m not good enough fr you…you’re an angel and I ruin
everything I touch... I won’t ask you for more, just… "
"I never said any of that." Roxas said sadly.
"You ditn haf to...”
“Who’s there with you?”
“Some girl wantin ta fuck an I said no..." Riku was slurring worse the longer
they talked. "I said no fr yooou, Roxas. Come seee meee."
Roxas chewed his lip. "You could come here. You can stay at the Grand Hotel and
I can see you there."
Riku was quiet for a moment and Roxas was about to retract his offer when he
heard a soft gasp. “You want me to come see you? Really? I will, I mean I can’t
wait to see you…I just gotta go home first...oh wait, I am home."
"That party is at your house?!" Roxas gasped thinking of Dean Xemnas.
"Yeah, my house...Mansex was pretty chill when he got me outta jail, but he
left and said he'd see me at school."
"What did you do to his desk and where's your Mom?" Roxas asked recalling the
seemingly good relationship he had with her.
"I messed it up before...an she's with her sister in Paris." Riku sounded sad.
Roxas felt sad for him but he had never had a mom, well he never knew her, so
he redirected. "So are you coming?"
"Yeah baby. I'll text you when I hit town...you can hide me from your brothers
if you want." Riku said dejectedly.
"I just don't know how Sora would take it." Roxas mumbled finally speaking the
name that was wedged between them.
"Of course he'd be pissed, Roxas." (sniiiiiiff) "How long has that been goin
on?"
"Since...since always. It's not all the time either...I mean he does what he
wants." Roxas said as he traced the pattern on the duvet with a finger and
thought, that includes fucking me.
"So why don't you?" Riku asked and Roxas could hear rustling in the background.
"I donno." Roxas answered honestly. He had never cared about anything beyond
Sora’s happiness.
"I wish you were here Roxas..." Riku said softly then giggled quietly.
"What are you doing?" Roxas hissed as he smiled.
"You know what I'm doin... Goddamn I wish you were here...you'd feel
sooo…Uuunnnnhhhh." Riku groaned into the phone.
Roxas bit his lip grinning and then hopped off his bed, went into the bathroom
and turned on the shower for noise. "I can’t wait to see you... " Roxas husked
as he shoved his hand down his pants.
"Goddamn Rox I want you...Every time I close my fuckin eyes I see you…feel
you... and the morning after Halloween God... when you reached for me...that's
what I want baby...want you to be thinkin bout me every time you get
off...shit!"
Roxas heard the clatter as Riku's phone hit the floor. He also heard familiar
grunts and moans. He finished himself then listened as he cleaned up because
Riku hadn't picked his phone up off the floor yet.
(Rustling sounds-like Riku moving around)
(Door open and close)
Voices... (Female) you fuckin asshole!!!
(Riku) what?! Stop fucking hitting...what I do?!
(Female) you asshole! I can't fucking believe...
(Sounds like slaps on bare skin and Riku giggling)
(Female) I woulda fucked you...you know I needed some smack...you asshole...
(Crying and more shuffling noises)
(Riku) here… you can have this...stop cryin...you don't hafta fuck me for that
shit Goddamn...please stop cryin
As Roxas listened his heart sank. That could've been him...just another junkie
whore. His stomach flip flopped and he thought he would puke. Turning off the
shower he sat on the bathroom floor with his head on his knees. The girl on the
phone had stopped crying and Riku was saying something he couldn't quite make
out then he heard "Rox, you still there, baby?"
Roxas was silent for a moment, then whispered "I need to go."
"OK...I'll text you."
When the call went dead Roxas threw up until he had nothing left. He thought
about all the times he had been to see Riku for drugs...all the sex...all of
it. How much, if any of it would have happened without the drugs. He didn't
even know how much of his feelings for Riku were real now. Maybe he should just
let Sora pursue him and see what happens. He was so fucked up...the whole
situation was fucked up.

The middle of July Ventus left for Twilight Town and Demyx. Vanitas was getting
restless and oddly enough, so was Cloud. Sora was content to stay on the beach
all day and half the night. He would disappear with this girl or that guy or
hit a party at a hotel, but never missed his meds and never seemed to be too
wasted. Random nights he would slip into Roxas’ room and into bed, but only to
cuddle.
Roxas slept, ate, surfed and stared at his phone. One afternoon he came through
the house dressed in shorts and a henley and asked to borrow one of Cloud's
bikes to go to a party on the other side of the island. Sora was out surfing
and had made plans for a party on the beach. There were only 2 weeks of summer
break left and Cloud figured Roxas may be getting stir crazy so he cut him
loose.

Roxas took the bike and headed out early enough to make it to the other side of
the island...but he didn't go there. He went to the Grand Hotel and parked
inside the garage. After taking the elevator up to the penthouse, he stepped
off into the entryway and across to the huge double doors.
He wasn't prepared for what he felt when he saw Riku sleeping on the huge
expensive sofa in a hotel robe. He was breathtakingly beautiful- like an angel,
Roxas thought as he sat beside the sofa on the floor to watch him sleep. He had
obviously spent some time on the beach because his skin had a healthy glow.
Tracing his cheek with a fingertip Roxas silently wished that they had met
under different circumstances.
Riku's eyes fluttered open, a smile spread across his face, and he reached for
Roxas' hand. "You came." He whispered, surprising the blonde.
"Of course I came." Roxas was puzzled for a moment. Does Riku not have a clue
how beautiful he is? Does he not understand that people would kill or die to be
with him? Am I one of those people?
"Why are you sad?" Riku kissed his hand.
"I... I just...I'm happy to see you." Roxas couldn't say all he was thinking
and if he could it wouldn't make any sense, so he did the only thing he knew
that would make sense to Riku- he began to undress.
 
Very few words were spoken from that point on. Riku was insatiable and when
Roxas was exhausted they did some blow. They ordered room service but barely
ate and the sun was rising before they fell asleep. Roxas had text Cloud around
midnight to say he was smashed and spending the night so the only person there
would be repercussions from, would be Sora.
In the early afternoon he woke to his phone buzzing and Riku kissing his
ass...literally. He groaned and reached for his phone as Riku bit him gently
and then spread his cheeks, giggling. It was Sora calling so Roxas didn't
answer. Lying on his belly as Riku buried his face in his ass he arched his
back and heard a growl from behind him. Riku sat up on his knees and grabbed
Roxas’ hips, nearly standing him on his head. He squawked and laughed and tried
halfheartedly to wiggle free when he felt the tongue pushing inside him. He
gasped as Riku delved as deep as he could over and over, turning Roxas into a
shivering moaning mess before he began to lower him back to the bed.
Roxas whined and pulled his knees underneath him so Riku attacked him anew,
mumbling things that Roxas chose not to decipher. Fingers slipped in with the
tongue then it was gone and the fingers were soon replaced as well. Roxas
groaned Riku's name as he gripped the sheets, and fingers were bruising his
hips, but he didn't care …because in this moment he belonged to Riku.
Roxas thought of their first time and how unbelievably beautiful he had felt.
He thought of the time after when Riku had shoved him down because he wouldn't
look into his eyes. Roxas wanted nothing more than to please him but he didn't
know why.Is this how it feels to be in love?
As if he had been having very profound thoughts of his own, Riku leaned down
onto his back and hissed into his ear. "Why can't it always be like this? I
would worship you, Roxas."
Hearing his own words, Riku realized he was breaking his vow not to pressure
the troubled blonde, but at that moment he didn't care...until Roxas started to
cry. All the confusion, mixed emotions, and guilt descended on him at once when
Riku whispered to him, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He wanted so much to
tell Riku Yes but at the same time it scared him to death. The only love he had
ever known was Sora and no matter how consistent he was in his love and care,
Sora was equally inconsistent in returning it. He didn't know how to have a
relationship and he didn't know how to love someone that wasn't his brother. He
didn't even know how to accept love from someone else...if that's what this
was.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please don't cry." Riku pulled away immediately and
lay down to hold Roxas while he cried. "Please don't cry baby. Please, I didn't
mean to pressure you. This is enough, this is all I need okay." Riku begged and
sniffled, determined not to cry on an already sobbing Roxas. He felt a knot in
his chest as he silently cursed his own mouth. He buried his face in Roxas'
hair and prayed to a god he had never believed in.
Eventually Roxas stopped and dried his tears. "I should go."
Riku held his breath afraid to speak.
"I need to get Dad's bike back and... I donno."
"Rox I'm sorry." He said quietly as he watched Roxas get out of bed.
"You don't need to apologize for anything... don't apologize to me...It's
not...I'm not...worth it really…" Roxas' voice trailed off as he spoke.
Riku sat up and rubbed his face. He had no idea what to do to fix this. Dad was
right when he said I ruin everything I touch he thought.
Roxas was at the door, but he stopped. Riku jumped off the bed and ran over
slapping his hand on the door to keep it closed. "Don't leave...me." He felt
panic rising inside him and he didn't know what to do to make it stop. Roxas
didn't turn or speak as he laid his head against the door. Riku tried to calm
himself and laid his cheek against Roxas' hair. Here is all that’s left in my
life that’s beautiful and he’s walking out. I’ve had failed again.After a few
minutes of silence Riku dropped his hand and walked away, leaving Roxas to
decide on his own.
Roxas left.
Riku screamed and pounded the door. This seemed so final. Why did he feel like
his world was ending all over again? Why did he ever let the blonde boy into
his heart? Why did he have to be so stupid? Why couldn't he just not care? Why
couldn’t he just … die…


Back home with the bike Roxas walked inside to find Cloud jogging down the
stairs looking stressed.
"Rox! Hey baby. Glad you're home. Sora's gone and we donno where he went or
really how long he's been gone." Cloud looked worried.
Roxas took out his phone to text Sora.
Roxas: where ru??
Sora: whadda u care?
Roxas looked at Cloud. "Is he good on his meds ‘cause he's bein a dick right
now."
Cloud had never heard Roxas talk like that about his brother. Maybe he has a
hangover Cloud thought...or maybe he's just tired of being a part of Sora. All
of their life it seemed the two had been the same person. The therapy may
finally be paying off he thought.
Roxas: get ur ass home. Dad is worried sick
Sora: I'm at school
"He says he's back in Twilight Town, Dad." Roxas snipped and then called Sora
and unloaded on his ass right there in front of their dumbfounded father.
"Listen Goddammit, you don't fuckin do that Sor, not to us and especially not
to Dad. That was shitty what you did takin off like that without telling
anyone… I should kick your ass when I get there. We've always tried to take
care of you but that only works if you let us. Just because you get pissy about
me goin out without you doesn't mean you can show your ass like a five-year-
old. I get to have a life too, Sora!!!"
"Sorry Roxy...you're right. I'll call Dad right now and apologize. I love you."
Sora said humbly.
"I love you too." Roxas hung up his phone, "He said he's sorry and he's gonna
call you."
"I'm proud of you, Rox." Cloud said surprising his son. "He deserved every bit
of that and you're right...you have your own life to live."
Roxas nodded and hugged his dad before he whispered, "You're the best."

Back at TU they were getting settled. Sora, Demyx and Ventus were already at
Strife House when Roxas and Vanitas arrived. Judging from Roxas' expression one
would’ve thought he was walking into his death row cell. He dropped his bags by
his bed and collapsed. Staring at the ceiling he immediately wanted to get
stoned and forget everything. He found his gear then thought of where he'd have
to go to get the junk and put it away again.

Vanitas was unpacking when he heard his door creak open. "Whatcha need?" He
spoke over his shoulder assuming it was one of his brothers.
Arms slipped around his waist and a soft voice said, "I've missed you,
Vanitas."
He smiled, "Nami... How was your summer?"
"I spent it thinking how stupid I was for letting you go." She said with her
head against his back.
He turned to her and hugged her close and kissed her hair. Why not, he thought
but he knew his heart wasn't in it.

Sora headed down to see Aerith but halfway there he ran into Riku. "S'up Riku?
How was your summer?" Sora asked as he chewed on a twizzler that hung out of
his mouth, flopping like a snake trying to escape death.
Riku watched the twizzler briefly, smiled and replied "Decent. How was yours?"
"It was ok. I surfed a lot...drank a lot." Sora continued to murder the
twizzler. "I was headed downtown, you wanna come?"
"I need to get to campus...get settled, yanno." Riku said as Sora nodded. He
had just come from downtown seeing Xaldin to re-stock for the upcoming month.
"OK. See you this weekend I guess then… mermaids yanno."
"Yeah. I'll see you then...if I don't see ya before." Riku gave him a half
smile. Sora grinned and started walking away backward, whacking away at the
candy while he looked Riku over appreciatively. Riku couldn't help but laugh
and shake his head. Maybe the next best thing wouldn’t be so bad...maybe Roxas
isn't...yes he is, Riku thought as he walked to his car, Roxas is everything.


Later that afternoon Xemnas paid the boys a welcome back visit. "There’s
something I want to speak with you about. There's a gentleman who is conducting
a study and I'd appreciate it if you boys would consider being a part of the
group." He passed some paperwork to them and smiled.
"We all have different majors so I donno how we could..." Vanitas trailed off
as he read the paper. "Wow a study of twins and multiples. Cool."
"I have spoken to Mr. Sinclair and I'm very pleased that he chose our
university. I assured him that he would have more than a few willing
participants as we have a few sets of twins here besides yourselves. He didn't
mention the four of you so if he's not aware then this will be a pleasant
surprise for him. He's doing this in pursuit of his PhD in psychology and after
having read some of his work I feel he's a promising candidate...very bright
young man..."
"Cool. Thanks, we'll look it over and let you know...wait this selection
seminar is first week." Ventus said.
"Yes he is eager to get started since he only has until the spring to complete
it." Xemnas said then added, "If you boys are inclined to be a part of this I
may be inclined to extend a few exclusions from campus policy on your
behalf...seniors should enjoy their last year here, yes?"
Roxas hopped up shaking his hand, "Absolutely, were in!" They all laughed
including Xemnas.
"What if Sora won't do it?" Ventus asked.
"He'll do it." Roxas snapped bitterly, and Vanitas raised a brow but let it go.

The days that followed were filled with preparations for classes and the final
swimming of the mermaids for The Strife. Roxas waited two days before he broke
down and went to Sawyer. Riku was stone faced as he let him inside and went
immediately to get the goods from his closet. Roxas was silent as the grave and
Riku asked as he placed the balloons into his hands, "Need anything else?"
Roxas looked at him blankly and Riku watched as his eyes traveled from his
hands up his arms, across his chest, up his neck, paused at his lips, then
stared directly into his eyes. "No."
Riku wanted to crumble, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to die, but instead he
nodded once and turned his attention to his phone, clearly dismissing the
blonde.

Walking two and two in perfect step, the Strife approached the building
designated for the selection seminar where Mr. Sinclair would either choose
them or not and they stopped to rally before entering.
“Ok guys, I think we should go in as two sets of twins instead of quads.”
Ventus said to his brothers.
“Why?” Sora asked as he munched on jelly beans.
“Just to fuck with him. Maybe he’ll pick the four of us and no one else. I’d
like to have him all to ourselves.” Ventus said pointing to Sora and Roxas then
to himself and Vanitas.
“All to ourselves…what else did you find out about this guy?” Roxas asked.
“Well, I told you guys he’s a genius, recovering addict, and has a twin,
right?” Ventus said as he took out his cell. “What I didn’t let you guys in
on…is this.”
Turning the phone around for them all to see, he had a picture of Axel Sinclair
from Midgar University. Sora stopped chewing his jelly beans and drool dripped
off his lip, Vanitas slapped his hand to his forehead and groaned, and Roxas
grabbed his crotch with one hand and his ass with the other and squeaked.
Ventus cackled. “I know right!”
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